Her Fearless Ronin (The Syndicates #4)

Chapter 16

Hope

T hings were changing quickly, maybe a little too quickly, and I was not sure if I liked that or not. I’d dropped my mother at the center yesterday, and it felt weird to go back home alone, being able to remove all the protections and locks that used to be placed everywhere.

I had lain in my bed most of the night, staring at the dark ceiling, not really knowing what I would do with my life once things with my stupid brother were settled.

For the past few years, I’d been driven by my need to take care of my mother. My family. But what now? Now that she was set and cared for. Now was the time to look at me, and that was scary.

Who did I want to be? I was not the Hope that entered university, her head full of silly dreams. I could not just step back into the life I left three years ago; I didn’t fit in this mold anymore.

I needed to figure out who I was now as Hope Myers, not as the carer but the woman, and the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to keep the only thing I couldn’t have… Jiro.

At least, that was what I thought until I walked into the biggest suite of the Four Seasons hotel, escorted by two guards, to see Hoka’s wife coming toward me with a wide smile on her face.

That woman was nothing I would have expected a Mafia wife to be. She was not dressed in some posh, high couture outfit but wore a pair of skinny jeans and an oversized one-shoulder red top that was so striking against her creamy white skin. She was probably just a few years older than me, with black hair in a messy bun and blue eyes that made me think of Snow White, and she was just a little ball of positive energy.

“Hope! I’m so happy to meet you!” She beamed, pulling me into a hug before I even had the chance to answer. “Yuko is asleep! Come, I had some food brought up for us.” She grabbed my hand and led me into the room. “I want to know everything about you.” Her enthusiasm was infectious, and I couldn’t help but laugh along.

We settled in her living area, and she sat across from me, her excitement palpable.

“Please, help yourself.” She pointed at the cart, which was loaded with way more food than both of us could eat.

She seemed to catch my thoughts and wrinkled her nose. “I might have gone a little overboard, huh?” She sighed, waving her hand dismissively. “I didn’t know what you liked, so…”

Her consideration immediately put me at ease and filled me with gratitude. She genuinely wanted me to feel comfortable with her, and that meant a lot to me.

“What’s on your mind?” Her sidelong smile made me realize I’d been staring at her.

I blushed and looked down at the fine china plate adorned with blue flowers in front of me. “Oh, nothing.”

“You’re surprised that I’m Hoka’s wife,” she said with certainty.

I looked up with wide eyes. Was I that transparent? Did I offend her? Oh God, she’s going to hate me now. “I—”

She laughed and waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Oh no, don’t look so pitiful! It’s such a legitimate thought. Hell! We’ve been together for years. We have a beautiful boy, and sometimes I still wonder how it works.”

I mustered a smile that probably resembled a grimace, and she chuckled again.

She began to fill her plate with food, and I followed suit as she continued talking. “Honestly, I know on paper, Hoka and I could not be more incompatible. Some people thought and prayed we would fail.” She shrugged, taking a bite of a mini sandwich, which made me laugh once more.

“It’s just that… I’m not sure what I was expecting.” I admitted, a bit shy.

“You probably expected a proper and rigid Asian lady in her thirties, all bound by conventions.” She snorted. “Hoka would have been miserable if he’d married her. We had a rough journey, more than rough if I’m being honest with you. There was a long time when I thought we were all wrong for each other, and he thought he was all wrong for me. But looking back, that’s exactly why we needed each other. Being too similar is just boring. Hoka completes me just like I complete him.”

As she spoke, the air in the room seemed to grow heavy with unspoken emotions. Her words echoed in my mind, and the similarity between her situation and mine struck me hard. But they had fought for their love, faced challenges and differences, and come out stronger on the other side.

“Hope, is something bothering you?” Violet leaned in, her brow furrowing as she studied my face for any sign of distress.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, my heart feeling like a battlefield. I took a deep breath, then blurted out, “What if you love someone, but they keep pushing you away?”

Violet’s eyes softened, and she leaned in slightly. “Love is a complex thing, especially in the world Hoka and Jiro come from. Sometimes people push others away not because they don’t care, but because they care too much. ”

I swallowed hard, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “What if they’re leaving to protect you?”

