Chapter 13
Thirteen
J ackson stared at the ceiling beams of the barn, swiftly calculating the degrees of the angles needed to build a loft.
After working with Caleb throughout the day on the barn, his mind had begun to design the rest of the interior to make it as efficient and productive as Caleb needed. Now that Jackson had allowed his thoughts to go that direction, he couldn’t stop them.
“Jackson?” A woman’s voice came from near the barn door.
It was Sage. Only her voice had the power to interrupt his calculations and draw him back to reality. No one else had ever been able to do that.
He liked that she’d started using his given name, doing away with formality. It felt right.
He moved out of the corner stall he’d helped Caleb build. The darkness of night had fallen, and Caleb had lit a lantern that hung from a rafter at the front of the barn. The young man had been quiet company for most of the day, just the way Jackson liked it.
Now that they were retiring—the men sleeping in the barn and Sage and Willow taking the bed in the cabin—Caleb had disappeared to say goodnight to his wife. Jackson had no doubt that Caleb’s goodnight involved some fairly passionate kissing, having already caught Caleb sneaking kisses with Willow whenever he thought no one was looking.
It had been obvious Caleb was in love with his wife and that he couldn’t keep his hands off her. It had also been obvious Willow adored Caleb in return and relished his stolen kisses and couldn’t get enough of them.
Watching the two interact had only made it all the harder for Jackson to hold in check the feelings for Sage that were growing exponentially. Since first meeting her, his affection may have started slowly, but now it was multiplying with every passing hour so that it felt like it was already at ten to the power of twenty. Soon it would border on infinite, beyond the capability of counting or equations.
As she stepped inside the barn, she was clutching a shawl over her shoulders…and her hair was unbound. He’d never seen her hair down before, and now it swirled in long waves, falling nearly to her waist. The faint lantern light cast a shimmer over her, turning the strands into burnished gold, warming her face, and brightening the blue of her eyes.
His breath snagged in his chest, and every single thought fled from his mind except for her. Nothing else compared. Nothing else was worthwhile. She was all he needed and wanted. There was even a part of him that didn’t know how he’d ever survived without her.
“Jackson?” She paused and searched the spacious area at the front of the barn. It was sparely furnished, with only a few tools. The dairy cow was resting already on one side and lifted her head and turned curious wide eyes upon Sage.
Jackson stepped away from the new stall. “I’m here.”
Her gaze swung toward him, landing upon him with a force that once again sucked the air from his lungs. How had this happened that he was so consumed with her? Yes, partly the consuming thoughts were the way his mind always worked. But why now, when he’d all but given up on relationships? And why was he so attracted to her more than the other women he’d known?
She was different, that’s why. She was simple and straightforward with him, genuinely interested in what was important to him, accepting of who he was, and yet unwilling to coddle him.
He liked those things about her. Actually, he could probably list at least two dozen things about her he liked. Near the top of that list would be how beautiful she was.
She started toward him, a smile beginning to curve her lips.
He could only watch her approach with a sense of reverence. She was incredibly beautiful, so much so that he couldn’t even put into words how to describe her.
She stopped when she was several feet from him. “I stepped out of the cabin to give Willow and Caleb some privacy.”
“Excellent choice.”
Her smile crept higher. “I love seeing her so happy, and I’ve loved being here today.”
Did she want to stay permanently? “Then you want to stop working for Augusta and move here?”
“No, not at all. I couldn’t move here. I would just be imposing on them and the life they’re making.”
He breathed out a tight breath. He didn’t want her to move either. But he’d also seen a side to her today that he hadn’t witnessed before—emotional and happy and relaxed. If living with Willow would fulfill Sage, then how could he oppose that?
“Besides, Augusta needs me.” Sage clutched her shawl tighter.
“I need you too.” He tried to keep his voice light, knowing he had to hold back his ardor.
“You need my organizational skills.”
“Yes. Desperately.”
“And you need me to continue to make sure you’re well groomed.” She looked pointedly at his unshaven face.
He reached up and scrubbed a hand over the day’s worth of scruff. “Yes. I shall easily turn back into the beast without you around.”
“Then that settles it.” Her eyes held a twinkle. “I must go back to Fairview to keep you tamed.”
“I agree wholeheartedly.” This bantering between them was new, and he liked it. Not as much as serious conversations, but it was a side to her that being around Willow possibly brought out.
She studied his face for a moment. “Thank you for bringing me. Even more, thank you for giving me the opportunity to stay tonight.”
“We’re not in a hurry to return.”
“Except that Augusta might be worried about what became of us.”
“She will understand we decided to stay longer.”
“I hope so. I don’t want to neglect my duties.”
“Augusta is perfectly capable of taking care of herself when necessary.”
