Chapter 14
14
MATT
“ M att, I can’t believe you did all this!”
Standing stock-still in the barn doorway, Isla’s head is on a swivel as she takes everything in. Her mouth makes a perfect little O before she claps her hand over it, and she turns to me, her eyes wide with surprise.
My heartbeat ratchets up to double speed. Nerves grab hold of my stomach and give it a hard shake. I wasn’t nervous about this plan when I was putting it all together, but suddenly I’m filled with doubt. “Do you like it?”
Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline. “Do I like it? Are you kidding?”
“No?” Catching her free hand, I thread my fingers between hers. “Does that mean you do like it?”
“Matt.” It’s gently scolding. “I don’t know how you could even ask.” A smile blossoms across her face. “It’s gorgeous. I can’t believe you did all this.”
I glance around the expansive barn, trying to look at it with a fresh perspective instead of the jaded one that came after hours of preparation.
It’s not exactly the ideal setup for a special, romantic-ish date; regardless of how long I spent carefully arranging everything. If circumstances were different, I’d take Isla into San Antonio for the evening, with reservations at one of the nicest restaurants and tickets to see a performance at the Tobin Center. But the way things are now, I’d end up spending the entire night on high alert, my attention focused on guarding Isla instead of actually spending time with her.
That’s not what I want. I want Isla to have a nice date, something that shows how much I care about her. A date that makes her feel special. Appreciated.
Could I have done something back at my apartment? Of course. But since she’s been at Blade and Arrow, every evening is spent either at my place or hers, playing Minecraft or watching TV or a movie. Which I love—I look forward to my uninterrupted time with Isla all day—but I wanted to do something different.
So here we are. In the barn we restored from a falling-down building to a comfortable outdoor living space, complete with a kitchen, a game area, a home theater, and our most recent addition, an eight-person hot tub. It’s nice on a normal day, with freshly painted walls and white lights strung from the rafters giving the place a bright, open feel. But when I had the idea of planning this date out here, I wanted to include some new touches.
I hung more lights, of course. When I went to Lucy for advice, she informed me that there’s no such thing as too many lights. Which sounds like a stretch—what if the walls are literally covered in them and the barn looks like a disco ball? But I did attach tiny lights to the ceiling in the shapes of constellations, so when the rest of the lights are out, it’s like you’re looking up at the night sky.
Battery-operated candles are set out on nearly every available surface, giving the barn a warm and intimate feel despite its size. Two rows of the same candles create a path to a table draped with a crisp white tablecloth and decorated with an enormous bouquet of violet roses.
More flowers in an array of purples and lavenders add pops of color throughout the barn—glass vases and jars filled with allium and aster and hyacinth.
And no, I didn’t know what they were called until I went to the florist. I just said I wanted to buy all their purple flowers, and as the bemused employee created all the bouquets, she explained which flower was which.
To round out the date-related additions, there are two large gift bags waiting beside one of the couches, adorned with huge bows and approximately three packages of sparkly tissue paper. I’ve had the presents for a few days now, just waiting for the right time to give them to Isla, and I’m really hoping she likes them.
“I know it’s not a night out in the city,” I tell her apologetically. “But I wanted to do something special. I’m not the best at planning dates, but I asked Jade and Sarah and Lucy for advice. They told me lights and flowers were good.” Glancing up at the ceiling, I add, “Hopefully it doesn’t look like a disco ball.”
Isla’s forehead creases. “A disco ball?” She follows my gaze, and a moment later, she sucks in her breath. “You made the constellations! There’s the Big Dipper. And Cassiopeia. And Orion!”
“I tried.” Wrapping my arm around her waist, I pull her into my side. “They didn’t come out quite perfect. But?—”
“Matt.” She frames my face with her hands and meets my gaze. “I’m not sure whether to hug you or yell at you for doing something so dangerous.”
“It wasn’t dangerous,” I reply quickly, silently vowing never to tell Isla about hanging from the rafters to create Sagittarius. After a beat, I add, “But I think I’d prefer the hug to being yelled at?”
Isla’s expression softens. “Oh, Matt.” Looping her arms around my neck, she rises up on her toes to kiss me. Her mouth lingers on mine as she leans into me, her breasts pressing tantalizingly against my chest. She lightly nips my lower lip, a tiny sting of pain immediately replaced by the sensual stroke of her tongue, and the need that’s been brimming inside me rushes to the surface.
