Greeting Cards For Exes

Chapter Three

M AUDE

My light blue heels clicked on the hardwood floor as I made my way out into the kitchen. Tiny glass roosters decorated the tops of the cupboards, staring back at me with the same glass smiles they’d had for decades. We still had the red and white checkerboard tile backsplash we’d installed when we’d moved into the house. Same suburban home, white picket fence, and small backyard. Nothing had changed in all that time.

Corny stood at the stove frying up the last of the bacon, hash browns, and eggs—our morning ritual breakfast. Surprisingly, neither of us have had a heart attack yet.

“Smells good, sweets,” I said, pouring us both a cup of coffee and carrying it to the table.

He turned to glance at me. His gray hair was unruly as always, the playful grin pasted on a now wrinkled face. “Looking beautiful, my Maude-Belle.” The same line he’d told me every morning for the last fifty years.

You’d think I’d get sick of hearing it, but I didn’t. Cornelius “Corny” was the love of my life. Sure, we got annoyed with one another sometimes. Like when he left his dentures on the counter in the bathroom or forgot to change out the roll of toilet paper or took an hour on the shitter reading the paper. But those were just small issues.

He pressed a kiss to my temple, setting my plate of food in front of me. “Better eat up. We’re running late.”

My eyes narrowed as I tried to make out the numbers on the clock. Damn eyes. With a grunt, I grabbed my glasses and slid them on my face. “Ah, how did we get so far behind schedule?”

He snorted. “You changed your clothes three times, Maude. Then you said your hair was too poofy because of the curlers you left in last night.”

“Never you mind. Just shovel that food in so we can go.” I took a forkful of eggs and gobbled them up.

“What do you want me to bring you for lunch today?” Corny asked, sopping up some of the runny egg yolk with his toast.

My hand patted his arm. “Whatever you’d like.”

He’d retired about ten years ago from the post office. Ever since then, he came to the greeting card company to have lunch with me. Most of the girls in the office were jealous. They didn’t have husbands or boyfriends who cooked for them, let alone visited them at work on a regular basis.

Nope. What we had was special. Unbreakable. Unlike all these young people throwing away their marriages at the first sign of trouble. Corny and I had been through everything together: A war overseas, the loss of our son when he was only twenty, going to jail for participating in the Civil Rights Movement, the deaths of our siblings... We’d survived it all.

I planned to be with this man until we both died. Well, if I didn’t kill him first. “Quit smacking your lips together.” I swatted his arm. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

He chuckled, shoving more toast in his mouth. “That’s why I do it. Can’t have you getting too comfortable.” Corny stopped chewing and winced, rubbing his eyes.

“Are you alright?”

He nodded, replacing his frown with a thin smile. “I’m fine, sweets. I’ve had a headache since I woke up. It’s damn near making my vision blurry.”

“Where are your glasses?”

“On the counter. I’ll grab ‘em before we leave.” He waved me off as if I was a pesky mosquito.

Once we finished our food, I washed the few dishes in the sink while Corny fed the cat and put our bills out in the mailbox.

Ten minutes later, we were in the car heading into Chicago and all the blasted traffic. This was the only part of the morning I hated—the rude drivers honking and cutting us off. The people who couldn’t take their heads out of their phones for two seconds to make sure they weren’t walking off the sidewalk into traffic.

“So many idiots wandering about today,” I said, shaking my head at a man who’d just stuck his middle finger up at us. “Same to you.”

Corny smiled. “You know, we should have you start driving once or twice a week.”

I frowned. “No. I’m fine with you doing it.”

His hand clutched mine and he gave it a squeeze. “You haven’t really been behind the wheel much. Not since I retired. I think it’d be good to keep in practice.”

“No amount of asking is going to change my mind.”

Why was he bringing this up all of a sudden? Not that I should be surprised. We often had talks about what we’d do if the other one wasn’t around. I mean, we were at an age now where we had to. We weren’t trying to be morbid, but there were certain things you realized as you got older. Things didn’t always work like they used to. Sometimes, you needed pills for stuff you never thought you would. You didn’t wear sexy clothes any longer. Hell, I was lucky if I could keep my boobs from hitting my knees. That’s why I got me one of those support bras. Nothing sexy about it—just doing its job.

