Her Fearless Ronin (The Syndicates #4)

Chapter 13

Hope

I stood in front of my closet, my heart pounding with excitement and nerves. My hands fumbled through the hangers, pulling out one dress after another and holding them up to the mirror. Each time, I studied my reflection, assessing how each dress made me look. How it made me feel.

“Hope dear, you look stunning in everything,” my elderly neighbor, Mrs. Jenkins, gushed from the chair near my bed. She had insisted on joining me for my pre-date dress decision, her eyes lighting up with delight each time I twirled in front of her.

I smiled at her, grateful for her presence and her unwavering support. “Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins. I just want to make sure I look nice tonight.”

She chuckled, her gray hair bouncing slightly as she nodded. “Oh, my dear, you’ll look more than nice. You’ll look radiant.”

After trying on what felt like half my wardrobe, I finally settled on a beautiful white-and-lavender dress that clung to my curves in all the right places. It made me feel confident and feminine. I also knew how Jiro’s eyes darkened when he could see my form, and I wanted more of that.

As I admired myself in the mirror, Mrs. Jenkins got up from her chair and approached me with a small smile. “It’s good to see you so excited, sweet girl. You deserve to be happy after all…” Her voice trailed off, her face taking the faint hint of pity most people had when they knew my history of the past few years.

I fought back the sting of tears, giving her a grateful smile and a small nod. This wasn’t the moment to let memories of pain cloud the excitement of what might be my first genuine adult date.

Mrs. Jenkins sighed softly, her hand finding its way to my shoulder in a reassuring squeeze. “You go have fun, dear! I’ll be here with your mama, and if you don’t come home… Well, that’s okay, too.” Her wink held a touch of conspiratorial humor.

I couldn’t help but chuckle, though my cheeks flushed at the idea of spending another night with Jiro. That man had awakened desires in me that I hadn’t known existed, igniting passion and a hunger that I had never imagined.

I cleared my throat, quickly shaking my head to dispel the lingering sensual thoughts that had no place in my mind right now. “Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins. Your support means the world to me.”

Mrs. Jenkins patted my cheek with a grandmotherly tenderness. “Now, you go out there and knock him off his feet, dear. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

Just as her words settled into my heart, the buzzer signaling Jiro’s arrival rang through the apartment. My excitement surged, and I hurried out of the room, passing through the living area. I cast a quick glance at my mother, seated in her usual chair with a knitted blanket on her lap. Her vacant gaze was fixed on the TV, her world confined to her own realm of thoughts.

I hesitated for a moment, my heart aching to have a real conversation with her, but Mrs. Jenkins’s comforting words echoed in my mind. You go, sweetheart. Go and be the young woman you deserve to be.

With a soft sigh, I made my way to the buzzer panel and pressed the button, connecting with Jiro’s waiting form downstairs. “I’ll be right down,” I informed him, then swiftly slipped into my comfortable Converse sneakers before rushing out of the apartment.

As I descended the steps, each heartbeat seemed to increase my excitement. I swung open the door, and there he was, my dark hero.

The sight of him dressed all in black, looking dangerously handsome, made my heart skip a beat. His presence exuded a sense of power and confidence that was both intimidating and incredibly attractive.

“Lord, have mercy on my soul,” I whispered under my breath. There was an undeniable sense of rightness. Like the missing piece of my life’s puzzle was standing right in front of me.

A wide smile spread across my face as I approached him. The way his eyes roamed over my chosen outfit, his gaze lingering on my chest, hips, and legs, created a warm sensation in my chest.

“Hey,” I greeted him, unable to hide the giddiness I felt as I bounced a little on my feet.

“Hey, yourself,” he replied, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips.

I couldn’t help but give him a playful once-over, appreciating the way his attire showcased his strong physique. “You clean up nicely,” I teased, stepping closer, resting my hand on the lapel of his jacket.

He chuckled, his eyes never leaving mine. “And you look absolutely breathtaking,” he replied, resting his hand on top of mine. The warmth of his callous fingers was a sweet reminder of his fingers between my legs.