Violet’s gaze held mine, and she sighed softly. “Hoka told me not to meddle, but I can’t help myself. When someone wants to leave you, it could be their way of showing love, misguided as it might be. They might believe that it’s the best thing for you, even if it breaks their own heart.”

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I hastily wiped it away. I would not embarrass myself in front of a woman I’d just met.

Violet’s voice lowered, carrying a touch of sadness. “Leaving behind your koi no yokan is one of the hardest things. It’s a Japanese term for the feeling you have when you first meet someone and know that, someday, you will love them. It’s like a premonition of love. But sometimes, life has its own plans, even when we’re not ready to accept them.”

I was startled by the unfamiliar term, my curiosity piqued. “ Koi no yokan ?”

Violet seemed a bit embarrassed by her slip, but she smiled gently. “It’s a concept that’s quite personal. Hoka believes that you and Jiro are soul mates. Based on Jiro’s actions, he’s convinced of it. That’s probably why he’s trying to protect you in his own, albeit misguided, way.”

My heart ached at Violet’s words. Soul mates? It sounded like something out of a fairy tale. “But he’s going to leave, he told me. How can that be love?”

Violet reached out and touched my hand, her eyes filled with understanding. “Sometimes, people believe that by leaving, they’re giving the greatest gift. They might think they’re sparing you from pain or danger. It’s a twisted way of loving, but it’s still love.”

“I don’t want that.”

“No, I didn’t think you would.” She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go. “That man is laden with emotional scars, just like my Hoka. And…” She made a rueful face. “Jiro and I didn’t exactly start on the best footing, but one thing I know is that he’s highly honorable and incredibly stubborn. Now he’s returning as Hoka’s wakagashira .”

“Is that so?” I tried to sound nonchalant, but the idea both pleased and saddened me. I knew how much he missed his previous life. Of course, he would return to it.

She sighed. “He hadn’t told you, had he?” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth before letting it go with a sigh. “I’m really making a mess of things, aren’t I?” she muttered under her breath. “Hoka told me to leave it alone, but I think I helped with Alessandro and Lily, I thought…” She shook her head and stuffed another small sandwich in her mouth.

I couldn’t help but smile; this woman was so much more like me than I could have ever comprehended. I also had the gift to put my foot where I shouldn’t.

“He probably would have told me, but I was busy yesterday taking my mother to the center and all.” I shrugged; he probably waited for this mess to be settled before telling me. Not that he owed me an explanation. We’re not together or anything. He didn’t make a commitment.

Lord knows I didn’t need that to be completely addicted to the man.

Violet looked at me silently as she drank her hot chocolate.

“Not that I don’t appreciate his help and your husband’s help with my brother’s mess,” I added quickly, hoping she didn’t misunderstand my words and thought I was ungrateful.

She smiled, and it looked like it carried so many secrets. “You know my husband, he’s not perfect. He’s a loving husband and doting father, but outside of our bubble, he’s as ruthless as they come, you know? He’s not very charitable. He doesn’t just help people for the sake of helping them.”

“Okay…” I was not sure where she was going with that.

Her smile widened. “What I’m trying to say is that Hoka is helping because Jiro is family and because you’re not just anyone. You’ve probably already noticed that Jiro can be quite stubborn and too caught up in his own self-blame to hear reason.”

I snorted, and she chuckled. “He asked Hoka for help,” she continued, looking at me expectantly as if I should catch on to what she was hinting at.

“I know, and I really appreciate it,” I replied.

She rolled her eyes. “No, Hope, you’re not getting it. Jiro Saito asked Hoka for help to protect you . I don’t care about what he says or doesn’t say, and subtlety be damned. Jiro loves you, whether he’s aware of it or not.”

This revelation caught me off guard, my heart racing wildly in my chest. Jiro loving me? Could that even be possible? I was well aware he cared for me, sure, but he had never reciprocated when I confessed my love to him during our most intimate moments.

I think Violet had left out a crucial variable in her equation—the immense guilt that Jiro felt for my sister’s death and the overwhelming sense of debt he believed he owed.

