Chapter 18
Hope
I woke up feeling groggy, my senses slowly returning to me. I opened my eyes and found Jiro sleeping beside me, on top of the covers. But unlike the peaceful slumber he’d had after that unforgettable night we’d shared what seemed like a million years ago, his expression was different now. His eyebrows were furrowed, as if even in his sleep, he was deep in thought, worried about everything.
I lay there, silently watching him, feeling a strange numbness inside me. My brother was dead… the only family I had left now resided in a care home with no real recollection of my existence. The weight of my loneliness settled over me like a heavy blanket, making it hard to breathe.
Jiro’s eyes fluttered open, and his dark orbs met mine. He didn’t speak right away, just stared at me, assessing, as if he could read the cause of my distress.
“Is it weird,” I finally found my voice, “that after all he did, after he sold me without a second thought, there’s a part of me that will miss him?”
Jiro’s gaze remained steady, his dark eyes locked onto mine. “No, it’s not weird at all. People are complicated, Hope. There was a time when Leo wasn’t the person who betrayed you. That part of him, the one you loved, it’s natural to grieve for that too.”
I sighed, my breath trembling as I tried to sort through my emotions. Turning onto my back, I stared at the moldings on the hotel room’s ceiling.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Jiro said gently.
I nodded, my response muted. “Will he… resurface?” I asked hesitantly.
Jiro lay on his back beside me. “No.” And for once, I was grateful he didn’t expand on this. He sighed. “And I know I don’t really need to say it, but you can never tell anyone what happened. Because, Hope, I will not be able to protect you if you do.”
Because you won’t be there anymore .
“Don’t worry about me, Jiro Saito. I’ll live my life on the straight and narrow. You can leave with peace of mind.”
I heard his head turn on the pillow, and I could feel his eyes on the side of my face, but I kept looking at the ceiling as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. I didn’t want him to see the turmoil and pain his departure was causing.
“Hope.” The softness of his voice stung a little; it felt a lot like pity to me.
“How do you feel knowing you weren’t to blame for Anna’s death?” I asked, desperately switching the focus from me to him. “That must be a relief.”
Jiro didn’t respond immediately, and I turned my head toward him. He was facing me, but his eyes were locked on some distant point only he could see.
After a pause, he finally spoke, his voice deeper. “It is a relief. But it’s also surreal. After carrying that guilt for so long, it almost feels like I’ve lost a part of myself.”
I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy. “You’ve carried that responsibility for too long, Jiro. It was a burden that you should never have borne.” I forced a little smile. “Now you can finally let it go and leave all this behind.” Leave me behind.
His eyebrows dipped, his gaze searching mine. “I think we need to discuss this. You’re alone here now, and I want—”
I didn’t want his pity, not when what I truly craved was his love and commitment. “It’s quite freeing, yes, I agree. Now I can do whatever I want. It’s so liberating,” I said, with a voice as light as I could muster to mask the pain in my heart.
There was a flicker of something akin to frustration and longing in his eyes, but he didn’t say more. Instead, he stood up and motioned toward the en suite bathroom. “There are clean clothes in there. Once you’re ready, come out to the main room. Hoka and Violet are waiting.”
As he left the room, I couldn’t help but feel the weight of uncertainty settling in. Had I just made a mistake?
I waited until I heard the bedroom door close behind him, then slowly rose from the bed. His words echoed in my mind, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had pushed him away when all I truly wanted was to be closer to him.
I moved to the en suite and turned on the shower, letting the hot water wash over me. It was a blissful sensation, and for a moment, I allowed myself to simply bask in it. But as the water cascaded down my body, I couldn’t escape the thoughts that flooded my mind.
Leo is dead. My only family had betrayed me. Sold me without a second thought. Realizing the extent of my loneliness, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I pressed my forehead against the shower tiles. Silent tears mixed with the water, unnoticed and unseen.
I stayed in the shower longer than necessary, the heat soothing both my body and my troubled thoughts. A part of me had hoped that Jiro would join me like he had done before, wrap his arms around me, kiss the back of my neck, and make all the promises and love declarations I was longing to hear. But that was a distant memory, a foolish dream, a chapter in our lives that had come to a painful close.
“Fool,” I muttered as I turned off the water.
I quickly dried off and dressed in the clothes I assumed were Violet’s. The flowy royal-blue midi skirt and cream satin shirt were likely the nicest, most luxurious items I had ever worn, and I marveled at how they seemed to transform me into someone different.
