Hook, Line and Single

Chapter 29

29

Something’s not right. I hope it’s just nerves, but there’s no sign of the easy conversation that Cameron and I are used to as we set off towards the pub. The further we go, the more I begin to convince myself that I’ve misread the situation and he no longer feels the same way about me. How can he, when he’s barely spoken a word to me since we left the shop? His expression is sombre as we make our way along the pavement.

‘I really am sorry, Ruby,’ he begins eventually.

‘I’m the one who should be sorry,’ I tell him. ‘It wasn’t very mature of me to run away like that.’

‘I know I’ve probably ruined everything, but if there was a way to salvage a friendship from this, I’d like to try. That’s assuming you want it, of course.’

This is it. Decision time. I could take the easy route and say yes, of course we can be friends, but I know that’s not what I want. The problem is that I’m no closer to knowing whether he still wants more or whether my reaction last time has put him off. I need to know how he feels before I say my piece. I may be ready to open up and be vulnerable, but not if he’s changed his mind.

‘Let me ask you a question,’ I begin. ‘On Monday, you said you’d fallen for me. Is that still true?’

‘How the hell am I supposed to answer that?’ he exclaims. ‘If I say yes, then you’ll run a mile, and if I say no…’

‘If you say no…’ I prompt him.

He sighs, stops walking and turns to face me. ‘I’d be lying. I’m sorry, Ruby, but I can’t help how I feel. What I can help is what I do about it. If friends is all we’ll ever be, I’ll take that. It’s still better than not having you in my life at all.’

I’m almost overwhelmed with relief. He still feels the same. Somehow, however, I still can’t quite bring myself to open my heart to him.

‘Hardly fair on you, though,’ I point out, trying to buy time. ‘So I would get to skip about, waving the “just friends” flag, while you had to bury your true feelings just to give me what I want? That doesn’t sound very healthy to me.’

‘That’s my issue to deal with,’ he says firmly, ramming his hands into his pockets. ‘I ruined everything on Monday by being selfish. You were always clear that friendship was all you wanted, and yet I still pushed for more. This is all my fault. You have no idea how much I wish I’d never said anything.’

He looks crestfallen. Shit. This is going in completely the wrong direction now. I need to rescue the situation fast.

‘No,’ I tell him just as firmly. ‘You should never hide your feelings. That’s not healthy either.’

‘So what do we do?’

I take a deep breath and prepare to bare my soul. ‘I have an idea, but I need to tell you a few things first, so you understand what you’re getting yourself into, OK?’

* * *

Thankfully, the story proves easier to tell the second time around, helped by the fact that Cameron listens attentively without interrupting. In the end, I don’t leave anything out and, by the time I’ve finished, the pub is forgotten and we’re sitting on a bench overlooking the sea. The light is fading and the wind is cold, so we’re huddled together watching the waves in silence. Every so often, the rhythmic swishing from the beach is joined by the noise of a passing car or a burst of conversation as the early-evening guests arrive for dinner at The Mermaid, a little further up the road. I feel drained but safe with him by my side. I’d love for him to reach out and put his arm around me, but he’s lost in his own thoughts. ‘I don’t know what to say,’ he tells me after a while. ‘I mean, there are so many things I want to say, but none of them are particularly helpful and most of them just sound trite. I completely understand why you were so spooked on Monday now, and I guess my only question is whether there’s anything I can do. I mean, I know there probably isn’t, but I could maybe track Olly down and have him arrested on some trumped-up charge, if you like.’ His mouth lifts in the faintest hint of a smile, and it’s all I can do not to reach out and trace the contours of his lips with my finger.

‘Nice offer,’ I reply instead, ‘but I’m not sure that it’s ethical.’

‘I will say this then. It takes someone truly amazing to go through all of that and come out as strong as you have.’

This is enough to give me the courage I need. ‘I don’t know about that,’ I tell him. ‘But I’d like to return to the question I asked earlier. Given what you know now, do you still feel the same about me?’

‘Of course I do, but that doesn’t matter. It’s about you, and I completely understand how you feel, and why you feel that way. I won’t mention it again, as long as we can still be friends. Do you think that’s possible?’

