Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
XAVIER
“So how’s Lucy doing?”
As we leave the gym, Niall glances over at me. He rakes a hand through his damp hair, shoving it into haphazard spikes, and his wedding band—which I’m still not used to seeing—glints brightly as the overhead light catches it.
When Niall proposed to Jade, I was happy for him. Just because I avoided relationships like the plague didn’t mean I thought they were all bad. All I have to do is look at my friends and teammates from the Army—the team in Sleepy Hollow, Niall, Dante, Tyler, Knox—to know they can work when the right two people come together.
I just didn’t think it would happen for me. And I was okay with that. My life seemed plenty full already, first with the Army, and then B and A.
But that was before I met Lucy. From the moment she smiled at me in the bookstore, I knew I wanted to see her again. Not for a casual hookup, but something more. I wanted to know what made her smile. What made her laugh. She was the sun, and I wanted to absorb her warmth.
What started out as a chance meeting changed my life.
Now… I could see myself wearing a ring one day. Calling Lucy my wife.
Of course, there’s still a lot to work through before that. Like this sick online game. Her trauma. My inexperience with relationships. The constant worry that I’m going to fail her again.
Niall’s forehead creases as he waits for my response. “Is she alright? Jade said Lucy seemed more upbeat by the time she left the other day. And they texted yesterday about watching a movie soon.”
“I think she is.” Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I read Lucy’s last text from thirty minutes ago.
Everything’s good. Just watching TV and doing some laundry. Hope your workout is going well!
Glancing up from the screen, I say, “She says she’s feeling better. And she’s been texting with her parents, now that their expedition is over, and some of her friends. So I’m hoping that helps. But I still worry. The nightmares… they’re terrible. Crying in her sleep, begging for help, waking up screaming… and I can’t do a damn thing to stop them.”
Niall frowns, pausing for a second before responding, “It sucks, Xav. I know it doesn’t help, but I’ve been there. Jade’s nightmares…” He shakes his head. “Fucking awful. They got better in time, but yeah. It’s terrible watching the woman you love hurting like that.”
We push through the door to upstairs, walking into the communal living space. Sarah is sitting on a couch reading, with her rescue dog, Rambo, dozing next to her. As she looks up from her book, she smiles and gives a little wave. “Hey, guys. Dante and I were thinking about hosting dinner this Friday. Are you interested?”
His face brightening, Niall replies, “Of course. Do you want us to bring anything?”
Sarah barely hides a wince. “Um, no. That’s okay.” After a beat, she adds, “Maybe a bottle of wine. Or some beer. If you want.”
Niall chuckles. “I can cook, you know. I just?—”
“You just choose not to,” I finish, repeating the same thing I’ve heard him say for years. And it’s partially true, if you consider cooking to be grilled cheese and pasta and scrambled eggs. Which, now that I think about it, is probably one step ahead of me.
“Like you’re some gourmet chef.” Niall snickers as he punches me in the arm. “Thank goodness Dante and Sarah stocked your fridge, or Lucy would—” He stops, his mouth snapping shut. “Shit. Sorry, Xav.”
“It’s okay.” I lift my chin at him. “No worries.”
“Do you think Lucy will want to come?” Sarah asks. “Of course I’d love to see her, but if she’s not feeling up to it…”
“I’ll ask,” I tell her. “Can I let you know later?”
“Of course. Anytime.” Sarah gives Rambo an affectionate scratch between his ears. “I didn’t want to push, but if you want Rambo to come for a visit, he’s nearly done with his therapy dog training. So it might help Lucy, if she’s struggling.”
My chest warms. Not only do I have awesome teammates, but Jade and Sarah are great, too. I couldn’t have picked better partners for my two friends. “Thanks, Sarah.” I make a quick detour to the couch to scratch behind Rambo’s ears. “I’ll tell her.”
And speaking of Lucy, I’m more than ready to get back to her. Today’s the first time she’s been alone in the apartment since I brought her to Blade and Arrow—aside from brief conferences I’ve had outside in the hall—and I’m still feeling a little uneasy about it.
She swore she’d be fine as she practically pushed me out the door this morning, saying, “You need to get back to your superhero workout routine. Your five thousand pushups and lifting five hundred pound barbells and running twenty-five miles. I’ll catch up on my TV shows and do some laundry. It’ll be fine.”
I almost told her no, anyway. I was still thinking about a particularly bad nightmare from last night, when it took me a good half hour to calm her down enough to go back to sleep. But Lucy was adamant, and as I keep reminding myself, she’s an adult. A very intelligent and independent woman who wouldn’t appreciate me ignoring her wishes.
