Chapter Eight
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A pounding headache woke Autumn early the next morning. She rolled onto her back in Gavin’s bed and stared up at the dimly lit ceiling, the pale light coming in around the edges of the blinds telling her it was just past dawn. One crystal clear thought hit her instantly.
I’m seeing someone , she’d blurted out to him yesterday.
It was a total lie, but Gavin didn’t need to know that.
Jonas was a perfectly nice guy and had made it clear he was interested in being more than colleagues. He’d asked her out twice over the past three months, and both times she’d said no, using the excuse that they worked together. He had accepted it, but strongly hinted that he wasn’t ready to give up yet.
She wouldn’t be surprised if he asked her out again at some point during the conference. But her answer would still be no.
No surprise, she’d slept like shit, and when she finally had managed to slide under, she’d been tormented by restless dreams about a spectacular and disastrous end to her relationship with Gavin. And then there had been another featuring incredibly intense sex with him that left her whole body throbbing with an unfulfilled need that bordered on torture.
Yesterday’s sharp turn of events on the beach made her feel like she was caught in a blender. With her conscience already weighing on her, Gavin’s sudden announcement about never wanting kids had been a gut punch she hadn’t expected. At first, she’d thought he was kidding as he liked to joke around, but then she’d realized he was being serious.
It was a hard thing to reconcile. While it was true it had taken him a while to mature and he still tended not to take life too seriously most of the time, she agreed with Marley that he would be a good father.
He was magic with Carly—although granted, their time together had been sporadic, and he got to be the hero all the time, never had to discipline her or be the bad guy. Were things good only because Carly came with no permanent ties or major responsibility? Would his feelings change for the worse once he found out the truth? Not that it was Autumn’s job to manage his feelings. He was a grown man, his reaction was on him.
Telling him was the last thing she wanted to do now, but there was no way around it, though now she’d made up her mind to wait until after the conference. Preferably right before she and Carly got on a flight back home where they belonged.
The sound of dishes clacking softly in the kitchen made her drag herself out of bed. She found Carly pulling toast out of the toaster. Her daughter stilled when Autumn appeared in the entry, eyeing her. “Whoa, you look tired.”
Shit. She really did look that bad. “Well, thanks a lot, I actually feel great. Might need a power nap later though.”
Carly went back to spreading peanut butter on her toast. “You’ll feel better once you give your presentation at the conference. Want some toast?”
Autumn smiled, thinking for the millionth time what a miracle her daughter was and not correcting her assumption that she hadn’t slept well due to anxiety over her upcoming presentation. “No, thanks. I’ll stick to coffee for now. Want to work together for a while this morning?” That way she could monitor what Carly was accessing on the ancestry site and make sure she didn’t do any digging that would give away the truth about who her father was. Because her daughter was quick and liable to figure it out on her own if she found the giveaway evidence.
“Sure, and then we can go down to Whale’s Tale again? I still might buy that other book with the rest of my birthday money Gavvy and Trissy gave me.”
Just the mention of his name twisted her stomach into knots. “Uh-huh, and you also want another treat from the bakery.”
Carly shrugged as she screwed the lid back on the peanut butter jar. “I mean, it’s in the same shop.”
“Yeah, how convenient.” She ruffled the top of Carly’s hair, got her hand knocked aside and a warning glare that only a preteen girl could master. “Okay, let’s both get showered and ready, then we’ll put in a solid couple of hours and head down.”
The morning flew by, and the focus on conference prep thankfully allowed her to put Gavin and their situation from her mind for a while. When she became aware of her stomach rumbling, she was shocked to find that nearly three hours had passed.
“You ready for a break?” she asked Carly, seated next to her at the island.
“Yes.” Carly instantly snapped the lid of her laptop shut. So far she hadn’t looked up anything that worried Autumn, but given her daughter’s innate curiosity and determination to find out something about her father, that was likely only a matter of time.
“How much did you get done?” Autumn asked her as they slid their shoes and jackets on. The day was bright and sunny, but the wind off the water was chilly.
“A lot, actually. Shouldn’t take me much longer to finish the research, and then I can write my report.”
“Good.” She would check the progress later, keep steering Carly’s attention away from her paternal side until she finally sat her down and told her the truth. After she’d told Gavin. “All right, let’s go.”