As the kiss grows deeper, I cup her nape, tunneling my fingers through her silken hair.
I let one hand slide down just past the small of her back, cupping the pert curve of her ass and gently squeezing. Arousal throbs and I go hard, jutting against her belly.
Isla gasps into my mouth. Her nails dig into my shoulders as she stretches up to get closer to me.
Desire erupts into an inferno, touching my skin with flames.
Everything about this is perfect. Her soft lips. The drag of her taut nipples against my chest. The faint scent of Isla’s soap wrapping around me. Her sexy little moans. How she gives me her weight, like she trusts me never to let her fall.
If just kissing Isla feels this good, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to make love to her.
Not that I would. Not now.
The quick reminder of why is a splash of icy water, dousing the flames and bringing me back to reality.
While we’ve kissed dozens of times since we officially started dating a week ago, I’ve been careful to draw the line at that. Cuddling on the couch while we watch TV is okay, just like hugs and holding hands and lingering touches as we pass by each other. But I wouldn’t dare press for more. Not because she’s pregnant—I know that’s safe for quite a while longer—but because of everything else she’s dealing with.
But, damn. It’s hard not to think about it. Especially when Isla is so beautiful tonight, her hair spilling in dark waves down her back, her cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. She’s wearing a gold colored dress that wraps around her waist and dips into a slight V in the front, showing off a glimpse of cleavage. The clingy fabric drapes over the small swell of her stomach, the baby bump that only just started to show a few days ago.
She was so excited to show it to me the other day, beaming all over as she displayed it. “Look. I finally have a bump,” she enthused. “Now people will be able to tell I’m pregnant. Isn’t it amazing?”
It was amazing. It is. And as the days continue, I find myself growing more attached to little Eagle myself.
Eagle. Not Dove. Because I’m convinced it—he—is a boy.
Dragging her mouth from mine, Isla drags in a deep breath. Then she laughs, her eyes lighting up with it. “I forgot to breathe again.”
I run my thumb over her kiss-swollen lips. “Be careful. I don’t want you passing out on me.”
She nuzzles my neck, hitting that spot beneath my jaw that makes all my nerve endings sing. “It would be worth it.”
“Well.” I take her hand. “I’d still rather you didn’t.” Then I lead her into the barn, down the candle-lit path past the dining table and over to the couch. Once we’re seated, I turn towards Isla. Nerves jump to life again. “Do you want to know what I planned for our date?”
Smiling, she replies, “Of course. But you know, you didn’t have to do all this. I love it, but I’m happy hanging out with you at the apartment, too.”
“I love that, too.” And I’m becoming more certain the love doesn’t end there. I used to think love was like a tide slowly rising, creeping up without even noticing. But with Isla, it’s not subtle or gentle. It’s a tidal wave, knocking me off my feet.
Do I love Isla already? Is it possible to be in love this soon?
Being in love doesn’t scare me. But I worry that once Isla’s case is solved, she’ll go back to Dallas or worse, leave the state, and I won’t have a place in her life anymore. If that’s what she wants, obviously, I’ll accept it. I’ll understand it. But it’ll hurt. Badly.
Am I still willing to take the risk? Absolutely.
“What did you plan, then?” She snuggles closer, her head leaning on my shoulder. “Dinner, I’m guessing.”
“Of course dinner. Do you think I wouldn’t feed you?” Shoving the maudlin thoughts aside, I smile as I press my lips to her forehead. “I made—” Stopping, I amend, “Sarah helped me make it. We have sopas and elote and empanadas. Plus guacamole and chips. And churros for dessert.”
Isla jerks her head up, nearly smashing me in the chin. “You made all that? It sounds delicious.”
“With Sarah’s help,” I remind her. With a laugh, I add, “If it was just me cooking, you’d be lucky to get a quesadilla.”
“That’s yummy too,” she retorts. “And I love your cooking.”
I appreciate the sentiment, but my cooking is adequate on the best days and sub-par the rest. But I choose not to mention it as I continue, “So we have dinner, and I thought afterwards…” Pausing for emphasis, I waggle my eyebrows. “We could binge the new season of Hell’s Kitchen .”
