Grinding (Portland Icehawks #6)

20. Already Missing Him

Chapter Twenty

ALREADY MISSING HIM

~~Inez~~

What have we done?

I already know the answer to that. What I had to do. I rest my head on Camden’s chest as I relive the last hour or two in my still-foggy brain. He strokes my bare back with one hand while squeezing my ass with the other.

Sex with him has been epic.

“Regrets?” he asks.

“I suppose I should have regrets considering how this could end in disaster for both of us, but I don’t regret one moment of the last few hours we’ve spent together. What about you?”

“None. No regrets.”

“Aunt Matilda is right.”

“Aunt Matilda?” He raised his head from the pillow to look me in the eye. A slow, sexy smile crosses his face. “Are you getting sex advice from Aunt Matilda?”

“No, nothing like that.” I laugh at the thought before I realize she probably gives better sex advice than most women.

“Then where does she come in?” Camden is clearly puzzled.

“She told me to go for it and not let you slip away because I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

“You told her about us?”

“No, but nothing escapes her. Somehow, she’s figured it out.”

“Fuck, I hope no one else has.”

“I don’t think so. I had to give her a few hints first.”

Camden sits up and pulls me next to him. “So, she told you not to let me slip away?”

“Yeah, she did. She lost the love of her life because she wouldn’t take risks and has regretted her cowardice ever since.”

“The love of her life.” His words are a statement not a question. His usually open expression becomes hooded. I don’t know if it’s the mention of the love of my life that has him concerned or Aunt Matilda being onto us. Is Camden the love of my life? I think he is.

I don’t say anything but just cuddle closer to him.

“What are we?” he asks, as if he’s pondering the answer out loud.

“I don’t know yet. It’s too early to tell.”

“Is it? Most happy couples will say that they knew from the first day forward.” His thoughtful gaze meets mine. A silent message we don’t dare verbally express passes between us.

Did I feel he was the one that first moment we met? Or is the allure of a forbidden romance what’s driving my interest? I’m Inez, the practical rule follower. Maybe I’m tired of following the rules and being the one who never has any fun. Maybe being with Camden is a rebellion against always being a good girl.

“And what do you think?” I ask him, rolling onto his chest and gazing into his eyes.

“I think we’re navigating this potentially explosive relationship as best we can. I don’t have all the answers.”

“We’re flirting with trouble and embracing fate.”

“We are. Both of those. I do know that you make me feel like no woman ever has. When I’m with you my world is sunnier. You light up even the darkest night. You make me look forward to life after hockey, which has never happened before. I’ve lived in dread regarding what I’ll do when I’m no longer needed as a player, but I see opportunities and options now, where I didn’t see any a month ago. And the sex is indescribably hot as fuck.”

“It is.” I plant a kiss on his neck. “You’re irresistible. I’ve never met a man I couldn’t resist until you. Despite all the insurmountable hurdles, I’m unable to stay away, but being with you is a conflict of interest. I’m a bluntly honest person. Sneaking around isn’t in my nature. Neither is doing something so forbidden and irresponsible that I stand to lose my entire career over it and the respect of the Barlowes.”

“Not all the Barlowes. Aunt Matilda is on board.”

“I’m on probation in a job I have to prove myself for every second of every day. If this got out, I’d be ruined. I’ll most likely never get another job with the Barlowes or the league. But I still don’t regret our night together.”

“You have a lot to lose. Don’t think I don’t understand that. I worry too. We didn’t plan on our attraction. It just happened.”

“You have a lot to lose, too.”

“Yeah, but let’s face it, wrong or not, I’m a guy, and sleeping with my boss won’t be held against me like it will you if we’re discovered.”

“What do we do?” I’m so torn. Part of me vows to never sleep with him again. The other part knows that given the chance, I will.

“I don’t know.” Camden gives me a quick hug. “I wish I had a brilliant plan that makes everything right, but life is usually messy and unpredictable.”

“Despite all the land mines around us, I still don’t regret being with you.”

“Same.”

We lie still for a long while, each deep in thought. Finally, I sigh and sit up. Camden watches as I dress, rake my fingers through my tangled hair, and turn toward him. “It’s wise I return to my room before daylight.”

“I understand.” He sits on the side of the bed. “Inez, let’s take this one day at a time. Not rush things. It’s likely the end of the season will bring clarity to our future.”

“I agree. Let’s not fuck it up by being reckless and impatient. I hate being dishonest, but I hate the thought of being without you more. We have to be careful.”

“I know.”

“The safest route is to avoid each other from here on out and never be alone together again, but I don’t want to do safe.”

“Neither do I. Does that make us fools?”

“Probably.” I chuckle. “Why don’t we take a break over the weekend to clear our heads and think about everything.”

“Sounds like a good direction.”

I’d been looking forward to a weekend in bed with him, but I know I’m right. We need to step back and assess with clear minds what to do next.

I’m already missing him.