Homesick

Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

“U gh, come on,” I huff frustratedly, trying to retrieve the storage bin from the top of my closet. I spent the entire morning cleaning out my room/time capsule. Now that I’ve accepted I’m staying put in Honey Grove for longer than expected, I’ve decided it’s time to do some spring cleaning . . . or in this case, summer cleaning.

There was one time when my mom tried to bribe me into cleaning out my childhood bedroom, but then I stumbled upon an old iPod that had a playlist that Blake had made for me when we first started going out. That sparked an entire depressive episode where I sat at the foot of my bed and listened to Maroon 5 on repeat.

This time, things are different. I can now see old memorabilia from my Blake era and not break down like a pathetic worm. Okay, that’s a bit harsh.

Now when I see old Blake artifacts I laugh and snap a pic to text to the man himself. This casual hook-up thing is a blessing in disguise.

An hour ago, I sent him a picture of the cringy heart-shaped necklace he got me for our first anniversary. I wore that thing religiously when we were kids, even though I hated it. Men should know by now that women don’t like heart-shaped jewelry. Or at least, most of us don’t.

I hesitated to send him the picture at first. I was worried about breaking my rule of being too intimate, but I used it as an opportunity to make fun of the past instead of ruminating on it. If we’re going to keep up our no strings attached deal, then we need to be able to pick on each other. How long are we going to keep this up though , I think to myself. It’s a question that keeps gnawing at the back of my mind, but I continue to ignore it. For now, we’re both getting what we want and that’s all that matters.

I feel my cheeks heat at the thought of last night’s romp in the hay because it quite literally involved us rolling around in the hay. My knees are scratched up and there are fresh bruises slowly forming on my shins. I gently stroke my sore jaw thinking about it.

“Need some help?”

“Jesus Christ! Learn how to knock.”

My brother narrows his eyes at me and hits the open door with a slow and dramatic knock. “Better?”

“Yes. And I do need help. Can you see if you can reach that bin at the top of my closet? I’m too lazy to get a step stool.”

It takes me a second, but I quickly remember his injured foot. I look down to see the cheeky scooter he was riding on at the beginning of his healing journey, but now all that’s there is a brace that’s covered up with his pant leg.

“Don’t worry, I can do it,” Chris states as he walks over to the closet. “I’m going to be so happy when people quit treating me like I’m made of glass.”

I smile at his stubborn attitude. This isn’t the first time he’s tried to work with an injury, and it won’t be the last.

“Oh yeah. It’s almost six weeks already, isn’t it?”

“Yup! I have my final check on Monday and then I should be good to get back to work.”

A slight ache in my chest begins to spread when I realize I won’t have an excuse to see Blake every day. That also means our arrangement is over.

“I didn’t think you’d be this sad about not having to shovel cow shit anymore,” Chris says, obviously noticing my change in mood. With a loud thud, he places the bin on the floor. “Is everything okay, Wren? It’s not Blake is it? I thought forcing you two together for the summer would help mend things between you two.”

“Mend things? Like you want us to get back together?”

Chris lets out a huge sigh before taking a seat on the edge of my bed. “No. I just wanted you to learn how to be in his life again. You know better than anyone that I wasn’t a fan of you two dating, but as much as I hated it, I hated seeing you hurt even more. And I hated that you let that hurt push you away from your friends and family. It’s been so nice having you home, Wren. I don’t want you to leave again.”

I stare at the floor and contemplate his words. It’s taken me some time, but I’ve realized I’ve hated being away from home, too. Even when I would come back to visit, I never really came back. I always had one foot in the door and the other one out. I used to associate Honey Grove with a painful time in my life, but now it’s become a part of my healing journey.

“You’ve become so soft in your old age,” I tease with a smile. “I promise I won’t let a boy scare me off again.”

Chris stands up and before I know it, I’m wrapped in a big brotherly bear hug. I soak up the unexpected sign of affection and let all of the warm and fuzzy feelings wash over me.

“I missed you, kid,” he says after releasing me from his hold. “Oh, before I forget. Ashley wants me to invite you over for dinner to say thanks for helping with the farm.”

I tell him I’ll be there, but right before he leaves, I stop him and say, “I would love to keep helping around the farm if you’ll have me? Not to brag, but I’m quite the cow whisperer.”

He smiles at my comment and lets out a quiet laugh before making his way downstairs.

Before I get back into cleaning mode, I head over to the bin Chris pulled down for me. I wrap my hands around each side of the lid and crack open the ancient box. I could’ve sworn I saw a cloud of dust rise from the musty clothing that’s been sitting in my closest for ages.

As soon as I swat the dust away, I spy a plain pair of blue jeans sitting on the top of the pile. I peel them off the other clothes and almost toss them in my donation pile before realizing it’s not just any ordinary pair of jeans. It’s my jean overalls.

Both corners of my mouth curl up into the perfect U shape. I go to grab my phone to snap a picture to send to Blake, but then I stop myself.

I have a much better idea in mind.

