Chapter 40
Millie
Taylor Swift breaks the silence suddenly as my phone rings, her voice filling my bedroom with lyrics about new beginnings.
Finn’s image appears on my screen—a picture I took of him lying in the grass in his backyard with Pepper a few days ago.
When not at work for the last week, I’ve spent most of my time with Finn and the girls, playing games and going to the park
and cooking together. They’ve taken up almost all of my brain space, forcing thoughts of Kyle and my interview tomorrow to
drift to the very back of my mind.
But tomorrow is coming quicker than I want it to, and I don’t know if I’m ready for it.
I swipe to answer the call. “Good evening.”
“How’s my girl?” Finn asks, a smile in his voice.
God, I love when he calls me his girl. I’m a grown woman and a badass feminist, but for some reason, that term of endearment
makes me feel silly with happiness.
I answer honestly. “Tired and anxious and really fucking sad that I didn’t—”
“Millie said a bad word.” Eloise gasps through the phone.
“Forgot to say you’re on speaker,” Finn mumbles guiltily.
I drop my face into my hand. “Sorry, girls.”
“That’s okay. We’ve heard Uncle Finn say that word,” Avery informs us.
“Yes, you have, but kids still shouldn’t say it, right?” Finn asks the girls. They hum in acknowledgment, and he continues.
“We wanted to tell you good luck tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Avery says. “You’re gonna be awesome.”
“You’re my favorite person at the museum,” Eloise cheers before filling the earpiece with her boisterous laugh.
“Hey,” Finn snaps playfully. “What about me?”
The girls giggle uncontrollably, and for some strange reason, it floods my eyes with tears. My chest hurts from missing them
so much. Sure, I’m thoroughly addicted to Finn and constantly counting down the time until I see him again. But I feel the
exact same way about the girls. On the days I don’t see their sweet faces and hear their bright laughter, my heart aches.
My voice shakes when I say, “You all are my favorites.”
The rowdiness on the other side of the phone quiets. “Did we make her cry?” Avery asks.
“Don’t worry. I’m okay,” I tell them. “They’re happy tears because you guys made me feel so special.”
“Ohhh,” Avery says.
I sniffle and try to make my voice even when I ask, “Can we celebrate together after my interview?”
Finn groans. “I wish. We have dinner with my parents tomorrow evening.”
“Do you want me to come? Need a bodyguard?” I ask, desperate to plan something to distract me after my inevitable post-interview
spiral.
He huffs a laugh. “More like I need my Millie.”
A warm, cozy feeling spreads through my limbs at the way he says my Millie .
“I’ll be there.” A yawn takes over my body before I can contain it. “I better rest up for tomorrow. Thank you all for calling.”
“We love you, Millie,” Avery says into the phone, and my heart skips a beat. They’ve never told me that before, and my arms
ache to hug them.
“I love you all too.” All three of you.
I know the words are true as soon as they pass my lips.
Being in love isn’t a familiar feeling for me. I never felt like I truly reached it with Kyle. I felt like I needed him to make myself happy—like I feared what my life would be without him. There was an undercurrent of feeling so bad about
myself that I needed him to make me feel good.
Once I had the clarity of being away from him, I realized it didn’t feel like love. It felt like a trap.
But I’ve taken the wasteland Kyle left, all barren soil and no sunshine, and I’ve tended to it. I’ve watered it. Planted seeds.
Worked to grow myself back.
Then Finn came along and encouraged the progress. He amplified my light, and he and the girls have brought an abundance of
new blossoms and bright colors and sweet smells.
And something has settled into place. A realization that this is what love looks like. It’s mutual respect, where I can stand
on my own, and he encourages me to do so. It’s the feeling that we’re fine without each other, but a million times better
with each other. It’s blooming and thriving with someone else and caring for the person next to you because seeing their flowers
grow makes your world even more extraordinary.
“Can we have ice cream?” Eloise asks, releasing the quiet tension and making all of us laugh.