‘I’m sure it’s possible,’ I tell him, feeling nervous as I prepare to come clean. ‘But I’m not sure it’s what I want.’

His face falls again. ‘OK, I understand,’ he interrupts.

‘Let me finish. I’m not sure it’s what I want, because Sam has helped me realise that it’s time to leave the past behind. If you’re prepared to be patient with me and put up with the occasional wobble, I’d like to see where this could go.’

‘Are you saying…?’

‘Yes, Cameron. I am.’

‘Oh, wow.’

I smile. ‘I think you’re supposed to kiss me now. That’s if you still want to, of course.’

He doesn’t need telling twice, and relief floods through me as he leans over and brushes my lips with his. This is nothing like our kiss on the cruise. Even though his face is cold from the wind, the feel of his lips against mine is causing heat to flood through me.

‘I think it’s time to get out of here, don’t you?’ I ask him when we finally break apart, some time later.

As we get to our feet, he takes my hand in his and I can feel everything I said to him about being patient and going slowly melting away. I’m trembling with nerves and anticipation as we make our way back to my flat, and it takes me a couple of goes to get the key in the door. No sooner are we inside than Cameron takes me in his arms and kisses me again, this time more deeply. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed kissing, and I’m starting to lose myself when Cameron pulls away.

‘Is this OK?’ he asks breathlessly.

‘What do you think?’ I reply.

‘Sorry, I just don’t want to overwhelm you.’

I laugh. ‘Cameron, you’re the first person I’ve kissed in seven years. Of course I’m overwhelmed, but in a good way. Can you shut up now and kiss me some more?’

‘Absolutely.’

* * *

I may have asked Cameron to be patient, but that has gone pretty much straight out of the window. It wasn’t long before our hands seemed to go into autopilot, unfastening buttons and zips until all that was left was our underwear. Now, his arousal is plain to see and I can’t help reaching down and wrapping my hand gently around the bulge in his pants.

‘Little Cameron seems pleased to see me again,’ I say with a smile.

Cameron groans. ‘Must you?’

‘Come with me. I have plans for him.’

I lead him to my bedroom, where it’s not long before we’re completely naked. We’re both so pent up that the sex itself is over fairly quickly, but it’s satisfying nonetheless.

‘Can I tell you something without you laughing?’ I say afterwards as I run my hand lazily over his chest and down towards his stomach.

‘Of course.’

‘When you were rubbing the aftersun lotion into my back in Cannes, I found it a bit of a turn-on.’

He grins. ‘Did you now? I’ll have to remember that for future use. Although, if we’re confessing things, I did too.’

‘I’m so sorry I nearly ruined everything.’

‘If anyone nearly ruined everything, it was me. Although, given how things have turned out, I can’t say I’m sorry.’

Our heart to heart is interrupted by Samson mewing at the bedroom door. No sooner have I opened it than he leaps on the bed, settling himself between us and embarking on a prolonged grooming session. If there was any residual sexual tension in the air, a large cat noisily cleaning himself is guaranteed to kill the mood.

‘Do you fancy something to eat?’ I ask Cameron.

‘Does it involve getting dressed?’

‘If you don’t want to be arrested in the Chinese takeaway for indecent exposure, I’d recommend it.’

He sighs and slides out of bed, and I shamelessly admire the view as he tugs on his pants. I know there’s nothing there that I haven’t seen before, but I’m appreciating it in a whole new light.

‘The rest is in the hallway, I think,’ I tell him with a smile as I put on my own underwear. I can feel his eyes on me and, if the new bulge in his pants is anything to go by, he’s enjoying the view just as much as I was.

‘You’ve recovered quickly,’ I joke. ‘You might need to wait until I’ve had something to eat though. I’m starving.’

His face suddenly clouds over. ‘Are you OK? This isn’t too much?’

‘I’m fine,’ I assure him. ‘No regrets so far. You?’

‘Not as happy as when you were naked, but I’m hoping we’ll be able to do something about that later.’

The words fall out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them. ‘Do you fancy staying the night?’ I ask.

‘Are you sure?’

‘I don’t think I’m going to be triggered by sharing a bed with you, given our past form. One word of warning though. You’ll need to be up early as I’m working tomorrow and, if you want sex, I’ll expect more foreplay than just a couple of prods in the back from little Cameron.’