I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection as if trying to recognize the woman looking back at me. I took a few deep breaths, steeling myself for what lay ahead. I had faced countless failures, heartbreaks, and disappointments in my life, and this would be no different. I would fake it until I made it, as I always did.
Did you really?
Pushing my doubts aside, I opened the bedroom door and stepped into the main room. Hoka was leaning over Violet, who cradled their son. Despite his fearsome appearance, his eyes held a tenderness I’d never seen before.
“Oh, sorry!” I stammered, stepping back quickly into the room, my heart aching with a surprising pang of longing.
It was possible for a yakuza to be happy, and it was possible for him to make a woman like me happy. He just needed to want it.
“Hope! Come, don’t be silly. We’re done,” she called with laughter.
I opened the door and noticed Hoka now holding their baby. The weight of his gaze almost made me retreat, but Violet’s inviting pat on the sofa drew me in.
“I can’t thank you enough, Hoka,” I said, my voice thick with emotion.
His eyes shimmered with something unreadable. “That’s what families do,” he replied softly. “Though I wish things had ended differently.”
I nodded. My gaze swept around the room, searching for any sign of Jiro and Oda, but they were conspicuously absent. A knot of unease settled in my stomach, and I couldn’t help but ask, “Where are Jiro and Oda?”
Hoka hesitated, sharing a fleeting look with Violet. “They’re preparing. We leave for California tonight.”
“Tonight…” My heart sank. “Right, yes.” That realization hit me harder than I expected. Standing abruptly, I stammered, “I should let you get ready.” My scattered thoughts led me to my forgotten bag on the mantel. “I’ll return the clothes.”
Violet rose, her voice trembling, “Hope, wait—”
But Hoka silenced her with a subtle shake of his head. The finality of that gesture stung.
He wanted me to go too, of course. Why would he spend time with me? I was not part of the family, nor was I ever considered part of it. Jiro’s obvious absence said more than words ever could.
My cheeks started to burn with the fake smile I tried to keep despite the rejection I was feeling. You would think I was used to it by now, but it did not hurt any less.
My face warmed as my eyes started to sting with unshed tears. “I’ve got to go. Lots of work. And don’t worry, this”—I gestured vaguely—“never happened.”
Reaching the door, I paused. “Tell Jiro and Oda… thanks. For everything.”
Violet’s eyes glistened, but Hoka replied, “We’ll see you soon, Hope.”
With a final nod, I slipped out, swallowed by the hall to return to my life.
With a steaming latte that cost more than I’d like to admit and a reluctant vow to cover every holiday shift for the coming year, I managed to win back Max’s trust after my unexplained two-day absence. His frown softened when I told him Jiro had left and Leo, with all his complications, had decided to move on.
I hardly believed how I could even utter those words without my voice breaking, especially after the harrowing sight of my brother’s tragic end just a day ago. Perhaps my heart had already mourned Leo long before, grieving for the brother he once was, not the stranger he had become.
The silence of my apartment was deafening, a stark contrast to the whirlwind of events that had recently unfolded. Every secret was out, every threat neutralized. Yet, in the midst of newfound freedom, an overwhelming sense of loneliness consumed me.
I sank into the worn-out sofa, flipping through a college catalog. Once, the idea of a fresh start, free from the chains of my past, was all I yearned for. But that was before Jiro’s return, reigniting a childhood infatuation into a blazing passion.
As if the universe sensed my thoughts, my phone buzzed beside me, Jiro’s name lighting up the screen. Glancing at the clock, it was past eight. Was he calling to say goodbye from California ?
Torn, I let the phone ring, not ready to face the emotions his voice might stir up.
I took a deep breath, trying to shake off the heaviness that settled in my chest after ignoring Jiro’s call. The silence of the apartment was suddenly interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Hesitating for a moment, I approached and opened it to find Jiro standing there, holding a bag of fish tacos.
“I figured you wouldn’t answer,” he admitted. His voice a soft caress against my senses. “But leaving without seeing you one last time?” His eyes searched mine, looking for any sign of the emotions I was desperately trying to hide. “That’s not me.”
With my heart in my throat, I stepped aside, allowing him to enter.
As he walked past, he glanced at the college catalog on the table. “Planning for the future?” he asked with a hint of sadness in his voice.
I nodded, trying to find the right words. “I need to figure things out,” I whispered, my voice betraying the turmoil inside. “Now that anything is possible.” Anything except a future with you.
Jiro’s gaze intensified, and before I could react, he closed the distance between us. Our lips met in a desperate kiss, filled with longing and unspoken words. The world around us faded as the intensity of our connection took over.