“She is quite capable.” Sage’s tone held admiration. “But I have pledged to be there for her.”
“She knows you won’t be her lady’s maid forever.”
“I would like that, though.”
His thoughts went back to what he’d heard in bits and pieces today about her previous relationship with David. While Sage hadn’t come out and said so, David’s quick engagement to another woman so soon after ending the relationship with Sage hinted at unfaithfulness.
Whatever the case was, she needed someone to show her she would be safe in a new relationship and that not all men were like David. Could he be that someone? Was that even possible?
She glanced back at the door. “Have I given them enough time?”
He knew she was referring to Caleb and Willow and their saying goodnight. “Probably not.” She’d likely given them plenty of time, but he wasn’t ready for her to leave yet.
“He adores her,” she said almost wistfully.
“I noticed.”
Once again her smile crept up.
Jackson couldn’t keep from staring at her smile. Her lips were so perfect, so full, and so symmetrically shaped.
She shifted back a step, her gaze darting around, her cheeks turning rosy.
He was embarrassing her with his stare. Quickly, he looked away and cleared his throat. “They have done well here.”
“Very well. My mum would be so proud of Willow.” She’d mentioned to him that her mum had passed away last winter and how much she’d missed having her mother’s presence in her life. But she hadn’t talked much more about her, as if the grief was still too tender.
“Your mum would be proud of you too.”
“I’m not so sure.” Sage released a sigh, and then her shoulders slumped. “Sometimes I think I’ve disappointed her by leaving my family behind.”
He knew a great deal about being a disappointment. All his life he’d felt like he was disappointing his father, falling short of what the great man wanted him to be. It was difficult to live up to someone with the kind of reputation his father had—the daring, adventurous explorer who had accomplished so much and who’d even been knighted.
Jackson could admit to his many shortcomings and being a disappointment to his father. But Sage? She was admirable for what she was doing for her family—saving for their passage and trying to provide a new life for them.
“You’re not a disappointment.” He took a step closer to her, needing to reassure her. “You and Willow are brave for coming here.” He wanted to offer to help pay the passage for Sage’s family again, but he was also learning she was a strong woman who didn’t want to be reliant upon others.
“I’m actually a coward,” she whispered, dropping her gaze to the hay scattered on the dirt floor of the barn. “David was getting married, and I ran away so that I wouldn’t have to see him and his new wife.”
“David is a dolt.” The criticism slipped out before he could censor himself.
She shook her head. “I clearly fell short somehow?—”
“No,” he whispered harshly as he gently took hold of her chin and tilted her head up so that he was looking into her eyes. “He fell short. Not you.”
“You don’t know?—”
“Yes, I do know. He was a fool to ever let you go.”
“You’re just saying that…”
He skimmed his thumb up her chin, silencing her.
Her eyes widened and filled with questions—questions he wasn’t sure he could answer, like what did his touch mean? What was happening between them? What were his intentions?
He didn’t know. All he did know was that his attraction was powerful and undeniable.
He shifted his thumb from her chin to her bottom lip. Before he could stop himself, he grazed her lip, the fullness as well as the firmness fanning a blaze low in his gut.
She released a quick exhale, the warmth caressing him. Was it a breath of anticipation? For what he’d do next?
What exactly would he do next? He didn’t have to think about the answer. He already knew and was reaching for her with his other hand. His fingers wrapped around her arm and tugged her. The movement was gentle and yet determined enough that she stumbled forward against him, bumping him lightly.
At the contact, her eyes widened, but she didn’t push away.
That was a good sign, wasn’t it?
He slid his thumb across her lips again, and this time her lashes fell, and her lips parted just slightly—enough to sense that she was taking pleasure in this moment.
More heat sparked inside him, and he bent down, his heart thudding with a need for her that pushed aside all other rationale. His hand cupped her chin so that he could direct her. In the next breath, his mouth connected with hers in a sweet, delicate kiss where his lips clung to hers for a long second.
Her response was just as soft and short, the kiss hardly beginning before it ended. She took a tiny step back, as though the short kiss was enough to satisfy her.
But it didn’t satisfy him. Instead, it only seemed to set his attraction loose like a wild beast now uncaged. Desire leapt through him, and a low growl formed in his throat.
He snaked a hand around her to the small of her back and captured her there and pressed her closer. At the same time, he lowered his mouth to hers with a surge of passion, this time taking her lips fully and completely with his.
She didn’t quite seem to know what to do with this kiss. He actually didn’t either. But the swell of powerful attraction to her had a mind of its own, leading him onward, propelling him faster, driving a strange urgency through him.
As he slid his other hand from her chin to the back of her neck, she rose into him and into the kiss, almost as if she was afraid he was ready to break away.