My cheeks flushed at his compliment and my lurid thoughts. I bit my lip to suppress the grin threatening to take over my face. It felt so good to be desired, especially by a man who held such an aura of allure and danger .

I glanced around, half expecting to see his iconic black motorcycle parked nearby. “Where’s the bike?” I asked, my tone playfully disappointed.

Jiro’s grin widened, and he leaned casually against the car beside him. “I thought I’d be a gentleman for the evening.”

I raised an eyebrow, unable to hide my surprise. “A gentleman, huh? Who are you, and what have you done with Jiro?”

He chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Just thought I’d switch things up a bit.”

As much as I appreciated the gesture, there was a part of me that was disappointed not to feel the rumble of his motorcycle beneath me, pressing my body against his. But then again, the idea of spending the evening with him in a more conventional manner was also appealing.

He pushed away from the black Porsche and opened the passenger door for me. As I slid into the car, his hand brushed mine, sending a jolt of electricity up my arm. I met his gaze, and there was an intensity in his eyes that made my heart race.

As he closed the car door and walked around to the driver’s side, I couldn’t help but think, He’s lethal, and he’s mine… at least for now.

“You know, as much as I appreciate the gentlemanly act, I don’t want a gentleman. I want Jiro… My Jiro,” I said, my voice carrying a note of playfulness and desire.

I hoped he remembered the raw intimacy we had shared in the shower, the way he had branded himself as mine. It was a possessive claim that had lit fire to something deep within me, and I wanted to remind him of that connection.

As he slid into the driver’s seat and our gazes locked, his eyes darkened, a spark of intensity setting off between us. Without a word, he reached out, and his hand found the back of my head, his fingers tangling gently in my hair. His touch sent shivers down my spine, and I could feel the air crackling with tension.

“Be careful what you wish for,” he murmured, his voice a low, husky whisper.

Before I could respond, his lips crashed onto mine with a fierce hunger that left me breathless. The kiss was passionate, fiery, and filled with all the alpha dominance that made my heart race and my knees weak. It was as if he was claiming me all over again, reminding me of his possession, his desire, and his unspoken promise.

I melted into the kiss, my fingers instinctively gripping his shirt as I pulled him closer. Time seemed to stand still as we lost ourselves in the moment, our lips and bodies pressed together, further stoking the fire that had been smoldering beneath the surface.

When he finally pulled away, our breaths mingling, I looked into his eyes, my own filled with desire, adoration, and a touch of playful challenge.

“Maybe I should be careful what I wish for,” I teased, a mischievous smile playing on my lips.

He chuckled, his fingers gently tracing my jawline. “You have no idea.”

I knew that this evening with Jiro was going to be an unforgettable ride, filled with both passion and the unpredictable allure of my yakuza .

As the car came to a halt in front of Chez Jean, one of the most upscale restaurants in town with a notorious six-month waiting list, I was left in awe. How on earth did Jiro manage to secure a reservation here? The place was practically a legend in culinary circles.

“How did you do that?” I couldn’t help but ask, the surprise evident in my voice as he opened his door.

He winked at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’m a man of many secrets.”

He rounded the car and engaged with the doorman, smoothly asking him to step aside. Then he was at my door, opening it with a flourish and extending his hand.

“May I?” he asked, his voice carrying a hint of playfulness as I accepted his hand. “You deserve the best, Hope Myers,” he remarked, his fingers intertwining with mine, his touch both comforting and electrifying. Bringing my hand to his lips, he pressed a gentle kiss onto my knuckles, sending a shiver down my spine.

As soon as we walked in, the opulence of the restaurant took me by surprise, from the sparkling chandeliers to the plush furnishings that seemed to whisper luxury. The soft murmur of hushed conversations created an intimate ambience, and all the patrons dressed in designer clothing made me feel self-conscious. I looked down at my lilac Converses and winced.

Jiro squeezed my hand, and I looked up to see his bright smile. “You’re perfect just as you are, koibito . You are perfect to me.”

My heart squeezed in my chest, and I wanted to throw myself into his arms and kiss him senseless, but I was lucky to be stopped by the approaching hostess.

