Grinding (Portland Icehawks #6)

17. Slinking to my Room

Chapter Seventeen

SLINKING TO MY ROOM

~~Camden~~

We win a close one on a Kirby Darkhorse goal in the last ten seconds. Depending on how the teams did above us, we might’ve closed the gap to two points tonight. The locker room is celebratory, and the celebration continues on the plane as we fly to Vegas late in the evening.

Fortunately, I can’t see Inez from where I’m sitting. Last flight, I spent the majority of my time staring at the back of her head and lusting over her. I’m grateful she’s not in my line of vision this trip. I’m more tired than I realize and fall asleep, only waking up when we land.

Within minutes, we’re whisked to the hotel. Inez steals away before I’m off the bus. I glance around the lobby while waiting in line for my key, but she’s disappeared, which is probably for the best. Regardless, I’m disappointed. Any opportunity to see her, even from a distance, is a gift.

I take my luggage to my room, then find my way back to the lobby. I’m wide awake thanks to my nap in the air. Maybe I’ll play a couple hands of blackjack. Most of the guys have gone straight to bed, but I spot a few of the younger ones at the slots. Drakos has two women on his arm, as usual. He waves and breaks out into a grin as he saunters toward me.

“Ladies, this is my roommate.”

They both giggle and gush like teenagers. I smile politely, but I’m anxious to get away from all three of them.

“Wanna join us? I’m sure we can find a few women for you. You could use a fun night. You’re way too serious, pal.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I have plans. Catch up with you later.”

“Plans?” I feel Drakos’s eyes on me as I walk off. He’s smelling a rat. While he may come across as a devil-may-care party boy, he’s shockingly perceptive. Right now, I’ve piqued his curiosity, which is never a good thing.

“I think I’ll play some cards.”

“Oh.” My answer has mollified him. “Later then.” He wanders off with his two voluptuous escorts.

I walk toward the blackjack tables but take a detour toward a cigar bar tucked away in a corner. I enter the wood-paneled bar with its comfy leather chairs and couches. The handful of patrons barely notice me. None of them are associated with the Icehawks. I order a scotch on the rocks and take a seat at a small couch in the corner of the dimly lit room. The aroma of cigars floats in the air. A television over the bar displays a sports channel. I watch for a while, noting their brief coverage of the Icehawks game. I check my phone, for what I’m not sure, but there’s nothing of interest.

I’m restless, bored, and lonely, but not lonely enough to hang out with the few team members loitering about the casino. There’s only one person I want to be with right now.

I shouldn’t do it, but I do. I tap out a text on my phone.

ME: I can’t sleep. If you want to talk, I’m in the cigar bar. The coast is clear. No one we know is here.

I wait for Inez’s answer while nursing my drink. I’m about to give up on her and text a couple guys to join me instead when my phone buzzes.

INEZ: I’m on my way.

A slow grin crosses my face. I’m giddy with the expectation of seeing her and try to tamp down my excitement, but it’s pointless. I continue to tempt fate, and she continues to respond.

I order a red wine for Inez, as that’s what she usually drinks.

We’re meeting in a bar, not in one of our rooms. It’s all aboveboard. There’s nothing wrong with a player having a discussion about the game with a member of management, especially when that person is responsible for him being on the team. It’s expected for her to take a special interest in her first pick. Anyway, I’ll keep telling myself there’s nothing wrong with what’s going on here. What is wrong about this situation is we both want more, and we can’t stay away from each other.

I glance up as the door opens. Inez’s beauty sucker punches me. She’s fucking gorgeous dressed in jeans and an Icehawk hoodie. Her dark hair is loose about her shoulders and cascades down her back. A hunger to touch her, hold her, kiss her consumes me. I can’t give in. I must stand strong. Not just for me, but for her.

“Hey,” says Inez as she takes the chair across from me. The table is tiny with just enough room for two drinks and an ashtray. She glances down at the wineglass, and her face breaks into a grateful smile. “You’re a lifesaver. I need this.” She picks up the glass and takes several gulps, then sighs with pleasure. Damn, but I want to make her sigh like that and not because I bought her a glass of wine.

If I were a dog, I’d flop onto my back and show her my belly in a desperate attempt to get her to scratch my itch.

Instead, I break into a goofy smile. I can’t help myself. Inez places the glass on the table and looks down at her hands as if suddenly embarrassed. When she raises her head, her eyes sparkle with something indescribable that heats my body in record time. It’s not just lust I see there. It’s something infinitely deeper and compelling.