And it was only an hour and a half. Surely she’s fine. She said she was less than thirty minutes ago. I’ll get back to the apartment and we’ll have breakfast together, and then later, maybe we can go on another walk around the property. Check out the pond. Relax on the dock Dante built, so Sarah always has a place to enjoy the water.
Still. I want to get back to the apartment so I know for sure.
So while Niall wrestles with Rambo on the floor, I announce, “I’m going to get back to my place. Make sure everything’s good.”
Niall looks up at me. “Of course. Tell Lucy I said hi.”
“Same,” Sarah adds. “And don’t forget to ask her about dinner.”
As I head towards the east wing, where all our apartments are, my pace quickens. Not to a run, but definitely faster than a walk. Even though I know that Lucy’s safe, that she would have texted if there was a problem, I can’t shake the cloak of worry that’s settled over me since the day she went missing.
And when I get to my front door to find it slightly ajar, icy fear trickles down my back.
Why is the door open?
It doesn’t make sense. Not when I’ve seen Lucy surreptitiously checking the locks when she thinks I’m not looking. She wouldn’t leave the door open like this.
Unless she got scared and came looking for me? But then why wouldn’t she have texted? Called?
Maybe she went outside to pick some of the vegetables from the garden Erik started. If she was only planning to run out there quickly, she might have left the door open rather than have to mess with all the locks coming back in. Maybe.
Or I could get my ass inside and find out instead of standing out here, speculating.
When I walk into the apartment, everything seems as it should be. The TV is on in the living room, set to a romance series Lucy’s been binging. There’s a half-drunk mug of coffee on the coffee table, and the laptop she borrowed from Matt is open beside it. Since the show is paused, I can hear the low hum of the dryer running.
Trying to tamp down my growing worry, I call out, “Hey, Luce. I’m back.”
There’s no response, and my stomach dips.
No. It’s fine. She’s probably standing next to the dryer, folding her clothes. She just didn’t hear me.
Except. She’s not in the laundry room.
Or the bedroom. Or the guest room.
I rush to the window with the best view of the garden.
No Lucy.
A band wraps around my chest and squeezes tight.
Where is she?
Reversing direction, I leave the apartment and jog towards the gym.
She’s not there, either.
Fear slams into me so hard and fast, I can’t breathe for a second.
Did someone take her?
No. That’s not possible.
We would have known if someone breached the property. The perimeter alarms would have told us right away. Nothing can get through the fence around the ranch short of an actual tank. All the doors and windows are reinforced and connected to a top-of-the-line security system.
She’s just somewhere else on the property. That’s no big deal. Lucy knows where the library is, so she might have gone there. Or she went out to the barn. Maybe Jade texted, and she went over to visit.
Each explanation makes sense, but I won’t feel okay until I see Lucy with my own eyes.
So I call Niall first, asking if she’s there.
She isn’t. Jade’s at work and hasn’t spoken to Lucy since yesterday.
I could go to the library to check, or the barn, but that’ll take minutes I don’t want to wait. And yes, I know I’m probably overreacting, and Lucy’s absolutely fine, but… I can’t separate that gut wrenching fear when I found Lucy’s house empty from this. It’s too fresh. Too painful.
Trying not to shift into full freak-out mode yet, I call Matt. While I could pull up all the security camera footage myself, he has a whole setup in his apartment, with something like five computers and twice as many monitors. In the time it takes me to look at one feed, he can check all of them.
The moment he answers the phone, I bark, “I don’t know where Lucy is. Can you look for her?”
He’s immediately all business. “Of course. I’ll check now. When’s the last time you saw her?”
“Before I went to the gym. She texted me”—I open her message again—“thirty-eight minutes ago. She said she was doing laundry. But when I got home, the door was open. I just don’t think Lucy would—she’s been so concerned about security…”
Hurried footsteps are followed by a flurry of keys tapping. Matt says, “I’m just pulling up all the feeds now.” He pauses. “Could she have gone to the gym?—”
“That’s where I am now,” I reply through a gritted jaw. “She’s not here.”
“Okay.” Another pause, and then reassuringly, “We’ll find her, Xavier. She probably got restless and decided to explore the ranch.”
What he’s saying makes sense. She’s been so hard on herself, like she didn’t just go through a terrible trauma—so I could see Lucy deciding to challenge herself by going someplace alone. Wanting to prove that she could.
Except. The door. Why was it open? And why didn’t she tell me where she was going?
“Um.” There’s a loaded silence before Matt continues. “I’m not seeing her anywhere.”
“What?” I stop pacing. “What do you mean, you can’t see her?”
“I’ve checked every interior camera. And the ones in the yard. Lucy’s not there.”
My heart stops.
Where is Lucy?
I nearly crush my phone in my hand as I sprint from the gym. “Did she leave the yard? Did we have a breach? Where the fuck could she be?”
