Guarding Autumn (Crimson Point Security #3)

Chapter Nine

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Keys in hand, Gavin paused a moment at the front door to his condo to gather himself. He was too amped up about finally clearing the air with Autumn. Work meetings had taken up his entire day, giving him only a few minutes to check his phone for messages, but she’d been on his mind constantly.

He wanted this situation between them resolved before he left for the security detail in the morning. Needed it behind them so he could focus and give his full attention to his job.

When he felt calmer, he twisted the lock and stepped inside. The scent of something toasty hit him.

He walked to the kitchen entry, his insides tightening when he saw Autumn sitting at the far end of the island with her laptop open, a half-finished pizza sitting on a baking sheet and a glass of wine in her hand. She glanced up with a taut smile, her sandy-blond hair loose around her shoulders.

“Hey,” she said softly without getting up, when before this trip she would always have greeted him with a hug.

“Hi.” He paused there in the entry a moment in uncertainty, glancing down the hall. Tris’s bedroom door was shut, and he didn’t see any light coming from under it. “Carly asleep?”

“In bed at least.” She took a sip of wine and set her glass down, turning her body to face him more. And it was an insanely hot body. “How was work?”

“Busy.” He crossed the kitchen, took a seat on one of the high stools along the wide side of the island. But he wasn’t here to make small talk. “So, we need to clear the air here.”

She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, almost as if she was preparing to commence battle. “Yeah, we do. What’s going on with you?”

He ignored her question for now, focused on what he was up against. “This guy you’re seeing. Is it serious?”

She blinked, taken off guard. Good, because he didn’t want rehearsed answers. But she hesitated a fraction too long before answering. “No.”

An overwhelming wave of relief hit him. “How long have you been dating?”

“Not long.” She crossed her arms over her breasts, looking him dead in the eye. “Now you answer. What’s with you?”

He expelled a breath, relief still flooding his bloodstream. “Why are you acting like you’re uncomfortable around me?” he countered.

She huffed out a humorless laugh, looked away, and ran a hand through her hair. “Seriously, Gavin? The way you’ve been acting since I got here isn’t exactly making me more comfortable.”

His patience was running thin. “Autumn. What’s really bothering you? You said something had happened.”

Her green gaze swung to him. Guarded. And it was like a punch to the gut. Since when did she not trust him? “I’ll tell you after the conference.”

A knot of worry formed in his chest. “Just tell me now.”

“No. And as to the other part, what was with you yesterday?”

He lifted a shoulder, not about to apologize for what he felt. “I decided I’m done waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“You.”

She went dead still, her eyes widening. “Gav. What...”

“Do you have feelings for me?”

She blinked again, looking blindsided. Maybe even a little panicked, bright spots of color forming on her cheeks. “You know I love you. We’ve been friends for—”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” He held her stare, refused to let her wriggle away from this. Away from him . Or their history. “That night we spent together. Did it mean anything to you?”

Her cheeks flushed darker. “Of course, it did. Why would you even ask that?”

“Why did you do it?”

To her credit, she didn’t brush it away. Didn’t get up and move away from him. “Because you were leaving.”

“That’s the only reason?”

“No.” She paused a moment. “I wanted you to be my first.”

Something like triumph surged through him, fast and hot like an electrical current. “Why?”

Now she did look away. “Because I was in love with you and wanted to keep that memory while you were gone,” she admitted softly.

He thought his heart would implode. Was in love with him . “Why didn’t you say anything?” Her admission gutted him. She’d been in love with him, had never said a damned word, and he’d left her behind thinking that night hadn’t meant as much to her as it had him.

“Would it have mattered?” she countered, and the resignation in her face and tone hit him hard. “Would you have stayed if you’d known?”

No. “I couldn’t. I’d signed a contract.”

“Right. You were leaving no matter what,” she continued. “And that’s why I never told you. Well, that and because I knew you didn’t feel the same way.”

He resisted the urge to rub the back of his neck. Because she had him there. His feelings for her had been confusing as hell. Crushing on her, then back to just friends because he was sure he’d never have a shot with someone like her, rinse and repeat. “Maybe not back then.”

Her gaze flew to his. Held at the unspoken implication hanging between them.

“But only because I was too young and stupid to realize it. And back then, I didn’t think I would ever have a chance with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Our backgrounds. Your family was always stable. Mine wasn’t. You guys had money. We didn’t. You always had it all together, always knew what you wanted, and went for it. I didn’t until I joined the Corps.”

She stared at him. “Are you saying you didn’t think you were good enough for me?” Her voice rose an octave.

He shrugged, that old defensiveness rising up. “I know I wasn’t.”

She shook her head. “That’s such bullshit, but now this sudden shift from you makes even less sense. We barely saw each other while you were in the Corps, we—”

“I’m out now.” He couldn’t change the past. He could only move forward, and he wanted it to be with her.

Apart from his siblings, she had been the bedrock of his life. The one person he could always count on no matter what. He’d wanted her for years before that night and never allowed himself to act on it, had told himself that it must not have meant anything to her if she didn’t want to even acknowledge it and had moved on so fast and easily with someone else right after he’d left.

“I don’t understand any of this. You shipped out the morning after we slept together and never looked back.”

Oh, hell no. She did not get to accuse him of that shit. “I called and wrote you letters. You’re the one who never wanted to talk about it,” he said angrily.

“Keep your voice down.” She darted a worried glance behind him toward the hall.

With effort he reined in his temper, but the frustration was killing him. Bubbling away under the surface like acid under his skin. “I tried bringing it up multiple times, and you shut me down on all of them. And how was I supposed to know how you really felt when I heard you moved on to someone else right after I left?”

Her flushed face went pale, her mouth pinching. “You were gone and weren’t coming back except when you got leave. So what did it matter?”

Because it fucking crushed me. He held it back, but only because he didn’t feel like looking like a pathetic idiot. And she still hadn’t told him what the problem was at the root of all this. “And what about now?”

To his horror, she sucked in a shaky breath and started blinking fast.

Shit. He reached toward her. “Hey, don’t—”

“No. You don’t,” she accused, shooting to her feet and pulling away before he could touch her, glaring at him with tear-glazed eyes. “You don’t get to come back years later and disrupt the life I built, then move clear across the country and suddenly change our entire relationship when it suits you.”

He sat there in silence, absorbing her anger. He deserved it. And she deserved to have her say.

“I was right there, Gavin,” she said, shaking her head in frustration. “Right there the whole time for the past twelve years, raising Carly on my own, and all of a sudden out of the blue now you decide you want me?” She shook her head, threw up her hands. “No. I’ve got a long day ahead of me. I’m going to bed.” She started past him.

He was up and off the stool before she took another step, catching her by the arm and spinning her around to face him. Shock flashed in her eyes as he trapped her against the wall beside the refrigerator, his hands in her hair and the length of his body pinning her in place.

She stared up at him in stunned, breathless silence. The feel of her, all soft and curvy, had his blood pumping hot and fast, making him insane.

“You wanna know what’s changed?” he said, heart hammering, muscles locked up with the primal need she ignited in him. He was sick to death of her shutting him out and fucking done with dancing around this. “When I came home and saw you last time, I finally realized what I’ve intuitively known all along.”

“W-what?” she whispered, searching his eyes.

“That you’re mine,” he bit out, the need ratcheting higher, pushing him to the edge of his control. “That you’ve always been mine.” She was right here with him finally, her sweet body cushioning his, pupils dilating in a way that couldn’t lie. Whether or not she was ready to admit it, she wanted him.

That was all he needed to know for now. The final thread of restraint snapped, and he lowered his head to capture her mouth with his.