Chapter 10
10
Later that evening, Gretna sat in her chamber, feeling a bit embarrassed about the morning’s events. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that James hadn’t done anything wrong. After all, she was there for a specific reason and that was to see if he was a true match for her. She should have expected him to try and kiss her.
She had acted like an arse.
Sighing, Gretna rose from her bed, shaking out the wrinkles from her skirts. Because of her embarrassment, she had asked for a tray to her room instead of going to the great hall for supper, picking at the wonderful foods that had been brought to her. Her brother would chide her for her cowardice. Wallaces didn’t hide behind closed doors. They held their heads up high.
Yet here she was, hiding.
Well no more. She would go find James and apologize for her behavior toward him, ask if they could start over again. If he was to be her husband, then she would have to kiss him. He would have every right to do so and Gretna couldn’t act like an innocent lass around her intended.
Gretna left her chambers and wandered to the great hall, finding that dinner had long been cleared and there were a few Scots milling around. James would likely be in his chambers now and while it wouldn’t be quite proper for Gretna to go visiting him at this hour, she needed to apologize before a new day started and clear the air between them. This alliance meant everything to her clan, and her brother, and she would hate to know that she had ended the talks merely because she had been caught off guard by James’ overeagerness.
Finally, spying a servant maid sweeping under the high table, Gretna walked over to her. “Where can I find James now?”
The maid straightened, eyeing Gretna. “Wot do ye want?”
Gretna gave her a tight smile. “I need tae find James. Where might he be?”
The maid gave her a slow smirk. “Aye, so he has ye under his spell as well does he?”
Gretna didn’t know what that meant but she lifted her chin, giving the maid a hard stare. “He is mah suitor and I need a word with him.”
The maid laughed as if she didn’t believe her, but pointed down a hallway nevertheless. “Master James’ chambers are at the end of that hall there. His door is always unlocked.”
Gretna didn’t want to know how the maid knew that either, but she gave her a tight nod and started down the hallway, thinking about what she would say to him. Hopefully, he would understand and they would chuckle about it before pushing it aside. If he tried again, she would allow him to kiss her to show him that she wasn’t frightened by his advances nor was she some maiden who was going to wait until her wedding vows for certain things. That would be one rule she could break for her intended.
After all, once they were wed, he would own her body and her soul, free to do whatever he chose. Her sister-in-law, Ida, had warned Gretna before she left on this journey that James might push the issue but that she should cling to her innocence until she had a ring on her finger.
“Ye donna know if he will be only after wot is under yer skirts or not,” Ida had stated. “Best tae keep him chasing after ye until it’s official and yer bairn won’t be a bastard.”
That would be just horrid indeed! Her innocence was the most precious thing to Gretna right now, only because it held a certain honor to her becoming a bride and having her husband be the only one having her body.
But if James wanted something to tide him over, well Gretna could likely let down that barrier as well. Her cheeks pinkened at the thought. She had overheard many a conversation between Ida and Iris when they came to visit as well as the maids when they thought that no one was around. Through those conversations, Gretna had learned that there were other things that a man and woman could do and not ruin one’s innocence. She just hadn’t entertained the idea until now.
Could she do those things with James?
The thought weighed heavily on her mind as she approached the last door at the end of the hallway, raising her hand to knock. A moan bled through the heavy door and Gretna’s fist paused, her thoughts scattering.
Had that been a woman’s moan?
Shamelessly and without thought, Gretna pressed her ear to the door and a moment later, heard distinctly a woman’s moan through the wood, followed by a man’s murmurings that she couldn’t make out.
There was a woman in James’ room.
Gretna’s heart sank and she shrank back from the door, tucking herself into a shadowy alcove not far from the door. James clearly had taken liberties with another. Was that what the maid had meant when she had given Gretna directions?
Was her soon-to-be husband a rogue amongst his own staff? The pressure increased in her chest and Gretna forced herself to take some breaths to ease it. It wasn’t all that unexpected to her, as James was an unmarried Scot, but how could he have tried to kiss her earlier in the gardens and then take another woman to his bed like it didn’t mean anything to him?
More importantly, what would that mean for their marriage? Gretna would want her husband to be faithful to her and not like what her da had done. She didn’t want to worry about the other beds that he was sharing or the bastard children that could come as a result.
Gretna wanted devotion. She wanted love. She wanted faithfulness.
Clearly, she wouldn’t get it from James. Her heart shattered as she thought about what she would have to tell her brother and how disappointed he was going to be. It was her life, her marriage, her future, and while she loved her clan, she couldn’t sacrifice it for what might be a loveless marriage.
Tears burned the back of her throat and Gretna pushed herself out of the alcove at the same time the door opened and the maid that had spilled wine on Gretna came out. Her hair was mussed and her laces undone as if she had in fact had a tup with James. Gretna’s heart clenched tightly in her chest as she watched James fill the doorway, his hand shooting out and grabbing the young woman’s chin, forcing her to look at him before they shared a passionate kiss. Gretna turned away from the scene, her hands balled at her sides but when she looked back, James and the maid were staring at her. “Gretna,” James said, his eyes widening. “Wot are ye doing here?”
The maid smirked as Gretna pushed past them, tears blurring her eyes. “Gretna, wait!” James called out, causing Gretna to pick up her pace. She couldn’t face him now. She couldn’t let him see the tears in her eyes.
She wanted to leave. She wanted out of the keep and away from him.
Gretna hurried to the second landing and started toward her room, but stopped, her mind whirling. She needed to hide somewhere for a while so that she could make plans to leave. James would likely come to her chamber first, but what would happen if he found her there? Would he force himself on her?
