Homesick

Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

“W ren, are you okay?”

“What?” I say, pulling myself out of my current daze. “Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You’ve just been off for the past couple of days,” my brother observes nervously beside me. “It seemed like you were doing great and then all of the sudden you did this 180.”

The last few days have been rough. I have no more tears left to cry and no one to blame but myself. I find myself retreating again. Emma has reached out multiple times, but I’m too embarrassed to tell her what happened.

I just wanted to lock myself in my room and do a full Blake detox. But that’s what the old Wren would do, and I need to stop pushing everyone away when things get hard.

“I’m fine. I’m just nervous about hearing back from the visitor’s bureau.”

My confession is partially true. I emailed Renee at the Becker County Visitor’s Bureau my portfolio two days ago and I still haven’t heard back. It’s a risk to put all my eggs in one basket, but I’m hoping this is the one risk in my life that will work out.

“Wren, it’s only been two days. I don’t know why you’re stressing so much.”

I roll my eyes at his cool guy attitude and continue to watch him rewire the electric fence energizer. My brother has always known he wanted to take over the family farm. There were times when I envied how everything was set for him when he was just a kid, but then again, I hate the feeling of not having a choice.

“Do you ever regret taking over the farm? Like is there anything else you wanted to do with your life?”

Chris doesn’t skip a beat when he replies, “nope. I’ve always felt most at home on this farm, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Plus, could you imagine me wearing a suit every day? I’d go crazy.”

It wasn’t until after I came home that I really understood what he was talking about. I never wanted to be like the other people in this town that grew up and died here. The only time I had considered it was when I would talk about the future with Blake.

Now, I understood the feeling of being so connected to a place that it brings you back to life. The only thing keeping me unsettled is the constant feeling that something is missing. Or someone .

“Yeah, I get it. Being here just feels right.”

My words seem to bring a warmth to my brother’s face. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing, but I spot the sly smile creeping its way up to his face. “I’m happy you’re home, Wren.”

Before I can respond, I hear a car door shut and snap my attention to the man who’s the real cause of my downhill mood. “What’s Blake doing here?” I say without thinking. I can feel Chris’s stare on me, so I reel all my emotions into a careless shadow on my face.

“I asked him to stop by. I thought you two were good again?”

I’m fully aware that Chris knows Blake and I are the exact opposite of good . I’m certain him and Ashley know something was going on after that horrendous dinner at their house. “Something like that. Well, I’m going to go water the cows.”

“Not so fast,” he says before stopping me in my tracks. “I need to talk to both of you.”

I catch a whiff of my brother’s serious tone and my mind starts calculating what this could be about. Is he going to go all Dr. Phil and make us talk out our problems? Or is he going to go into dad mode and yell at us for being idiots? I can’t tell, but I know all I want to do is listen to my natural instincts and bolt.

Reluctantly, I cement myself in place and prepare with a deep breath. I watch Blake as he walks up and the closer he gets, the faster my heart begins to beat in my chest. I peel my arms from my sides and stick both of my hands into the back pockets of my jeans to stop from fidgeting.

Once Blake is close, I examine his facial expression. My stomach drops at the way he barely looks at me. The few glances I do get are brief, but I don’t see a speck of the hurt I saw in my rearview mirror.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Blake asks, reaching out to grab my brother’s hand. My heart almost stops when he looks at me and says, “hey, Wren.” His tone is cordial, but still friendly. I guess this is how it has to be from now on.

“Okay, great. You’re both here,” Chris says before clapping his hands together, cutting through an uncomfortable layer of tension. I brace myself for whatever version of my brother is about to come out, but I’m left feeling surprised when all he says is, “I need to ask you two for another favor.”

I let out an awkward sigh that is a cross between relieved and terrified. The only thing getting me through this situation with Blake is not seeing him. If Chris asks us to help him on the farm again, it was going to suck.

“What’s up?” Blake asks causally while leaning up against a fence post. He looks completely calm in this moment and I envy him.

“There’s an auction upstate this weekend. I would go, but I have a doctor’s appointment and Ashley will kill me if I miss it. I wanted to see if you two would go.”

Before I can even open my mouth, Blake beats me to the punch. “I can go by myself,” he states without any hesitation. I should be relieved he’s giving me an out, but I’m not. I feel . . . disappointed.