* * *

I tap the wheel of my car nervously when I see Blake’s beat up truck pull down the little path to the creek. Butterflies are bubbling up in my stomach and I can feel my heart attempting to beat out of my chest.

This is dumb. Why am I nervous ? I ask myself.

I look down at my outfit and play with the loose threads of the jean overalls I had just cut into shorts. It was quite the scene earlier when I was trying to fit my grown-up thighs into jeans I hadn’t tried on in years. I was so sure I was the same size until I heard a rip.

I quickly improvised and cut them off just below my butt. They were short enough for my ass to slightly peek out, which made me nervously pull them down as Blake approached. I’m attempting to be sexy, but that’s one area I’ve never been great at. I’m the type of girl who laughs during a heated moment and gets eye rolls in return from whoever the lucky guy is at the time.

As soon as Blake steps out of his truck, my pulse quickens. Before he can register what I’m wearing, he gives me a cute half smile. Soon enough, he takes in my whole outfit, and he does a double take. His eyes start at the soft white flesh of my thighs and slowly trail up until they land on the pigtails I added for fun.

Before I can make some dumbass comment for comedic relief, Blake quickly walks over to me. He takes his right hand and begins to trace the strap of my overalls all the way down to the narrow opening where I’ve managed to show some cleavage. His breath hitches when he realizes I’m completely naked underneath the jean fabric.

“Oh god, Wren,” he says before feathering light kisses on the edge of my jaw. “You’re killing me with this get-up.”

I swallow hard when I feel the stiffness in his jeans graze across my thigh. “You said you missed them. I didn’t know you missed them that much,” I joke before letting my hand stroke the skin right above his belt. He pushes himself into my thigh more and I let out a raspy moan in response.

“Kiss me,” I demand, not wanting to delay the inevitable any longer.

Blake does as he’s told and molds his lips onto mine. I don’t waste any time opening my mouth to let him explore further. Between the cold surface from my car and the hot surface of Blake’s skin, goosebumps pepper up and down my body. I begin grinding into him, desperate to touch every inch.

I reach to take Blake’s shirt off, but he stops me. “Wait,” he whispers onto my lips. “Let’s go for a swim.”

My body protests at the chill I feel when he makes his way toward the creek. I stand in place for a moment, annoyed that he’s interrupted my fun. I pout for another second and proceed to follow him like a lost puppy.

Blake peels off his t-shirt and I feel my annoyance fade away at the sight of his toned back muscles. For the past two weeks we’ve been fooling around, I’ve yet to appreciate his matured body in the light of day. He’s grown up quite nicely and I was enjoying getting to reap the benefits of his new body.

Soon he’s unbuttoning his belt and throwing his jeans in the shaded grass. He goes to hook his thumbs around the waistband of his boxer briefs but stops and turns toward me. “Are you coming or are you going to stand there and stare at me all day?”

“Is that an option?” I cheekily question. He shakes his head and retraces his steps back to me. “No, it’s not,” Blake says before unhooking the right strap of my overalls.

Finally, it hits me that he’s about to see me naked in the daylight. “Umm, maybe this isn’t such a good idea. What if someone catches us?”

“Wren, we’ve gone skinny dipping in the creek plenty of times. What makes this any different?”

And just like that, I start to fold into myself. Suddenly, every negative comment I’ve ever made or heard others say about my body enters my mind. My eyes lower to the ground and I feel my smile melt into a frown.

Before I can look back up, Blake’s finger has hooked under my chin and is slowly lifting my eyes to his.

“Wren Grace Campbell, you are one of the kindest, smartest, and sexiest women I know. Every minute you let me touch you is something I will never take for granted. That being said, I would love to see every inch of you if you’ll let me.”

My breath catches and I feel my knees weaken at his words. My chest starts contracting in and out and the nervous fluttering in my stomach intensifies. I don’t say anything. All I do is smile and close my eyes as he continues to undress me.

As soon as I feel the jean material pool around my ankles, I open my eyes. Blake is still staring at me, but now his eyes are freshly painted with a new state of awe. “You’re . . . you’re so fucking beautiful, Wren.”

My skin heats at the intimate moment we’re sharing and suddenly I feel common sense knocking at the back of my brain. I have to get this back on track , I think before crashing my lips onto his.

Somewhere in the chaos, Blake has gotten rid of his last article of clothing and led us into the cool water of the creek. I jump at the temperature change, but keep my mind focused on the task at hand.

Once we’ve waded deeper into the water, I wrap my legs around Blake’s waist and let him pull me into his body. I can feel his cock gently tease my entrance and I’m reminded of the rule I made. I let my legs fall back into the water and Blake leans back from our kiss to send me a questioning look.

I ignore his look and pull him back in with my lips. We had already broken one rule today and I was not about to break another. I decide to make up for the lost connection by wrapping my hand around his hardness. He sucks in a deep breath, and I smile as he becomes weak in my hand.

Blake’s hands find their way to my breasts and massage them as I find a steady rhythm stroking his cock. The way his head falls back when I run the pad of my finger over the tip of his dick is enough to make me speed up my hand motions. I’m desperate to see him come undone in my hand.

