Give Me a Chance (BYC #2)

31. Natalie

31

NATALIE

T he panic attack emotionally drained me. But as time goes by, I’m glad it happened—it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Throughout the years, I convinced myself talking about it could only make it worse, so I kept quiet. Now, I think I should have shared it with people important to me a long time ago. So, on Monday I do exactly that.

“How are you feeling, Nats? I’ve never seen you so drunk before,” Anne asks, concern in her eyes.

“I’m fine now, thanks.”

“Thank God, Matt let me know you stayed at his place. Otherwise, I would have thought you choked on your own vomit.”

“Sorry, I didn’t feel like texting.”

“Hungover?” Rina adds.

“Not really.” I look down at my hands. “Can you guys stay a little after work?” Matt gives me a supportive nod from across the office.

“Sure.” Both Rina and Anne eye me with suspicion.

Once everyone’s gone, I make us all a cup of tea and guide them into the conference room. Other than calling them to my apartment, which would only alert them more, this is the closest place to home for me.

My fingers fidget in my lap as I try to start the conversation.

“Look, I want to tell you guys something. But you have to promise not to make a big deal about it.”

“Okay...” Rina responds while Anne looks uncertain. Both of their gazes are settled on me, wide and worried.

Letting out a big sigh, I continue, telling them the whole story of me and my college boyfriend. The whole thing rolls off my tongue easier than the first time.

“Oh my God, you never told us.” Anne is practically sobbing.

“It’s OK, Nats. I’m glad you told us now.” Rina lays a gentle touch to my arm and moisture creeps up in my eyes.

“I’m so sorry you went through this. We’re here whenever you want to talk about it,” Anne says, as they both slide their chairs next to mine and envelop me in their arms.

“I know. It was just...easier not to talk about it.” I sniffle, trying to keep my tears at bay, but as I realize they are both crying, I set them free.

We sob in each other’s arms for I don’t know how long.

“We’re here for you, Nats. You’re our family,” Rina whispers into my hair.

“And you’re mine. But I want to leave this behind me, you know?” Rina nods in understanding. “I just thought it was time.” I shrug.

“You told Matt,” Rina concludes.

“Yeah...” She doesn’t say anything, but her nod signals the weight of it.

“I would never force you into anything, but just so you know, if there’s ever a man worthy of your heart, it’s him.”

“I vouch for that, too.” Anne adds, and after a year and a half of trying to convince myself of the opposite, I can finally agree with that.

“Yeah, well, I guess we’ll give it a chance—if my heart is capable of love anymore.”

Rina snickers. “You? You’re the most loving person I know.”

Tears well up once again. “I love you guys.”

“We love you, too,” they respond in unison.

I should have told them years ago. I was silly not to.

When we finally decide to leave the office, Anne opens the door for me, making me chuckle.

“Promise not to treat me differently now,” I tell her. She looks at me wide eyed, so I double down. “Promise.”

“I promise,” she says, barely audible.

“You, too.” I turn to Rina.

She sighs. “I promise.”

“Good,” I say before we all head back to the office.

They manage to respect my decision, and I’m glad.

Regardless of our new agreement, things haven’t been different between Matt and me. Every day after work, we meet for a quickie, but he doesn’t push for more. He told me he’ll wait for me to take the first step toward more, and he’s respecting that.

This dating thing isn’t too bad.

He also doesn’t treat me like I’m fragile, though I sometimes get a sense he wants to.

The work week was incredible, so we treat ourselves with some drinks. We, once again, outdid ourselves with the gala, and the week’s been one big celebration.

“I can’t believe we raised all this money.” Anne raises her glass, and we all clink our glasses to hers.

“Me either. I actually think my clinic will be able to move on,” Matt adds with an adorable smile. I have a need to kiss him, but I’m afraid it would be awkward for everyone. Lovey-dovey, touchy-feely Natalie is not something they’re used to.

“Well, it should. It was a great idea.” Rina mentions.

“Damn, I love this job.” Matt smiles once again, and this time, I’m unable to resist. Before I can convince myself otherwise, I pull him to me and land a quick peck on his lips.

The energy around us shifts, but I can’t look away from him. His lips are turned up, his eyes crinkled with the most genuine happiness. He stares at me with a devotion I’m not worth of. He takes my hand and puts it into his lap before looking back to the others. I’m grateful he broke the contact because I’m not sure I’d be able to.

Rina, Anne, and Connor stare at us like they saw a ghost, while Noah raises his glass and smirks at us.

“Move on, everyone. Nothing to see here.” Matt tries to intervene.

“Yeah, yeah. I guess we knew. But it’s still weird to see, you know?” Rina says.

“Like Northern lights. You know they exist, but seeing them leaves you speechless,” Anne adds, making Noah and Connor laugh out loud, and I join them in laughter.

“So, what are you guys now, dating?” Noah asks.

“Ooh, you’re Nat and Matt! How adorable!” Anne claps her hands together.

“More like Nat the Brat, and the guy trying to tame her,” I quip pointing a finger at Matt. Connor huffs a laugh, almost choking on his drink.

“You are kind of a brat,” Matt whispers, making me shrug.