“You all enjoy your ice cream,” I tell them.
“Good night, Millie. See you tomorrow,” Finn promises.
My shoulders slump as I end the call, wishing I could be at their house right now. I want to laugh with the girls and absorb their sweet innocence instead of thinking about tomorrow. I want to let Finn’s body tire me out before his deep, calm breaths lull me to sleep.
But as I get ready for bed, thoughts of Kyle blaze to the front of my mind. Anxiety about what I’ll do if he gets the job
and fear that I’m not good enough to get it myself play on a loop as I try to fall asleep.
***
Oaks Folks
Tess: Good luck today, Mills. No matter what happens, we’re proud of you.
Millie: Thanks, Tess!
Fabes: It’s so rude to send group texts at 5:06 a.m. It should be illegal. I’m going to call my local representative about it.
Fabes: But also, you’re going to do amazing today, Millie. You’re my favorite sister.
Tess: Who’s rude now? You know you were about to get up anyway. Wouldn’t want to miss shirtless Theo on his morning jog.
Mom: Girls, you’re adults now. Be nice.
Mom: Millie, you show those interviewers how amazing you are. We’re so proud of you.
Dad: You were made for that place, and they’re lucky to have you. Call us later.
***
I’ve been a nervous mess since four this morning, when I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. And I want to say that I’ve
used that time to prepare for my interview, but I haven’t. With the image of Kyle’s irritatingly smug face circling in my
mind all night and this morning, I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else.
So I’ve put all my anxious energy into getting dressed in the perfect outfit—a pair of fitted slacks, a bright white blouse
with little flower details, and a pair of heels that are tall enough to give me a boost of authority without being so high
that I’m going to fall in the interview.
When I walk into the kitchen, Lena is in her pajamas, hair wild in every direction while she pours coffee into a mug.
“Boss bitch energy,” she mumbles as she surveys my outfit, trying to sound a lot more awake than she looks.
“Sleepy bitch energy.” I laugh, waving my hand in her direction.
“Of all seven dwarfs, I identify most as Sleepy. Maybe Grumpy this morning.” She pours about a cup of creamer into the mug
and gives it a stir before taking a sip. “This’ll help me rally, though. Want some?”
“No, thanks. I think I need Maggie’s today.” I grab my bag and reach my arms out for her.
Lena sets her mug down on the counter and wraps me in a hug. “You look great, your outfit is perfect, and your ass is fantastic.”
She smacks it for emphasis before clasping my face between her hands. “Remember who you are. You’re Millie Oaks, and you deserve
that job. You’re a badass butterfly who has emerged from her chrysalis, fucking stunning and ready to fly.”
***
My hands shake with nerves as I join the line at Maggie’s. She spots me from behind the espresso machine and waves me over
to the pickup area, pulling a bag out from behind the counter.
“Finn called right when we opened this morning,” she says with a sparkly grin. “Said today was an important day and we needed
to make this special for you.” She slides the pastry bag my way.
My lips part as I unfold the top of the package to peek inside. The golden-brown almond croissant is still warm in my hands.
Maggie grabs my Americano from the barista at the espresso machine. “He also said you might need this.” She pulls an apron
off the kitchen door and hands it over the counter to me. “And I say you need this while you eat so you don’t mess up that gorgeous outfit.”
After thanking Maggie profusely, I make my way to an empty table and sit down. My stomach fills with flutters as I absorb
the fact that Finn went through all the effort of calling this morning. I’m not quite sure I deserve it.
Even with everything looming this morning, I force myself to think of Finn and the girls while I enjoy my breakfast, wishing
they would come in the door any moment to join me.
Once my croissant and coffee are gone, I return the apron to Maggie, extremely grateful not to have crumbs all over me. Sticking
a pair of headphones on my ears, I start a Girl Power playlist Lena made and walk to my office, soaking in as many motivational
lyrics as I can.