Warm, late-morning sunshine greeted them, the faint cry of seagulls carried on the steady breeze. A familiar figure appeared at the bottom of the sidewalk as they started down the hill.
“Well, hey there,” Teagan called out with a big smile. “Where are you two off to?”
“Taking a work break,” Carly said as they approached. “Wanna come get something to eat with us?”
Teagan raised her eyebrows at Autumn, her dark hair pulled back into a braid. “Yes, please come,” Autumn said. She was curious about Decker’s girlfriend and wanted to get to know her more. “I mean, as long as it works for you.”
“I’ll make time for you two.”
“We’re going to Whale’s Tale,” Carly told her.
“Good choice. Not sure what Poppy and her staff put in their food, but it’s addictive.”
“Might have something to do with butter and sugar,” Autumn said, still trying to size her up. There was something utterly fascinating about her. Teagan and Decker’s story was dramatic, but Autumn only knew little bits of it because Gavin sucked at telling her the important parts. She’d have to get all the juicy stuff from Marley next time they talked.
The line for Whale’s Tale was only a few yards out the door when they got there. Carly went into the bookshop to buy her book while Autumn stood in line for the café with Teagan, talking. Small talk, mostly, about work and Crimson Point. Nothing that alleviated Autumn’s curiosity about the other woman.
“How did you and Decker meet?” she asked finally, unable to stop herself.
One side of Teagan’s mouth turned up. “Ohh, that’s quite a story.”
Autumn was dying. “Oh, God, tell me. I need to know how you got under Decker’s skin.” More like armor. He was so different from the twins. Way harder, and remote. “I’ve known him almost my whole life, and he’s still an enigma.”
Teagan’s teeth flashed in a quick grin. “Yeah, that’s kinda what made me fall for him. I love unraveling a mystery.”
Autumn took a sip of her iced coffee, riveted. Decker was the living embodiment of the strong, silent type, in a really grim kind of way. “Are you a reporter? Background in investigation maybe?”
Teagan arched an eyebrow at her, looking impressed. “Something like that, yeah. He saved me after I was taken hostage.”
“No,” Autumn breathed, fascinated. How the hell had Gavin left that part out? Now she was even angrier at him.
“Yep. Dove off a boat into the freezing ocean to save me from drowning.”
“Oh, my God.” Decker, you dark horse. Who’d have thought it?
Teagan smiled at Carly when they stepped back out onto the sunlit sidewalk. “You guys up for a short hike? Guessing you haven’t been up to the lighthouse yet. It’s worth a look, and the weather is cooperating today. The view from up there is incredible when it’s not fogged in.”
Carly turned to her, excitement glowing in her eyes. “Can we, Mom?”
It was plain her daughter was angling for any excuse not to continue work on her project, but Autumn could use the break too and wanted to get more out of Teagan. “Yeah, sure.”
“Great. Follow me.” Teagan led them to her vehicle and drove them across to the north side of town to a public parking lot close to the ocean. The landscape was more rugged here, rising dramatically out of the sea and reaching up to towering cliffs. “The trail entrance is just through there,” she said, pointing to a thick band of forest near the northern edge of the lot.
Carly forged ahead of them on the trail, eager to explore. Autumn hung back with Teagan as they sipped at their coffees, waiting until Carly was out of earshot. The towering evergreens shielded them from the full brunt of the wind coming off the water to their left, long swaying branches overhead casting moving shadows on the pathway. The air smelled earthy, spiced with the sharp scents of cedar and fir.
“So,” Teagan said before Autumn could restart their conversation. “How long have you and Gavin had a thing for each other?”
Autumn snapped her head around to stare at her in shock. “What?” Had Marley said something to her because of yesterday?
Teagan arched a dark eyebrow. “Come on. You really gonna deny it?”
“No, what did you mean?”
“The vibe you were giving off at the party the other night.”
Hell.
She faced forward again, a bit thrown by the sudden turn of the tables.
“Come on, you can tell me. What’s up?”
She didn’t see the harm. “He’s been giving me weird signals since I got here.”
“Weird how?”
“Like he wants more than friendship all of a sudden.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” Every time she saw him, she felt a bittersweet pang deep in her chest. And every time he came close, her brain shut down, and her body went all tingly.
