Hard to Pretend (Hard to Love #2)

15. Seb

15

E ven after accepting Chris’s help, it took a few days to reach out to his friend. I had to do some more research, check that the company would be a good fit. Everything Jasper said matched with what I’d learned about the company. It could be a good fit. I spent a few more days emailing back and forth with Jasper before I finally agreed to send in my resume. He promised that the right people would get it.

The promise made me uneasy. I didn’t want to doubt my place at the company. I didn’t want to feel like the only reason I got anywhere was because someone had spoken on my behalf. It was the same thing I’d talked to Chris about. My friends all thought I was being a ridiculous, worrying about a problem that didn’t exist.

Then I had to wait.

Waiting might have been the worst part. I found myself obsessively checking my email, even during my time with Chris and my Thursday night outing with my friends. It got so bad that Eli stole my phone from me at one point and refused to give it back until he dropped me off at my apartment. That was the wake up call that I was obsessing. Eli was the biggest workaholic I knew, and if he thought I was taking things to an extreme, then I probably was.

The only solution was a distraction. I spent most of Friday plotting with my friends, trying to make plans. Unfortunately, with it being late notice, my options were limited. Chris already had plans with his friends. Eli had something to do for work, and he claimed he couldn’t get out of it. Jonas and Silas had a date planned, and I wasn’t going to try to get Jonas to cancel on his boyfriend just because I was freaking out about a job I didn’t even know I wanted a week ago.

Holden and Matt were free, and we spent a long time planning our day of distractions.

Our first stop had been the zoo, because Holden said that there was nothing more distracting than visiting the zoo. I think he just wanted to have an excuse to make faces at the monkeys, something he’d done on every trip to the zoo since I’d met him in middle school. I didn’t understand it, but he always got a ridiculous smile after the fact. We ate lunch at a small cafe just outside of the zoo. Then we headed downtown to look at the antique shops.

Matt had spent the night before planning a scavenger hunt of things to try to find at the antique stores. It reminded me of high school, when he’d put together these for other stores. I remembered scavenger hunts at the thrift store, the mall, and even the college bookstores on the campuses we toured. By the time we were halfway down the list, I was laughing instead of worrying about my resume.

We found everything on the list. I fell in love with one of the little statues we’d found, so I bought it. Holden found a weird piece of framed art that he insisted was gorgeous, even if I didn’t understand it. Matt found some old comic books at what he claimed was a bargain, despite the fact that they weren’t in the best condition. Matt and Holden almost always found something. It was always a bit more hit-or-miss if I did, though I’d lucked out during my last two visits.

“What’s next on the list?” I asked as we started away from the store.

“Snacks? Maybe catch a movie?” Holden suggested. “It’s still matinee price.”

“Is there anything good playing?” Matt questioned, pulling out his phone.

“No idea,” Holden admitted, “but we can just go and buy tickets for whatever the next showing is. Worst case, we hate the movie and make fun of it.”

“No, worst case is we end up watching a musical,” I countered. Matt looked offended and smacked my arm. “Ow!” I whined, rubbing the point of impact. “Why? ”

“Because musicals are amazing and fun, and you’re being a hater.”

“I’m not being a hater. Musicals just…” I frowned. Okay, maybe I was being a hater. I just never got into musicals. “Okay, if it’s a musical, I’ll suck it up and keep my negativity to myself.”

Matt looked pacified and linked his arm into mine. Holden grabbed my other arm, and we started toward the small theater.

Luckily, the next movie wasn’t a musical. It was a buddy comedy that I’d seen promos for and wanted to see. Unfortunately, it turned out to be one of those movies where all the funniest parts were shown in the trailer.

“Oh my god, that was terrible,” Holden groaned as we walked out of the movie theater. “The plot was too out there.”

“I didn’t hate it,” Matt countered. “And you were both cracking up for most of it, so don’t even say that was terrible.”

Holden shrugged. “I can find something funny and terrible at the same time.” He thought for a moment as we walked down the street toward Pie in the Sky. “Like… uh…” He trailed off, searching for an example of things he found both terrible and funny. Every time he looked like he might have something, he shook his head. I could practically see the gears turning in his head .

