Chapter 4
Natasha
Rick and I walk through the park just hanging out and talking. It’s been almost two months since we went to that party and I find myself wondering about Gunner more and more. He told me to come back and I’ve thought about it.
“You want to go back?” Rick asks as I look off in the distance.
“Why not? It was fun,” I tell him.
“You want the D, Nat. That’s what this is about.”
“And? It was some good dick, Rick. I mean, I’ve never had a dick like that before.”
“You’re sick, girl. But I love it. So go back,” he urges.
“You’ll go with me, right?”
“To a dick appointment? No. I will not. That’s where I draw the line,” he laughs.
“It’s not like that. I just want to talk to him.”
“Oh, please. The only talking is going to be you screaming his name and begging for more. I’m not going to sit around while you get fucked. You can go. I’ll even walk you over there.” I sigh and wonder what it is I want to go back there for. It’s not like we had a nice conversation. We fucked, he fed me, and I left. But there was something about him that tugged at my insides. Something that said there’s more to him than I realize. And I’m nosey. I want to know more.
“Fine. Walk me over there,” I tell Rick. He chuckles and grabs my arm before we start walking toward the clubhouse. Neither of us speaks as we make our way over there. It’s probably better this way. I don’t want to hear him judging me.
When we get close enough, he pulls his arm away from me and motions for me to go.
“What if something happens?”
“What’s going to happen?”
“I don’t know! Anything. And you’re not here to help me.” I’m stalling. I’m nervous. This is awkward.
“You’ll be fine. If he wanted to hurt you, he would have last time. Go have fun.” He ushers me in that direction. I smile at him and turn, walking toward the clubhouse.
My heart hammers against my ribs, and I wonder why I’m so nervous about this. Gunner said to come back, although it’s been weeks, almost two months to be exact, since he said that. He probably won’t remember me.
I stop walking and debate turning back, but when I turn around, Rick is gone. I sigh, turn back, and continue to the clubhouse. I stop at the front door and then reach for the handle, pulling it open. There’s light music playing, but nothing like the night of the party.
I step inside and glance around, not seeing him anywhere, when another guy spots me. He nods his head and motions for me to come in, so I do. I walk over to him slowly, unsure if I should even be here.
“You lookin’ for someone?”
“Um, Gunner.”
“Who are you?”
“Just a friend,” I tell him. What the hell do I say to that? The girl he fucked senseless a few months ago?
“A friend, huh?”
“Yeah. Is he around?” The guy cracks his neck from side to side before looking over his shoulder and back to me.
“He’s in the office. You want me to let him know you’re here?”
“Sure. That’d be great. Thank you.” The guy nods and climbs off his stool, heading toward the stairs. I watch him climb them two at a time before he walks through an open door. A few seconds later, he comes back out smiling like a fool.
“You can come up,” he says, motioning for me to come. I hesitate for a second, unsure about this. But then I figure, what the hell do I have to lose? I climb the steps as he points to the office. I smile my thanks and walk in to find Gunner with his head down, looking at something on his desk.
“What do you need?” he asks without looking up.
“I … uh … just wanted to say hi.” Now, his head pops up, and he looks at me strangely.
“Nat. I didn’t know it was you,” he says, a slow smile curling his lips.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you back around here.” He puts his pen on the desk and looks directly at me. I’m nervous, but I don’t know why.
“I’m good. Just thought I’d stop by,” I answer him sounding all kinds of corny and cliché. I was in the neighborhood? Way to keep cool, Nat.
“I’m glad you did. You hungry? I was about to grab some lunch,” he says. I nod my head, although I know I don’t have money for this. I should say no. I should go. And he can see it. How? I don’t know, but he can see me being indecisive.
“Don’t overthink it, Nat. It’s lunch on me.” I’d like to eat lunch off him. Oh my god, Nat! Get your head out of the gutter.
