Heartbreaker (Havenbrook #3)

Chapter 36

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

HUDSON

I’d done it. I had finally said the words that had been creeping under my skin for almost the entirety of my trip home. I wanted to be with Kenna. Needed it as much as a starving man needed sustenance. And the only way I could see that happening was for her to join me.

I was only ten years into my career in the army, and the plan was to do the full twenty my dad never had the opportunity to complete, cut short by his untimely death.

And as much as I’d felt the tug to be back in Havenbrook, I couldn’t bring myself to let down my dad’s memory by essentially being a quitter.

Kenna hadn’t moved since I’d uttered my plea, but her mouth hung open, her wide eyes seeming to look right through me.

I reached up and cupped her face, my thumbs brushing over her cheeks as I stared into her eyes. Relishing in our nearness. I hadn’t had it for so long, I didn’t take even a second of it for granted.

“I know this maybe isn’t the best time?—”

She breathed out a disbelieving laugh and shook her head, though I held her steadfast. “That’s oversimplifying things.”

“Maybe,” I agreed with a nod. “But time isn’t on our side, Kenna. I leave in a week.”

She reached up and gripped my forearms, her shoulders slumping. “I know.”

“We don’t have the luxury of waitin’ anymore. I’m leavin’, and I want you with me when I do.”

“Hud,” she said on a sigh, shaking her head. She lowered her gaze, shuttering her eyes from me. “I can’t just— I can’t just leave . They’re countin’ on me.”

“ I’m countin’ on you. Rory and Will are here—hell, Will already works at town hall. Between the two of ’em, they can fill in until your daddy’s back in shape to work again.”

She stepped out of my reach and ran a hand through her hair. “We’ve already gone over this. Rory’s too busy with King Haven, and Will’s too busy doin’ her job and plannin’ the wedding.”

“C’mon, Kenna, they can figure it out. You know they can. They don’t need you here.”

As soon as I saw the devastation written on her face thanks to my words, I wished I could somehow snatch them back. Reverse time and never say them in the first place.

“Wait, that’s not?—”

She held up a hand and shook her head, closing her eyes and just breathing. This was new—the teenage Kenna would’ve told me off without a second thought. Would’ve blown up and chewed me up one side and down the other.

“Fuck,” I said, scrubbing a hand down my face. “This isn’t comin’ out right. I need ?—”

“I can’t.” Her face was flushed, her eyes red-rimmed, though no tears had fallen. Her temperament might’ve changed slightly in the years I’d been gone, but this hadn’t. She cried when she was angry—something that frustrated her every time it happened.

Though she’d managed to keep her tears at bay, she was definitely pissed as hell right now. And one hundred percent of that fury was directed at me.

I tried not to let my disappointment show, but I felt it. Like a knife to my gut. She could be mad at me—I could handle that. What I couldn’t handle was not being with her, and I didn’t know how to make this work without her coming with. Hadn’t thought much beyond getting her to Joint Base Lewis-McChord with me, but I had to now. Because being without her wasn’t a choice I was willing to make.

“Okay.” I stepped up to her again and swept a piece of hair back from her face just to get my fingers on her. Just to feel her against my skin. “Okay. We’ll figure it out. We can do the long-distance thing until we?—”

“No,” she cut in, her voice hard. “Hud…I can’t.”

Too stunned to do anything but stand there, I stared at her for long moments, trying to comprehend what she was saying. “Can’t…what?”

“I can’t do any of it. Not now. Not after—” She cut herself off, not continuing whatever thought she’d had. Shaking her head, she exhaled a deep breath. “I can’t afford to be distracted from anything right now while everyone’s countin’ on me.”

I expelled a humorless laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I—” She swallowed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not. It’s just… It’s too hard right now.”

“This is fucking unbelievable.” With my hands propped on my hips, I walked in a tight circle, my mind racing as my anger built. “I can’t do this again, Kenna. I can’t be halfway around the world and not know you’re mine.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t be here with you halfway around the world, not knowin’ if you’re safe or even alive, and still do the job the people in my family and this town are countin’ on me to do!” Her voice rose with each word until she lobbed them at me like grenades.