“I’m really not a lush, but it’s been that kind of day.”

“I know all about those kinds of days.” We stare into each other’s eyes like two lovesick fools. But this isn’t love. This is lust driven by an undeniable and powerful chemistry. Anyway, I’ll keep telling myself that.

“Good game, Cam.” Her praise makes feel as if I’m walking on clouds.

“I didn’t mess up, so I guess that’s a good game for me.”

“You rarely mess up. Consistency is your superpower.” Her smile warms me to the depths of my soul.

“I wish my superpower was scoring goals or being a penalty killer, but thanks for the vote of confidence.” I appreciate her defense of my abilities, but if that were the case, I’d have a long-term contract somewhere. Or would I?

“I believe in you, but you need to believe in yourself.”

“Yeah.” If I don’t sound committed to doing just that, it’s because it’s easier said than done. I know she’s right. Confidence has always been my Achilles’ heel. Confidence will make or break a hockey player. Lack of confidence has broken me over the years and beat me down. My hockey career is at the end of the road unless I find a way to resurrect it. Consistent play won’t be good enough, not with all the young guys down in the minors salivating to be where I am. My agent has gotten nowhere regarding contract renewal talks, but I won’t involve Inez. Most likely she’s aware of what the GM is thinking, and I can’t expect her to compromise her career for me.

“Do you think anyone suspects there’s something going on between us?” I ask to pivot the subject in another direction.

“I don’t think so because of course I’d take a special interest in you. And there isn’t anything going on between us.”

I cock my head and snort. “Are you sure?”

“No, but we haven’t done anything about this attraction.”

She’s in denial. We’ve done plenty. We just haven’t done that.

“Before the game, I did the interview with Aria.”

Her quick pivot to Aria catches me off guard. It takes me a few moments to make the shift myself. “How the fuck did that go?”

“Hard to say. I had to be careful because she’ll take my verbatim responses and find ways to twist them for maximum drama.”

“That’s what her readers expect and most likely what pays her bills.” I didn’t know how Aria made her living. She works for All Hockey News, but she has a huge social media presence, which may well pay more than All Hockey News.

“Yeah. I know it’s all about drama on social media. Unfortunately.” Inez downs her drink and signals for another. I don’t say anything. We don’t have a game tomorrow, and she’s been under a ton of pressure. She needs to let loose once in a while.

I order a second scotch. My defenses are down, and I’m not caring if I get a little buzzed. Judging by the way Inez is downing her wine, she’s feeling the same.

“She asked about you, but nothing personal, just the waiver pickup.”

“That’s good. At least she isn’t on the scent of something going on.”

“Nothing’s going on.” Inez sounds exasperated.

“Come on, Inez. If there wasn’t a job conflict, wouldn’t we be exploring this thing between us?” I hold my breath and wait for an answer. Is it possible I’m lonely enough that I’ve been reading more into our attraction than I should?

Inez studies her wine intently as she sloshes it around in the glass. One thing I have plenty of is patience, so I wait and sip on my drink. She takes so long that I do start to get nervous. I’m pushing her for a declaration good or bad, which is unlike me. Usually, I don’t force an issue.

She finally meets my gaze, and I can’t read her. I’m not looking at the coldly professional Inez, but I’m not looking at the open, friendly version either. Her face is almost blank, devoid of any emotion, yet not cold.

“We’ve gone over this before.”

“Not extensively. I think we need to revisit.”

“Why rehash what we know we both can’t have?”

“There’s a good chance I won’t be an Icehawk at the end of the season. Would that change things for you? Because it sure as fuck would for me.”

She frowns and looks to the ceiling for a moment before refocusing on me. “It would depend on whether or not you stuck around Portland. I’m not moving. This is my home. And I don’t do long-distance relationships. Besides, I won’t let you ruin your chances to play in the league for a relationship that may not go the distance.”

I scratch my head and consider her words. “You make absolute sense. Sometimes life isn’t about making sense but taking risks.”

“I’m not a risk taker, and neither are you.”

“I might be willing to change.” I have no fucking clue where I’m going with this. I want my cake and to eat it too, which isn’t possible.

“I’m not,” Inez says adamantly. Her pragmatism is one of the things I like about her even if it also infuriates me.

The bartender wanders over. “Another round?”

“Why not?” says Inez before I can answer.

He doesn’t wait for my response but returns in a few moments with our drinks. I’m feeling buzzed, but I’m not sure about Inez. I can’t tell. She surprises me by sucking down her drink and ordering another.