“Nope, Nat and Matt is now officially your couples name,” Rina concludes. They get into other cute nicknames, finally switching their attention from us.

“You know, we’re hardly dating since we haven’t had a proper date yet,” Matt tells me, quietly.

“Too bad I’m not a proper date kind of gal.” He laughs at my joke.

“I guess you’re not. You trust me?” His lips are next to my ear, making my thoughts fuzzy, but there isn’t a doubt in my mind as I answer.

“Yes.”

“Good.” He winks at me and takes a sip of his beer.

“Clear your Wednesday evening. I’ll pick you up at seven,” he tells me on Monday.

“What if I have other plans?”

“I wasn’t asking.” He throws me a devilish smirk, as butterflies erupt in my belly.

Though my mind was guarded for so long, my body doesn’t seem to have a problem remembering the elated feeling. Every causal touch, every secretive smile sets the little fuckers into flight inside my abdomen or makes my skin prickle.

Still, I was avoiding this for so long the butterflies mix with nerves. My dates have had one goal—sex. This date is something different, something I don’t feel comfortable with.

What do people even do on real dates? Fuck, I’m a mess.

Getting ready for it gives me nausea, so I do what I always do—overcompensate with confidence. I have no idea where we’re going, but I’m going to look damn good. The little black dress I pick out fits me like a glove. The deep V puts my breasts front and center, where they belong, the short hem of it showing off my long legs. I think about straightening my hair but decide against it. I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard. Bright red lipstick and some eyeliner and I’m ready for whatever he has in store.

At 7 p.m. sharp he rings my doorbell.

“Hi. You look...wow,” he says, opening the car door for me. He doesn’t look half bad himself, the grey suit fitting him immaculately.

“This old thing? I just threw it on.” He chuckles in response. “I didn’t even have the time to do my hair.”

“Don’t. I love your hair.” He stares right through my confidence mask, before pressing a soft kiss on my lips. I suppress a whimper, not ready for the kiss to end, but he’s already walking around the car.

“So, where are you taking me? For someone with not a lot of experience with these things, I would have preferred the heads up,” I ask as we get going.

“Sorry, not telling you.” He smirks. “But I have a feeling you’re going to like it.”

“Confident, are we?” I joke.

“Not at all.” His gaze connects to mine for a second. “I’m nervous as hell.” His confession relaxes me. Guess I’m not the only one freaking out.

“You? But you’re the romance guy. Dating is a sport to you.”

“Yeah, but the dates weren’t with you.”

“So, you’re saying I’m difficult?” I playfully punch his shoulder.

“Nope. Just that I never had this much to lose before.” His voice drips with sincerity, and I realize he’s not going to let me hide behind the humor. Not tonight.

“Oh.” Is all I manage to respond. Before long, we’re parking in front of what looks like an older building. The windows are pitch black, and there’s a small, iron sign on the front door.

“Is this what I think it is?” I say, reading ‘L&L’ from the sign.

“It is.” Lace & Leather is the sex club Rina and Connor frequent. But I still have no idea what we are doing here.

“Come on,” he says, taking my hand.

Hand holding is not something I normally do, but with the confusion happening in my head, his hand around mine grounds me, making me feel small and taken care of.

We enter the building, walking the typical looking hallway before reaching two huge bodyguards guarding a black curtain. They check our IDs and let us in. I’m too stunned to speak—which is a feat in of itself.

Matt talks to the hostess, while my mind swirls with random thoughts.

“Here’s my membership card.” He hands her a black card. “We have room 2 reserved for tonight.” Matt’s a member of a sex club? What the hell is going on?

The hostess nods, giving us each a bracelet. “I’ll walk you there.” My leather bracelet has a G on it, meaning I’m a guest, as she explains.

We bypass another bodyguard and walk through the club while she introduces us to the rules. Rules I’m too distracted to catch, hearing only keywords like ‘privacy, safety, and consent’.

She takes us through a large, dimly lit room with a shiny black stage. A gorgeous dancer performs on it, her moves seductive and fluid. Most of the booths around the room are empty, but it’s still early in the night. Before I know it, we approach another bodyguard, in front of a sign saying, ‘Private rooms.’

The hostess shares a few words with the bodyguard and hands Matt a brass key.

“Room 2 is ready for you. You’ll find everything you need inside, and if you find yourself in need for anything else, you can contact us with the phone in the room.”

We enter the dark hallway. The music is quieter here, but my heart thrums in my ears, so I barely notice. When we reach the room marked with a number two, Matt unlocks the door.

The room is not what I expected. With its beige wallpaper, giant bed with expensive looking sheets, and fancy furniture, it looks more like a five-star hotel room than a room in a sex club. In the corner, there’s a dining room table for two carefully set, with plates and utensils.

“What’s this, Matt?”

“This is our date.” He shrugs, looking uncomfortable. “You said you aren’t a regular date type of girl, so I planned something else.” Something I’d be more comfortable in. My gaze lands on the black rope on the king size bed. I lift my eyebrows in question.

“We’ll be having a dinner and a show.” He clears his throat. “This is the show part.”

“Care to explain?” I slide my fingers over the rope, sitting down on the bed.