Herald the Night

Chapter Fourteen

It was so strange to invite Connor into the home they shared not all that long ago. Most of his stuff was still there aside from the clothes he’d grabbed and the few things he had come back for over the long, arduous weeks of their not-quite-a-breakup. It was as if they both knew and understood the fact that this was just a temporary thing, but neither of them were willing to be the first to fold. Theo had a feeling it would be him who would cave in first. He just wasn”t sure if he was ready to go back to living the way they had been, nor was he certain they were in a place to make the changes necessary to avoid those old pitfalls.

Connor nudged his shoes off in the front hall and followed Theo into the kitchen. Despite the lingering awkwardness and tension, the deja vu of having him there called to Theo like a lighthouse in a storm. He tried to keep himself from casting longing looks toward Connor as he refilled the kettle and set it on the stove.

“There’s sweet tea in the fridge, or I have regular black, chamomile, and mint hot tea.” Theo pulled his favorite mug from the cabinet and waited for Connor”s answer.

“Sweet tea, eh?” Connor grinned and rested his hip against the counter, loosely folding his arms across his broad chest. His new Amarat Associates Security polo stretched tight in all the right places. “You been talking with mama?”

Theo laughed and felt the flush creep up his neck. “Yeah, of course. You know I love your mom.”

“She”s a good ole gal,” Connor murmured, reaching across to grab a glass from the open cabinet. “I”m glad y’all are still talking. She loves you too.”

“She says we’re both giving her more greys. Did she threaten to fly up with you too?” Theo grabbed a chamomile tea bag from the canister on the counter, fiddling with the wrapper before finally opening it.

“Damn near every day.” Connor shifted around Theo to get to the fridge. He glanced over the door with a grin before reaching in to grab the pitcher of sweet tea—naturally made with Birdie’s recipe. “Not exactly the best weather, but what d’ye reckon we sit on the patio?”

“Mn. Sounds nice. You head out. I”ll finish this up and make sure the kids are in bed, then I”ll meet you out there.” Theo nodded toward the kettle.

“You take all the time you need, Teddy.” Connor’s face broke out in a soft, sad smile as he backed toward the door. “I”ll be waiting.”

Once the kettle was boiled and poured, Theo moved deeper into the house to check on Anna and Toby. The bathroom brawling had long since come to an end, and everything was relatively quiet. He popped into Anna’s room and went through their nightly routine. For as much as she pretended to be grown, and despite the fact that she was, in fact, incredibly mature for her age, she still had an essence of childhood to her that he was glad to cling to. There were hugs and kisses, good nights and sweet dreams, stuffed animals and security blankets. Her bubble gum toothpaste breath and floral shampoo screamed little girl. He gave her an extra long hug just because.

He set the night light and flicked the switch on the way out of the room before crossing to Toby’s and leaning through the door. The not-so-young boy was sprawled out on his bed in a pair of boxers and one of Connor’s old t-shirts. Theo had been wondering where it went. It happened to be one he himself routinely poached. The bedside lamp was the only light in the room, but a blue glow highlighted Toby’s face as he scrolled through his phone. Sometimes, he looked entirely too grown up, especially when he glanced at Theo with a scowl.

“Hey, Tob. I just wanted to say good night.”

“Night, Theo.” Toby’s gaze cut back to his phone.

“Not past ten, okay?”

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”

Theo made it into the hall and nearly shut the door before a voice called him to a halt.

“Hey, Theo?”

He leaned back in. “What”s up, bud?”

“Don”t make the same mistake I did.”

“What would that be?” Theo cocked his head and furrowed his brow.

“Giving too many chances.” Toby never made eye contact, his gaze locked on the screen as he scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. The low, barely audible sound bytes changed, starting and stopping in a disjointed, chaotic stream of cut-off clips as he zipped through them.

“I won”t. I”m sorry. I know it”s been hell, but I”m working on it. For what it”s worth,” Theo murmured, inhaling and exhaling before he continued. “Connor”s not like mom. I trust him. I understand if you don”t, but you can trust me, right?”

“Mn. Yeah, I guess.” Toby dropped the phone to his chest and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. Theo tracked the movement and skimmed the glow in the dark stars splayed over the expanse. “I”m just tired of people leaving. Dad left. You left. Mom left. Connor left. I don”t want to waste my time if everyone is just going to keep leaving.”

Ouch. Toby, one. Theo, zero. He pushed the door wider and stepped into the room. He only hesitated for a moment before crossing toward the bed to sit on the edge. “Hey, look at me.”