“Do you think that’s wise?”

“No. I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow until afternoon when you guys have your practice. Neither do you.” She leans forward. Her eyes are bright, and her smile is sappy.

“Okay,” I concede, because I can deny her nothing.

“Tell me about your life growing up.”

“I’ve told you the gist of it.”

“No, you told me about the end but not the beginning. What were your parents like? Your brother?”

I hate talking about them, because the pain is still strong. “We were a normal Milwaukee, middle-class family. My older brother played football and baseball, but I fell in love with hockey at an early age. My mom and dad sacrificed to make our dreams come true. Everything was great. I was drafted in a lower round, played on a junior team, then moved to the minors. Mom and Dad were so proud. They loved to brag about me. My brother took a different direction, attended college, and did IT for a local company. He had a longtime girlfriend he adored, though I didn’t care much for her. Everything was going well until my brother left work one day, went to a bar for a few drinks, and was never heard from or seen again. We imploded as a family after that. I’ve told you the rest.” I choke on the last several words as emotions roll over me as strong as the day my life changed. I feel the hot sting of tears in my eyes and reach up to wipe them. Inez takes my hands in hers and squeezes them. Her touch is warm and comforting. She fills a hole I’ve long strived to fill to the point I’ve given up.

We stare across the table at each other, and time stands still. Despite her denials earlier, I see the exact moment her resolve disintegrates. The earth shifts underneath me and worry regarding consequences is thrown out the window. Whatever Inez wants, I want. If my career ends up being tanked, I don’t give a shit. But I will protect Inez’s future at all costs. Well, maybe not all costs, since I’m currently considering doing the one thing she and I shouldn’t do.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m not usually emotional.”

“Me neither, but sometimes you can’t keep your feelings bottled up inside.”

“Says the pot to the kettle?” I quip with a wry grin. She gives my hands a quick squeeze, and I hold on to them like she’s my lifeline. Maybe because she has become that person in my life.

“I guess we both have screwed-up histories.”

“I think everyone has dysfunction somewhere in their past whether it’s via a relationship, a family member, or even a stranger.”

“Have they uncovered anything about your brother?” She’s so earnest and caring that my urge is to tell her my deepest pain.

“No, it’s a cold case, but they are considering reopening it. Regardless, the Milwaukee police have zero leads. He was seen on surveillance cameras leaving the bar and getting into his car, but nothing after that. His burned-out vehicle was found a few days later. The only evidence they recovered was a smattering of blood in the mostly destroyed trunk, but it was enough for them to rule foul play rather than him disappearing voluntarily. I keep hoping eventually someone will come forward with info that breaks the case.”

“Have you talked to Michella and her boss Carla? They might be able to unearth more than the police. Carla is a bulldog.”

“I thought about it, but since it happened so far away, I’m not sure they’d be much help.”

“Talk to them anyway. You never know.”

“Okay,” I concede not because I plan on doing any such thing, but because I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

On a whim, I move to a chair and slide it next to her. Inez doesn’t resist. Instead, she leans her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her. I know this semi-public display is dangerous, but the bar is now empty, and I doubt anyone we know will be coming in here this late at night. My partying teammates wouldn’t consider this fertile ground for finding willing women and free-flowing booze. We’re as safe as we can be without being behind closed doors.

“I feel like I’m where I belong when I’m with you.” I’m not one to bare my soul, but I have to tell her what’s in my heart.

“I do too. Are we being foolish?” Inez asks, reading my mind in that way of hers. I don’t know if she’s perceptive when it comes to others, but she is where I’m concerned.

“Fuck, yes.” I laugh, and she joins in.

“After all my talk about backing off, here we are. I’ve been trying to convince myself that we can’t be anything but casual friends. Friends don’t cuddle or hold hands.”

“Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.” I’m noncommittal, but I do agree with her.

“My friends definitely don’t.”

“Neither do mine.” We share another laugh. “Imagine me cuddling with Drakos.”

“Oh my god. No, I can’t see the two of you.”

“I’m glad because I can only see me with you.”

“Camden.” Her tone is halfway between a plea and a promise. Inez sucks in a breath and cranes her neck so she can meet my gaze. “What are we doing?”

“What we’ve wanted to do since we met.”

“And exactly what both of us have been avoiding.” She signals the bored bartender for another round. He’s watching a basketball game on the television over the bar. He delivers our drinks and goes back to his game.

An older couple walks in and takes a seat across the small room from us. No one appears to care what is going on in our corner.

And what is going on?