She hadn’t tingled like that in... She didn’t know the last time she had, and knowing he’d been about to kiss her yesterday was almost more than she could take.
All the guilty fantasies she’d had about him over the years were back, tormenting her in vivid detail. Imagining what it would be like with him now that he was an experienced man instead of the boy she’d known. About what it would feel like to have him on top of her. To feel that heavy, powerful body holding her in place while he satisfied every sexual need that had gone unfulfilled for way too long.
But she needed more than sex, and only wanted it from him.
“What, like you’re not into him too?” Teagan snorted. “Girl, I was at the party. I know what I saw.”
“Please. I was barely around him.” Did she sound defensive? Teagan didn’t know her, had no right to make assumptions or judgements.
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean. The tension coming off you was noticeable.”
How was she supposed to answer that? And she just knew Teagan would know if she lied. “I just...don’t understand what’s happening with him.”
“You two have a history together?”
Oh, yeah. One night that still triggered a bittersweet ache in her heart. Along with a massive amount of regret for letting him go. “We’ve been friends since we were kids.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Autumn huffed out a breath and shot her a hard look. “What is your background exactly? Psychology? Interrogation?”
Teagan laughed under her breath. “I mean, in a way. But really I’m just more observant than the average person.” She shrugged. “I see things most others miss.”
This was so damned awkward, having her private hell exposed by a near stranger. “Did you bring me up here to talk about all this?”
“Yep.” Teagan didn’t look or sound the least bit apologetic.
“Did Decker say something to you?” Had any of the others picked up on her tension? “Or Marley?”
“Are you kidding me? Do you even know him? And no, Marley never said a word.”
She relaxed a little. “I know him well enough. Well, I thought I did, until you told me he dove into the ocean to save you.” Maybe Gavin didn’t know all the details. Decker wasn’t exactly the sharing feelings type.
“Then you know that even the thought of talking about that kind of stuff gives him hives. Which is why I’m talking to you. I like you, I love Gav, you’ve known each other forever, and from what I can see, you’re good for each other.”
“We’re just friends.” And she hoped they could remain at least that once they were on the other side of all this.
“You don’t want more?” Teagan asked.
What she wanted was impossible at this point. Ridiculous, stupidly romantic little girl fantasies that should have died when he’d left home. And, oh, my God, why was this virtual stranger asking her all these uncomfortably personal questions?
“It’s complicated.” And unfortunately things were only going to get more complicated.
There was a long pause, and she felt Teagan’s penetrating stare on her every second of it. “I understand all about having dark secrets. And since we just met, I get you not wanting to tell me.”
Despite feeling a bit defensive at the moment, she still wanted to know Teagan’s story. Desperately. “Did you say anything to Marley?” she asked instead. If she needed to do damage control, she wanted to know.
“Nope. But if you ever need to talk, about Gav or anything else, and you don’t want to tell Marley, there’s something you should know about me.”
Autumn met her gaze, bracing herself. “What’s that?”
“I don’t tell secrets.”
Autumn stared at her a moment, the deadly serious tone throwing her for a second, then couldn’t help but laugh. “You know what? I believe you.” Which was crazy, since they barely knew each other.
“Good.” Teagan grinned and her intense demeanor vanished. “And, oh, man, I really hope I get to introduce you to Ivy while you’re here.”
“Who’s Ivy?”
“A living goddess, as far as I’m concerned. She’s engaged to Walker, one of the Crimson Point Security managers,” she added when Autumn frowned. “And if I’m a human vault, she’s the living embodiment of Fort Knox. Wouldn’t give up anything unless she wanted to, even under torture.”
Torture ? Holy. And something told her Teagan wasn’t exaggerating. “What’s she do?”
Teagan’s admiring smile was feral. “Whatever needs to be done, but mainly hacking. Anyway,” she continued in a lighter tone. “I hope things work out for you guys. None of them talk about the past much, but I know they all had it rough growing up. In all honesty, Decker probably had it easiest, since he left home first. Gavin says you and your parents were the stabilizing force in his life.”
“He said that?”
“Mmhmm, his safe haven when things got hard.”
Her parents had always treated him like the son they’d never had, giving him life advice and helping him the rare times he’d allowed it. And he and Tristan had always been welcome in their home. “Actually, I think Tristan has always been his stabilizing force. Marley nurtured them both as best she could after their mom died, and Decker provided what he could for them all even after he left.”