Toby reluctantly cut his gaze to the side. Theo brushed his curly blond hair from his brow on impulse before pressing his palm to Toby”s cheek. His eyes were dark in the low light, but Theo could see the hurt swirling in them nevertheless.

“I”m not going anywhere. I never wanted to leave in the first place. No matter what happens, we’re in this for the long haul, okay? You, me, and Anna.”

“I know… I shouldn”t have said that.” Toby abruptly pushed himself into a seated position before wrapping his arms around Theo’s shoulders. Their positions made it difficult, but he clung harder to compensate. “I”m sorry. I love you.”

Theo rested his cheek on top of Toby’s head and squeezed back just as hard. “I love you too, Tob. Promise.”

Theo let Toby hug him for as long as he needed. His affection was rare, so he knew the boy needed it. In all honesty, Theo needed it too. Just before he broke away, Toby whispered so softly, Theo would have missed it were they not wrapped up tight in one another.

“I want him to come back, Theo. Will he really come back?”

Theo tried not to let his tears fall, but the hitch in his voice gave him away regardless. “Yeah. I think so. We just have to figure some stuff out so this doesn”t happen again.”

“Okay. Fair. I”ll… I”ll try to do better, too.” Toby flopped back in the bed and groped around for his phone before plugging it in and setting it on the nightstand. “Go talk. I know he”s waiting for you.”

“Good night, Tob.” Theo fussed over the blanket as Toby pulled it up. He didn”t need or want to be tucked in, but Theo couldn”t resist the urge.

A quiet goodnight followed him into the hall. Rather than shut the door, he left it ajar like he had with Anna. They could all do with a few less closed doors between them. The weight of their conversation accompanied him into the kitchen to grab his now cool tea, and through the back door to the patio. It was only marginally cooler than when they”d walked from Elias’, but compared to the air conditioned house, it felt sweltering and soupy.

Connor was seated exactly where Theo had expected to find him. The freestanding double-seater swing was the one purchase Connor had been insistent on when they first moved in. It was nearly identical to the one his mother had back in Texas. Theo had only gotten to visit the modest ranch house in Laredo once, but they”d spent every night of their trip sitting in that swing with their eyes on the sweeping sky overhead.

“See anything good?” Theo crept over the uneven patio stones and stood before the swing.

“Now I do.” Connor shifted his gaze from the starry sky toward Theo as he approached. His smile was just as soft as before, but a lot less sad.

“May I?” Theo gestured to the swing with a faint smile of his own. “It”s about time we used the damn thing.”

Once they were settled side by side on the swing, Connor shifted his hand and turned it palm up. Theo glanced at it, hesitating only a moment as he filtered through the conversation he”d just had with Toby. He meant every word he said. He did trust Connor. Yes, they’d hurt one another, but the hope was burning brighter in his heart with every day that passed. He slid his hand over Connor”s palm and sighed softly as their fingers slotted together.

“I been thinking a lot.” Connor turned his eyes back to the stars above. Theo did the same. It was somehow easier to talk and listen when they were conversing through the heavens. “I miss you so damn much, it”s hard to breathe. But I”m scared. I don”t wanna rush this. We rushed things the first time ‘round and I reckon that”s where a lot of it went wrong.”

“Yeah. I wasn”t in the best place and I know I brought a lot of shit with me.” Theo squeezed Connor”s hand in his grip.

“It ain”t even that, really. You”re real special, and those kids are real special too. I love you. I love them. I just gotta work through my shit, is all.” Connor squeezed back. Silence blanketed them as they sipped at their drinks and tried to find the most resilient stars that burned bright enough to cut through the light pollution.

“We’ll get there. We’ve been through worse and made it through, right?” Theo wiggled a little closer and set his head on Connor’s shoulder.

“I”d walk through hell to get to you, baby.” Connor set his socked heel against a raised patio stone and set the swing into a slow, serene swaying. “I am walking through hell. The end goal’s worth it, ten thousand times over.”

“Answer me honest,” Theo whispered, lowering his voice to preserve the quiet of their shared space. “Are you okay?”

“Nah. Haven”t been for a while. I mean, I”m getting there. Better”n I was. But I weren’t dealing with my demons. Not like you been. I reckon I thought I was strong enough to fight through it, or run away from it, but I”m learning that there”s more strength in facing’em.” Connor turned his head and kissed the top of Theo’s before returning his gaze skyward.

“It”s not easy.” Theo mulled over Connor”s words for a moment. He continued speaking with another squeeze to Connor’s hand. “But if anyone’s strong enough to do it, you are.”

