Chapter 15
Hawk
The ride from where I’d been staying for the last few weeks to where my mother lives is four and a half hours. At the halfway mark, I decide to stop and gas up, maybe grab a bite to eat.
I smile to myself when I hear Ruby groaning in pain behind me. Riding for so long when you’re not used to it is no joke. She’s been a trooper though, no word of complaint coming out of her mouth.
“Do you need to use the restroom?”
She nods while her eyes move in all directions. It’s as if she is scared of her own shadow. I don’t blame her, she should be.
“Keep the hood over your head, okay?”
Ruby nods again. The sight of her in my way too big for her hoodie is sexy as fuck. It makes no sense considering it you can’t even tell what the shape of her body is underneath all the material. The helmet she has on under the hood only makes me smile more.
She walks away, heading toward the gas station. I watch until she is inside the building before looking for the pump number. I then walk inside as well. I head to the men’s bathroom, then come back out, grab a few random snacks, and go to pay.
“Pump six, fifty bucks,” I tell the clerk who never takes her eyes off her phone while cashing me out. I’m not even sure she counts the money right, and I let her keep the change.
When I get back to the pump, I find Ruby standing there, a worried look on her face.
“I panicked,” she whimpers.
“Did you think I just left my bike here and took off walking?” I chuckle.
She just moves to the side and doesn’t comment. While we wait for the tank to fill up, I pass to her some of the snacks I bought. I almost regret it when her eyes suddenly look watery.
“Twix is my favorite,” she whispers.
“Dig in then,” I grumble without acknowledging the meaning of her words.
She opens the wrapper and starts taking small bites out of the candy bar. It’s almost like she’s scared of eating it too fast.
“I don’t normally eat very many sweets,” she explains when she notices me watching. “It’s not good for my weight.”
I finish the beef jerky I got for myself in two bites. By now, the tank is full on my bike, and it’s time to get on the road once again.
“You need anything else before we start?”
I don’t even know why I’m being this considerate with her. Not to mention the fact that bringing her with me will complicate my life tenfold. Prez is going to be so fucking angry over this. If we’re being followed right now, this could pose a real threat to the club.
Ruby shakes her head and gets back on the bike without protest, although, the face she makes when her ass hits the seat is another story.
“You should’ve stretched more,” I point at her. “I’m not stopping again until we get there. We’re burning daylight as it is.”
I start the bike and off we go. The miles go by fast, and by the time we reached our destination, I realize that my plan is flimsy at best. But this is all I got for now.
“What is this?” She looks around in confusion when I park us, and we are off the bike.
I try to see everything through her eyes, amusement shaking my body with the need to laugh. The sign at the road proclaimed this the place where you found happiness. I’m not sure about that. Most patients have no idea who they are or where they are. But maybe that’s what makes them happy.
“My mother lives here,” I explain. “And they called me for an emergency meeting about her.”
“Who are they?”
“The people running this joint,” I explain.
I wait for her to take the helmet off her head and shake her hair out.
“I’m getting hot in the hoodie.”
She pulls at it, trying to create a breeze against her skin.
“Do you mind if I take it off?”
I watch her for a minute, thinking that I might never see her again in my clothes. I should take a picture so I remember her.
When we left the motel, I didn’t have a clear plan in my head about what I would do with her. I thought I was saving her. However, as I thought about it during the hours it took us to get here, I realized that my efforts were for nothing. The easiest thing would be for me to turn her in to my president. I plan to do that as soon as we are done at the home.
Now, as I watch her taking my hoodie off, I have second thoughts about it again. What the fuck did I do? Not to mention that after this meeting, I have to turn around and ride to Austin where I am supposed to meet with Devereaux and set the wheels in motion for his fucked-up plan.
“Let’s go in,” I jut my chin toward the building as I grab her by the arm. The tight tank top she has over her bra is pushing her tits up, and it is quite the sight.
As soon as we walk inside, the receptionist watches us with apprehension.
“Good afternoon, sir.” She remembers me from before. In fact, she got flirty with me once or twice. Now though, her eyes go over Ruby in disdain.