“Yeah, they all made the best of a shitty situation. But that’s still how Gav feels about you.”
Oh. Damn. “He never told me.”
“No, he wouldn’t. None of them would. Too proud.”
Yes. “Gavin was just part of the family. And my best friend, until...”
“Until he left.”
Until I slept with him and let him go. “Yes. Then everything changed.”
“Not everything.” Teagan’s tone was loaded, and Autumn seriously didn’t want to go there again. “But I won’t say anything more.”
Thank you, Lord. “We almost there?” How far away was this damned lighthouse?
“Yeah, just around this next bend.”
They were nearing the end of the forest path now. As the trees thinned, the path curved to the left, opening up at the cliff’s edge.
At last the Crimson Point lighthouse came into view perched on the edge of the cliff, painted in thick red and white horizontal stripes. Up ahead, Carly stepped out of the shadows into the late spring sunshine, the sudden increase in wind blowing her red-gold ponytail sideways.
Her daughter laughed and looked back at them over her shoulder, the sheer joy on her face making Autumn’s heart squeeze.
Oh, sweetie. How are you going to handle what’s coming? No matter what, Autumn would make sure her daughter knew down to the marrow of her bones that she would always be there for her.
Thankfully, Teagan didn’t bring up anything else uncomfortable the rest of the hike, but Autumn had to grudgingly respect her honesty and willingness to become friends. In fact, she liked Teagan. A lot. After their hike, they ate fish and chips on the beach, laughing like lunatics. By the end of their afternoon together, Autumn was sorry to say goodbye.
“Thank you for today,” she said, pulling Teagan into a quick hug in the parking lot. “I didn’t love how the hike started, but I honestly didn’t realize how much I needed this.”
Teagan patted her on the back. “It was my pleasure. Have fun in Portland, and I hope to see you guys before you take off back home.”
“For sure. Maybe you can introduce me to Ivy.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Carly was in high spirits on the walk back to their building, chattering away about Teagan and the others they’d met so far in Crimson Point, and how she couldn’t wait to tell all her friends about everything when she got to school.
Little did she know she’d have something a hell of a lot more interesting to tell them than that.
“Speaking of school, let’s get another chunk of work done on your project before we call it a day,” Autumn said.
“Ugh, okay,” Carly said, her excitement dimming. “It’s interesting and all, but I kinda just want to be done now.”
“Believe me, babe, I know the feeling.” She checked her phone, which she’d silenced before the hike. Three missed calls and two texts from Gavin.
We have to talk.
And an hour later, Please just call me.
The please bit made her feel a little bad. She hadn’t intentionally ignored him today but obviously wasn’t going to call him in front of her daughter.
Was out with Carly and Teagan , she texted instead. Heading back to your place now to finish some work.
Meaning, she didn’t have time to talk.
After a few minutes Carly took her laptop to her room to work, and Autumn settled herself back at the kitchen island with hers. She’d no sooner opened her presentation to go through it one last time when her phone rang. Gavin’s number appeared on the display.
Drawing a deep breath, she decided to answer. “Hi.”
“Okay, so at least you’re not stonewalling me. Thanks for that,” he said, the deep timbre of his voice making her insides flutter.
She didn’t bother responding to the jab. She hated being at odds with him. “I’m just in the middle of prepping for the conference right now.”
“I need to see you tonight so we can talk this out. Alone. No more excuses, Autumn.”
Nerves fluttered in the pit of her stomach. She intended to hold him off until after the conference. “We can schedule a call for later.”
“Nope. We’re doing this face to face, tonight.”
Her spine stiffened at his imperious tone. “I don’t think—”
“Either you meet me somewhere private, or I’m coming over there. Your choice.”
Wasn’t much of a choice, but his tone made it clear he was serious. “Fine, you can come over here.” It was his place. At least that way Carly could act as an oblivious buffer and give Autumn a good reason not to tell him yet.
“I’m in meetings until late. What time does Carly go to bed?”
“Nine-ish.”
“I’ll be there at nine-thirty.” He ended the call before she could get another word out.
Autumn lowered her phone to the counter and ran a hand over her face, a gut-deep certainty taking hold that within the next few hours the trajectory of her entire life would change forever.