Soon his lips are back on mine, moving against my mouth with the same ferocity with which my hand continues to move. I can feel his body contract when he approaches the edge of his orgasm. Right as he’s about to finally let go, he pulls away and finds my eyes. When our eyes lock, I feel his cock spasm in my hand as he cums.

As Blake comes down from his high, he rests his forehead against my shoulder. His breathing is fast and staggered, and as his hot breath washes over my breasts, I can feel my nipples harden.

“Looks like it’s your turn, Campbell,” Blake says before letting his fingers trail lower.

* * *

“Hi cutie,” I coo, picking Milo up from his blanket on the floor. “God, you’re getting too big too fast.”

I look over toward the kitchen when I hear dishes clinking together. Emma yells to the other room, “I don’t have any coffee. Is tea okay?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.”

I keep Milo snuggled close and try to keep my foot from tapping anxiously. I know the second Emma asks me about how things are going with Blake, I’ll spill every last detail. And of course, she’ll give me her infamous mom frown. She often tried to conceal her disappointment, especially when I was in a very fragile state, but I could always see past it.

“Here you go,” Emma says before setting my cup down on the coffee table in front of us.

I gently set Milo down on his blanket and he quickly distracts himself with a tiny stuffed elephant toy. I take a deep breath and pick up my cup, taking a small sip.

“Where’s Colt?” I question, trying to start the conversation off on a better note.

Emma clutches her own cup and stares at Milo squirming around on the floor. “He had to work this morning.”

“Oh, okay,” I answer awkwardly before taking another sip of the hot liquid. The air between us feels stiff, like it could snap in two at any moment.

“So, what have you?—”

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird these past two weeks,” I blurt out, interrupting her.

Emma sets down her mug and lets out a long and heavy sigh. “It’s fine, Wren. I know you’ve been busy,” she says with an emphasis on the word busy . “I just hope you’re being smart.”

“I am. I’m simply scratching an itch and once it goes away, I can finally move on.”

“Really, Wren? You’re calling Blake an itch? That right there proves you’re going to screw yourself over. It’s one thing to have casual sex with someone you don’t have feelings for, but it’s another to do it with someone you have so much history with. I can’t think of one scenario where this ends with you both being unscathed.”

I close my eyes and absorb her words as they’re being thrown at me. It doesn’t take a genius to realize everything she’s saying is true, but it’s the last thing I want to hear. I want her to realize that this is what I need right now. I know in my heart it’s reckless and immature to feel that way, but I’m over avoiding the chemistry between Blake and me. I just need time to get it out of my system and get the closure I need to move on for good.

“Emma, I understand how you feel, and I appreciate how much you care about me. I just feel like this is a mistake I need to make on my own. I need a friend right now, not a mom.”

She flinches at my words that seem to have hit a nerve and presses her lips into a thin line. “So, what then? You want me to sit back and watch him break your heart all over again? I was the one who had to piece you back together and I don’t know if I can do it again. It was heartbreaking to see you like that, Wren. One of the worst feelings was knowing there was nothing I could do to make you feel better. And even worse than that, you felt like you needed to push me and your family away to feel better. I wanted nothing more for you than to get away from this town and be successful. Maybe it didn’t go exactly how you planned, but that’s no reason to revert to your high school relationship.”

I rub my hands together, starting to feel the moisture of my anxiety seep through my skin. Emma and I rarely fought or disagreed like this. She’s my best friend and one of the things I love most about her is her ability to call me out on my bullshit. Except right now . . . that’s the last thing I want. I want . . . well, I’m not sure what I want.

“Emma, I know you think this is going to end badly, but I’m not the same girl I was six years ago. I’ve grown a lot since then and I am emotionally capable of keeping feelings and sex separate. I told him the second I feel like things are becoming complicated, I’ll cut it off. I know that’s not exactly a foolproof plan, but it’s what’s working right now. And honestly, my brother is about to be cleared to come back to work so once we stop seeing each other every day, I’m sure it’ll fizzle out.”

As if on cue, I feel my phone buzz in my back pocket. I stop myself from immediately picking it up and answering, which is something I’ve grown accustomed to these past two weeks. I can feel a faint warning sign flashing in the back of my mind, but it’s still too quiet to acknowledge.

I lift my eyes to Emma’s, and she lets out a breath of frustration. Soon she slumps her shoulders and I can feel her icy front begin to melt.

“This is ridiculous. I don’t want to fight over Blake. It’s just seeing you two together has me thinking about the past a lot. When he broke up with you the first time, it set off this mama bear instinct and I can feel it coming back again. Can we just agree to disagree and move on?”

I smile back at her and lift my cup in solidarity. Once the hot liquid travels down my throat, I feel a heavy wave of uneasiness brush over me.

I desperately want to tell my best friend about the hot hook-up I had last night and talk about all the weird feelings that have been coming up over the past two weeks, but I don’t. I keep my thoughts to myself and hope I can get rid of this itch in time to save my friendship.