“Mrs. Clarence called for an emergency meeting about my mother.” I get straight to the point because I am running out of time.
“Mrs. Clarence is in a meeting at the moment. If you would like to wait…”
“That won’t do, sweetheart.” I feel Ruby’s body tensing next to me when I lean over the counter to talk to the receptionist. “I need to see her now.”
I can tell the girl is dead set on giving me a hard time, and I’m ready to raise hell. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, and I want to make sure my mother is well taken care of before then.
Just then, a door opens to the side, and none other than Mrs. Clarence steps out. She is an older woman with the kindest eyes. She is probably the only person in this joint who didn’t take a look at me and judged me based on my appearance. That is why I trust her word when we discuss my mother’s condition.
“Mr. Paulson,” she calls out to me. “It is very good to see you.” She then turns to look at the receptionist. “Missy, please block the next hour on my calendar.”
“What about the meeting with the investors?”
Mrs. Clarence gives her a stern look. “Our patients are just as important as our investors, Missy.”
She then points toward the door she just came out of. I grab Ruby’s hand and pull her with me when I see she’s frozen in her spot. When we are in the office, Mrs. Clarence directs us toward a more informal area, with a small couch and two chairs.
“Can I get you two anything to drink?” she asks before sitting down. Then, she looks at Ruby, who is prepared for her judgement if the stiff way she’s sitting is anything to go by.
“I am Mrs. Clarence,” she tells Ruby in a kind tone, just like she always does. “I presume you are a friend of Mr. Paulson’s?”
“I’m Ruby,” she nods at Mrs. Clarence, avoiding giving her last name.
“Mrs. Clarence,” I cut her off when I see she wants to do more small talk. “I need to be somewhere else in the next three hours. I can’t be here all day. What is happening with my mother?”
Sadness takes over her features.
“She’s been very unsettled lately,” she tells me. “None of the medications we gave her work. I submitted her name for an experimental treatment, but chances of getting approved are very slim.”
“What is she doing?”
The last time I saw my mother, while she didn’t know who I was, she was calm and just doing her thing.
“She is crying a lot now. She refuses to eat, and you will find that she has lost a great deal of weight. She is very disruptive to the other patients.”
A lump forms in the back of my throat. I hate hearing this about the only human who always gave me unconditional love. I have made a lot of sacrifices to get her the best possible care, and I will not stop now.
“What are the options if she doesn’t get approved for the experimental drugs?”
Mrs. Clarence looks away from me, like she is scared to meet my eyes.
“We would like to recommend her for a transfer to the Somerset community.”
Blood freezes in my veins. That is where they send them when they don’t think they can help them anymore. It is a nightmare there. I actually visited the place while looking for a facility for my mom, and Somerset is the one that resembled a mental institution the most.
“Fuck that.” I shake my head at her, not even caring that the language I’m using will offend her.
“Mr. Paulson, I assure you that…”
I check the time and realize that it’s a lot later than I was hoping. I grab Ruby’s hand and stand up, forcing her up with me.
“Let me see my mother.”
“Mr. Paulson, please let me explain that…”
“No.”
I am done with this conversation, for now at least. I will need to speak with my president about it. Hell, I might even ask Devereaux about it. He seems to have better connections than we ever had.
“Very well.” Mrs. Clarence gives me another sad smile before standing up herself.
We follow her as she leads us to where my mother’s room is. I can hear screaming as soon as we enter the long hallway. There is only one voice involved in it, and I understand why they would find it disruptive toward the other patients.
At first, it is hard to make out the words she’s saying. Mrs. Clarence opens the door, and we all walk in. That’s when it all makes sense to me.
“Hawkeye,” my mother screams for me, even though she can’t see me. “You promised that you’d get Hawkeye for me. He is my son! I want my son!”
The screams almost sound like they’re not human, and despite the fact that I am now standing right in front of her, she has no idea it is me she is crying for.
I’m not sure when is the last time I heard her calling me by my name, let alone my full first name like that. It was a game we used to play when I was a kid. I hated the name, and she’d tease me to death with it. Sometimes, I’d pretend to be really mad about it, and she’d bake me a cake to make up for it.