He didn’t have anything by the time we we were seated at the restaurant. Matt convinced him to give up trying to find examples, and we focused instead on what kind of pizza to order. We chose a large meat lovers, no ham because Matt hated it, and some garlic knots. We gave our order to the server and kept talking about the movie, the zoo, the antique store, and every other topic we could think of.

We were comparing the movie and an old childhood favorite when I heard my name called from behind me. I grinned as I watched Mason weave his way through tables, followed close behind by Luce.

“Mason, Luce!” I greeted, standing up to give each of them a quick hug.

“We thought that was you.” Mason had a big grin on his face as he pulled away. “Surprised you’re not out with Chris tonight.”

“Chris had plans with River and Natalie. Are you guys on the way out?”

“Waiting on our pizza,” Luce answered. “We couldn’t not come over and say hi.”

I motioned to the two empty seats at our table, inviting them to join us for a few minutes. I introduced Holden and Matt to Mason and Luce, and listened as they all started talking. Luce and Matt were hitting it off, talking about food and cooking. Matt had always loved to cook, and I remembered Chris saying that Luce was a professional chef. Mason and Holden were talking about some game they’d both watched, arguing about two different teams. I wished Chris was there, just to see how well our two groups of friends were integrating.

I could imagine the rest of our friends mingling. Maybe we could figure out a time to introduce them, some kind of get together that could combine our two groups for a night. After all, my friends were a huge part of my world. In many ways, they were my world. If Chris felt even a fraction of that with his friends, then it was important that they get to know one another.

I didn’t realize that the conversations had shifted until I heard Holden gasp. “Wait! You’re the Luce who had the birthday party, right?” He was practically wiggling in his seat, reminding me, not for the first time, of an overeager golden retriever puppy.

Luce was grinning ear to ear as she nodded. “I am. It’s where we actually got to meet this one.”

I could see what was about to happen before Holden spoke, but I didn’t have a way to stop him. I didn’t even think leaping over the table to clap my hand over his mouth could have stopped the inevitable. It also would have raised the red flag to Mason and Luce.

“Man, Seb was so nervous. He was afraid he’d blow the whole thing, say something wrong, and you guys would just know . Instead, they got the whole rom-com thing going on. ”

My eyes widened as Holden spilled beans that weren’t his to spill. Luce and Mason exchanged a look, and then they looked at me. I watched as color drained from their face and Mason’s eyes grew stormy. “That we’d know what?”

Holden, on the other hand, was less perceptive. “The fake dating thing. How long did Chris keep that up?”

“Holden,” Matt hissed, shaking his head.

Luce and Mason didn’t say anything at first. It was like time stood still, and I wished I could sink into the floor. No, I wished that Holden had been more perceptive. I wished he could have read the fucking room. He could have covered it. He could have said anything else, but instead, he’d blown the secret wide open.

I was pissed.

“Fake dating thing?” Luce repeated softly. I could hear the betrayal in her voice. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not up to him to explain it,” Mason said flatly, shaking his head at her. “Seb, it was great to see you. Our food should be ready soon, so we’re going back to our table.”

I watched as they rose from the table and walked stiffly back to theirs.

The moment they were out of earshot, I whipped around to face Holden. “What the fuck , dude?” I demanded .

“I thought they knew,” Holden countered. “I didn’t think you guys would make it real and not tell them the truth.”

“What? And you can’t read the room?” I questioned.

Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He’d always hated confrontation. I didn’t like it that much either, but some things required it. I felt betrayed. I had never felt betrayed by my best friend before, by any of them, but now? Fuck. I was pissed as hell.

Holden studied me for a moment. He could see how upset I was. I think he realized there was nothing that he could do to make things better either. “I’m sorry,” he told me softly. “I really thought they knew.”

It wasn’t good enough. “Well, they didn’t, and now you may have really fucked things up for Chris.” Maybe for me and Chris. “I hope you’re really proud of yourself.”