“Good evening, Monsieur Saito,” she greeted Jiro, her eyes glancing briefly at me before returning to him.

How did she know his name?

“Good evening,” Jiro responded with a nod, his voice carrying an air of quiet confidence.

The hostess turned her attention to me. “Mademoiselle, welcome. We have your table ready.” Her French accent added to the sophisticated atmosphere of the restaurant. With a slight gesture, she led us deeper into the room, our steps guided by the soft glow of candles that adorned each table.

I caught Jiro’s gaze as we walked, his eyes warm with affection. The anticipation of the night ahead mingled with the allure he exuded, creating a heady combination that left me breathless.

As we reached our table, I couldn’t help but admire the elegant setting—the fine linen, the gleaming silverware, and the delicate flowers that graced the center. The hostess handed us the menus, and Jiro’s ease with the French language was both impressive and a bit intimidating. He scanned the menu confidently while I struggled to decipher the elaborate descriptions of the dishes. I felt a flush of embarrassment creeping up my neck.

Jiro’s eyes twinkled with amusement as he looked up from the menu, catching me in my moment of uncertainty. “Having trouble, koibito ?”

I let out a sheepish chuckle, feeling a bit like a fish out of water. “Just a little. The descriptions are quite elaborate.”

He grinned, his voice a gentle melody. “Don’t worry, I’ ve got this. How about I order for both of us?”

Relief washed over me, and I nodded gratefully. “That would be wonderful, thank you.”

He winked playfully, his smile lighting up his face. “Consider it a chance for me to impress you outside the bedroom.”

I playfully rolled my eyes, trying to hide my growing excitement. “You’ve already done enough of that, believe me.”

Our waiter returned to take our orders, and Jiro’s fluency in French was again impressive. As the waiter left, Jiro leaned back in his chair, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I have to admit, I wanted to impress you tonight. Show you that there’s more to me than the dark, brooding persona you often see.”

I met his gaze, my heart fluttering at the honesty in his words. “Jiro, you don’t need to impress me. I’ve always known there’s more to you than meets the eye.”

Genuine surprise flickered across his features. “You have?”

I nodded, feeling a connection that ran deeper than words. “From the moment we met, I saw someone who’s fiercely protective, someone who’s willing to sacrifice for the people he cares about, even if he doesn’t always show it.”

He leaned in, his gaze unwavering. “And what else did you see?”

My heart raced, and I decided to speak from my heart. “I saw a man with layers, someone who’s struggled and fought his way through life but who still has a capacity for tenderness and care.”

His expression softened, and his thumb traced gentle circles on the back of my hand. “Hope, you have a way of seeing through me.”

I laughed softly, feeling a warmth spread through me. “Maybe because I’ve always wanted to.”

The air between us seemed charged, the connection deepening with each passing moment.

“Well, if my bedroom performance last night wasn’t enough to impress you for a lifetime, I’ll have to step up my game.”

His words, though unexpected, made me burst into laughter, drawing curious glances from nearby tables.

My cheeks turned a shade of pink, and I couldn’t help but play along. “Oh, I think you’ve already made quite the impression.”

His laughter danced in the air, a melodious sound that blended seamlessly with the restaurant’s sophisticated ambience. He gazed at me, his eyes intense with a hint of vulnerability I suspected he rarely showed. “And you, Hope Myers, have shown me a side of myself I never thought I’d find.”

I wanted to keep the conversation light, but there were a lot of things I needed to know pertaining to my brother but also his intentions for afterward. I wanted to keep on dreaming. Of course I did. I wanted to keep on deluding myself that Jiro Saito was mine not only temporarily but forever.

As the waitress set the plate of Chèvre chaud in front of me, I could not ignore the more serious concerns we needed to address. Ones that I knew I couldn’t ignore, no matter how much I wanted to remain wrapped in this beautiful dream. I let out a sigh, my mood dipping a little.

“Warm goat cheese salad,” he translated with a smile. “Is that a problem?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Oh no! I love cheese.” I picked up my cutlery. “I can’t wait to try this.”

Jiro noticed, and his brows furrowed slightly. “Why the sigh?”