“I appreciate that, baby. The ole way was a coward’s way. Pretendin’ shit weren”t bothering me so I didn”t have to sit with it. Turns out, that”s the way to ruin everything good.”

“Not ruined. We might be a little fucked up, but we”re stubborn enough to get through it.” Theo turned himself so he could nudge Connor’s stubbled jaw line with his nose. “I”m too stubborn to let go. How about you?”

“Stubborn as a mule,” Connor turned in mirror and lowered his lips toward Theo’s. “Only thing that’ll keep me from coming back for ye is six feet a’soil, baby.”

“Don”t say shit like that,” Theo whispered, their breath mingling between them with aromas of chamomile and black tea and sugar and the perfume of them undercutting it all.

“You’d best shut me up, then.” Connor’s lips brushed Theo’s for how close they were. He felt the curve of his smile against his mouth, irrepressibly matching the expression before closing the distance between them. Sweet tea, solace, and serenity, with a healthy dash of promise. The most delectable kiss they’d ever shared.

Their bodies shifted and aligned, deepening the kiss as Theo’s tongue asked and Connor’s answered. It was a slow, sultry dance in the starlit swelter of the summer’s night. A call and answer between two hearts, bruised, but not broken. There was no urgency, no broiling lust, no need to escalate. They didn”t need to cling and claw and grapple with desire and want. It was a kiss of past and present and impossibly promising future. A connection across the distance. A hand outstretched in the dark. A flickering light at the end of a long tunnel. It was a kiss of hope.

Shared breaths, restorative in their own right, mingled between their searching lips until they were forced to part as galaxies of stars flashed behind Theo’s closed eyelids. He gulped a shaky inhale, and then another, shifting his brow to rest against Connor”s cheek. A breathless laugh broke from his tingling, spit-slick lips.

“I can still take your breath away, eh?” Connor disentangled their hands and looped his arm over Theo’s shoulders. “Got your inhaler?”

“Mn. So dumb,” Theo reached into his front pocket and finagled the device free. “Sorry.”

“Pssh. We been over this a hundred times. You need to breathe. I prefer you breathing, eh?” Connor relaxed into the swing and glimpsed back toward the sky. “I plan on stealing them kisses for the rest’a my life.”

“Ridiculous,” Theo mumbled as he shook his inhaler and brought it to his lips. He inhaled the dose into his iron-clad lungs and nestled in closer to resume his position on Connor”s shoulder.

“We are. I love it.” Connor pressed his lips to Theo”s brow and froze. Then his gaze flicked to the back corner of the yard.

“You okay—”

Connor made a soft tch sound. Theo held his breath as he tried to hone in on their surroundings, his skin prickling despite the humidity and Connor’s proximity. He couldn”t hear anything over the pounding of his heart and the cacophony of nighttime insects. A dog barked somewhere far, far away. He could just make out the sound of a car on a cross road somewhere in the distance. The faint, almost-there wail of a police siren occasionally carried on the breeze. Otherwise, he heard nothing.

Eventually, the tension Theo could feel rippling through Connor’s muscles dissipated. He questioned him with a glance, not wanting to break the hyper vigilance with spoken words. Connor jerked his head toward the back door and pulled his arm from around Theo’s shoulders. It was an easy enough directive to decipher, so Theo pushed himself to his feet and tiptoed ahead. He paused at the door and cast one last look toward the back corner of the yard before stepping inside. Connor was right behind him. He closed the sliding door and checked the lock twice before turning back around.

“I thought I heard something up under that damn lilac bush.” Connor stretched his neck side-to-side. “Prolly just a coon.”

“Likely,” Theo mumbled, glancing back toward the door. With the lights in the kitchen, the glass pane had become a void of impenetrable black beyond the reflection of their bodies silhouetted against it.

“I reckon it”s getting late… and I’m gonna mention it to the agents on my way out. You’ll lock up and arm the system behind me?” Connor invaded Theo’s space and stole another kiss.

“Yeah, of course. You’ll text me when you get…” Theo stumbled over the words. He refused to call Abriella and Lily’s apartment Connor’s home.

“I”ll call when I get to Bell’s place.” Connor saved him from his hiccup with a smile. “That way I can say goodnight and sweet dreams proper, eh?”

“Perfect. Drive safe, babe.” Theo pressed one, two, three kisses to Connor’s lips before stepping out of the way to let him leave. One day, he wouldn”t have to. One day, hopefully soon, they could say their good nights under the same blanket, wrapped in one another”s arms. One day.