Her heart hammering in her chest, Gretna moved away from her chamber and started up the third landing, where Remy told her that he and the guards were staying. The hallways were dimmer and colder there, the stones uneven, but she didn’t care. James might come looking for her there, but he wouldn’t sway Remy to give her up.
Remy would protect her.
A small nagging thought crossed her mind as she thought about the night of the dancing and how Remy had been engrossed with that maid. What if she was there in his room now? Gretna’s heart hurt in her chest at the thought. While James having a maid in his room aggravated her, Remy doing it would break her heart.
Still, she had to take the chance. Gretna pounded on the first door she found, praying that it was Remy’s, and when the door opened, she sobbed in relief. “Remy.”
“Gretna?” he asked, grasping her arm and pulling her inside. “Wot is wrong? Wot happened?”
Gretna didn’t answer, looking around the small room with relief. There was no one else there but Remy and he was, oh my. “Where is yer clothing?” she blurted out, taking in the bare-chested Remy that stood before her. His hair was wet and he held a towel in his hand as if he had just finished bathing.
“I was readying for bed, lass,” he said, releasing her but making no move to cover up his muscular torso. Gretna’s mouth went dry at the sight, her eyes roving over his well-formed chest and abdomen, her cheeks red when she followed the line of hair down to his waistband.
Gods above, he was a fine specimen!
“Gretna,” Remy said urgently, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Wot happened?”
Right. The reason she had come. Gretna wiped the tears from her cheeks and pulled herself back together. “I just, I witnessed James. The maid.” The words were coming out but making no sense to her ears. “We need tae leave, now.”
Remy eyed her. “We canna leave now, lass. There is a storm outside and it would mean death tae attempt it.” He placed the towel on the narrow bed and reached out, grasping her upper arms gently. “Tell mah why we are in a hurry and who I need tae run mah sword through.”
Gretna gasped in laughter and a dimple appeared on Remy’s cheeks. “There ye go,” he said softly, his hands rubbing her arms. “Git yerself back together so ye can tell mah wot truly is going on, lass.”
Now Gretna understood why she had been thinking of Remy for a while. He never failed to do this, to calm her when she needed it the most. “I caught James kissing one of the maids,” she finally said. “But I donna think that was all they were doing.”
Remy’s jaw worked. “Aye, I suspected that. The maids have loose tongues when they have had too much ale.”
Gretna’s last shred of hope withered and she hung her head. “ I canna marry him.” Ian would be disappointed in her, but Gretna would rather wed a poor Scot than an unfaithful one and she doubted that James would stop after they said their vows. “Tis all mah fault.”
Remy’s fingers touched her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. He looked, well, angered but instead of being afraid of him, Gretna was breathless. “Wot do ye mean, lass? Ye didna push those women into his bed.”
“But I had such hopes for this one,” she said softly. “Mah choice of suitors is starting tae stretch painfully thin, Remy. I canna go back a failure, but I also canna wed him.”
“Nay, lass, ye canna,” he said. “If we could leave tonight, I would get ye out of here.”
Gretna believed him. When it came to Remy, he was all honesty and no lies with her. It was at that moment that Gretna realized that Remy was the type of man she was looking for. He was honest, cared about her safety, helped her through difficult times, and made her laugh. She didn’t even care that he was a warrior with no lofty title.
He was a man that she could fall madly in love with.
His thumb rubbed along the line of her jaw and Gretna’s lips parted, feeling the roughness of his skin next to hers. “Remy,” she whispered, hoping that she wasn’t the only one feeling this way. All along, her answer had been right in front of her and she had been too blinded by what she thought she needed to even see it.
He shook his head. “Nay, lass,” he said, stepping back. “I will take ye back tae yer room and we will depart in the morn.”
Gretna continued to look at him, seeing how he rubbed the back of his neck nervously as if he didn’t know what he truly wished to do with her. Could she have any hope that he felt something for her? “I donna wish tae leave.”
Remy let out a choked laugh, putting even more distance between them to the point that Gretna thought he was going to run into the fireplace. “Ye are safe in yer chambers, Gretna. I will post one of mah own guards tae ensure it.”
Gretna took a bold step forward, her thoughts and feelings becoming clearer by the moment. How could she have been so blind? The seed was there and while she didn’t love him right at this moment, she cared for Remy far more than she wanted to admit.
What did that mean for her future? Gretna didn’t want to think of it now. She only wanted one thing.
Remy’s eyes widened as she closed the distance between them.
“Remy, I want ye tae kiss mah.” She wanted to feel for the first time in her life.
“Nay, lass,” Remy said quickly. “I canna, I shouldna.”
She looked him in the eye, seeing the warring emotions there. Her heart leaped at the thought that he did want to kiss her, but she also felt the prick of uneasiness that he might reject her again. Either way, she had to take a leap of faith. “Please,” she whispered. “Kiss mah.” She had never begged for anything before in her life, but right now all she wanted to feel was his lips on hers.
Remy’s eyes grew heated. “Lass, ye dinna know wot ye are asking for.”
Gretna let out a harsh laugh. “Oh, I think I know exactly wot I am asking for and if ye donna kiss mah right now, Remy Wallace, I will find someone who will.” She wanted him to kiss her, to be the first on her lips, but if he refused to do so, she wasn’t going to take his rejection lying down. “Surely there are others.”
Remy let out a growl and before Gretna knew what was happening, his hand was sliding against her cheek and into her hair, his eyes flashing with anger. “There will be no other Scot on yer lips, lass.”
Her breath got caught and Gretna could scarcely let out a squeak as his lips descended on hers.