Chapter 39
Millie
I ’ m going cross-eyed from looking at my computer screen for too long, attempting to type up some bullet points I want to mention
in my interview. I need to focus, but I’m too busy trying not to think about Kyle doing his tour of the butterfly vivarium
right now.
In college and in his last job, he focused on aquatic insects, so I’m not sure when his passion turned toward pollinators
and museum education. But I suspect it started swinging that way when he was looking for a new way to control me.
The last two days of work have been miserable. They’ve done nothing but confirm that if Kyle gets the job, I’ll be looking
for a new one. He has schmoozed and lied through his teeth in every interaction I’ve witnessed. I’ve run from the room any
time he entered and feel no shame in it.
The memories of the way he treated me had dulled over time, but being around him this week has sharpened the edges. Now I
can remember every detail of how he made me wilt under his words.
It has taken a concerted effort to remain upright this week. To keep breathing and moving and thinking instead of fading back
into my past self.
Luckily, Micah has been a buffer. If I stick close to him, like right now, Kyle can’t act like a piece of shit. When Micah’s here, Kyle puts on his manipulator face. His lying-to-the-world face.
He’s not aware that Micah knows it’s all a ruse.
Speak of the devil. Kyle’s irritating face draws my gaze to the doorway. I snap my eyes back to my computer as he saunters
in, just like five days ago.
I keep my focus on my screen as he walks up beside me and leans his hips against my desk, right beside my seat. He kicks his
feet out in front of him, and I feel his stare on my face like a burning laser.
Without looking, I growl, “Get off my desk.”
He breathes a small laugh through his nose. “Is that the way you talk to your boss?”
I pull my gaze from my computer and meet his small eyes. “You are not my boss.”
His lips curl. “ Yet , Millie. Yet is the key word.”
“You ready to leave?” Micah calls, his loud voice breaking through the tension hovering between Kyle and me.
I turn to find Micah, almost a head taller than Kyle, looming over him. His eyes are firm, almost like he dares Kyle to say
something else.
Kyle snorts like he finds all of this ridiculous, and Micah’s nostrils flare as he takes another step closer. The air is thick
and heavy as we all freeze, waiting for what could happen next.
Without another word, Kyle lifts himself from my desk. He bumps Micah’s shoulder on his way past and leaves the room.
I’ve never seen this look on Micah’s face before. Gone is the gentle giant he normally is. This version is menacing and ready
to fight a battle in my honor.
“Hey,” I whisper. “He’s not worth it.”
Micah’s eyes soften as they meet mine. “But you are.”
I inhale a shaky breath, those words calming my soul more than he’ll ever know. I press my lips together as I stand and thread
my fingers through his. “Let’s go.”
He schools his features, relaxing his fingers around mine, and we escape the office for the rest of the day.
***
“Higher,” Eloise squeals as she swings up to the sky. When she drifts back my way, I put a little extra force into my push,
and she inches higher.
I’m staying with the girls for a little while so Finn can have some alone time. I had to talk him into it, but he finally
realized I wasn’t giving up. He eventually came down the stairs in a skin-tight cycling jersey and shorts that were completely
impossible not to stare at. Then he pulled his bike down from its hooks in the garage and dusted it off for a ride.
The girls begged for homemade pizza again, so once Finn left, the three of us made it together. After a week of not seeing
the girls or Finn outside of work, I’m loving this time with them. The tense moment with Kyle and Micah this afternoon is
still burning in the back of my mind, but these sweet girls have a way of being a happy distraction to keep me from wallowing
in the stress of my job.
“Can Pepper have the rest of my crust?” Avery asks from her spot in the grass next to us.
I brought Pepper over with me for the night, and she’s living her best life with Avery and Eloise spoiling the hell out of
her.
“It’s probably not a great idea,” I tell her as I push Eloise again. “She got enough treats when we dropped all that cheese
earlier.”
Avery nods and finishes it herself.
“You can stop pushing now,” Eloise groans. “I’m getting swing-sick. It feels like carsick.”
Grabbing the swing near her hips, I slow her to a stop. She tips out of it and drops onto the ground next to her sister.
“I totally get it. I get carsick sometimes.” I sit in the grass next to the girls and stretch my legs out straight. “Lying
down might help,” I tell Eloise, patting my thigh.
She turns, lays her head on my leg, and pulls my arm across her. “Is this what homesick feels like too?”
I tilt my head to the side and watch her dark eyelashes lift as she looks at me. “Usually, homesick feels like you’re sad
and miss something.”
Eloise fiddles with my fingers on her stomach. “Do you get homesick?”
“Definitely.”
Avery comes to my other thigh and lays her head next to her sister’s, their bodies stretched out perpendicular to mine. Her
chest lifts with a big breath before she whispers, “Sometimes I get mama-sick when I really miss Mama.”
Something claws its way into my chest and squeezes my entire heart, and I can’t breathe through the pain of it.
“Me too,” Eloise murmurs.
Tears sting my eyes, and I have to work to control the hiccup that wants to creep out as I try to inhale. I don’t want to
give away how much this hurts, because I know it’s exponentially worse for them.
I’ve spent the week mourning my job and being afraid of running into my ex-boyfriend. But these girls have lived through something
so much worse. Problems like mine seem inconsequential compared to theirs.