Romantic, it’s not. But Isla loves the show and Gordon Ramsay, so this is one part of the date I know she won’t mind. And I’m proven right when she brightens and says, “But I didn’t think the whole season was available yet. Only the first two—” She stops. “Of course. Computer magic, right?”
“Yup.” While most of my computer work is dedicated to investigating cases for Blade and Arrow, I really love the times when I can do something special for the people I care about. Sold out tickets to a game. A movie that’s not even in theaters yet. Or in Isla’s case, the unaired season of Hell’s Kitchen.
Before she can respond, I grab the two gift bags from the floor and hand them to her. “But before that, I got you some presents.”
“Presents? What for?”
“Because I wanted to. And you deserve them.”
“Oh, Matt.” Emotion darkens her gaze. “Thank you.”
My traitorous ears go hot. Nudging one of the bags towards her, I say, “Here. Open this one first.”
Isla looks down at the bag and trails her fingers along the intricately-tied bow. “This is so pretty, Matt.” She pauses, then glances at me with a knowing smile. “Did you look this up online? How to tie it like this?”
“Maybe,” I admit. “I wanted it to look nice for you.”
“Oh, Matt.” She kisses my cheek. “It does. It’s the prettiest gift I’ve ever received.”
“You haven’t even looked at it yet.”
Laughing, she replies, “I know.” Carefully pulling the tissue paper from the bag, she reaches inside and feels around for a second. Then she lifts out a folded square of silk fabric and holds it up to inspect it.
As she looks at the pale lavender kimono-style robe, she exclaims, “Matt! This is gorgeous! And it’s so soft.”
“I thought it would be comfortable to wear now, and as you get bigger,” I explain. “And when little Eagle comes, you can wear it while you’re feeding him.”
“Oh, it’s perfect.” Isla rubs the satiny fabric across her cheek. “I love it.” She kisses my cheek again. “I can’t wait to wear it.”
“Open this one next,” I urge her, tilting my chin towards the unopened bag. “This one… it’s a little different. But if you don’t like it?—”
“Of course I will. I love everything you give me.” A pause, and then more quietly, “I love everything you do for me.”
My heart stutters. Rolls over. Emotion swells in my chest.
Then Isla reaches into the second bag, and I hold my breath.
In the silent seconds that follow, my mind leaps to assume the worst. That the stuffed bear isn’t right for a baby, even though the website swore it was. That I’m giving it to Isla too soon—everything I read said wait until the second trimester before buying gifts, but what if she wants to wait? Or what if she thinks I’m being presumptuous, getting something for the baby when we’ve only just started dating?
And then.
Isla clutches the bear to her chest and turns to me with tears in her eyes.
Good tears, I hope?
With a hint of wonder in her voice, she asks, “Is this for the baby?”
“It is. I made sure I got one that’s safe for a newborn. And it’s made of all organic materials. It’s supposed to be the softest bear out there, and I just thought… well.” Heat floods my cheeks. “Maybe it’s too soon. But I just wanted to get the baby something, too.”
Isla stares at me, her features twisting, and I know her well enough by now to know she’s trying not to cry.
My heart sinks. “I’m sorry. It was a bad idea?—”
She sets the bear to the side and climbs onto my lap. Then she presses a kiss to my lips. “No. It wasn’t a bad idea. Not at all. This is just… it’s perfect. He’s so cute and cuddly and…” Trailing off, she swallows hard before continuing, “I’ve been thinking about it. Buying stuff. But?—”
“We can go shopping. There’s a store in Seguin. Or we can make arrangements to go someplace in San Antonio after hours. If you want to go, I’ll make it happen.”
“I didn’t want to do anything that wouldn’t be safe. And ordering online felt so… impersonal. But this? Matt, this is so special. Because you bought it. And the baby will love it because it came from you. She’ll know her—” Abruptly, Isla’s mouth clamps shut. A dull pink flushes her cheeks.
“Sorry,” she adds. “I know dating is a far cry from being in the baby’s life. And I don’t want to pressure you. I don’t expect a commitment like?—”
“But I want to be in the baby’s life.” Maybe it is soon, but I’ve never been more certain. This thing with Isla isn’t casual. It’s not a quick fling that’ll be over in a month or two. Not unless that’s what Isla decides.
“You do?”
“Yes.” Lifting her onto my lap, I cup her cheek as I hold her gaze. “I want to be in your life. For as long as you’ll let me. And that means little Eagle, too.”