I hesitated, my gaze dropping to my plate momentarily before I looked back at him. “I know I’ve been trying to keep the mood light tonight, and I want to, I really do. But there are things we can’t avoid forever.”

He nodded, his expression serious now. “I know.”

I toyed with the greens on my plate, gathering my thoughts. “Maybe we should just let it go, you know. My brother is obviously alive, and if he doesn’t care about his family, then why should I?”

He regarded me quietly for a moment before speaking. “Because you’re not like that, Hope. You care deeply about everything and everyone. And if, by a sinister turn of events, he ends up dead because we didn’t do anything, you would feel guilty. I can’t stand the thought of you feeling the kind of guilt that’s been haunting me for years.”

His words touched a raw nerve, the truth behind them cutting deep. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of bitterness. Jiro could never be mine; this pseudo-relationship could never be real until he stopped carrying Anna’s death on his shoulders like that.

I nodded, my fingers tracing the rim of my wineglass.

“Hope, look at me.”

I looked up and met his troubled eyes.

“It’s not that simple anyway. It’s not about your brother’s potential fate. I won’t lie; I don’t care if Leo lives or dies. It’s all about protecting you.”

My heart clenched at his words. “Protecting me from what?”

He hesitated for a moment, his jaw tensing. “From Leo. From Valdez. I fear that your brother might do something else, something that could turn you into collateral, and that’s something I can’t stomach.”

A shiver ran down my spine, the reality of his words sinking in. I understood the gravity of the situation, the danger that lingered around us. But at the same time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that his need to protect me would always be a barrier between us.

He reached across the table, his hand gently covering mine. “I’ve called Hoka. He’ll come here to help when Valdez makes contact. We’ll make sure you’re safe before I leave.”

I managed a weak smile, trying to hide the pain my realization caused. My fingers trembled slightly beneath his touch. “Thank you. But what about you? Do you miss your friend, your life from before all of this?”

His gaze turned distant for a moment as if he was reminiscing. “Hoka was more than a boss to me. He’s my best friend, my brother. And being an executioner is all I’ve ever known, so it’s difficult to find my place once more.” He looked back at me, his eyes burning with intensity. “Once all of this is over, once you’re safe, I’ll… I’ll leave. I’ll continue to atone for my sins and try to find where I belong.”

His words struck me like a blow, the realization that he would leave, that he saw himself as unworthy of anything beyond atonement. I fought to keep my voice steady, my emotions hidden. “And what about…?” I stopped talking, shaking my head.

He reached out, his thumb brushing against my cheek. “What about what?”

Tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I took a deep breath, my voice shaking only slightly. “Nothing, let’s eat.”

The atmosphere at the table had shifted, the lightness and flirtation we had shared earlier replaced by a palpable tension that neither of us could ignore. I picked at my dessert, each bite of the beautifully presented dish tasting like a bittersweet reminder of the evening’s unraveling.

Jiro’s concern, as always, was evident in the furrow of his brow and the softness of his voice. “Is everything alright?”

I managed a nod, though the smile I forced felt fragile, almost like it could shatter at any moment. “Yes, this meal was delicious. Thank you so much for this amazing evening.”

His frown deepened, and I could sense his unease. “I thought that maybe we could continue our evening after dinner.” His hand moved to rub at his neck, a gesture that revealed his nervousness.

I understood his implication, the desire in his eyes mirroring my own. More than anything, I wanted to let the evening continue in the direction it had started, to lose myself in his arms and the pleasure he was bound to give me. But the reality of our situation was a heavy weight on my heart. I couldn’t ignore the fact that we were nearing a goodbye, and I didn’t know if my heart could handle getting lost in him more than I already was.

Shaking my head, my gaze locked with his, my voice coming out softer than I intended. “No, I’m sorry. I need to get home. My mom.”

He nodded, a small smile playing on his lips, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Of course. Your mother comes first.”

My heart ached at the finality of his words, the unspoken understanding that our time was running out. I managed a nod, my fingers gripping the edge of the tablecloth as if trying to hold on to something that was slipping away.

