Hold Me (Ribbon Ridge #7)

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

B ex sat in her office in the brewhouse and blinked at her computer screen after zoning out for the umpteenth time. She’d spent most of the night tossing and turning, her mind and body a twisted knot of stress and regret. She never should’ve told Hayden she loved him. The look in his eyes had been enough to make her wish she could take it back. But she couldn’t. Just like she couldn’t wipe away the pain she’d caused him five years ago.

She’d wondered if Ribbon Ridge would be big enough for both of them, and she had her answer—no. She’d been a fool to think she could come back here and live in the same town as him and his family. Worse, to think she could work for his family.

Then again, she hadn’t anticipated the impact of coming back. Of being with Hayden. Seeing him had rekindled feelings she’d thought long buried. About him and the life they could’ve had. A life he no longer wanted. Yeah, staying here would pretty much be a huge middle finger in his face.

Which was why she had to leave.

She’d texted Tori and Sara and asked them to come to her office at noon. She’d brewed another batch of beer in a kind of haze, feeling sad that she wouldn’t get to do this for very long and hoping she could find another job relatively quickly.

Tori and Sara came into the brewhouse together. Bex stood from her desk, where she’d been nervously tapping her foot, and called for them to come on in. She had just two other chairs situated around a small worktable.

She tried to infuse as much cheer into her voice as possible. “Hi, have a seat.”

And apparently failed spectacularly. Tori immediately frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Sara took one of the chairs and looked from Tori to Bex. “ Is something wrong?”

Bex took a deep breath. “I need to give you my notice. I’ll do it in writing, but I wanted to tell you both first.”

“What?”

They said the word in unison, both of them sitting forward in their chairs, their faces reflecting shock and surprise.

“What happened?” Tori sat back, her eyes narrowing. “Is this Hayden’s fault?”

Bex shook her head vehemently. “No. It’s mine. I thought I could come back here, but I was wrong.” Maybe she was as emotionally stunted as she’d always been. No, that wasn’t it. For whatever reason she was different now. She realized she was going to regret not having the chance to be a part of this crazy, complicated family, that somewhere along the way she wanted the closeness they all shared. Maybe it was the Only Child Club or the camaraderie, or yes, even their parents’ meddling. What she wouldn’t give to have two parents who cared as much as Rob and Emily did. But if she couldn’t have Hayden, she couldn’t have his family either.

Sara’s brow puckered. “I don’t understand. Why can’t you be here? I thought you liked it here. I heard you all had such a good time last weekend on the campout.”

Bex thought about spilling everything—found that she wanted to for the first time—but she didn’t for Hayden’s sake. In the end, it was far easier to bury everything. “It was really fun, but . . . but I just can’t stay.”

Tori crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t get you. You left town practically overnight five years ago, breaking our brother’s heart. Now you come back, and you’re going to bail again?”

Put like that, Bex sounded like an awful person. And right now, she felt like one. But she was really trying to do the right thing, particularly since she was the one who’d screwed it up in the first place by coming back. “Why were you all so forgiving after I left? I don’t understand why you stayed friends with me.”

“Yeah, you broke his heart, but maybe he deserved it.” Tori shook her head. “I don’t know what went on between you. I love my brother—and I’ll choose him over you in a heartbeat—but I grew to love you, too.”

Sara’s eyes were kind as she looked at Bex. “I think in our minds, you were already our sister-in-law. When you left, you broke up with all of us.”

Bex’s heart twisted. She loved them, too. All of them. “I’m so sorry. Things were . . . I can’t tell you everything, I’m sorry.” She winced, but let the words come. “I did break up with all of you. Frankly, you were all part of the problem.”

Tori’s eyes widened, and Sara’s brow wrinkled with confusion.

“I don’t understand,” Sara said. “You didn’t like us?”

Bex was really screwing this up, too. “I liked you very much. I loved you, even. But I come from a tiny family. Actually, I barely come from a family at all. You’re scary as hell.”

Tori uncrossed her arms, and her shoulders relaxed slightly. “I get that. You’re not wrong.”

“No,” Sara agreed. “Why do you think we all left town?”

Wait, what? Bex blinked at them in surprise.

“We needed space,” Tori said. “Just to spread our wings a little, to find ourselves, I guess.” She glanced at Sara, who nodded in response.