Matching her volume, I said, “This is bullshit ! It’s ten years ago all over again. We’re not gonna be together because it’s gonna be hard , even though it’s obvious we love each other?”

Kenna squeaked, her eyes widening as she brought up her hand to cover her mouth.

“Yeah, I said it!” I threw my arms out to the sides. “I love you. I’m in love with you and have been as long as I can remember. Feels like it’s been my whole goddamn life, and it’s not goin’ away, Kenna. It’s not . Distance didn’t change it. Time sure as hell didn’t change it. It’s here—” I tapped my chest, right over my heart “—and it’s permanent, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it.”

I wasn’t sure who moved first. One minute, our eyes were locked, both pissed off at each other, and in the next, our bodies were pressed together, lips fused and tongues entwined. Groaning into her mouth, I gripped her ass and hauled her up against me as she clutched my face to hers.

Christ, she infuriated me, but I loved that about her too. Loved every mind-boggling, frustrating, irritating part of her. I’d tried turning it off. Tried forgetting. Tried distractions. Nothing had helped.

Every day for the past ten years, it’d been Kenna on my mind. Kenna in my heart. And I’d be damned if I was going to let her run scared from this without putting up a fight for her.

“Stop fightin’ this.” I pressed her up against the nearest wall and nipped her neck, needing to get to as much of her as I could.

As if reading my mind, she struggled to pull off her coat and tossed it somewhere to the side before she yanked her sweater over her head and threw it in the same direction. And then we were on each other again, hands roaming and grasping and kneading as we kissed until we were both breathless.

I set her down only long enough to strip her of her pants and underwear, and then I lifted her into my arms again, desperate to make her see. Help her realize that what we had wasn’t normal. It wasn’t run-of-the-mill and didn’t come along around every corner. It was special, something to be cherished and protected. Just like her.

“I need you,” I said into her neck, my fingers digging into her bare ass as she rubbed her pussy all over the front of my jeans.

I didn’t care that they’d no doubt be wet with her arousal by the time we were done. Didn’t care if I walked around town like that either. I wanted everyone in Havenbrook—hell, everyone in the whole fucking world—to know I was hers. I’d wanted that title for fifteen years, and now that it was finally in my grasp, I sure as hell wasn’t going to just walk away.

“Hud,” she breathed, her head tossed back, bra-covered tits thrust into my face.

I took her unspoken invitation and sucked one deep into my mouth, scraping my teeth along the pebbled tip through the material. She jerked, gasping as the pain no doubt mixed with pleasure, but I didn’t care. I wanted it to hurt a little. A physical manifestation of what my heart felt like. Absolutely fucking wrecked. I felt like an animal backed into a corner. Wild and crazed and desperate. For her. For us.

With jerky movements, I pulled on the button and zipper of my jeans, yanking them only wide enough to free my cock. And then I was sinking into her without another thought, just knowing I had to get as close to her as possible.

Had to remind her that us being together was magic.

It was climbing to the top of the Ridge, or watching the fireworks on Havenbrook Lake while lying in a boat and staring up at the sky. It was lazy Sundays in the hammock, and Christmas morning at home. It was finding the single person your soul clicked with at only eight years old. And somehow finding them in your tiny little pocket of the world, despite the billions of others searching for their soul mates.

“We belong together, Kenna. You can’t deny that. You can’t tell me you don’t feel exactly how much we do. Every inch of you was made for me. Every fucking inch, even this sweet pussy.” I pumped my hips faster, urged on by her moans and her nails digging into my neck. How her pussy rippled around me, teasing her release. “I won’t let you give up on us.”

“I can’t?—”

I couldn’t stand to hear her roadblocks. Not now. Not when I was inside her after baring my soul to her. So, I stopped her words with my lips and my tongue. With my driving thrusts and my fingers digging into her ass and my thumb pressed against her clit.

When I felt her tense up, my name a whispered plea on her lips as she pulsed around my cock, I let myself fall with her. Our eyes locked as I spilled into her, both of our gazes saying a thousand words in the silence.

I just feared we weren’t speaking the same language.