The drive back to my place was a quiet one, the air inside the car heavy with unspoken words and the weight of what our evening should have been. My gaze drifted out the window, the passing lights creating a blur of colors that matched the blur of my thoughts. I stole glances at Jiro from time to time, his profile illuminated by the soft glow of the dashboard lights, his expression something I couldn’t quite decipher.

As we finally parked in front of my building, Jiro’s voice broke the silence. “I’ll call you as soon as Valdez makes contact.”

I nodded, my throat tightening with emotions that threatened to spill over. I knew this was coming, that our time together was running out, but that knowledge didn’t make the impending goodbye any easier. I turned to face him, my eyes holding his, silently conveying the ache in my heart.

He leaned in, his lips brushing against mine in a soft, lingering kiss that held a world of unspoken emotions. Pulling away, he whispered something in Japanese, his voice a soothing caress against my skin.

This time, I didn’t ask what he had said. Somehow, I knew it was something precious, something that belonged to the intimacy of the moment and that whatever the meaning, it would probably break my heart.

I simply nodded, my heart heavy as I opened the car door and stepped out.

The night air felt cool against my skin as I walked toward the entrance of the building. As soon as the heavy door of the hall closed behind me, I leaned against it and let the melancholy wash over me.

I touched my lips, still feeling the ghost of his kiss, and closed my eyes. My heart ached, but I knew that no matter how painful, I had to let him go. I’d prayed for a savior, for a miracle, and I had received it in more than one way.

This savior in dark armor had come into my life like a tempest, leaving meforever changed.

The last two days had felt like an eternity without Jiro. No matter how much I tried to lie to myself, deny it, or distract myself, his absence was a constant ache in my chest. I missed him more than I thought possible; his presence was like a drug I was addicted to.

Oda had been texting me daily, trying to keep my spirits up with his quirky jokes and overinflated ego. It was working to some extent. He had a way of making me laugh even when I didn’t feel like it. But deep down, I knew he was also playing the role of intermediary between Jiro and me, relaying messages back and forth.

After finishing my shift at the emporium, I went to the bus stop, waiting to catch the bus to the weekly bingo game I hosted at the center. The afternoon sun was warm against my skin, but it did little to chase away the gloomy thoughts that had settled over me.

Just as I was lost in my own world, my phone rang, and I looked down to see Oda’s name on the screen.

“Hey there,” his voice greeted me, playfully teasing. “I was just hoping you’re less sullen than the yakuza who’s been moping in his bedroom for the past two days.”

His words immediately made me chuckle as a feeling of warmth settled in my chest at the realization that Jiro was missing me, too. “Oh, you mean he’s not having a grand time without me?”

Oda’s laughter echoed through the line. “I think his sulking has reached epic proportions. So, how about we go grab some coffee? My treat.”

Coffee sounded like a great idea, and spending time with Oda was always entertaining. “Sure, that sounds nice. But I have bingo in a bit, so it will have to be after that. Does that work?”

“Perfect, anything to get out of this pity party of one.”

I was about to respond when I heard distant rumbling on the other end of the line. It seemed like a muffled conversation was taking place, and I could sense tension in the air .

“What? It’s true. You’re like an emo kid at his first My Chemical Romance concert.” Oda’s voice shot back, followed by some indistinct rambling.

“Ouch. Stop hitting me, man, fuck!” Oda suddenly snapped, the commotion on his end growing more chaotic. “Got to go, beautiful. I’ll meet you at that little café you like in about two hours? Ouch, stop it!”

The prospect of seeing Oda was pleasant, but no matter how petty and childish it was, knowing that Jiro was miserable without me somehow made my heart do a little dance.

When I arrived at the community center, the secretary at the main entrance halted me with unexpected news. “Hope, the admin team is looking for you. They want to see you on the fourth floor.”

Anxiety knotted in my stomach, instantly replacing any thoughts of Jiro with a growing sense of unease. As I rode the elevator to the fourth floor, my mind spun through potential scenarios, each one suggesting that my time might no longer be enough and that the price of my mother’s care was about to increase.

The admin office door was ajar, and I hesitated for a moment before stepping in, taking a deep breath to try and calm my nerves.