A wobbly smile appears. “You mean Dove?”
“Eagle,” I affirm. “Or Dove. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m not trying to push you. We can take this as slowly as you want. Or if it’s not what you want, that’s okay—well, it’s not okay, I’ll be really disappointed, but I’ll understand. I just want you to know I’m all in. With you and the baby.”
Small hands frame my face. Soft lips brush across mine. “But it is what I want, Matt. Yes, everything else that’s happened to me is crazy. But the way I feel about you isn’t.”
Hope expands inside me. “How do you feel?”
“Like you’re the man I’ve been waiting for.”
Oh.
Unexpectedly, my eyes burn.
“Isla.”
“Matt.” Her eyes darken to a deep indigo. “I’m sure about you.”
Then she does something I really wasn’t anticipating.
Slender fingers come to the buttons of my shirt, unfastening one, then another.
Isla turns so she’s straddling me, her skirt rising enough to offer a glimpse of gold lace beneath.
Her lips come to my neck and trail a line of kisses up to my jaw.
I go rock-hard, need throbbing insistently, my pants impossibly tight.
All the fantasies I’ve tried to ignore come racing to the forefront. Isla naked in front of me, an expanse of satiny skin on display. Kissing her all over, paying special attention to that little tattoo that I haven’t stopped thinking about since I saw it. Taking her nipples into my mouth and suckling at them, flicking and caressing, finally seeing and tasting the taut peaks I’ve only imagined, but never seen.
Are they pink? Rose-colored? A delicate cafe au lait? And how sensitive are they? Will Isla moan when I touch them like she does when we kiss? Could I make her come by that alone?
And how does she taste? Sweet? Decadent? Addictive?
The latter, for sure.
Once I make love to Isla—well, if I make love to her—I think I’ll be ruined for anyone else.
And I want to be ruined. I don’t want someone else.
Any other woman would be a poor substitute for what I’ve found with Isla. I’m not sure I’d even want to try.
As long as she needs, I’ll wait for her. And I’ll give her whatever she needs.
But does she want this? Is she ready?
Isla continues unbuttoning my shirt, and with each inch revealed, she trails her fingers across my chest, tracing the lines of muscle there. Her lips keep working along my jaw, lingering at that one spot she knows I love. She wraps her legs around my waist, the heat from her core searing into me even through layers of fabric.
Before I can stop myself, one hand comes to her ass, drawing her closer to me. I plump the soft weight of her breast in my palm, thumbing her nipple through the silky fabric.
Isla moans, a seductive sound from low in her throat. She arches her back, thrusting her breast into my hand. Her gorgeous eyes flutter shut.
The lace between her thighs is damp, turning the pale gold to a rich bronze. Her hips roll against mine.
“Matt,” she breathes against my skin. “I want you.”
Shit. I want her, too.
But is it too soon?
My body wants to take what she’s offering without hesitation, but my mind urges caution. Touching her chin, I tilt her head up to look at me. “Are you sure? Because this isn’t why I planned this date.”
Hurt flickers in her eyes. “Do you… do you not want this?”
Shit.
“I do.” I glance down at the obvious evidence. “Trust me. I do. But I don’t want to rush things. End up having you regret this. I couldn’t forgive myself if I pushed you?—”
“Is it because I’m pregnant? Because it’s safe. I asked the doctor.” A beat, and then in a small voice, “Or did I get this all wrong?”
“No, gorgeous.” It’s firm but gentle. “Absolutely not. You are so incredibly sexy. Making love to you would be incredible. But if this triggers you…”
“Matt. It won’t.” Her chin lifts. “I may not have had control in other things, but this? I do. I know what I want. You . I trust you. And I know you’d never hurt me. I don’t just want this because I’m so attracted to you it’s hard to think straight, but because of how deeply I care about you.” She pauses. “But if you want to wait…”
As she looks at me, a mixture of vulnerability and hope and desire in her gaze, a bolt of clarity strikes me.
Who am I to presume I know what’s best for her?
Isla’s a grown woman. And an incredibly strong one. If she’s certain, then why am I still hesitating?
“I don’t.” Pulling Isla into my arms, I lay her carefully onto the couch and brace myself above her. “I want you. So much.”
On an exhale, a smile curves her lips. “Then why don’t you show me?”