Avery runs her fingers over my forearm in a soothing motion.
I have no idea what to say. I don’t know the right or wrong things. I’m completely unprepared. No one has coached me for this
sort of situation, and I’m frustrated I never Googled it. How do I find the right words?
“It hurts to miss someone, doesn’t it?” I whisper.
They nod against my thighs. Pepper rises from her spot a few feet away and drops herself right beside Avery’s hip with a sigh.
“Do you think Uncle Finn gets mama-sick like us?” Eloise asks.
“Oh, I know he does. He misses your mama every day. But he’s so happy he gets to see you guys, because the two of you are
part of your mama.”
There’s a long, thoughtful silence before Avery whispers, “He says we laugh like her.”
“And he says her hair is like mine,” Eloise adds.
The ache in my chest burns hotter listening to the pain in their voices. “That means we get to remember her all the time through
the two of you,” I say, running a hand over their cheeks.
***
Finn’s “hello” echoes through the house from the garage door. He shuffles into the kitchen and drops a few things onto the
counter. Then he appears in the entrance to the living room with red cheeks, messy hair, and sweat coating his skin.
He looks at our craft supplies spread out on the coffee table and smiles wide, limping a little as he walks toward us, like
his muscles are already sore. “What are you all up to?”
“We’re making cards for Mama,” Avery says, holding hers up for him to see.
When my grandmother died, I was around their age, and we wrote her letters as a way of dealing with our grief. I’m crossing
my fingers Finn is okay with me doing something similar with them.
I watch his face closely as he scans her card. The edges of his mouth twitch in a sad frown, and he blinks a few times. “I
love it,” he whispers. “It’s perfect.”
“Millie’s making one too,” Eloise adds.
He gives us a small grin, and I hope I’m not intruding, but after my conversation with the girls outside, I felt heartened to write my own note. I’m becoming a tiny part of Clara’s girls’ lives, and I want her to know how special they are to me.
Finn hands Avery’s card back to her and kisses the top of her head. He walks to Eloise and does the same. Then he squats behind
me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, kissing my cheek. “Thank you,” he breathes. “For everything.”
***
“Do you think Uncle Finn is handsome?” Avery asks, toothpaste creeping out of the corners of her mouth as I supervise toothbrush
time so Finn can shower.
“Very handsome.” I nod, smoothing her hair down her back.
She spits her toothpaste in the sink and rinses out her mouth. “Are you having a sleepover?”
I snort a laugh. Where do these girls get their probing relationship questions? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think my
mom set them up with the questions she wants answers to.
“Is it okay with you if I do?” I ask, handing her a towel to wipe her mouth.
“Yeah. I like when you’re here. Uncle Finn is always smiling.”
I’ve seen that smile a lot lately, and the memory of it makes my own lips lift in a grin.
Avery drops from her stool and leads me to the bedroom. She slides under the covers next to Eloise, and I sit on the edge
of the bed while I wait for Finn to arrive.
After a few minutes, he walks into the room, carrying the scent of his sage soap with him through the air like a woodsy breeze.
He kneels beside the bed, damp hair hanging over his forehead.
My cheek warms beneath his lips as he plants a quick kiss before rasping, “Thanks. I’ll be down in a minute.”
While Finn gets the girls to sleep, I wander around downstairs like this house is mine, Pepper’s quiet paws walking behind me as she follows my path. I take a sparkling water out of the fridge, pick up the board game the girls played tonight, and put all the craft supplies back in their containers.
The girls had made their notes, and then we all shared them with each other. Eloise had drawn a picture of one of her favorite
memories—when she’d practiced jumping into Clara’s arms in the pool. Avery had drawn a picture of Clara reading to her in
her hospital bed. It was painful to hear their stories, knowing they have so few memories they get to keep of their mom. But
they were smiling, so I forced my own teary one.
My path through the house leads me to Finn’s study. I’ve been dying to snoop through his books and find his guilty pleasure
stash. Surely he has something in there he’s trying to hide.
By the time Finn comes downstairs, I’ve made it through three shelves and have absolutely nothing to tease him about.
“Looking through my things?” He slides his hands under my shirt and around my waist.
“Looking for ammo. Like your secret monster romances or something.”
His lips skate over my pulse point. “Hmm,” he hums against my skin. “I don’t have any of that yet, but if it’s something you’re
into, I can make room for it.”
I lean my head back on his chest and scan the tiny stars painted on the ceiling. “How much free space do you have?”
“For you, I’d make room for anything. Everything,” he says, his voice suddenly serious, like it conveys so much more than
a shelf of books.
I turn and stand on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck. “Those words, the soup, all the sweet things you do without even
meaning to... It’s all melting me.”
Finn’s hands grip my butt and lift until my legs wrap around his waist. “Perfect. I want you warm and melted for me.” He kisses me with a contented sigh. “Let’s go to bed,” he whispers against my lips. “I’ve been missing you all week.”
“Do you think the girls are okay with me staying here?”
He leaves kisses along my jaw and cheek, and a hum of pleasure slips out. “Those girls are planning a wedding and babies already.
I’d say they’re on board with a sleepover.”