Bex wanted to say that Hayden hadn’t had that chance. That his not taking it was a key point of their breakup, but that was between them. Just like the baby. If he wanted to share any of that with his family, that was his decision, not hers.

“So that’s why you’re leaving?” Sara asked. “You just can’t tolerate our crazy?”

Bex laughed, glad for the humor. “You’re not crazy. Just a bit overwhelming. But yes, I don’t really fit here.” Although she desperately wanted to. Wasn’t irony a bitch?

Tori pursed her lips. “You’re so full of shit. This isn’t about us. This is about Hayden. I saw the way you were looking at each other when we were camping, and Jamie said he saw you guys coming out of the woods. Late.”

Sara sucked in a breath. “You guys aren’t?—?”

Bex shook her head firmly. “No, we aren’t.” Anymore. “We are no more together now than when I got here.” That was certainly the truth.

Tori rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’m not buying it. Just please tell us if we’re going to have to pick up the pieces again.” She looked at Bex intently.

“No,” Bex said quietly. At least not where Hayden was concerned. Bex, on the other hand, might need a mop to clean up the mess of her heart.

Tori’s gaze softened. “You’re still in love with him.”

She shouldn’t confirm that. It wasn’t their business. But the pull to strip away her armor and reach out to them was too overwhelming to ignore. She nodded.

Tori scooted forward in her chair. “That jackass. What did he do?”

Bex blinked, coming out of her stupid lovelorn haze. “ Nothing. He did absolutely nothing. I’ve put him through enough. I’m leaving because it’s best for him.”

Sara looked confused again. “I don’t understand. Does he know how you feel?”

Again, she probably ought to file this under “none of their business,” but she didn’t want them talking to him about it. At all. And yeah, it felt good to share this with them. Like they were the sisters she’d never have. Which they totally were. “He does, and he . . .” Bex shook her head.

Tori exhaled, looking defeated. “That sucks. I would’ve thought he’d be open to getting back together.”

“Because he was hung up on me for so long?” Bex asked.

Tori nodded. “You knew about that?”

“Not until recently. If I’d known . . .” What would she have done? She had no idea, and she never would.

“Are you sure he won’t come around?” Sara asked. “You guys were pretty great together.”

She’d thought so too this past week, but it didn’t matter. “No, that ship has sailed. His words.”

Sara got up and went to Bex’s chair to hug her. “I’m sorry, Bex.”

Bex stood and hugged her back. “Me too.” She smiled sadly.

Tori joined them. “This sucks. You were supposed to be our sister.”

Bex blinked back tears. She suddenly wished she hadn’t shared so much. This was more painful than she’d imagined. She didn’t want to go back to being alone. To being lonely.

The tough part of her—the girl her parents had conditioned to suck it up—swallowed the crushing emotions and cleared her throat. “Do you want any recommendations for my replacement? I could give you a few names.”

Tori shrugged. “I guess. What are you going to do in the meantime? Is the apartment ready yet? Can you at least move in there for the next few weeks?”

Bex didn’t plan to tell them the full story regarding Rob and Emily’s role in everything. “No, I’d rather find somewhere else. Away from the house entirely.”

“Come stay with us,” Sara said. “We have a spare room. The main bathroom is in desperate need of updating, but it works. Dylan plans to get to it this winter when things slow down a bit.”

Bex stared at her. “You guys got married like two weeks ago. No way am I staying with you.”

Tori looked at her sister. “Seriously. Dylan would shoot you.”

Sara giggled. “Okay, maybe. But she needs a place to stay, and your loft is too small.”

“True. I wish our house was done, but that’s months off.” Tori pressed her lips together for a second then her eyes lit. “Duh, Evan and Alaina. They have scads of space. I’ll call her now.” She pulled her phone from her pocket.

Bex wasn’t sure. “I don’t want to be a nuisance—they’re newlyweds, too.”

“With an estate ,” Tori said. “I’m pretty sure you’ll have your own wing. Don’t stress.”

It was more than that. “I don’t want anyone to know about Hayden and me. I’d rather they think poorly of me—that I decided this job wasn’t a good fit.”

Sara blinked at her. “No one’s going to believe that. They’ll figure it out, but we’ll do our best to downplay everything. Okay?”

