Chapter 20
CHAPTER 20
W e have been listening to twangy country music for the past three hours and I’m about to lose it. I like country music, but I need to listen to something else before I go crazy. I reach out to change the station and before I can blink, Blake slaps my hand away.
In shock, I turn toward him and give him my best what the actual hell face.
“If we’re going to sit in silence, can I at least listen to some decent music?”
“You know the rules, Wren. I’m driving so I pick the music.”
I wince at the formal use of my first name. I think back to the beginning of the summer when I felt the same way about him using my last name. So much has changed in the past couple of weeks and I’m ready to get off this roller coaster ride.
“I offered to drive multiple times, but you told me no every time,” I say, crossing my arms in defeat.
“That’s because I want to get there in one piece.”
I think he may be cracking a joke after the last three hours pure awkwardness, but just when I think his lips might tip up in a smile they return to their uniform straight line.
“Ugh, come on. Just let me play a different station for a little bit. We’re almost there.”
“Not going to happen. I’m not listening to techno rap or whatever weird shit you listen to. Take a nap or something.”
What the hell was techno rap? I huff at his stubbornness and turn my body toward the window of the truck. It has been nothing but plain green fields for most of the trip. I thought we lived in the middle of nowhere, but this was a whole other level.
After a few minutes of a banjo solo, I officially crack. I need a breather, or I’m going to throw myself out of this moving vehicle.
“I need to pee.”
“We’re not making any more stops, Wren. We’ll be there in less than an hour. You can hold it.”
A five-minute pit stop isn’t going to hurt , I think as I face the window again.
“It’s an emergency,” I beg, giving it another shot.
Blake lets out a long and dramatic sigh before rerouting his phone’s GPS to the nearest gas station. I hide my smile and quietly celebrate my mini victory.
Ten minutes later, we pull into a small gas station in the middle of nowhere. I hop out of the passenger seat as soon as Blake puts the truck into park. I head to the back of the trailer and pat the head of one of the bulls we’re taking to auction before stalking off to find a bathroom. I don’t even need to go; I just need a minute away from Blake.
I wasn’t sure what to expect on this trip, but I didn’t picture Blake and I sitting in silence for so long. We always found something to talk about, even when I wanted nothing to do with him. The silence was deafening.
An annoying ring sounds off when I push the rusty glass door open. I walk in and scan the area until I see a restroom symbol. As I’m walking over, my eyes snag on the middle-aged woman behind the counter. She’s currently too entranced in the work of E. L. James to notice me stalking through her store.
Once I make it safely to the restroom, I splash some cold water on my face and try to ignore the funky smell coming out of the stall with an out-of-order sign taped on it.
I look at my reflection in the mirror and the first thing I can see are the bags currently painted on my face. Breaking things off with Blake had affected me more than I let on. I’m exhausted from constantly stopping myself from picking up the phone and calling him. I had gotten a taste of what it was like to have Blake in my life again and it was like a drug I didn’t want to give up.
After a few more minutes of deep breaths followed by gagging due to the wretched smell, I make my way back to the truck. When I walk past the counter, I notice a familiar backside checking out. I decide to wait by the door until he’s done—knowing he’s much too responsible to keep the truck unlocked in a strange area.
I watch Blake talk to the cashier and I notice the smile that sits on her face while talking to my travel companion. Blake has always been good at charming strangers. It’s something that I used to love about him. But that was when he was mine to love.
Now I find it irritating how long he hovers. The more she smiles, the more my skin crawls. Charm comes naturally to a guy like Blake, but I’m selfish and want all his charm to myself. It’s not mine to want, though.
I stand up straight as soon as I notice him turning. His eyes brighten when he notices me standing by the door, but that brightness soon dulls when the mask goes back on.
“You could’ve waited at the truck,” he says before shuffling past me.
I feel my heart sink as I assume my character of the heartbroken ex who fucked up her second chance.
I answer his irritated statement with silence until we both get in the truck. Once we’re both seated, he hands me a paper bag and I scan the contents. I pause for a moment when I see a bag of peanut M&M’s. I pull the crinkled yellow bag from the pile and turn to ask Blake if I can have some.
Before I can ask, he says, “those are for you. I remembered they were your favorite when we were kids.”
I stare at him from the passenger side. My heart slowly deflates inside my chest, and I want to scream from the inside out. I am very much in love with the man sitting next to me and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. He’s leaving and I’m not stopping him.
“Yeah, I still like them. Thank you.”
As I settle back into my seat, I turn away from Blake so he can’t see the tears threatening to bubble up at any moment.
* * *
“I’m going to go make sure we’re all set with our buyers and then we can leave,” Blake says before disappearing into the crowd.
All day he has been acting like we are business partners. He isn’t rude or anything. He was just short and didn’t allow any room for more conversation. There were moments when I saw the real Blake peek out, but it fades quickly when the realization of our current relationship hits.
I have been to my fair share of auctions, and I know Blake is going to be gone for at least another twenty minutes. I decide to head over to the small concession stand and snag something to eat before we leave. Knowing Blake and his determination to get this trip over with, there will be no stopping for food on the way home.
“Hi! Can I get one a hot dog and a bottle of water?”
“Sure thing. That’ll be $3.25,” the concession worker says.
I start digging in my pocket and realize I only have two dollars on me. God, this is so embarrassing . “Scratch that. I’ll just take the hot dog.”
“Whoa, don’t worry about it. I got it.” Suddenly, a tall man wearing a cowboy hat appears out of nowhere to save the day.
“No, that’s okay. I don’t want the water anyways,” I lie, trying to argue with the man offering to pay for my lunch. “It’s fine. I appreciate the gesture, though.”