He smiles. ‘Only the best for Frou-Frou.’

I burst out laughing.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘I was winding you up. My vagina isn’t called Frou-Frou. In fact, it doesn’t have a name. I think naming your private parts is weird.’

‘I did think it sounded unlikely, but, if you don’t want it to stick, you might want to stop referring to my penis as little Cameron.’

‘I’m not sure I can.’

‘Frou-Frou.’

‘Fine. I’ll try.’

* * *

By the time Cameron finally leaves on Sunday morning, I reckon I fully understand the meaning of the phrase ‘dirty weekend’. Apart from the time I was working in the shop, we’ve barely left the bedroom, and I feel more relaxed than I thought possible so early in a new relationship. Although the physical side of things accelerated quickly, Cameron has been very careful to let me go at my own pace emotionally, so there haven’t any been any rash declarations of love or anything like that. I feel completely comfortable with him though, which is the most important thing for me at the moment. I’m sitting on the sofa replaying some of the events of the weekend in my mind when Sam bounces through the door.

‘How are you?’ she asks as soon as she’s thrown her bag into her room. ‘Did you manage to sort things out with Cameron? I nearly rang you but I didn’t want you to feel nannied.’ She blushes. ‘That and I was kind of distracted. It’s been a slightly steamy weekend.’

‘Mm,’ I agree. ‘It has.’

‘ What? What have I missed?’

‘Let’s just say Cameron and I have discovered we’re very compatible in the bedroom.’

‘Have you indeed? What happened to going slowly and all the stuff we talked about?’

‘Yeah, that kind of didn’t happen.’

‘Well, congratulations. Are you happy?’

‘Yes. Are you OK if he comes to stay next weekend?’

‘Absolutely. In fact, that makes my life a bit easier.’

‘Why?’

‘Robin’s invited me back next weekend. I didn’t say yes, because I wanted to see how you were first, but it sounds like I might be surplus to requirements. So, if it’s all right with you…’

‘Yes, by all means go. How was your weekend, by the way?’

She sighs happily. ‘Lovely. His house is gorgeous, although the garden could do with a bit of TLC. I met his cat too.’

‘Oh, yes?’

‘He’s not as handsome as Samson, obviously, but he’s still a good-looking boy. He’s all black, apart from white socks on his paws, and he has the most enormous eyes. I could have stroked him all weekend, but Robin had other ideas.’

‘I bet he did. And church?’

‘Nothing like that one we went to, thank goodness. They were all really sweet, actually, apart from one woman that Robin reckons has the hots for him. She’s got to be seventy if she’s a day though, so I don’t think she’s serious competition. It was a little weird watching him doing all the holy stuff knowing what we’d been up to just a couple of hours previously. I guess I’ll just have to get used to that.’

‘It sounds like it’s going well.’

‘It really is. In fact, I’m starting to think he’s the one.’

‘I’m still struggling to see you as Mrs Vicarage.’

‘I don’t know. I’m starting to think I could pull it off. Anyway, tell me more about Cameron.’

By the time I’ve filled her in, her eyes are alight.

‘You sound perfect for each other,’ she says enthusiastically.

‘How can you say that when all you have to go on is one, admittedly very dirty, weekend?’

‘It’s not the sex. It’s the expression on your face when you talk about him.’

‘It’s very early days, Sam. Don’t go choosing your wedding hat just yet.’

‘We’ll see. I have a nose for these things.’

I laugh. ‘You so don’t. If you did, Threesome Pete would never have made it through the door.’

What I haven’t told her is that, despite trying to hold back and protect myself, I’m falling just as hard for Cameron as he said he’d fallen for me. She’s right that it’s not about the sex; although that’s very nice, it’s the way he makes me feel when I’m with him. Now that I’ve let my guard down a little bit, I can see that my physical reaction during the massage in Cannes was in no small part due to the fact that I was becoming emotionally attached to him, even if I couldn’t see it at the time. It may be early days, but I have a good feeling about him. Do I need a man? No. I’m a strong, independent woman and nobody will ever be able to do what Olly did to me again. Do I want a man, though? Oh, yes. I want this one very much indeed.