His hands roamed my back, pulling me closer while mine tangled in his hair. The intensity was overwhelming, every touch igniting a fire that threatened to consume us. We moved together, a dance of passion and longing, each touch a silent plea, each kiss a promise.
But as the heat between us grew, Jiro pulled away, his chest heaving. “We shouldn’t,” he whispered, his voice filled with anguish. “This isn’t just a goodbye, Hope. It’s an ending.”
Tears filled my eyes. “Then let it be a beautiful ending,” I murmured, pulling him back to me. “Let’s make this night a memory, a testament to what we shared.”
I saw hesitation in his eyes for a few seconds as his eyebrows dipped. I was not above begging for a last night together, but before I could speak, I saw it; his control snapped, and the almost animalistic side of him took over. He crashed his lips on mine and grabbed my bottom lip between his teeth, biting gently.
He let his hands roam down my body, grabbing my ass and pulling me up, and as I gasped, he deepened the kiss with a dominance I was more than happy to submit to.
I wrapped my legs around his narrow waist as he walked to the bedroom without breaking the kiss.
He finally broke the kiss as he let me fall on the bed and removed his shirt in the same movement. I stared at his beautiful chest, taking in as much detail of his tattoos as possible, trying to imprint them in my memory.
He kept his eyes on me as he slowly undid his jeans, each movement increasing the desperate pool of desire forming in my lower belly. He lowered them, along with his underwear, and he stood there in front of me, his body utter perfection—hard and defined as if he had been sculpted in marble. His impressive length standing straight, his desire as intense as mine .
Seeing him in all his naked glory sent my heart into overdrive, its rapid beats echoing loudly in my ears. Without hesitation, I shed my own shirt, letting it join the discarded pile on the floor. I was thankful for the forethought to have left the bra behind earlier. With a swift motion, I slid off my yoga pants, leaving nothing between us but the raw intensity of our emotions.
I felt brazen. Powerful. And despite the remaining shyness, I opened my legs wide, showing him the extent of my own desire.
He licked his lips as he joined me on the bed, nestling himself between my legs, spreading me even more to accommodate his hulking body, pressing his hardness right on my overly sensitive clit, and I moaned at the simple contact.
“God, you’re breathtaking,” he murmured, his lips grazing my cheekbone before continuing a tortuous journey downward. The mix of soft licks and teasing bites sent waves of pleasure across my skin, bringing me to the verge of insanity.
My senses were on hyperdrive. I closed my eyes, wanting to memorize every nuance of this moment. I wanted to remember everything, every single detail. How my body reacted to his licks, his love bites, and gentle caresses. How his calloused fingers felt on my sensitive skin. How his hot skin and heavy body felt on top of me. How his cologne was even more intoxicating mixed with the shared exertions of lovemaking. And how it felt when his hot mouth closed around my nipples or how his tongue felt in my wet heat.
I was determined to hold on to every moment, every shared breath, every whispered word. Because I knew that after tonight, the memories would be all I had of my time with Jiro Saito.
After making me orgasm on his wicked tongue, he kissed his way back up and stopped for a second to put on a condom.
“Look into my eyes, koibito ,” he said, his voice husky as he positioned himself against my entrance.
I met his gaze, noticing the intense focus in his eyes.
“I want to see all of you when—” He paused, searching my eyes for a hint of hesitation. “When I’m inside you.”
His intensity gripped me, holding me captive in the deep pools of his gaze. There was vulnerability there, mixed with desire, an emotion that echoed within my own heart.
I nodded, and he pushed in with torturing slowness until he was in to the hilt. He started to move slowly, and despite our overwhelming desire, he kept his thrusts slow and gentle. He made sweet love to me, whispering sweet words in Japanese as I held on to him, never wanting to let go.
I came again, and he followed quickly behind, and I wanted to weep at the intensity of what we’d just shared. I would never heal from Jiro.
The night was full of tenderness and passion. We explored each other, savoring every touch, every whispered word. It was a dance of love and heartbreak, of two souls trying to hold on to a fleeting moment.
As dawn approached, I nestled into Jiro’s embrace, the rhythmic beat of his heart lulling me to sleep.
When I awoke, the bed was empty, but a small box and a note lay on the side table .
Tears filled my eyes as I opened the box to reveal a stunning gold and diamond katana pendant. The note simply read, “I will always be your warrior.”
The room was filled with the echoes of our last night together, a bittersweet reminder of a love that was both profound and heartbreaking.