Hearts of Highland Fire

Chapter 9

9

Gretna woke the next morning with her head aching and her chest hurting. She dressed slowly, plaiting her hair into a simple braid and slipping on her shoes. James had informed her last evening that he would be tied up that morning in council sessions with his da, even offering to have someone show her around the estate, but Gretna had declined.

This morn, she wished for solace.

Pulling open her door, she made her way down to the great hall, snagging an apple from the table still laden with breakfast fare and headed outside. The sun was just starting to warm the day, taking the chill out of the air and Gretna took a bite of her apple as she walked through the arch, following a path that led away from the village and the keep. She wasn’t frightened that someone would attack her while she was alone, though her dagger was strapped to her thigh just in case. If she truly was going to be James’ wife, then his clan would have to get used to having her around.

Gretna snorted as she finished her apple and threw the core onto the ground, wiping her hands on her skirts. What started out as such a hopeful journey here was now on the cusp of becoming exactly what she wanted.

So why didn’t she feel the excitement of becoming a wife, a future lady of the clan?

It was because of Remy, that was why. Their dance last night had been what she had dreamed about and not the one she had shared with James or the ones afterward. While James was a fine dancer as well, his touch didn’t enflame her. She didn’t feel the same giddiness as the conversation between them carried on, even after he led her back to the high table. It had been clear to Gretna that James was infatuated with her, but unfortunately, she didn’t feel the same and it bothered her.

Was it because of the way she had seen him glance more than once at the maid who had poured the wine on her dress? His brow had furrowed as he watched her. That was odd for a laird’s son to be so taken with a maid, Gretna realized, but when the woman had stormed off a moment later, she had forgotten about it. James lavished her with attention and at the end of the night, he had escorted her personally to her chambers, bidding her a good, restful sleep.

If only it had been so!

Spying another garden in the distance, a much larger one, Gretna made her way to its entrance, breathing in the floral scent that clung to the air. She could love James, Gretna decided. He was handsome, unfailingly polite, and everything she wished for in a husband. He could provide her a nice keep to live in, clothing like the gown she wore even this morning, and the title she had always longed for.

All she had to do was have an inkling of a feeling for him. Just one.

Rounding the dirt path, Gretna drew up as she saw Remy seated on the ground amongst the flowers, a book in his hand. “Wot are ye doing here?” she blurted out.

He peered at her over the top of his book. “I believe I was here first.”

Well, he was, but she had been unprepared to find the object of her thoughts reading of all things! “Wot are ye doing?” she asked haughtily. “Pretending tae know wot it says or is this a means tae wait for yer lass?” Her words came out harsh but that was her intention. She had watched out of the corner of her eye as Remy had danced all night, song after song with a lovely redhead, even grinning at her a time or two before they both disappeared from sight. All night she had been sick with worry and a bit of jealousy as well, that he was with another woman, but what sort of power did she have over him?

Nothing! And that was what hurt most of all.

Remy closed his book and rested his hand on his updrawn knee. “Jealous?”

Gretna snorted. “Unlikely. I donna know wot ye even mean.” She was jealous, horribly so. It ate at her to know that he had danced with her, made her feel like something was different between them, and then moved on as if nothing had happened. She shouldn’t be surprised but it still hurt.

Remy slowly rose to his feet, setting his book beside his bag. “I donna know if I believe ye, lass.”

She brushed her hair out of her face, refusing to look at him. “It doesna matter wot ye believe.”

He reached out and grabbed her chin lightly, forcing Gretna to meet his gaze. “Tell mah the truth, Gretna,” he said softly, his voice laced with steel. “Did something happen with that arse?”

“Nay!” she shouted, pulling herself out of his grasp. When he touched her so, she couldn’t think straight. “James was a perfect gentleman. He was divine.”

Remy arched a brow. “Then why are ye out here with mah, worried aboot mah night?”

“I donna know!” she shouted, her chest heaving. “I donna know why I care aboot ye at all!”

Remy’s eyes widened and Gretna whimpered under her breath, hating that she had just said the words aloud. “Well,” he finally said as Gretna recovered from her embarrassment. “I donna know wot tae say aboot that.”

Neither did Gretna. “I shouldna be out here,” she said, grasping her skirts. “I need tae leave. Tis not proper.” Neither was the fact that Remy had slept in her room, even if it was for protection. She didn’t break the rules. She didn’t do anything improper, yet Gretna felt like she had done both over the last three days or so.

“Tell mah,” Remy said quietly, his arms at his sides. “When was the last time ye did something that wasna expected of ye, lass?”

She looked at him, her lips parting. “Wot?”

“When did ye not follow the rules?” he challenged. “When did ye do something because ye wished tae do so?”

Gretna opened her mouth but no sound came out. Truthfully, she didn’t know when was the last time that she had done something because she wished to and not because it was expected of her. “I canna. Tis not something I can do.” Her brother was counting on her for this alliance. She would be securing not only her future but that of her sisters’ and the other clansmen she loved so. Gretna had to be perfect.

Remy took a step forward. “Ye can do it, Gretna. Ye could walk away right now and run naked in the field if ye wished tae do so.”