Micah greets me from his desk as I enter. “You’re looking like an entomology department director today.” He beams.
“Well, thank you.” I drop my headphones into my bag, and my eyes land on a bouquet of flowers and a wrapped package on my
desk.
I look to Micah, and he shrugs. “They were here when I came in.”
The small, delicate blooms of purple, pink, yellow, and blue look like they’ve just been plucked from a field of wildflowers. I bend forward and close my eyes to inhale their soft, sweet scent, letting it transport me to the fields I grew up on, where I spread wildflower seeds and ran through the blossoms.
When I open my eyes, they land on the small envelope and two pieces of paper.
I pull out the first picture, which has Eloise’s name at the bottom and a woman with Ariel-red hair surrounded by bugs of
every color and shape. Some are near-perfect renditions, and some have a distinct creative license that makes them look more
like monsters. My eyes squint with the force of my smile. When I pick up the second picture, it’s from Avery. This one is
a woman with the same red hair, holding the hand of a man with black hair and glasses, and a little girl on each side. Tiny,
pink hearts adorn the top of each person’s head.
My vision blurs with unshed tears, and I bite my lips to stop them from quivering. I have to read the letter before so many
tears flood my eyes that I can’t see.
I flick open the envelope and pull out a small piece of galaxy stationery.
Dearest Millie,
There were two missing pieces in your office. I hope you like them.
I’m so proud of you.
I’ll be there waiting when you get out of the interview.
Astronomically Yours,
Finn
I trace my fingers over where he’s written “astronomically yours,” feeling it seep through my skin and into my bloodstream, before I set it on my desk.
My hands shake as I pick up the rectangular package wrapped in brown paper. I slide my fingers through the opening and pop
the tape. Pulling away the paper, I reveal two frames, one small enough to sit inside the other.
My breath stalls as I scan the small, framed image of me and the girls. Finn must’ve taken this picture a few days ago from
behind us as we walked to the park, Avery and Eloise on each side of me, holding my hands.
I have to press my thighs against my desk to keep my body steady. Micah walks toward me and places a warm palm between my
shoulder blades as a show of silent support. With a reassuring nod for myself, I lift the small frame out of the larger one,
setting it on my desk and revealing the image in the second frame.
I suck in a sharp breath, covering my mouth with my free hand as I take in the details of the painting.
A deep purple galaxy of sky surrounds a majestic butterfly. Hamadryas laodamia , more commonly known as the Starry Night Cracker butterfly, has nearly black wings with white flecks that make it resemble
the night sky and the Vincent van Gogh painting it’s named after.
My head shakes slowly as I notice the small, curvy LS in the corner—Lena’s signature.
Tears overrun my eyes until I can’t see the painting anymore. I set it gently on my desk, and Micah’s big arms wrap around
me. I turn in his embrace and let the tears fall against his chest. He rubs slow, soothing circles on my back until I’ve calmed
down enough to lift my head, and he wipes the tears from my cheeks.
“Do I look like a raccoon?” I sniffle.
His coffee-and-cream eyes dance with amusement as he helps me wipe a bit of mascara away. “Not at all,” he says, dropping a kiss to my brow. “You look perfect. Now, go get ’em, tiger.”
He gives me one last tight hug before he walks back to his desk. I take a deep breath, letting it out through pursed lips
as I set the picture of me and the girls next to my computer monitor and look over its placement with a watery smile.
One hour until my interview. One hour to wipe my damp cheeks, touch up my mascara, and hardwire my brain to memorize everything
I want to say. One hour to give myself the pep talk of the century. To muster every ounce of confidence I’ve built up over
the last few months and channel it into today’s interview.
Kyle may have the deceptive ambition and the cunning personality, but I have the unending passion and the genuine heart for
this job. And if I can calm my nerves enough, I know I can show that today.
I think back on Lena’s words this morning and shake my shoulders, lift my chest, and spread out my invisible wings.
Ready to fly.