Ignoring my stubbornness, the tall cowboy hands the concession worker the money and throws me a cocky smirk. I smile back and graciously take my food.
“Thank you, but you didn’t need to do that.”
“It’s fine. I was hoping that would buy me a few minutes to talk to you,” he says before reaching up to his hat to tilt it my way. “I’m Lucas, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Lucas. I’m Wren.”
I look around for a second to make sure Blake isn’t looking for me before following Lucas to one of the benches set out for the crowd. Lucas is cute and he bought me food, so I don’t see an issue with talking to him for a few minutes. It’ll be nice to get my mind off all things Blake before getting back in the truck with him.
“So, Wren, are you buying or selling? Or are you more of a watcher?” Lucas questions, trying to crack a joke.
I crinkle my nose up at his terrible line. “We’re selling. Got rid of a few bulls to even out the herd.”
“We?”
I want to roll my eyes at the question. He’s clearly asking if I have a boyfriend, but I don’t know how to describe Blake and me. I wouldn’t even consider us friends at this point.
“I . . . umm. Nope, it’s just me. My brother usually handles this stuff, but he couldn’t come today.”
“I was going to say I haven’t seen you here before. I always remember a pretty face.”
I try my hardest not to outwardly cringe at another one of his lame lines. This guy has absolutely no game and yet my butt is glued to this seat.
I take a long look at Lucas while taking a sip of my water. If I met him during my Cleveland days, I probably would’ve looked past all the cheesy lines and let him take me home. We’d have one good night together and then never talk again. But now as I look at this guy, I’m not even interested in doing that. The only guy I’m interested in wants nothing to do with me.
“Actually Lucas, I am here with someone. Thank you for buying my food though, but I’ve got to go.”
Before he can even respond, I’ve maneuvered my way into the sea of people. Just as I’m about to turn toward the parking lot, I hit a familiar rock-hard chest. For a moment, I stand there breathing in his oaky scent. He steps away before I do, and I’m left feeling lost again.
“Are you ready?”
“Yup, lead the way,” I reply calmly.
Minutes later we’re in the truck again and I buckle myself in, preparing for another game of who can stay silent the longest. As Blake is navigating between the potholes and people, he awkwardly clears his throat. “I didn’t mean to pull you away from your friend. We could’ve stayed longer if you wanted.”
My entire body perks up at his statement and I pull myself from the window to face him. “Are you talking about the guy I was talking to?”
“Yeah. Over by the concession stand.”
Fuck, he saw me. He must think I’m a real jerk trying to pick a guy up after I broke things off with him.
“Oh, yeah. I wanted some food, and I only had a few bucks on me. He ended up paying for my stuff.”
“You should’ve said you were hungry. I would’ve gotten you something.”
“It seems like you’re in a hurry to get home. I didn’t want to prolong this trip any more than we have to.”
“Okay,” he replies softly.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat and try to keep my eyes on the greenery outside. My silence is short-lived, though.
“Blake, nothing happened with that guy,” I admit, turning to face him in the driver’s seat.
I watch as his body goes taut, and his knuckles turn white from gripping the steering wheel.
“It wouldn’t matter if it had,” he counters, sending an invisible punch right into my gut. “Let’s just get through the next few hours and we can be done.”
Done. A four-letter word I can live without.
Not being able to hold back my irritation, I snap and say, “oh wonderful. Another silent four-hour ride. Fucking wonderful.”
All of a sudden, Blake pulls the truck and trailer to the side of the road and practically slams the vehicle into park.
“What is there to talk about, Wren? You made it very clear that things between us are over. I’m not sure what more you want from me.”
The harshness from his voice pushes my head toward the window. I’m willing us to return to comfortable silence again. I’ve been running from uncomfortable situations this entire summer and I can feel this one beginning to bubble over.
“Do you forgive me, Wren?”
“What,” I say before peeling my eyes from the glass pane of the truck window.
“The other night when I said how much I regretted what I did six years ago, I didn’t ask if you forgave me. Do you?”
This entire time I’ve been so consumed in avoiding my feelings, I haven’t thought about what moving on from this situation looks like. In a perfect world, I could erase that night from my mind and get the happy ending I deserved. But there’s a part of me that can’t move on until we finally talk about it.
No more rules about avoiding old memories. It’s time to revisit the one that broke us.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I’ve been avoiding that question all summer.”
Blake closes him eyes and lets his head rest against the driver’s seat. I hear the deep breath he takes as he contemplates what to say next. “Wren, I—” Before he can continue, we both hear the truck sputter and stall before shutting off completely.
“Fuck,” Blake says before turning the key. Each time he turns the key, there’s a small sputtering sound and then dead silence. After many more failed attempts and curse words, we both pull out our phones and start googling.
I decide to call the nearest mechanic and Blake hops on the phone with my brother. I’m strangely calm while I can feel the stress of the situation practically radiating off Blake. Thankfully, we don’t have any animals in the trailer, though.
“Okay, so the nearest mechanic is about ten minutes that way,” I say, pointing north. “They’re sending a tow truck to come pick us up and then they’ll let us know what the damage is after they look at everything.”
“Okay, good. I told Chris we’d call back when we had more news,” Blake says while rubbing his palms together. “Of course, this would happen to me.”
I gently tap his shoulder, trying to be as comforting as he’ll let me. “It’ll be fine. There’s nothing we can do but wait.”
My words seem to bring Blake back down to earth. I can see his chest stop rising and there’s color coming back to his cheeks. But the calmer I feel him get, the more I can feel myself begin to panic. Except I’m not panicking about the truck. I’m panicking about six long years of pain boiled down to one moment.