“Seb.” Matt’s quiet voice pulled my attention and ire away from Holden. “Stop. You know he didn’t mean to hurt you. Look at him.” I forced myself to look at Holden. His usual smile was replaced by a frown, and my heart ached. I didn’t like being the reason my best friend was upset, but I was still really pissed. He was careless. He’d screwed things up. But I didn’t need Matt’s next words to know another truth. “You’re being an ass.”

“I know,” I admitted. “I’m just… ”

“Pissed?” Matt interrupted. “I know, but you don’t have to be an asshole about it.”

I heaved a heavy sigh. I hated when Matt called me out on my bad behavior. I hated when he called any of us out on bad behavior. He reminded me of a disapproving elementary school teacher when he did it, and I wondered if maybe he’d missed his true calling.

“I’m sorry,” I told Holden grudgingly. I didn’t think I was in the wrong for being upset, but I was wrong for taking it out on him and hurting his feelings. I looked over at Luce and Mason’s table. Their heads were together, and they were whispering, the steaming pizza on their table ignored. It was only a matter of time before they confronted Chris.

I needed to warn him.

“I have to go talk to Chris,” I told them, pulling money out of my wallet.

Holden caught my hand and shook his head. “I’ve got your part. Go figure things out with him.” I nodded. “I’m sorry again. If there’s anything I can do—”

“You’ve done enough,” I snapped. Matt shot me a harsh look, and I frowned. “Sorry. Being an asshole again. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

I’d probably be less of a dick once I knew that he hadn’t blown my relationship to smithereens and had some time to cool down.

I sent Chris several texts on the walk back to my car, but he didn’t answer. I went to his apartment and waited until he pulled up.

He was still laughing, a bright smile on his face as he hugged Natalie and got out of the car. He was so incredibly handsome. I felt my heart seize up in my chest. I was about to steal that beautiful smile right off his face, and I hated it. I hated it more when his smile grew the moment he laid eyes on me.

“What are you—” He stopped when he got close enough to see the dark look on my face. “What’s wrong?”

I didn’t know how to start. “I ran into Mason and Luce while I was out,” I began. It might not be the best way to do this, but I didn’t have anything better. Maybe ripping off the band-aid was the right choice. “We were at Pie in the Sky.”

“We?”

“Me, Holden, and Matt,” I clarified. Chris nodded. He looked confused, like he didn’t know what this had to do with anything. He was right. I wasn’t ripping off the band-aid. I was dancing around the band-aid and acting like it didn’t exist. I took a deep breath. It was time to rip it off. I could do this. I mean, sure, it might destroy the best relationship I’d ever had, but I could do this. “Holden may have let our origin story slip. ”

The smile slid off of his face. “He did what?”

“He thought they knew.” I might have been pissed at Holden, but my protective instincts were alive and kicking. “He never would have said anything if he didn’t. He’s a dumbass, but he’s not cruel.”

I had been though. I’d been cruel to him, and I was having serious regrets. Apparently, it had taken me a lot less time to calm down than I thought it would.

“Why would he even say anything?” Chris asked, shaking his head.

“Because he’s Holden. He realized it was Luce’s party, and he wasn’t thinking.”

Chris nodded. I heard his phone vibrate, and he pulled it out of his pocket. His expression darkened. “It’s Luce.”

“I should go.”

I should leave him to face the repercussions of Holden’s actions. I hated that he had to deal with this alone. It was my fault. I should have made sure my friends knew that Chris’s friends didn’t know, that he hadn’t told them.

“Seb,” he said quietly as he silenced his phone. He slid it back into his pocket and took a step closer to me. I looked into his eyes, and I saw a sadness there that scared me. Was this it? The moment our story ended, weeks and feelings behind schedule. My heart felt like it stopped beating in the eternity of that pause. “Whatever happens, it’s not your fault, okay? I should have told them the truth. ”

My heart stuttered back to a start, and the beating grew regular the moment his lips touched mine.

Whatever happened, we’d be okay.

“Call me later and let me know how it goes?” I requested as his phone buzzed again.

He gave me another kiss, promised he’d call, and walked up the sidewalk to his building, answering his phone as he went.