Chapter 23
Mark
Mark sat at his desk, staring blankly at his computer screen. The words on the brief in front of him blurred together, his thoughts tangled in a loop he couldn’t escape.
“Alright,” Diana’s voice cut through his haze as she breezed into the office, coffee in hand. “What’s with the broody face again? You look like someone just told you Christmas was canceled.”
Mark exhaled through his nose, rubbing his temple. “Close the door.”
Her brow lifted slightly at the request, but she complied, shutting them off from the rest of the office. “Okay, now I’m intrigued,” she said, taking a seat across from him. “What’s wrong?”
He leaned forward, clasping his hands together. His fingers curled, his knuckles pressing into each other as he wrestled with the words. He had to say them out loud. He had to hear them for himself.
“It’s Ethan,” he admitted, his voice quieter than he intended.
She took a slow sip of her coffee. “Go on.”
Exhaling heavily, shaking his head. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Diana. I’ve been straight my whole damn life. Never looked at a guy that way. Sure, I’ve been hit on before—more times than I can count—but it was never something I entertained. It wasn’t who I was.” He swallowed hard. “Until now.”
Diana didn’t react with shock or amusement. She just studied him carefully, waiting, giving him space to process.
He scrubbed his hand over his beard, then forced himself to look up at her. “Ethan and I… we’ve become good friends. He’s funny, he’s kind, he’s this damn force of energy that makes everything feel alive when he’s around. And I—” His voice faltered. “I catch myself thinking about him when he’s not there. Looking forward to seeing him. Wondering what he’s doing, if he’s okay. I—” He let out a quiet, almost bitter laugh. “I find myself watching him.”
She set her coffee down, tilting her head. “Watching him?”
Mark sighed. “Not in a creepy way. But noticing things. The way he moves, the way he talks. The way his face lights up when he’s excited. And I swear to God, Diana, when I see him walk into a room, I feel… something. Something I don’t know how to name.”
Diana folded her arms and leaned back. “Sounds like a crush.”
Mark shot her a look. “I’m almost forty, he’s fucking twenty-six years old.”
“So?” She shrugged. “You think there’s an age limit on realizing something new about yourself?”
He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his face. “Jessica was the love of my life. And I would’ve spent the rest of my days loving her. I never thought I’d even consider moving on, let alone—” He exhaled sharply. “Let alone with a man.”
Diana’s expression softened. “Mark, no one says love must fit in a neat little box. Who you loved before doesn’t define who you can love now. It doesn’t erase Jessica, it doesn’t change the love you had for her.”
Mark closed his eyes for a second, his chest tight. “I feel like I’d be betraying her.”
Diana reached across the desk, resting a hand over his. “Mark, we both know Jessica believed in love—true, soul-deep love. Don’t you think she’d want you to have that again? No matter what form it takes?”
He swallowed against the lump in his throat. He wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe Jessica would be smiling at him right now, telling him to open his damn heart again. But the fear was still there.
Diana squeezed his hand before pulling back. “Answer me this—how has your life changed since meeting Ethan?”
Mark huffed a quiet laugh. “Everything feels… different. Lighter. The house is coming back to life. I’m coming back to life. He makes me laugh, makes me think. Hell, he challenges me. He sees me, Diana.” His voice dropped. “And that scares the hell out of me.”
Diana smiled knowingly. “Sounds to me like you already have your answer.”
Mark rubbed his temples, his thoughts churning like a storm that refused to settle. He had just admitted—to Diana, to himself, that something was happening between him and Ethan, something he couldn’t explain, something he couldn’t stop thinking about. And now the weight of that realization was pressing down on him like a lead blanket.
“What am I even supposed to do with this, Diana?” He let out a breath, shaking his head. “What will people here at the firm think? What about my clients? Not only is he a guy, but he’s a much younger guy. Will that impact the firm? My reputation?”
Diana let out a slow, deliberate breath and crossed her arms. “You really think the partners are going to care? Hell, half of them are married to people way younger than they are. And your clients? Mark, you’re an excellent attorney. No one’s hiring you based on who you date. They hire you because you win.”