“Yeah, trust us,” Tori said. “The hard part will be Mom and Dad. I think they were hoping you’d get back together.”

They’d done a little more than hope, but she wouldn’t tell them that. She also wasn’t going to worry about their reaction to her leaving.

“So, we’re good?” Sara asked, drawing her back to the present.

“Definitely. You’ll always be my friends. I love you both.”

Tori smiled. “Even though our family’s nuts?”

A loving family, even a crazy one, was still a damn sight better than what Bex had. And while she didn’t agree with Rob and Emily’s methods, she knew their hearts were in the right place. Anyway, none of it was her issue anymore.

“Even though,” Bex said.

“’K, I’m calling Alaina right now.” Tori pulled her number up on the phone and moved from the office into the brewhouse.

Bex thought of how awkward the next few weeks would be, but she wasn’t going to leave them hanging. She’d stay until they found a replacement. Her mind was already working on whom she could recommend.

Tori came back into the office. “Done. Alaina says to come by whenever. She’s texting you the code to their gate.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it. Now go, I have beer to tend.” She needed to keg a batch of Robin Hood ale.

They hugged her again then left, and she marveled at the complexities of family and friendship and how lucky she would’ve been to share both with those women. But Bex had never been lucky, had she?

Hayden took one last glance in the mirror. He smoothed his hand over his hair then turned and walked through his bedroom to the hallway. He looked to the left, but Bex wouldn’t be there. She’d moved out last night, going to stay with Alaina and Evan until they found a new brewer for The Arch and Fox. Then she’d leave Ribbon Ridge. Again.

He wanted to feel triumphant, like he’d somehow come out the victor this time around, but there were no winners here. If anything, he was angry for putting himself into a position where they’d had to go through this again, albeit on a much lesser scale.

He couldn’t really compare this to before. That had been far more complicated with her wanting him to leave Ribbon Ridge, him refusing, the baby . . . No, this was easier. Or at least it should be on paper. Why then was he tied up in knots?

Because he’d started to allow the old feelings back in. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Yes, she said she loved him. Now. But for how long? When she got tired of Ribbon Ridge again, which he fully expected her to, what would happen then?

Just like five years ago, she was doing him a favor by leaving. Yep, a big fat favor.

He turned sharply and went downstairs. His folks were already over at The Alex—they were staying in the penthouse suite tonight—so he just had to drive himself. He stepped out into the driveway and saw the contractor walking from the garage apartment toward his work truck.

The contractor noticed him and changed direction. “Hey, is Emily or Rob here?”

“No, they aren’t. I’m their son Hayden.” He offered his hand. “Can I help?”

The contractor shook his hand. “Maybe. I had an emergency come up and can’t finish tomorrow. Do you think that will be a problem?”

Now that Bex was gone, there wasn’t any rush. “No, I’m sure it’s fine.”

The contractor visibly relaxed. “Great. I didn’t think it would be an issue since your mom kept putting me off, but I wanted to check and make sure.”

Hayden’s neck pricked. “What do you mean she kept putting you off?”

“She kept rescheduling the install.”

Ice formed in Hayden’s belly. “I thought the materials were on backorder.”

The contractor looked thoroughly confused. He shook his head. “No. We had everything we needed.”

“Ah, my misunderstanding.” Completely. “I’ll let her know you won’t be here tomorrow.”

“Thanks. I’ll finish up Friday. See you.” He turned and went to his truck while Hayden strode to the garage where they kept the Prius.

Hayden backed out and drove through the porte cochere, his mind churning. His mother had clearly lied about the apartment. The only thing he could come up with was that she’d wanted Bex to stay in the house. And why would she do that, other than to have her close to Hayden?

He drove up to The Alex and pulled into the lot, parking in front of the restaurant, where they were holding the family-only party tonight. They were celebrating this monumental achievement, Alex’s legacy.

Opening the door, he stepped out into the warm evening. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of freshly mowed grass and sweet flowers. A light breeze stirred his hair, and he closed the door. The office trailer was gone. It had been removed last week some time.

Everything looked ready—the landscaping, the lighting, the signage. They’d done it. He felt a pang of regret and envy. He’d left only to have everyone come home and work together to execute this accomplishment.