But he was just getting started. He pressed in more hungrily, greedy for more of her. And she swelled into him, meshing her mouth with his in a give-and-take that rendered him nearly senseless.
He loved that she was relishing the moment and participating, and he would have stopped in a heartbeat if he’d sensed otherwise.
As it was, kissing her needed to become his new occupation. Why bother with roads or bridges or anything else when he had Sage in his arms and her lips tangled with his. There was nothing and no one else he needed. Only her.
It was almost as if everything else in his life had been leading him up to this moment, conspiring to draw them together, and now intertwining their breaths, and their very souls.
Were his thoughts too intense? Probably. Was he being obsessed with her at the moment? Most definitely.
All he knew was that he had to go on kissing her forever and ever.
At an exaggerated cough near the barn door, Sage broke from him, dragging her mouth away and pushing against his chest.
She was straining hard enough to waken him from his passion-induced delirium, and he quickly released her.
She scampered away while pivoting to face whoever had stepped into the barn and witnessed their moment of passion.
Of course it was Caleb. Holding blankets and pillows, he wasn’t looking at either one of them but was instead staring at the cow.
Sage ducked her head and retreated several more steps, but not before Jackson saw the rosy stain on her cheeks. She finally turned and raced across the barn, sidling past Caleb and out the door into the night.
As soon as she was gone, Caleb shifted enough to watch her as she crossed the yard. When he was obviously assured that she was safely ensconced in the cabin, he closed the barn door. Without a word to Jackson—or even a glance his way—Caleb stalked toward the mound of hay against one wall.
He split the pile into two heaps before tossing a pillow and blanket onto each. Still silent, he turned out the lantern overhead, casting the barn into darkness.
From the tension that seemed to be radiating from the young man, Jackson guessed Caleb wasn’t too happy about the kiss, which was only natural. After all, Sage was Caleb’s family now, and he likely felt responsible for her.
At the crackling of hay, Jackson could tell the fellow had dropped into what was apparently his bed for the night.
With only a faint outline in the darkness to guide his way, Jackson shuffled to the second hay pile, blanket, and pillow. He lowered himself, draped the blanket over his length, then situated himself on the pillow.
When he finished, a heavy silence settled over the barn except for the distant honking of migrating geese. He had the feeling it was only a matter of time before Caleb said something. And he was right.
A moment later, the young man’s tight voice broke the darkness. “With that kind of kissing, you better be planning to marry Sage.”
Marry Sage? Jackson pushed up, letting his blanket fall away. While thoughts about Sage had filled his head to capacity lately, he hadn’t stopped to consider what the future would hold for them. After all, they hadn’t known each other very long.
She’d insisted she wanted to remain a lady’s maid and had even claimed she wanted to be a spinster. While he hadn’t believed she would do either, he hadn’t made plans or considered the possibility that he might be the one to take her firmly out of the lady’s maid and spinster categories by marrying her for himself.
“Well?” Caleb’s tone held a threat that hadn’t been there earlier in the day.
Jackson stiffened, preparing himself for a fist into his stomach. He’d learned today that Caleb had once been a knuckle-boxing champion. Jackson had learned to proficiently wield both a knife and gun during his early days in the wilderness of Rupert’s Land. He’d needed to for self-preservation. Even so, he didn’t want to get into a fight with Caleb.
“I don’t intend to hurt Sage.” He couldn’t promise he wouldn’t kiss her again. With the way his blood was still heated and pulsing through him at double the speed, he guessed he would need to kiss her again.
But how could he take that liberty when he wasn’t ready to offer her more? It wasn’t fair to lead her on and to take kisses when he wasn’t able to offer her a relationship in return.
No, he couldn’t. He had vowed to Augusta he would respect Sage, and stealing kisses would only fuel his consuming desire for her. With the way his mind worked, he was already having a hard enough time keeping proper boundaries in place.
“She’s been hurt by one man,” Caleb said. “She doesn’t need to be hurt by another.”
Jackson didn’t want to hurt her, not even in the tiniest amount. “I’ll be careful.”
“Then don’t kiss her again until you’re willing to marry her.” Caleb’s statement was less of a suggestion and more of a command.
Jackson blew out a tense breath. Would he ever be willing to get married? He’d once thought he was ready with Meredith. But since calling off their engagement, he’d decided that he didn’t deserve happiness or a future with Meredith or anyone, not when the men he’d killed on the bridge hadn’t gotten happiness or a future.
The terrible images flashed through his mind again. With a shudder, he reclined into the hay, drawing the blanket up to his shoulders.
“If you kiss her again and don’t marry her,” Caleb continued, “I’ll track you down and make you do it.”
“Fair enough.” In his mind, Jackson could see the rationale behind everything Caleb was saying, and he agreed. If only he could convince his heart to follow suit.