Give Me a Chance (BYC #2)

30. Matt

30

MATT

I t takes all of my energy not to break right here in front of her. I want to cry, I want to break things, and for the first time ever, I want to kill someone.

“He didn’t use your weakness, Natalie.” I try to calm my voice. I need to stay calm for her. “He raped you.” Her chocolate eyes widen before she drops to my arms. “It wasn’t your weakness. Nothing about it was your fault. He raped you, that was all on him.” We stay like that, both sobbing.

I sob for the girl she was, with an open and loving heart. I sob for the woman she was forced to become. A force to be reckoned with, to never get hurt like that again.

It all makes sense now. The way she uses sex as means of power, the way her real fear is letting someone close to her heart. The last time she did, she was hurt in an unthinkable way.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs, “that’s why I can’t do more than casual relationships. I can’t afford to go through it again. My heart is too damaged. I’m too damaged.”

“You’re not damaged,” I whisper into her ear. “You’re the strongest person I know. You’re the brightest, shiniest star, and we all just follow your light.” I press a gentle kiss to her forehead. I want to tell her I love her. I need to tell her I love her. I want to tell her how no heart, whole or damaged, shines as bright as hers. But she’s not ready. Not right now. Not like this.

“You love so fully, so wholeheartedly, being loved by you is a life-changing privilege. Your heart is incredible, Natalie. You are incredible.”

“I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I just can’t give you more,” she cries.

“Shh, it’s OK,” I say, my mouth now permanently glued to her temple. “You were right. I was pushing you, and I had no right. I will never again ask more than you’re willing to give to me. It’s your choice, all yours.”

She looks at me with tear-filled eyes and nods.

“Take this, so your head doesn’t start to hurt.”

She rolls her eyes, but takes the pills, downing the rest of the water with them. She’s not okay, I know, but her spark is back, which is all I can ask for.

“I need to wash off the alcohol,” she says, and I realize she needs a minute to herself.

“I’ll bring you something to wear.” I nod. “There’s a clean towel and a spare toothbrush in the bathroom.”

I leave a T-shirt, some boxers, and my tightest sweatpants on the bed before going to the kitchen to make breakfast. Twenty minutes later, I’m knocking on the door.

“Come in,” she says. Even devastated, she is beautiful.

Dressed in my clothes from head to toe, a possessiveness hums through me. She might not be mine, but I’m hers. And I wow to myself to keep her safe, in any way I can.

“I brought you something to eat. The bacon should be good for the hangover.” We click on the TV, mindlessly watching while eating some of the eggs and bacon I prepared. I put the tray away when we’re done.

“Can you hold me?” Her voice is so low I almost think I imagined it, but she lies down, her back to me, and I turn to her, wrapping myself around her.

After all that happened between us, this right here, the spooning, is the most intimate we’ve ever been. Hope blooms in my chest, the bitch still not dead. Her body fits mine perfectly, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to sleep without her in my arms now I’ve experienced this.

In a few minutes, her breathing slows, and she falls asleep. Somehow, I calm down enough to fall asleep, too.

“Have you ever talked to anyone about it?” I ask, rolling a curl of her hair around my finger when we both wake up.

“I had a therapist back in college. She gave me some tips on how to handle the panic attacks, which were a staple back then. She didn’t agree with my way of handling things, so I stopped seeing her.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she thought masking my fear with over confidence and closing off my heart forever wasn’t the best move, but it worked pretty good for me in the past.” She shrugs.

“And now?”

“Now, I’m not so sure. But it’s the only thing I know.” She looks at me with regret in her eyes.

“That’s OK. I understand. And I’m here for whatever you need from me.”

She’s silent for a few minutes.

“What if I want to try?” Her voice breaks the silence, just barely.

“Well, that would make me ecstatic.” I press my mouth to her hair, breathing her in.

“You think so, but I’m pretty sure we won’t work out. I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to give you what you need.” Though I revel in her honesty, her insecurities are hurting me. I lift her chin up with my finger.

“I only need you. And if you trust me enough to give me a chance, that’s more than I could have ever wished for.”

She swallows before saying, “OK.”

“OK,” I repeat, pressing a gentle kiss to her soft lips.

“You’ll be the one behind the wheel,” I continue. “I’ll follow your lead, and you’ll tell me if and when you want more.”

She nods in response before smashing her lips to mine. She kisses me with passion, but something more as well, clinging to me like she wants us to become one. In this moment, I know she feels the same way I do, and this kiss and her giving us a chance means more to me than words ever could.

Our tongues explore each other’s mouths for the longest time, but I don’t follow my dick’s lead to get on top and bury myself inside of her. This isn’t the time for that. Instead, I let the kiss fizzle out, leaving us both breathless by the end of it.