He’d always thought he was the glue holding the family together—like Alex had said in his letter—and that if he left, something might fall apart: his dad, Alex, Archer Enterprises. But it turned out they didn’t really need him at all. In fact, maybe his absence had made all of this possible.

That was absurd. It was Alex’s absence that had done that. The same way it had spurred Hayden to do what he needed to chase his own dreams.

He walked into the restaurant and saw that several tables had been set into a large ring so that they would all sit together. There were flowers and candles set at intervals.

But no one was in the restaurant, which was strange since he’d seen everyone else’s cars outside. Or most everyone else’s; he hadn’t exactly taken inventory while he’d been reflecting.

Liam came in bearing two baskets. “Hayden, you look spiffy.”

Hayden looked at his older brother. “You’re wearing an apron.”

Setting the baskets on the table, he shook his head. “Yeah, Kyle drafted me, can you believe that?”

“No. No, I can’t.”

“Hey, did I hear my name?” Kyle came in, also carrying a couple of baskets. “Stop talking smack about me.”

“You wish,” Liam scoffed with a smile.

Hayden wasn’t in the mood for joking. “Hey, can I ask you guys something? Did you ever post the brewer job anywhere?”

Liam and Kyle exchanged looks. Kyle answered, “No, but we should’ve so we could have a backup candidate since Bex is leaving.”

“Like we told you, we went with Dad on this one,” Liam said. “Our bad.”

Kyle put his hands on his hips. “I’m just surprised she’s leaving. She was so excited, and her first brews are fucking killer. Pisses me off.”

Hayden still hadn’t tried them, but his mind was focused on what he was becoming more and more certain his parents had done. “So hiring her was really Dad’s idea.”

“Yeah, but don’t blame him,” Kyle said.

Oh, he sure as hell would, just not for what they thought.

Kyle pivoted. “I need to get back to the kitchen. Dinner will be up in a few. Liam, you can hang here if you want.”

Just as Hayden was wondering where everyone else was, they began filtering in from the back hallway. Conversation filled the space immediately. Everyone carried pints of beer, the glasses stamped with the new Arch and Fox logo.

Dad saw Hayden. “You’re here. We’re just trying Bex’s new IPA.” He turned. “Bex, you have a pitcher, right? I’ll grab a glass.” He moved toward the bar.

Then Hayden didn’t see anything else but a dull haze of red. Bex was here? “I thought this was a family-only event,” he said.

Someone touched his sleeve, and he blinked, turning his head to see who it was.

Sara looked up at him. “She was in the brewhouse.”

So they’d had to include her? Well, they’d all been raised to be polite. Too bad he wasn’t feeling the least bit amenable right now.

Bex came forward and set the pitcher on the table. “It’s there if you want it. I’m going to go.” She turned and went back the way they all came.

Heedless of his family, he followed her from the restaurant, trailing her into the brewhouse. He could see that she hadn’t been invited—or that at least she hadn’t planned on coming. She was still wearing work clothes while they were all dressed up. “So this is how it works now? You blow into town, insert yourself back into my family, and now you’re off again?”

She turned at the doorway to her office, her features inscrutable. “It doesn’t work like that at all.”

He stopped a few feet from her. “That’s right, your intent was to get back together with me, and when that failed, you decided to leave.”

She pressed her lips together, her face pale. “That was not my intent. I was offered a job, which I wanted very badly, and after great consideration, I took it.”

He snorted. “What sort of consideration? Tell me, did my dad talk you into it?”

Her lashes fluttered as her eyes widened briefly. She looked away, but it was too late. He’d seen the damning evidence in her guilty gaze.

“Congratulations, Bex,” he said softly. “You’ve breached the inner circle, and you didn’t even have to marry me to do it. All my life, I’ve clawed my way to the center of this family, never quite getting there. It’s always been Alex and his illness or Liam and his death wish or Kyle and his addiction. I could go on, but you know what I mean. You’ve lived here. You’ve seen how it works. In fact, you were smart enough to want me to leave, to break free.” He laughed harshly, emotion tearing from the well he’d built deep in his chest. “I guess I should’ve listened to you.”

She took a step toward him. “Hayden, your family loves you.”

“Like you do? I’m not sure I can tolerate all of that love . Especially when it comes with lies and manipulation.”

Her eyes lit with some emotion he couldn’t discern or maybe didn’t want to. “I didn’t lie to you or manipulate you.”