Gretna let out a tortured laugh. “I donna think that would be wise.”

“I mean it,” he continued. “Ye donna have tae be perfect all the time. No one expects ye tae live like this, lass.”

Remy was wrong. Everyone expected her to live like that. Everyone expected her to wed a laird or at the very least, someone who would be a laird one day and secure a future for their clan. Everyone expected her to smile and converse like a laird’s daughter, to know how to act like a lady.

That didn’t entail her running through the meadow naked. “Yer wrong,” she finally said.

He let out a chuckle. “Only ye would think that yer brother would put this sort of weight on yer shoulders without wanting ye tae be happy yerself.”

All Gretna knew was that she wished to be loved. She wanted to feel it in her very soul, to look at someone and know that they cared about her just as madly.

Remy reached out and snagged a loose strand of her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “I want ye tae be happy.”

Her lips parted and for a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. Her heart lurched in her chest and Gretna found herself suddenly nervous. What would it be like to kiss Remy?

More importantly, why was she thinking that way at all?

His eyes dropped to her lips and she saw an intensity in their depths that Gretna had never witnessed before. It made her stomach clench uncontrollably, her breathing became shallow. It felt like want, want for Remy and the very thought terrified Gretna.

“Gretna,” Remy said softly. “Lass.”

“I have tae go,” she said suddenly, turning on her heel and walking away quickly before she did something rush, something like kissing Remy and throwing away everything she had worked hard for in her lifetime.

So why did walking away feel so wrong to her?

The thought was lodged in her mind the entire way back to the keep, so much so that she didn’t pay much attention to where she was walking until she bumped into a solid form. “Gretna,” James said happily, his hands grasping at her arms to keep her from falling to the floor. “There ye are.”

Gretna swallowed her thoughts, giving him a small smile. “Are ye done with yer meetings then?”

“Aye,” he answered, sliding his hands down her arms. Gretna shivered at his bold touch and pulled away slightly, an embarrassed smile on her face.

“I feel like a fool for not watching where I was going.”

“I donna mind,” James said, proffering his arm. “Would ye like some company? I donna have anything else this morn.”

Gretna nearly hesitated, thinking about how she would like to do nothing more than to closet herself in her chambers until dinner, but that would not solve anything nor would it aid her in her need to fall in love with James. “Of course,” she said sweetly, tucking her hand into the crook of his arm. “I canna turn down a handsome Scot wishing tae spend time with mah.”

He grinned, clearly pleased with her words, and led her back outside the keep, away from the direction of where she had last seen Remy. Gretna listened to him talk about the keep and how it was built, nodding and smiling where it was appropriate, but the words that she and Remy had shared troubled her mind. He thought she could be who she wished to be but Gretna didn’t even know who that was. All her life she had been planning for the day that she would wed for the sake of her clan and now that the time was near, Gretna knew she should be happy.

Yet she couldn’t look her brother in his eyes and tell him that she was happy. Gretna didn’t understand it. She had everything in her grasp, yet all she could think about was how it would feel to have Remy cradle her face in those large hands of his and give her her first kiss.

Perhaps it was because she had been around him so much lately that he had infiltrated her thoughts. Yes, that had to be it. It wasn’t because she truly wanted him over this.

It couldn’t be.

“And this is where mah da asked mah ma tae wed him,” James was saying, stopping in front of a blooming bush, the bottom surrounded by stones. “He comes out here on that date and remembers.”

“It must be hard for him,” she said sympathetically, trying to picture the strong Scot coming out and kneeling before this bush. “Tae think aboot losing her.”

James nodded, turning toward Gretna. “It is. No one would expect the great Laird McCellan tae pine for his wife the way that he does, but mah da is broken-hearted.” He took a step toward her. “Tis the same sort of love I wish for in mah lifetime.”

Gretna’s lips parted. James was saying all the right things to her but in her chest, she felt a sense of discord, as if it didn’t mean the same coming from someone who truly meant them.

“I…” He reached up and cupped her cheek boldly, surprising Gretna. “I believe ye can be that lass for mah, Gretna. I believe that we can have a great love that will span through the ages.” He leaned in closer and Gretna panicked, pushing at his chest and causing him to stumble backward.

“Wot are ye doing?”

James straightened, a dark look lurking in his eyes. “I was aboot tae kiss ye, lass.”

She knew that. But what had given him liberties to think he could? “We… this is moving too fast,” she blurted out, hoping that her expression showed embarrassment. “I’m verra sorry. I just, I panicked.”

His expression smoothed over but not before she saw a flash of irritation on it. “Of course. Yer an innocent lass. I shouldna have been a bit less forward.” He gave her a jerky bow. “Forgive mah, lovely Gretna.”

Gretna didn’t believe him for a minute. There was something about him that made her think he took liberties often and without an apology.

“Please,” he said, reaching out to take her hands in his, his expression pleading. “I dinna mean tae frighten ye.”

“I should go,” she said instead, pulling her hands out of his and walking away before he could stop her. Gretna was shaking, but not because she was excited.

Nay, she wished to get away from him as quickly as she could.