“Thanks. I’d like that.” He nods his head as he stands and grabs his cut, sliding it on. Then he grabs his cell and keys, walking toward me. My heart is thundering in my chest, and I don’t know why. He makes me nervous but in a good way.
“You look good.” He slips his hand around mine. I smile my thanks as he leads us out of the office and back down the stairs.
“Hey, Dad? You busy?” That’s the girl who sat with me that night. Kiki was her name. She’s Gunner’s daughter? Jesus, she has to be my age. Is he that much older than me? I start to pull my hand away from him, but he doesn’t let me.
“Takin’ Nat out to lunch. What’s up?”
“Oh, never mind. I can talk to you later,” she says as she looks at our combined hands. Again, I try to pull mine away from his, but he still doesn’t let me. In fact, he pulls me closer to him.
“You sure?” he asks. She nods and walks off with a grin on her face as Gunner leads me out the side door and toward a bunch of bikes.
“You ever been on one before?” he asks as he picks up a helmet and passes it to me.
“No.”
“Not much to do, just hold onto me. I’ll do the rest.” I nod my head, although my heart just fell into my stomach. I’ve never been on a bike before. Are they dangerous? I don’t know about this, but I still climb on behind him and hold onto him as tightly as I can with this helmet on.
I can feel him chuckle, and it vibrates through me. I hold on tighter as he takes off. After a few minutes, I relax into the ride. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. We ride through town until he pulls off at a restaurant and kills the engine. I climb off as he does the same and takes the helmet from me.
Then he grabs my hand in his as he leads me into the restaurant. He walks us back to a booth and I slide in as he slides in across from me.
“I’m glad you came back,” he says as I smile.
“Me too.” The waitress comes, and we order, but as soon as my food is in front of me, the smell hits me, and I lose it. My stomach churns, and I think it’s just nerves, but I quickly excuse myself to the bathroom. I hurry in and close the door behind me before I throw up nothing but water since that’s all I’ve had today. I heave and hug the toilet until it finally subsides. Then, I walk to the sink and clean myself up. I look in the mirror, and notice I look paler than normal. I hope I’m not getting something. Rinsing my mouth out, I spit into the sink before heading back out to the table.
“You good?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“It’s good to see you again. I wasn’t sure you’d come back,” he teases.
“I wasn’t sure either. I didn’t really plan on it.”
“Why not?” he asks as he pops a fry into his mouth.
“I don’t know. I just didn’t think I should.”
“Well, I’m glad you changed your mind.” I smile at him and pick at my food. Gunner takes down his burger and fries as he watches me, but I can’t seem to get my stomach to settle. I eat a few bites here and there when something hits me. I shake my head. No. That’s not right.
“What’s the date today?” I ask as my stomach churns a little more.
“The fifteenth.”
“Oh God.”
“What? What’s wrong?”
“There’s no way. That can’t be. It has to be something else.”
“What are you talkin’ about, Nat? What’s goin’ on?” I look up from my plate and stare at the man in front of me. This is wrong. This can’t be happening. Not now. No.
“I need to go.”
“You’re not goin’ anywhere until you eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Yeah, you are. What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”
“You don’t want to know,” I tell him as I slide out of the booth. He’s faster than me. He slides out first and grabs my arm, pulling me closer to him.
“Talk to me.”
“No.”
“What’s happenin’, Nat?” I open my mouth, but words don’t form. How do I say this? How do I even bring it up?
“I have a situation.”
“What is it?”
“I’m late.”
“For what?”
“My … oh my god. This can’t be happening. I can’t be.”
“What’s happenin’, Nat? What’s goin’ on?” he asks, sounding a little firmer this time. I look up at him and shake my head.
“I need to go.”
“Just talk to me. I can help you.”
“I’m late, Gunner. My period is late.” I blurt it out. There’s no going back now. There’s no taking it back. I said it, and now it’s out there. His hand tightens on my arm as he thinks about what I just said.
