Chapter 16
sixteen
HARMONY
The worst thing you can do when your heart is breaking is to turn around and look over your shoulder. That’s exactly what I do. Well, not quite, it was more like a face pressed against the window experience. Same thing, though.
The last thing I see is Beau standing on the porch, his jeans tucked into his boots and a stocking cap pulled over his messy hair. Reacher sits pressed against his leg.
Neither Travis nor Trace even try to say any words of comfort. I wouldn’t have listened anyway. My heart is waging a war inside.
Everything inside me wants to turn right back around, but I know I have obligations that take me away. How can somewhere you’ve only known a few short days already feel like home? I’m already homesick, and we’ve barely cleared the gate.
“Are we passing the Dairy Queen on the way?” I ask.
“Yeah, why?” Travis answers.
“Because I could use the biggest ass dipped cone they can make.” That’s one of the best things about being back in Texas. The ice cream places never close. You can still get an ice cream cone with a foot of snow on the ground. Except it’s Christmas and even Dairy Queen isn’t open on Christmas.
I slump in my seat and try to run through everything I need to do when I get to Austin. My assistant will need to be on the top of that list. She’ll book me a flight to catch up with the tour.
Then, I guess I should call my family and let them know I’m alive. I’m not sure they’ll have noticed that I’ve been out of touch. They might be further down the list.
We finally pass into cell phone range, and mine goes nuts. Notifications light it up like there’s no tomorrow.
I should be grateful that Travis let me charge it in the truck as we lumber along. I’m not really. It was nice to be so far off the grid for a little while. I scroll through the messages hoping, in the back of my mind, that there’s one from Beau. There’s not.
Robin, however, has left enough for a novel. There are also enough voicemails to fill up the phone and emails stacked on top of emails. Gross.
Beau and I never discussed if we would stay in touch. I’ve heard the best thing would be just to move on. I should go cold turkey, no contact whatsoever. I don’t know if I’m that strong.
“So,” Travis finally says. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, great. No problems here. Just peachy. Can’t wait to get back on the road. Yep, just call me living the dream,” I answer.
They share a look I understand immediately. It says, she might be losing it. They might be right. “Shit,” I groan. “Why didn’t you warn me it was so easy to fall for your brother?”
“Then, you did fall for him?”
“Yes.” I’m so miserable. They give me a reprieve by staying silent for much of the drive. Eventually, we pull up to the hotel I stayed at last time. “Thanks, Travis. Please come see me guys. I’d love that.”
“Harmony,” Travis says, turning around in his seat. Trace gets out to help me with my bag. It’s probably an attempt to give us a little privacy. “Whatever happens from here, you know you can always go home, right?”
I don’t really understand what he’s talking about. Nashville is my home now. “Home will be right where you left him,” he adds. Oh. I squeeze his arm and open my door.
Giving Trace one last hug, I take my bag from him and wheel it through the hotel door.
Travis makes everything seem so easy, but he’s wrong. Life is never that simple. There is always something keeping you away from the thing that will make you happiest. It’s best just to smile and press forward. I’m sure Beau will soon be just a sweet distant memory.
I check in and call Robin on my way to my room. My mind is soon whirling with schedules, appearances, studio time, and a myriad of other things. I hang up with her and take a long, hot shower.
Room service delivers dinner that I eat in one of the fuzzy robes before falling into a bed that feels like a cloud. None of it makes me smile. I fall to sleep dreaming about Beau snuggled up against me on that lumpy, old pull-out couch.
The next morning, I’m woken bright and early by banging on my door. Hair and makeup are standing outside when I open it. Heaven forbid me catching a flight to Arizona not looking perfectly coifed.
My wardrobe arrives next. It’s a white jumpsuit studded with rhinestones. The boots are the best part—they have fringe!
My flight is a rush of TSA, lounges, and early boarding. I try to smile and wave when someone recognizes me. Being recognized is still an odd feeling. All of this seems so surreal.
Every few minutes I check my phone just in case a certain someone sends me a text. He hasn’t, and I haven’t sent him one either. Maybe he’s using my original radio silence idea.
“Harmony!” Robin greets me when I arrive in Arizona. “I am so glad you made it out of that nightmare safely.” I open my mouth to argue, but I’m swept out of the airport and into the back of an SUV.
“We have so much to go over. We’ll start first with your schedule for today.” I tune her out as she goes over every minute of my day. I don’t really need to listen. She’ll make sure I get where I need to be.
The desert scenery slides by as I gaze out the window. Robin asks several times if I’m even paying attention. I profess that I am, even though that’s the farthest thing from the truth.
My thoughts are focused several states away wondering what Beau and Reacher have planned for today. What are they doing at this very minute? Are they feeding the horses, feeding the cattle? Are they warm and safe?
Plastering a smile on my face, I step out of the car. Robin checks us into the hotel. They’re all the same. I wonder if it would be different if Beau were here with me? I have to get over this and start focusing on my career again. With a monumental effort, I pull my thoughts away from that ranch in Texas and back to tonight’s performance.