I see Blake’s eyes quickly shift over to where I’m standing, but before I can look up they’re back on my brother.

“Well, since you don’t need me anymore, I’m—” Chris cuts me off again.

“Blake, you can’t go by yourself. You need Wren to help load and unload cattle.”

I learned a long time ago that Chris knows how to get what he wants. I thought Blake understood that, too, but the way his body tenses up suggests otherwise. All I can think about is how much I hurt him the last time we talked.

“I’m perfectly capable of doing this by myself, Chris. Do you want my help or not?” Blake asks calmly.

I can see Chris’s complexion begin to redden and I pray that Blake gives in soon. “Listen, Fisher. You’re hauling my cattle and what I say goes. Wren is going with you and that’s final. I thought we were done with this bullshit.”

Either my brother is blind, or he didn’t see how much we weren’t done with the bullshit. I don’t know why he’s pushing this so hard when he could send another farm hand. Come to think of it, who has a doctor’s appointment on the weekend ?

I can see Blake debating his next move carefully. “Fine,” he agrees before heading back to his truck. Before I can even feel my feet moving, I’m running after him.

“Blake, wait!”

“What?” he says, turning sharply to face me.

“Listen, if you don’t want me to go, I won’t. I know we ended things on the wrong foot, and I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable."

Blake looks at me with his brows scrunched together. Part of me wants him to agree, but another part of me isn’t ready to completely let go. This is hard on both of us and all I want to do is scream.

“It’ll be fine, Wren. I’m just . . . this whole situation just sucks. It’s just a car ride. It’ll be fine,” he says, seemingly trying to convince himself of his own words.

Being confined in a closed space with the man I’m still in love with for four hours? Oh sure, totally fine.

* * *

“I think you should take an overnight bag just in case,” my mom suggests before throwing my worn-out duffle bag at me.

“It’s only a four-hour drive. We’re coming back later tonight.”

I see my phone light up on my nightstand and see Blake’s text telling me he’s on his way. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I’ve found myself doing that a lot lately.

Four hours doesn’t seem like a long drive unless you’re doing said drive with your ex-boyfriend who you just had a failed fuck buddy relationship with. God, I had perfect timing, didn’t I?

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” my mom asks before taking a seat next to me on my bed.

“I messed up things with Blake,” I admit without going into much detail. “Now I have to do this trip with him and it’s going to suck.”

My mom gently throws her arms around me and pulls my head onto her shoulder. “Aww, sweetie, it’ll be okay. He’ll get over it. Remember when you hated him at the beginning of the summer? Feelings change.”

Did I hate him? I hated what he did to me, but I’m not sure if I hated him exactly. Honestly, love and hate are such strong emotions, it’s hard to decide how I feel half the time. The one thing I did know is I never stopped thinking about him. How can you hate someone that takes up so much space in your mind?

“I don’t know. Things are just too complicated. If we were meant to be, it would’ve happened by now.”

My mom suddenly begins laughing and I pull back from her loving hold. She pushes herself off my bed and smiles down at me. “Wren Grace Campbell, you are only twenty-four years old. You’ve got plenty of time for meant to be’s.”

I part my lips to respond, but our mother-daughter moment is cut short by an obnoxious honk. I peek over the windowsill and sure enough, Blake’s truck is sitting in the driveway, attached to one of our trailers.

I give my mom a quick kiss on the cheek and tell her to tell my dad goodbye. I quickly hustle down the stairs and slip on my cowboy boots. I reach for the doorknob but take one minute to calm my anxiety. You will get through this trip and it will be fine. You will be fine , I whisper to myself in my mind.

With one more deep breath, I yank the front door open and walk to Blake’s truck. I stop for a moment when I see him leaning on the exterior of the truck on the passenger side. I let my eyes swiftly fall over him for a moment, trying to register his mood.

As I approach, his face holds a stony impression that is tough to read. He opens the passenger door for me, but before I hop up in the cab, I pause.

“Are you sure about this, Blake?”

Blake tilts his head toward the morning light peeking up over the rolling hills of Campbell Farm. He stares for a moment, contemplating his next move.

“I made a promise and I intend to keep it, Wren.”