Corny didn’t have teeth that were his own anymore, and I better not sneeze or laugh too hard, or I might pee my pants. Yeah, growing old wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, but it was better than the alternative.

“Have it your way, Maude-Belle.” He sighed, pulling into the All For You Greeting Card Company parking lot.

“I usually do,” I said, planting a kiss on his cheek before climbing from the car. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

He nodded. “Yep, see you then. Oh, before I forget to tell you, I have a med-check appointment with Doctor Fleming later this afternoon, but I’ll be out in plenty of time to pick you up tonight.”

With one last wave, I filtered into the red bricked building, and went straight for my office. The company had been in this same place since it opened, although, now there were many more businesses and apartments surrounding it. I’d been one of the first employees Mr. Dancy hired. Most card companies hired people to work from their homes to create their cards, paying them a certain amount per word, but not Mr. Dancy. He wanted a more personalized touch. He was of the opinion that by having staff all gathered in one place, brainstorming and interacting would give his cards more feeling. So far, he’d stayed open, even after the surge of online greeting cards.

My office was hotter than the bowels of hell this morning, meaning Mr. Dancy probably had the air conditioning turned down to conserve money. The man was more frugal than me, which said a lot.

“Don’t forget, we have a meeting.” Mr. Dancy stuck his head in my office. “Seems like everyone else is running late.”

I snorted. “The young never respect timeliness.”

“We’re a dying breed, Maude.” He sighed, adjusting his tweed suit jacket, which I was certain he’d had since the start of the company. He called it his lucky suit. I called it his ‘only suit.’

Grabbing my large coffee mug, I went to the break room to fill it. Wooyoung stood at the sink, his eyes closed.

“Are you meditating over the dishes?”

He spun around. His dark hair brushed back from his face, revealing sculpted cheek bones. He laughed. “No. Contemplating my life choices.”

“Oh?” I said, reaching for the coffee pot.

“I actually talked to Piper this morning. Only I flaked, then rode off, leaving her stranded at the café.”

My lips twitched. Of course, Wooyoung had been smitten with Piper since day one of her employment here, but she was clueless to his constant attempts to get her attention. Too caught up in her ex. She and Kerrie both. All they did every lunch hour was gripe about their exes.

If Piper opened her eyes, she’d have a great catch in Wooyoung. He reminded me of Corny. The way he always brought her coffee, or left chocolates on her desk. How he held the door open for her and complimented her. The girl was blind.

“Ah, what you need is a love coach, boy,” I said.

He quirked a perfect eyebrow at me. If I was fifty years younger and not married, I’d fall head over heels for him myself.

“A love coach?” He chuckled. “That sounds kind of desperate.”

I laughed. “Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, I wouldn’t recommend just anyone. You know, I’ve got lots of experience in the love department. Been married fifty years. So, I figure I could help you out. I know both you and Piper. She needs a good guy in her life.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Like what kind of help are you suggesting?”

“For starters, we have to get you talking to her more, and I can give you nudges when you lose courage, that sort of thing,” I said. “They don’t call me Dr. Greeting Card for no reason, you know.”

“Okay, but she can’t know you’re helping me,” he said, peering around as if to make sure no one listened to our conversation.

“I promise.”

“Okay, then we have a deal.” He shook my hand, then hurried from the lounge.

With my caffeine refilled, I headed to my office where I gathered my ideas for our meeting, which turned out to be a huge disaster. Not only was I the only one prepared, but everyone else had seemingly lost their minds. The Valentine’s line had turned into a ‘jaded lover’ track in under thirty seconds.

Mr. Dancy rarely got mad, but today, the man looked like he might maim someone. Not wanting to be included in his wrath, I rushed from the conference room as soon as he said the meeting was over.

I got my computer up and running, and clicked open the folder of ideas I had, but before I could start writing, Mr. Dancy came in, shut the door, and sat down.

“Maude, I swear we’re the only two sane people left in this building. Am I being unreasonable? Too demanding?”