“Do you deny that you came back here because my parents talked you into it?”

She looked him square in the eye. “Yes. Truly. They only wanted you to be happy?—”

“That’s such bullshit. You were supposed to be my soul mate, my partner, my refuge . But now you’re with them.”

She stared at him, and he realized he sounded overemotional, but that’s because he was. “Hayden, you can’t possibly think it’s like that.”

He felt completely exposed, just like five years ago. God, he hated that. He’d never wanted to feel that way again. “I don’t know what to think.”

“Hayden?” His mom’s voice echoed through the brewhouse. He didn’t turn, but saw her from the corner of his eye. She wasn’t alone. Dad was with her. And behind him came the rest of his family—just his siblings, not their partners. “Are you all right?”

Bex edged backward. “I’ll go.”

“Why?” Hayden spat. “I’m sure they’d like you to stay.” He turned then to look at his family. “You brought her here, right? Don’t you want her to stay?”

He saw the guilt in his mother’s eyes and had a moment’s remorse. He shrugged it away. She’d chosen to set this in motion. Let her deal with how it played out.

“We want you to stay, Hayden,” Dad said. “That’s all we’ve ever wanted.”

Mom came toward him, her hand outstretched. “The whole family, here in Ribbon Ridge. Home. ”

Hayden stared at them a moment, finally comprehending. He backed up and his mother stopped, her hand falling to her side. “I get it now.” He flashed Bex an apologetic glance. “Guess we were both fools. They used you to get me home. They figured with you here in town, I’d stay.” He looked back at his parents. “Didn’t you think about what would happen next? That she’d leave, that I’d—” be broken again .

He snapped his mouth shut. He wasn’t doing this.

“We just wanted you to come home,” Dad said, his voice thick with emotion.

“I get that. How come it was okay when they all left?” Hayden flung his hand toward his siblings, who were standing around Dad like a security detail. How fitting that they were all over there, a unified force, while he was alone. “What schemes did you hatch to lure them home? That’s right, none . You let them go and do their thing. Why didn’t you let me do the same?”

Mom’s brow furrowed. “You did. You went to France. You left Archer.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I stayed here when they all left. Don’t you remember, Mom?” His eyes found Derek. “I know you remember. We talked about it plenty—how it was up to you and me to be here and work for the family company. But it wasn’t the same for you as it was for me. You wanted to be here. You wanted that job, that opportunity. I wanted to make wine. I wanted to leave with her .” He pointed toward Bex, but didn’t look at her. He couldn’t. He’d never admitted that—not to her, not to himself. He’d wanted to leave, but he hadn’t thought he could.

Liam came forward, his eyes dark. “I get it. We abandoned you.”

“And Alex. Don’t forget that you abandoned him too, and don’t think he didn’t know it.” He looked at each of his siblings, registering their stricken, wounded expressions. But he didn’t care. He never imagined he’d unburden himself, and now that he was, he couldn’t seem to stop.

“That’s a low blow,” Tori said, wiping her eye.

“It’s not a blow, Tori, it’s the truth,” Hayden said. “What choice did I have when I was the youngest, the only one who was left? Do you think I was going to turn to Alex and say, ‘Hey, I’m taking off, too. Enjoy your oxygen tank’?”

Mom brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh, Hayden. I didn’t know you felt like that.”

“I doubt any of you know how I feel about a lot of stuff, but that’s how it is over here in the cheap seats. There are all of you—the precious sextuplets—and there’s me. You all have each other—Mom and Dad, Liam and Alex, Kyle and Sara, Tori and Evan. Who does that leave me with? Nobody. ” Thankfully he’d found Cameron, a true best friend, and later Bex. But then she’d left, and he realized now that it had been the catalyst for all of this. From that moment, he’d felt like he really didn’t belong. Then Alex had shown him that not only did Hayden not belong, but that his love and support weren’t enough.

He waited for someone to tell him he was wrong, but there was just silence.

He had to get out of there. Not just the brewhouse, the whole damn town. “I’m going back to France to tie up loose ends. And when I get back, I want you all to leave me alone. Understand?”

Dad came forward and put his arm around Mom’s shoulders. “Son, don’t go.”

“I have to. And you need to let me.”

He turned and left, walking by Bex on his way and not sparing her so much as a glance.