Now, I am watching her screaming Hawkeye over and over again, but I don’t have it in me to comfort her.
“We gave her enough medication to put a horse to sleep.” Mrs. Clarence gives me a sympathetic look. “It all just seems to incite her more.”
I let go of Ruby’s hand and take a step forward, then another, until I am standing next to the bed.
“Hawkeye!” She screams right then, but her eyes seem blind to anything around her.
“I’m right here, mom,” I tell her, hoping that it does something.
Her head snaps back at hearing my voice. She turns her head and looks at me. For a second, I think she recognizes me. I jump back when she lets out a blood curling scream.
“What did you do to my boy?” she yells.
A group of people surround the bed, hands holding her back when she tries to get up and possibly attack me. I take a step back and watch, unsure of how to proceed. I hate seeing her like this.
As if in a dream, I notice Ruby approaching the bed. She looks fearless when she sits on the bed and grabs my mother’s hand into hers.
“Miss, you shouldn’t…”
Ruby turns to look at Mrs. Clarence.
“What is her name?”
“Mary…”
That is all Ruby seems to need. She turns back to look at my mother. She just pats her hand for the longest time while my mother continues to yell out my name. There is panic in her voice, like when you see a parent frantically looking for their kids at the park.
Before long, Ruby runs her hand up and down my mother’s arm, and finally, she reaches her face. I hold my breath as I wait to see blood being shed. Instead, the second my mother feels Ruby’s soft touch on her skin, she calms down in an instant.
“Hi, Mary,” Ruby whispers, her voice ever so soft. “I saw Hawkeye today…”
My mother turns her head to look at Ruby. For the first time in months, her eyes actually look focused. The clouds have lifted.
“Where is Hawkeye?” she asks in a strong voice.
Ruby licks her lips nervously. For a moment, she looks like she wants to ask for Mrs. Clarence’s help, but then she decides to go with her instinct.
“Hawkeye went to school, Mary.”
My mother instantly relaxes against the pillow. Her lips turn into a smile, and I am floored. She’s never looked happier or more beautiful.
“Hawkeye is smart,” she says. “Like his father. He’s got Alan’s smarts.”
“Yes, he sure does,” Ruby agrees with her.
My mother’s hand clutches at Ruby’s. “Will you watch him for me after school?”
“I… yes, I’d love to,” Ruby responds.
“Good,” mom pats her on the arm. “That’s really good. I have to go to work. He can’t be alone. He’s just a little boy.”
She continues talking like this for a solid fifteen minutes. At some point, she looks like she is about to fall asleep, the meds finally starting to work. Mrs. Clarence looks speechless.
Ruby rubs my mother’s hair for the longest time. When she tries to stand up, my mother’s eyes snap open.
“Hawkeye,” she whimpers. “Where is Hawkeye?”
“Shh, he is here with me, Mary,” Ruby whispers and continues rubbing her hair. “I’ll take good care of him. I promise.”
Five more minutes, and my mother is finally in a dead like sleep.
“That was amazing,” Mrs. Clarence whispers from next to me. “We tried that with her. She didn’t care for any of the nurses. If anything, they got her going more.”
My eyes go to Ruby’s. She seems to be in as much shock as I am. She rushes to my side.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I just couldn’t let her suffer like this.”
I stare at her until it becomes uncomfortable. Then, I turn to look at Mrs. Clarence.
“She’s staying here.” I point at Ruby. “I’ll be out of town for a while. Ruby will stay here with my mother until I get back.”
Mrs. Clarence looks taken aback. So does Ruby.
“Mr. Paulson, this is completely against the rules. While I’m sure Ruby is a very lovely person, she is not qualified to work in our facility…”
I cut her off. “She won’t be working here. She will make sure my mother is comfortable until I come back and have time to deal with this.”
I then look at Ruby. Her eyes are wide in surprise, but she’s not saying no either.
“I will do this for you,” she tells me. “But I need your help to get out of this mess.”
We both know what the mess in question is.
“I will help you.”
I nod at her and give her my word, knowing full well I have no control over whether I can actually help her or not.
But sometimes, sacrifices need to be made.