“OK, it’s time I feed you.” I get up from the bed. “Want to go watch me do some kitchen magic?”

“Oh, is it gnocchi time?” She teases, and her smile makes my own lips turn up.

“Nope. You have the honor of tasting my second recipe ever—the stir fry.” I bow, making her laugh out loud. Fuck, it feels good.

“Too bad, I wouldn’t have minded watching you roll the gnocchi dough shirtless.” She punches my shoulder playfully, and I pinch her ass, eliciting a squeal.

“Next time, babe.” I wink.

She watches me carefully while I try to follow the recipe to a T, my eyebrows pulled together.

“You really won’t come and help me?” I ask her.

“Nope and that is a favor to you. I don’t want to rob you of the confidence you’ll gain if you do this on your own.”

“So thoughtful of you.” I toss a pointed look her way.

“It’s just who I am.” I love seeing her happy again. I know this isn’t the end of it. I know there’ll always be a part of her that hurts because of that bastard, but I’ll spend my life making sure she has a smile on her face.

The stir fry is quickly done, and we dig into it, both starving.

“Wow. No offense, but this is better than I expected,” she says, swallowing the last fork of her stir fry.

“I guess my instruction following skills are better than my cooking skills.” I smirk.

“I just have a craving for some...” she sits up on the island in front of me, spreading her legs slowly, “...dessert.”

I slide my palms over her thighs, and her breath hitches.

“You sure?” I ask.

“I’m not fragile, Matt. Just guarded.”

“Then I’m craving some dessert, too.”

I move the dishes away and spread her out on the kitchen island. Sliding my baggy clothes off her, I stare at her naked form, entranced by her beauty.

“You need a recipe?” she taunts, and I spread her legs wide and land a harsh slap on her pussy. The moan that escapes her is so feral, so dirty, erasing any thoughts of politeness.

I dive into her pussy, tongue first, and lap at her already soaked core, her moans and curses filling my house.

“Yes, so good!” she screams. I continue tongue fucking her when she tries to get further away from me, but I keep her thighs strongly in place.

“I-I need you inside of me, I need to feel you. I need to come around your cock!” I wouldn’t dare deny her.

Picking her up by the waist, I bring us into the living room and lie her down onto the carpet. My bedroom seems a mile away while this need for her thrums in my veins.

I kiss her thoroughly before dropping my shorts and lining myself up with her entrance. We both moan as I slowly enter her. She’s drenched and so fucking hot.

“You’re so fucking wet for me. You drive me crazy,” I murmur as I pump into her at a languid pace.

“More,” she demands. “Fuck me harder.”

My hips meet hers as I bury myself to the hilt. Picking up my pace, I lower my head to lick her nipple, eliciting a loud moan.

“You feel so fucking good, baby. Your pussy was made for this cock.”

“Harder, Matt. I want it harder.”

I grab her legs, wrapping one of them tightly around my waist and pulling the other onto my shoulder and I thrust in harder. Her tits bounce from the force, so I continue, relishing the view.

My mind is in shambles as I try to hold out on an orgasm that’s already approaching. I press both my hands onto her neck, not applying too much pressure but using it as a tool to fuck her harder.

“Yes, Matt, fuck!” she screams as I pump into her. Pleasure builds at the base of my spine; I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold off.

I gently put some pressure on her throat making her gasp for breath. Blocking her airway, it only takes a second before her pussy flutters around my cock, telling me she’s ready to come. Leaving one hand on her throat, the other travels to her clit. I circle it with my thumb a few times, but the pleasure builds too strong inside of me.

“Fuck, I’m c-coming,” she screams, as her pussy grips my cock, pulling every last drop of cum from me.

There’s no way in hell I’d be ready to let this go. To let us go.

I clean us both up just enough to get to the bathroom where we take our time getting each other clean.

“Sorry, that wasn’t too romantic,” I say as we lie naked and spent in my bed.

“I guess it’s good I’m not the romantic type.” She chuckles.

“I never would have thought you were so kinky,” she continues. “You’re the nice guy you take home to meet your parents. Not the best sex of your life type of guy.”

“I don’t know how to take that.” I chuckle.

“It’s a compliment. Definitely a compliment.” She smirks.

“Ookay, then. Well, I was the nice guy before, to be honest. Now, I feel like I had an entire part of myself hidden until I met you. Like you’re bringing out something that comes quite naturally to me.”

“Your inner Dom?” she jokes.

“Guess so. Want to call me Sir?” I joke right back.

“Oh, if you’re expecting that, you have another thing coming.”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She would never submit easily, and I fucking love it.