My fingers picked at a string on my light blue skirt. “No, sir. You just have to realize we’re dealing with a different generation. They’re far more cynical and spoiled. They don’t know what hard work really is.”

He nodded. “The thing is, I know Piper is an excellent writer. Her cards, prior to her fiancé leaving, were selling like air conditioners in a heat wave.”

I snorted. Too bad he didn’t run the one at the company during a heat wave. “I agree, she’s talented.” And was also my biggest competition here.

“She is. Which is why I need your help, Maude. Maybe there’s something you could say or do to get her back on track.”

The coffee I’d just sucked down, got stuck in my throat, causing me to sputter. “Um...I’m not sure I’m the right person for that.”

“Of course, you are. You’ve been married forever. Perhaps she could join you and Cornelius during some lunches, get a feel for what real love is. It might spark something within her.” He clapped his hands together like he’d solved the world’s toughest riddle.

Hot damn. It was bad enough listening to her and Kerrie complain during their lunches, but to have her join me and ruin my day, too? But then again, it might help on the Wooyoung front. I could have them both eat with us, give them some time to bond.

“I’ll try my best,” I said.

“Thank you, Maude. I owe you big.” He rose and left the room.

What in the world did I just agree to? Sucking in a deep breath, I pulled up a new blank document on my computer and typed at the top. “How to Get Piper Writing About Love.”

I was gonna have my work cut out for me.

After working diligently on my list of ideas for a few hours, I glanced up to see it was time for lunch. Corny would probably be here any minute. So, I went to the bathroom, and walked in on something I wasn’t sure I should see.

Kerrie was pressed against the sink with Piper behind her, her hands shoved in her skirt.

No wonder Wooyoung couldn’t make progress with Piper. She was a lesbian. How had I missed this before?

“Dear Jesus in Heaven. Are you two lesbians now? I never saw it coming the way you carried on about your exes,” I said.

“No, this isn’t what it looks like. I...I’m having issues with my skirt,” Kerrie said, her face reddening.

“Trust me, I’m all about the men,” Piper said. “I mean, I’m not like all about them in a slutty way...I—”

“I don’t really care about your love lives. I just need to use the bathroom. So, whatever it is that’s going on between you, if you could take it outside.” I tried to get into the stall as quickly as I could.

The door slammed shut, and I hummed as loud as I could, wanting to drown out anything else that might be going on.

“There, it’s all set now,” Piper said.

“Good. I think I worked up an appetite,” Kerrie answered.

“Me, too. Let’s wash our hands and get some food. So, next time, we’re going to do this in your car, right?”

A gasp escaped my lips before I could stop it. Wooyoung and I were going to have to have a conversation during lunch.

Once they left, I hurried to wash my hands, then went to find Corny, who waited in the lobby for me. He had a bag filled with Tupperware containers.

“Maude-Belle, brought your favorite chicken sandwich today.” He kissed my cheek, taking my free hand in his and walking with me to the cafeteria.

We found a table near the back, but unfortunately, Piper and Kerrie took the one near ours.

“We’re going to have someone joining us for lunch today,” I said. Although, at the moment, I didn’t want to be the one breaking Wooyoung’s heart. But it had to be done.

“Who’s that?”

“Wooyoung, he’s the Korean-American boy I told you about.”

He chuckled. “Are you getting a crush on him?”

“No. I was supposed to help him land her.” I gestured to Piper. “But I’m not so sure that’s going work now.”

A second later, Wooyoung sauntered in and came to sit with me and my husband. I slid my glasses off my face and rubbed my eyes, then turned to him.

“Wooyoung, I’m afraid I might have some bad news on the Piper front,” I said, not wasting any time.

He frowned. “What’s going on?” He took a bite of salad.

“How do I say this,” I muttered. “I’m just going to be straight with you, kid. Piper and Kerrie are lesbians.”

Wooyoung spat his food out of his mouth and started laughing. “Those two?”

“I, well...I walked in on them in the bathroom.”

“Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand something?”

My lids shut. “Trust me, kid, there are some things you can’t unsee.” Boy, did I wish I could. I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. However, if Piper once liked guys, maybe she would again. We might have our work cut out for us.