Urgency roughens his tone. “No breach. We would have known. And I don’t know if she left. The alarms don’t go off if the gates are opened from the inside.”
“Fuck!” Niall and Sarah jerk their heads towards me as I burst into the living room. “If she left?—”
Niall leaps to his feet. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m going back through the footage,” Matt replies. “Starting in the east wing. I’ll track where she went.”
“Lucy’s missing,” I tell Niall. “I don’t know where she went. If she left the yard, the property—” Fear closes my throat for a second. “If those people find her?—”
Matt’s somber voice breaks in. “She took off. Fifteen minutes ago. Just sprinted out of your apartment and headed?—”
Niall’s on his phone, saying briskly, “Rhi. Lucy’s missing. I’m not sure why. We need to look for her.”
I almost crack my molars to keep from shouting. “Where did she go?”
“Outside,” Matt answers. “Through the door at the end of the east wing. From there, I see her running around the back of the barn, but then she drops off. The next camera, she’s gone.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I knew I shouldn’t have left her.
As I tear outside, heart in my throat, one thought keeps repeating.
I shouldn’t have left her.
Something must have triggered a flashback, and she took off in a panic, trying to escape. And now she’s terrified, possibly hurt, lost… and what if she makes it off the property? What if the people who took her?—
Shit.
I need to find her first.
A set of footsteps comes running up beside me. Niall.
“Rhi’s taking the front,” he says. “I’ll check around the garage.”
“I’m going to the barn,” I reply, then put on an extra burst of speed. Over my shoulder, I add, “Don’t shout. It could scare her.”
Rather than check the inside of the barn, I come around the back, focusing on the clusters of shrubs along the exterior wall. Once I get close, I slow to a jog, even though fear is urging me faster. If she is hiding here, she doesn’t need to hear someone sprinting towards her, likely frightening her all over again. She needs slow. Calm. Gentle.
And if she’s not here…
No. She has to be. Putting myself in her situation, panicked, operating on instinct, I’d look for someplace to hide. Not waste precious time trying to open the gate.
I hope.
As I move towards the largest group of shrubs, I pitch my voice low as I say, “Luce. Are you out here? It’s okay. You’re safe.”
She’s not there. And she’s not at the second cluster, either.
But at the third, I see her.
Wedged between two bushes, she’s huddled in a ball, shaking all over.
My legs go weak with relief.
Approaching slowly, I croon, “Luce, sweetheart. It’s Xavier. I’m here. It’s okay. You’re safe.”
It takes a couple of tries before she cautiously lifts her head to look at me. She blinks, and fresh tears spill down her cheeks. Chin wobbling, she says in an achingly tiny voice, “Xavier. I think I messed up.”
Oh.
My heart.
Crouching in front of her, I push the branches aside to get a clear view. Several scratches on her face are sluggishly bleeding, no doubt from her frantic scramble to find cover between the shrubs. “Oh, no, Luce. You didn’t.”
“I didn’t realize,” she starts. “I was at the apartment. And then… I don’t know.”
“It’s okay,” I soothe. “We’ll figure it out. Can I help you out of there?”
After a brief pause, Lucy nods. As I carefully help her out from the bushes, she whispers, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
I sit down on the grass and pull her into my lap, cuddling her still-trembling body to my chest. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” Pressing my lips to the top of her head, I take a moment to breathe in her soft vanilla scent, another reassurance that she’s okay. That I didn’t lose her again.
Lucy tucks her head under my chin and says quietly, “I went to look for more dryer sheets. In the closet. And I… I bumped the light switch. When the light went out… I panicked. I thought I was back there again.” She peers up at me with watery eyes. “I’m sorry, Xavier.”
With one hand, I rub slow circles on her back; and with the other, I thumb her tears away. “You had a flashback. There’s nothing to be sorry about. I just wish I’d been there to help you.”
“I thought I’d be okay by myself.” Her teeth worry her lower lip. “I should be able to be alone by now.”
“There’s no timeline. You went through something traumatic. Even if your body is healed, your mind needs more time.”
In the distance, I hear Niall calling out, “Xav found her. Lucy’s okay.”
“Oh, Xavier. I worried everyone.” Guilt washes across her delicate features. “I’m?—”
“No, Luce.” I stand up, lifting her into my arms. “Do not be sorry. They were worried because they care about you. And they’re glad you’re okay.”
“I just wish—” She sniffles. “I just want to be normal again.”
Hugging her close, I brush a gentle kiss across her salty lips. “You’re just fine. And I?—”
Shit. I almost said I love her.
Not that it’s bad. But this is the worst possible time to say it.
Holding her gaze, I say, “You are perfect to me, Lucy. Just as you are. And whatever you need, I’m there for you. I will always have your six.”