When I pushed the door, my heart raced despite my attempt to calm myself.

Jenny, a middle-aged woman with vibrant red hair, greeted me with a cheerful smile as I entered her office. “Ah, there you are, Hope!” Her cheerful tone immediately eased some of my stress. Maybe this wouldn’t be bad news after all.

“You wanted to see me?” I asked, my nerves still fluttering.

“Yes, I did. I wanted to discuss your mother’s arrangement with us,” she said, glancing down at the folder in front of her.

I nodded, trying to wrap my head around the situation. “Okay?”

Her smile remained, and she continued. “Well, we received an advance payment for three years of full-time care for your mother yesterday. I’m just wondering if you have a date in mind for when she would be moving in permanently. The room has been held, but we can’t keep it reserved indefinitely.”

I blinked, shocked by what she’d just said. An advance payment for three years of care? I certainly hadn’t made any such arrangement. Suddenly, realization dawned on me, bringing a mixture of shock and hurt. Jiro. He must have been the one to make this payment to ensure that my mother was taken care of for years to come. But instead of feeling gratitude, a pang of hurt twisted within me. I stood there feeling like a charity case, and it stung.

I managed to gather my thoughts, my voice steady, but my heart conflicted. “I’ll give you a date before the end of the week,” I finally said, my mind racing as I tried to process everything.

“Thank you, Hope.”

As I left the admin office, emotions churned within me like a stormy sea. Gratitude for Jiro’s gesture tangled with a sense of shame, as if my circumstances had led him to make such grand decisions.

My initial plan of hosting bingo became a distant thought, overshadowed by this news. I hurried to the reception to explain that I had an emergency and wouldn’t be able to lead the session today.

Outside the center, fresh air did little to quell the whirlwind of feelings inside me. Pulling out my phone, my fingers trembled as I dialed Jiro’s number.

“I was not moping,” he said on the other end, his tone bristling with frustration.

I was well beyond being even a little interested in his stupid banter with Oda. “Did you pay for three years of care for my mother?” The line fell silent, the pause only fueling my anger. “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”

“What?” His response held an edge, a coldness that made my steps falter.

“To know that everything between us, every gesture you make, comes from pity and misplaced guilt,” I blurted out, my frustration overflowing.

“Everything?” he echoed, his voice taking on a chilling tone that caught me off guard. “Is that truly what you believe?”

Looking heavenward, I tried to find the right words. “It certainly feels that way.”

“I see,” he finally said, his voice softer but somehow scarier. “I’m not sure if there’s anything I can say over the phone to change your perception. Goodbye, Hope.”

The line went dead, leaving me standing there, emotions roiling within me. The situation between us just got even worse, and this time, I might be the one to blame.

With time to spare before meeting Oda, I decided to rein in my nerves. I refused to be that person who spends a coffee date with a friend whining about her… well, what was Jiro to me anyway? I couldn’t help but snort at my own confusion. Jiro wasn’t anything to me. Not really.

As I walked along the pier, I allowed the soothing scent of the sea and the gentle rhythm of the waves to work their magic on my tumultuous emotions. The whole situation with my mother’s care was now much clearer. It was undoubtedly the best choice for both of us. But as I gazed out at the expansive sea, my mind began to wander into uncharted territories. What would not having to bear the full weight of my mother’s care mean for my future? Could I finally go back to school, resurrecting the dreams I’d set aside when life had taken a difficult turn? The possibilities seemed both exhilarating and daunting. Could I start my life back where I had left it before the avalanche of responsibilities had come crashing down? The idea filled me with excitement, a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long while.

Lost in my thoughts of newfound potential, I continued my leisurely stroll along the pier. I imagined what it would be like to have a fresh start, to be able to take the reins of my life once more.

Eventually, I arrived at the café. Pushing open the door, I was fully expecting to see Oda sitting there with his usual cheerful smile. But as I walked in, my heart leaped into my throat. It wasn’t Oda sitting there. It was Jiro. His expression was etched with fury, his dark eyes practically smoldering with anger.

Fuck, this one was going to hurt.