18. Follow Your Heart
Chapter Eighteen
FOLLOW YOUR HEART
~~Inez~~
That was close. Too close.
I pace my room after the incident with Cam and the coaching staff. There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep. I’m wound up tight and about to explode. Cam’s disappointment had been palpable, and I feel like shit, as if I’m responsible for leading him on.
My life has been closely governed by careful planning and walking a straight and narrow road. Oftentimes, it’s a boring road, too. My friends chastise me constantly for not taking more risks, because without risks there’s no reward. Sleeping with Camden would be a huge risk with a potentially life-altering reward.
Am I ready to make that sacrifice?
Having no answer to that question, I run a brush through my hair and make my way downstairs to the bar. I need another drink like I need a hole in my head, but I’m having one anyway.
I’m shocked to find Aunt Matilda sitting at a slot machine near the bar entrance.
“Aunt Matilda? What are you doing here?”
She holds up a hand to silence me. Seconds later, bells and alarms go off as she wins a five-hundred-dollar jackpot. She lets out a whoop that has half the casino staring in our direction. She ends the game, quitting while she’s ahead, and puts her purple purse over her shoulder. I note she’s wearing lavender tights, a spangled purple blouse, and high-heeled boots. She is a legend.
“What are you doing up this late?” she asks as she takes my arm and steers me toward the bar.
“You first.”
“I flew in today to catch Thunder from Down Under. I had a front-row seat. Then I did a little gambling, and I’ll watch the team play.” She checks her watch. “In about sixteen hours.”
The image of Aunt Matilda at a male strip tease in the front row tucking dollar bills into an oiled-up hot guy’s G-string is more than I can handle.
“Where’s Ramon?” I glance around but don’t see her on-again-off-again boy toy anywhere in the vicinity.
“The poor boy can’t keep up with me. He’s turned in for the night. Next time I’ll find myself a twenty-something rather than an almost forty-something.” She sighs dramatically before plopping down on a barstool. I laugh and do the same.
“Bartender, a gin and tonic, make it a double. And get my beloved niece here a glass of your finest red wine.”
Like I need more to drink, but I don’t tell her that.
The bartender hurries off to make our drinks, and I settle in to be entertained by Aunt Matilda. I adore this woman. She’s referred to me as her niece for as long as I can recall once the Barlowes became a substitute for my own dysfunctional family.
“What keeps you up this late? I know you’re not a gambler. You’re too practical and risk-averse for such things.” Leave it to Aunt Matilda. She’s blunt and to the point.
“Nothing. Just couldn’t sleep.”
She studies me for a long time as if she’s peeling back the layers in search of the truth. Aunt Matilda smirks, obviously pleased about something.
“It’s a man.” Her words are a statement not a question.
“Why does it have to be a man? It could be my job.”
“It’s a man.” Her tone is definite.
“I don’t have a man. They’re too much work.”
“They are that, unless you keep them around for fun and pay for their services.”
I’m not touching that statement with a ten-foot pole. Aunt Matilda has to be mid-eighties at the least and imagining her getting down and dirty with a guy half her age is more than I can bear.
“You can tell me anything. Your secrets are safe with me.” Her smile is sympathetic but calculating.
“There’s nothing to tell other than what you already know. I’ve been promoted to a job where not everyone thinks I deserve it, and I’m trying to prove myself.”
“That’s not all of it. You can’t fool me. I know you. We’re a lot alike, more than any of my blood relations.”
I’m surprised by her comment. I don’t see myself as anything like her, not even remotely.
“Even Addison?”
“Even Addison. Of course, minus the eccentric part, but we can work on that. Besides, the older I get the more I embrace my inner wild child. For the record, you’re doing fine as assistant GM.”
“Am I?” My question is genuine. I truly want to know. “I feel as if I’ve been thrown into a fast-flowing river, and I’m a crappy swimmer.”
“Then you dog paddle or whatever it takes to get where you need to go. Fake it till you make it.”
“Fake it till I make it.” I repeat her words over and over in my mind. She’s right. Pretend I have the skills until I’m truly up to speed.
“Don’t be afraid to ask questions and be honest about your lack of knowledge in some areas, while emphasizing your strengths. You bring a lot to this organization, which is exactly why my brother promoted you. He doesn’t make mistakes. He knows exactly he’s doing.”
“And what is he doing?”
“Setting the Icehawks up for success for years to come.” She narrows her gaze and gives me another assessing perusal. I squirm in my seat. “But it’s not the job that’s keeping you up at night.”
I rack my brain trying to recall if she might’ve ever witnessed me with Camden or if she’s referring to something altogether different.
I say nothing because I know she won’t need prompting to continue, whether I want her to or not.
“It’s a man,” she declares with a waggle of her eyebrows. “You can’t fool me.”
I don’t deny this time. I wait to hear what else she has to say. She rubs her bony chin and gets a faraway look with sadness in her eyes.
“I lost the love of my life because of blind ambition—his and mine. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. What’d I know of love in my twenties? There’d be other guys. Only there was never another Henry. I searched far and wide for an adequate replacement until I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want another man. I wanted him. No one could replace him in my heart, and no one ever has.”
“What happened to Henry?”
“He moved to New York, married, had kids, and lived a very happy life. I never contacted him again, as was only fair. I’d given up all claims on him. He died a few years ago.” Aunt Matilda waves her hand, and another G&T appears in front of her.
“But we’re not talking about my lost love, we’re talking about you not making the same mistake. The love of your life only comes along once, and if you find him, you need to fight for him.”
“What if this guy isn’t the love of my life?”
“You tell me. Is he?” She doesn’t point out that I’ve just admitted it is a guy.
“I don’t know.” I speak honestly and from the heart because I don’t know. Or do I? A little voice deep down tells me I know the answer. If he wasn’t special, I wouldn’t be contemplating what to do. I’d walk away.
“I think you do.” She winks, as if I’m as transparent as a window.
“What if the situation doesn’t allow for a relationship?”
“Then you find a way because when it comes to The One, the rest of your life pales by comparison.”
“I could lose my job.” I’m saying too much, but I desperately need a trusted confidant.
“Is he an Icehawk?”
I nod. “But nothing’s happened. We’re both worried about our careers.”
She studies me closely. I’m pretty sure she’s mentally ticking off each player until she arrives at a reduced list of possibles. “But playing hockey is a temporary situation.”
“How so?” I’m confused by her statement.
“Dear.” She reaches out and takes my hand in her cold, bony one. “A hockey player’s career is short compared to the rest of their life. This obstacle won’t always exist.”
“Then I should wait.”
“No, don’t make my mistake because he didn’t wait for me to come to my senses.”
“But that’d be unethical and dishonest.”
Aunt Matilda heaves a long-suffering sigh. “By society’s rigid standards but love answers to a higher power. Go get what you want. Your secret is safe with me. This problem will work itself out. Fate has a way of shaping our futures if you allow it.”
She guzzles her G&T and stands. “Go get him. Do what’s right for your heart, not your head. Your head will lead you astray. Your heart never will.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek and saunters off to the blackjack table.
I walk to the elevator and enter when the door swishes open. Instead of punching the button for my floor, I choose the one for Camden’s floor.