“Hello, Tucson,” I yell, stepping onto the stage hours later. We’re in a theater at one of the colleges. The band starts into the first set, and I join in. I give it everything I have, but there’s a piece of my heart not in this. I truly hope the fans can’t tell. Nothing would be worse than giving them less than my all.
When we’re done, I go through the same routine I do everywhere, and we head to the next concert.
Tomorrow will be another day, another place, and another chance to shine. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine. Hopefully if I say it enough, it’ll come true.
Lying in a bunk in the back of the bus, I roll over to check my phone. He’s still not reached out.
“Hey, are you doing all right?” Robin asks from the next bunk. “It doesn’t seem like your heart has been in this since before Christmas. What happened while you were snowed in?”
“Have you ever felt you were missing something in life?” I ask.
“No way. How could I? This is like living in a dream.”
“Yeah,” I agree. I roll over and close my eyes. She doesn’t get it. I don’t think anyone does.
I’m almost asleep when my phone pings. There are only a handful of people who can bypass my Do-Not-Disturb setting. My parents, my sister, Robin, and, very recently, Beau. I snatch the phone up praying it’s none of the first three. I grin when I see the text.
Beau: I think I read where you’re supposed to break things off cold turkey. It’s a stupid plan. I can’t do it anymore. I need to know how you are.
Me: I’m so glad you think that’s stupid. I do too. I’m okay. How are you? How’s Reacher?
Beau: The dog is still moping around looking for you. I might be too. Things are finally starting to melt. Lots of mud. Where are you now?
Me: Somewhere between Tucson and San Diego I think.
Beau: Too far.
I grin and set the phone down. We don’t have to say anymore right now. Just knowing he’s thinking about me is enough. Knowing he’s missing me is everything.
I fall asleep and get the best rest I have since we’ve been apart. I wake the next morning with the same smile I fell asleep with.
“Someone woke up on the right side of the bed this morning,” Robin says. The guys turn to look at me as I walk down the length of the bus. “Does it have something to do with the text you got last night?”
“Could be,” I answer. “I just know I slept like a baby last night.” I flop down in the dinette next to our drummer. “What’s the agenda today?”
The band glances at each other with raised eyebrows. If they think this is a good mood, they should see me the morning after all-night sex with Beau. I snatch a doughnut from the box on the table and settle in to listen.
Every day is pretty much like the last. Robin has these meetings so were all on the same page. The days we perform are punctuated by sound checks, wardrobe changes, and performing like my life depends on it.
I guess, in a way, it does. I can’t afford to have a bad performance no matter how I’m feeling. It would end my career before it even really gets going.
“When do we get back to Tennessee?” I ask, raising my hand like I’m in elementary school.
“We have a short break in February. Only a week, though, then we’re right back out there,” she answers.
I see a couple of the guys slump in their seats. I understand now. Luke has two small girls at home, and Chris and his wife are expecting their first in a couple of months. I’m sure Kip and Kenny miss home too. As for me, well, I’d like to see a little more of my hometown.
“We’ll be back in Texas again in March, right?” Chris asks.
“Yes, then the south through April, then you’re off until time to hit the studio. I’m thinking June at the earliest.” Chris sighs in relief. I was very insistent when we made the schedule to have him home for the birth.
“I promise you’ll be there, no matter what,” I assure him. “I didn’t spend all of my time hiding during Christmas either. I’ve almost finished a new song for the next album. If we can put a couple more together while we’re driving, I think we won’t need to spend a lot of time in studio.”
“I’m game,” Luke agrees. The rest of the guys nod.
“I’d like to debut this first one when we’re in Texas next, if that’s okay.”
“That would be perfect,” Robin says. “I’ll make sure it gets leaked as a preview exclusive. They’ll go wild.”
She’s talking about the social media influencers who follow my every step. I work really hard to keep on their good side. They’re like paparazzi for today’s world. “Will you for sure have it ready for Dallas?” she ask.
“If we can sneak in some extra rehearsal time.”
“Consider it done.” Robin hurries to the back of the bus to start working on the promo side of the release.
“Can we see it?” Kenny asks. He’s the band’s bass player. I can’t write his part, but I have no doubt he’ll have something amazing put together in no time.
“Yeah, let me grab it.” I pull the song from my closet in the back of the bus and return to the table. I feel my anxiety amp up when I set the lyrics down. I grab my guitar and play the opening bars for them.
“Wow, Harmony. This is the best thing you’ve written. What happened during that week in Texas?” Kenny says. He slides the pages to Luke. They each take a turn looking at the song before the brainstorming starts.
I love this part of music. I might be the main vocalist, but we all have an equal stake in writing the music. It’s why we’re one of those rare country western groups instead of a solo artist or duet.
It takes hardly any time at all before we’re practicing the new song in the very limited space we have. Now, I just hope he shows up to listen to it. It’s about him, us really. It’s the most personal thing I’ve ever written. It’s about going home.