Mark scoffed, but the concern lingered in his chest like an ember that refused to die. “Still, it’s not just that. I mean…” He hesitated, running a hand through his hair. “What do I even do with a guy? I get the mechanics, sure, but—Jesus, I’m almost forty. How do you just… learn to do that now?”
Diana’s lips quirked in amusement, but she didn’t tease him. “Mark, no one’s expecting you to be an expert. Relationships aren’t about mechanics. You’ll figure it out together.”
“Yeah? And what about his dad?” Mark leaned back in his chair, rubbing his jaw. “Christ, we have to be around the same age.”
Diana laughed at that. “Oh, so now you’re worried about asking for his father’s permission to date him. What are you, sixteen?”
Mark shot her a glare, but he couldn’t help the ghost of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “It’s not funny.”
“It is a little funny,” she countered, then softened. “Mark, you’re overthinking it.”
Mark exhaled sharply, his knee bouncing with nervous energy. “What about in twenty years? What if he becomes my caregiver?” His voice dropped slightly, and he shook his head. “Jessica and I were the same age. We were always in sync, always in step with each other. This… this is different.”
Diana leaned forward, her expression turning serious. “You don’t know what the future holds, Mark. None of us do. But are you really going to let fear of something that might happen stop you from living now? From feeling something again?” She paused, then asked, “Have you talked to him about any of this?”
Mark let out a bitter laugh. “God, no.”
“Maybe you should,” Diana suggested gently. “You might be surprised at how he sees things.”
Mark looked down at his hands, his thoughts a tangled mess. “Diana, I don’t know what to do.”
She reached across the desk, resting her hand over his. “Yes, you do,” she said softly. “You just have to be brave enough to do it.”
Mark let out a heavy breath, dragging his hand down his face. “Diana, what the hell am I supposed to say to him?”
Diana leaned back in her chair, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe something simple, like ‘Hey, Ethan, I think I might be into you. Also, can you teach me how to date a guy at my age without looking like a midlife crisis waiting to happen?’ ”
Mark shot her a flat look. “No.”
She grinned. “Okay, okay. How about… ‘Ethan, you’ve been invading my thoughts, and I’d like to invade your body, do you want to do it?’ ”
Mark scoffed. “Jesus.”
“Oh! I got it,” she snapped her fingers, clearly enjoying herself. ‘Ethan, I’ve had an epiphany. You, me, dinner, and maybe some casual staring into each other’s eyes with some gentle petting. No pressure.’ ”
Mark groaned, rubbing his temples. “You’re not helping.”
Diana laughed. “Come on, Mark. You make everything too serious. Just talk to him. You already are talking to him. It’s effortless with you two you said.” She softened. “Just be honest.”
Mark exhaled, nodding. “Honest. Right.”
Diana stood and straightened her skirt. “You’ll figure it out.” She smirked. “And if all else fails, just flash that lawyerly charm and hope for the best.”
Mark rolled his eyes. “Get out of my office.”
She winked and sauntered out, leaving Mark alone with his thoughts.
And, hell, they were loud .
He sat there for a long moment, staring at the ceiling. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was overthinking everything.
After about thirty minutes of pacing and considering all the ways this could go wrong , he grabbed his phone and dialed Ethan’s number before he could talk himself out of it.
Ethan picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Mark. What’s up?”
Mark ran a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling way too aware of himself. “Hey. Are you busy tonight?”
Ethan hesitated. “Uh, not really. Why?”
Mark cleared his throat. “Can you come over.”
“Yeah, I was planning on working on the spare room tonight.” Ethan let the statement hang.
Mark swallowed, heart pounding. “No, not to work. To talk.”
A beat of silence.
Then, “Okay. What time?”
“Seven.”
“Alright,” Ethan said easily, like this was just another night. “Want me to bring anything?”
Mark smirked, his confidence kicking in. “Just yourself. And maybe your wit, if you can manage.”
Ethan snorted. “Wow, okay. You sure you don’t want me to bring anything?”
“I’ll handle everything,” Mark said, a protective note slipping into his voice.
“Alright, bossy. See you at seven.”
Mark chuckled. “See you then, and Ethan Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being you.”
He hung up, setting his phone down and exhaling.
Diana was right.
He was overthinking it.
And for the first time in a long time… he felt something close to excitement.