Insanity?

Fate?

Or both?

“How’s that avoidance working for you?” I ask, because it’s not working for me.

“It’s not, but we’re both tipsy. We’ll regret this in the morning.”

“I’d never regret any moment I spend with you. If we’re careful, no one will need to know. My floor is on the same floor as all the guys, the tenth floor. Where are you?”

“I’m on the ninth floor.” Inez downs her wine like an alcoholic on a binge. I take that as a sign and signal the waiter for our check.

“Are we really doing this?” Inez needs reassurances I can’t give her. I have my doubts, too, but not enough to stop the inevitable.

“I think we are. You go ahead, and I’ll pay the bill. That way we’re not seen together.”

“Smart man.” She stands and bends down to kiss me on the cheek. I put my hand over hers for a brief moment and breathe in the scent of her. Right now, she’s my everything. I’d climb the highest mountain or swim the deepest channel for her. Fuck, I’d give up hockey for her, and I may well be doing that, but not if I can help it.

Our time together could be limited, and I want everything I can get as long as I can get it. If my contract isn’t extended, then I’m out of Portland. As much as Inez has come to mean to me, I can’t see myself giving up everything for her. It’d destroy both of us. Nor can I see her walking away from her golden opportunity to follow a grinder around the league wherever he may land. She’s ambitious and smart and deserves everything she gets. I won’t screw this up for her, even if it breaks my heart in the process.

“I’ll see you soon,” Inez whispers in my ear before she leaves the room. I watch her go, enjoying the sway of her hips and how she moves with graceful efficiency. Her hair shimmers as it moves with her body, and the way her ass looks in those jeans should be illegal.

I’ve always lived by the rules. I’m a straight arrow who values honesty above all else. If I follow her to her room, am I compromising my core values for what might end up being a one-night stand? Even if no one sees us together, Inez and I’ll know the truth.

Okay, I have to stop this bullshit. I’m doubting myself again. For once, I’m throwing caution to the wind and taking a chance on something that could be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I pay the bill and wait five more minutes. Then I push back my chair and force myself to walk casually from the room.

I saunter through the casino as if I haven’t a care in the world and am not in a hurry to get Inez naked.

“My man, come over here and have a drink with us.”

I freeze at the sound of Drakos’s drunk voice. He’s sitting at a table at the edge of the casino floor with four very sexy women. The two on either side are hanging all over him.

“Hey,” I say, but keep walking.

“Where you going?” Drakos shouts and draws the attention of several gamblers nearby.

“I’m tired. Going to bed.” That’s a half truth, or maybe a full truth. I am going to bed, just not alone, and I am tired of resisting Inez.

“Sit down and have one with us. You might find the company enjoyable enough to stay.” He waves his arm around to indicate his newfound friends.

“Thanks, but I’m going to have to take a rain check.”

“Suit yourself.” Drakos hiccups, and women giggle as if it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. I roll my eyes and continue on my mission.

I glance around before slipping into the elevator and punch in Inez’s floor. Her room is at the far end of a long hall, and I hurry along, keeping my eyes open for anyone who might know me.

“Hey, Hale, you’re on the wrong floor.”

Fuck.

I turn. One of our equipment guys is standing by the Coke machine I just passed. I’m not sure how I missed seeing him.

“Oh, crap, I am.” I’m a shitty actor, but he doesn’t indicate he’s suspicious. I make a show of returning to the elevator. He heads down the hall for his room. I wait until his door clicks shut before I sprint down the hall. I quietly tap on the door to Inez’s room.

She opens it a crack and peers out. I can tell by the look on her face that she’s having second thoughts and already regretting our rash decision.

“Are you okay?” Nervously, I glance up and down the hall, as Inez isn’t inviting me inside.

“No, I’m not. I don’t think this—us—is a good idea.”

“I see.” I freeze as I hear voices. The elevator opens, and the entire coaching staff steps out. “Shit,” I whisper under my breath. Neither of us acts quickly enough, and Coach sees me.

“Camden, are you lost? This isn’t your floor.” Coach eyes me curiously as his assessing gaze slips from me to Inez and back.

“Camden was returning my phone. He found it in the lobby. I must’ve dropped it when I went downstairs for a snack.” Inez smiles confidently at Coach. By his uncertain expression, he’s not completely buying our story. “Thank you, Camden. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” She waves and shuts the door.

I have no choice but to say good night to the coaches and slink back to my room.

Unwittingly, Coach probably did both of us a favor, but I don’t feel that way.