“My sister died twelve years ago,” I disclosed, trying to keep my voice steady despite the emotional weight of the memory.

Violet’s expression turned somber. “I know.”

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “I was barely ten back then, and Anna was looking after me for the day on campus when I saw Jiro for the first time. He came to see her on campus as a surprise. They’d only been seeing each other for a few weeks then. I had an instant crush on him and did my best to be around whenever he was there. I was a little stalker,” I admitted with a humorless chuckle. “Of course, I was too young to understand what was happening. My sister started receiving threatening notes, and Jiro was worked up, saying it might be the yakuza unhappy about his involvement with an outsider.” I shrugged. “I didn’t grasp the gravity of it—yakuza, threats—it was all beyond me. All I cared about was that beautiful man I was convinced I’d marry someday.” I shook my head at my naive younger self.

Violet listened attentively, her calm presence making it easier to share one of my most painful memories.

“I wasn’t even supposed to be there that day. Leo was angry with Anna—he always was those days—and he took me to her place to disrupt her date with Jiro. He dropped me off at the bottom of her building, and when I got up there, the door was open. Jiro and Anna were arguing. I don’t know what it was about, but he stormed out, and she followed him. I don’t think she even saw me standing there, and that was the last time I saw her alive.”

Violet nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry, losing someone we care about is so hard,” she offered, her tone carrying her own pain. She truly understood.

“Jiro is tormented by guilt over her death,” I added.

She nodded again. “Yes, he is.”

This simple acknowledgment should have brought some relief, but instead, it stung.

“But Jiro doesn’t function like that. I’ve seen how he acts around Hoka and me. If anything, his guilt isn’t what pulls him closer; it’s what’s pushing him away. Jiro is a man who would walk away from his own happiness because of his guilt.”

I sighed, my heart heavy with the weight of these revelations. “With Jiro, it’s just that…”

Yuko’s noises filtered through the baby monitor. “Ah, the little man is up,” Violet said, standing up. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.”

I nodded, using this moment to check my phone. There were messages from my brother urging me to meet them in the hotel hallway.

I stood up from my seat, leaving my bag on the table to show Violet that I was going to return in a minute, and informed the scary-looking guard that I’d be back in just a moment and that I just needed to go to the hotel boutique for some women issues. I knew it was something that nobody would ever question, and he nodded, clearing his throat.

As soon as I reached the lobby, I was pulled into a meeting room. I turned around and found my brother pacing back and forth. His appearance was disheveled, his hair mussed, and his eyes carried a wild edge I’d not seen since Anna’s death.

He wasted no time; his words spilled out like a torrent, fueled by both panic and anger. “I told you to walk away, Hope, I told you to stay away from that fucking yakuza. It’s everything you did that led to this mess. It’s all on your head!” He pointed an accusatory finger at me, his voice trembling with frustration.

His accusations struck me like a punch to the gut, causing anger to bubble inside me. “Hold on a minute! You think I asked for any of this? You think I wanted any of these troubles? You disappeared, Leo! You left us in the deep shit you created. How did you even know I was here?”

He paced back and forth erratically, his hands gesturing wildly. “You had choices, Hope. You always had choices, and you chose to sleep with him just like Anna!” he barked, ignoring my question.

My patience began to fray, my frustration mingling with a growing suspicion. “What are you not telling me, Leo? Why are you so vehement about all this? What are you hiding?”

He seemed to waver but looked away, his hands trembling. “Nothing good comes from digging into the past. You kept pushing deeper into it when I asked, no, demanded that you stop. But his dick was too good to pass up, huh?”

My patience snapped, replaced by raw irritation. “What does it have to do with you? You left! I thought you were dead, and you know what? For the first time, I wished you might have been!” I turned back toward the door. “I have someplace to go.”

He stepped closer, his expression filled with desperation and bitterness. “What happens next, Hope, is on your head. Remember that.”

I was done with him, with his drama. I didn’t care what happened to him now. I opened my mouth to tell him that, but before I even got a chance to turn around, a cloth was pressed against my face from behind. Panic surged, but before I could react, darkness overtook me, and everything went black.