“Fuck. You been with anyone else?” he asks. I shake my head. It’s not a lie. I haven’t slept with anyone but him. Oh my god, what am I going to do now? I can’t have a baby. I don’t even have a home!
“Okay. Okay, let’s go get a test,” he says calmly. How is he so calm? Is he not worried about this?
“You’re calm.”
“We don’t know anything for sure, Nat. Nothin’ to be upset over just yet.”
“You’re right.” I nod my head, agreeing with him. He’s right. We don’t know anything yet.
Gunner tosses some cash on the table and grabs my hand before leading me out of the restaurant. We walk down the block to the local pharmacy and head inside. Then, we walk up and down every aisle until we find them on the shelf.
“I don’t know what to pick,” he says, looking at all the boxes.
“Me either,” I whisper. He takes a deep breath and blows it out before picking the most expensive one on the shelf. Then he turns and heads to the front to pay as I shuffle along behind him. I’m scared. Nervous. Scared mostly. I can’t do this. I’m twenty-two, for fucks sake. I don’t have a home. I don’t have a job. I don’t have anything but Rick.
“Bathroom’s back there.” He nods toward the back as he holds the test out to me. I reach out and take it before turning and heading toward the back. Gunner follows me, and to my surprise, he walks into the bathroom behind me. He turns and locks the door before turning toward me.
“Are you going to watch me?”
“You’re pissin’ on a stick. I licked your pussy. I think we’re past the embarrassed stage,” he says. I swallow hard and open the package, setting all the contents on the counter. Gunner turns the other way as I pull my pants down and sit on the toilet. I grab the stick, pee on it, and then clean myself up.
“You can turn around,” I tell him. He turns to face me as I wash my hands.
“You okay?”
“I don’t know,” I admit to him. “I don’t know you.”
“I get that. It’s my fault. I didn’t use protection with you.”
“I’m not stable. I mean, financially stable to have a kid, Gunner. This is bad.”
“I got that, darlin’. If you are, we’ll deal with it.”
“You don’t get it. You don’t know me.”
“I’ll get to know you.”
“I’m homeless, Gunner. I can’t have a kid and be homeless!” I snap at him as tears leak down my cheeks. He sighs loudly before stepping closer and wrapping his arms around me.
“It’ll be okay. I promise.”
“It won’t! I can’t have a baby, Gunner.” Now, the tears fall down my cheeks rapidly, and there’s nothing I can do to stop them. He keeps me tucked into his arms as I cry before I hear him mutter the word shit. Then I pull back.
“What?” he nods toward the test on the sink.
“Two lines.”
“What? No.”
“Yeah, two lines, darlin’.” I close my eyes and try to hold the tears and sobs back, but it does no good. They come anyway as I drop to the floor and wrap my arms around my knees.
“I can’t do this. There’s no way,” I cry when Gunner kneels in front of me. He pulls my hands away from my legs and shoves them down so he can look at me.
“You didn’t do this, I did. I’ll take care of it.”
“How?”
“Are you against abortions?” he asks. I don’t know. Am I? I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what the hell to think right now.
“I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.”
“Well, we’ll deal with it, Nat. Whatever you decide, I’ll help you.”
“You will?”
“I did this to you. I should have used somethin’, but I didn’t.”
“It’s not just you. I was there, too. I could have stopped you.”
“We got this. You just tell me what you want to do.”
“I don’t know, Gunner. What do I do?” I ask him. I have no idea what the hell to do.
“I don’t know either, darlin’. It’s your body.”
“I can’t be pregnant and homeless. How would I take care of the baby?”
“You wanna keep it?” he asks.
“I don’t know what I want! I didn’t want a kid to begin with, Gunner.”
“Okay. Let’s just get out of here, and we’ll talk, yeah?” I nod my head as he helps me off the floor, his eyes lingering on my stomach. Then he cleans up the mess on the counter, throwing everything away except the test, which he slides into his pocket. He grabs my hand and leads me out of the bathroom and back to the bike.