20. ~ Journey ~
twenty
No one knowsthat I poisoned my father. He’d been an alcoholic for years, his liver shriveling and dying centimeter by centimeter with each sip from the bottle, so when it finally gave out after years of abuse, the doctors weren’t surprised. We’d just come from an appointment regarding his failing health, and his care manager warned him that it could be too late even if he stopped drinking, which he used as an excuse to pile it on even heavier. In his drunken fits of rage, he always took out his emotions on me. I’d been abused by him in nearly every way imaginable, so when the doctor told him he could be near his end, I decided to speed up the process.
Antifreeze tastes sweet. At least that’s what the internet told me when I looked it up after learning it had been used to kill people before. I also learned that once it enters the human body, the person who consumed it is practically doomed. The amount I put into my father”s whiskey bottle wasn”t enough to change the look of his favorite drink or alter its taste. He never even knew that with every sip, I was poisoning him. He must have liked the sweeter taste, because he downed that particular bottle faster than any I’d seen in the past, and that’s really saying something. The doctor didn”t even bother to examine his organs after he passed, because they already knew his history with alcohol, so I never got confirmation on whether or not it was me. I was also never charged with his murder. Sometimes not knowing is better. Nonetheless, I do know I put antifreeze in his whiskey and then he died, and I’ve kept that tidbit of information to myself since the moment it happened. Secrets are not new to me.
It is not my intention to hurt you, Sir. Of course not. I love you. You are the very essence of my dark and twisted existence, and I can’t imagine my life without you. Keeping the information about Andrea’s isn”t about you, Evan. It is about me. I don”t want to tell you, and it’s not because I think you’ll react in a way that will fracture our relationship. It’s simply because Idon”t want to tell you.
This is who I am. There are things about me that I just don”t tell anyone. No one knows about my dad the same way no one knows about the fire, the same way no one knows that I watched you bury Sierra Cross in your backyard. I don”t know if you finding out this information would mean anything at all, but it is my secret, not ours.
I can tell that you are becoming suspicious of me. The fact that you asked me outright if I set the fire is all the confirmation I would ever need, but I just didn”t want to tell you. Even with you being so sweet about it, holding me tightly in your arms while kissing me with all the love and sentiment a woman could ever want. I couldn”t do it. I didn”t want to. I love you, Evan, and I hope this secret won”t cause problems, but I can’t tell you this.
You were still asleep when I left the house this morning, snoring peacefully in bed as I walked out with a heart that weighed more today than usual. I don”t feel good about lying to you. I know you wouldn”t appreciate it if you were to ever find out, but I swallowed my guilt and made my way to the precinct, forcing myself to think about anything other than the fact that I’m harboring a new secret that is meant for only me.
When I walk into the office, everything looks as it usually does. Uniformed officers move about like ants next to the detectives dressed in suits and tailored button-ups. The clerk operates from her corner of the bullpen, while Captain Saunders sits in his office talking loudly on the phone with the door wide open. Everything is as it usually is, including the sight of Detective Summers sitting at his desk right next to mine, his chair turned toward the entrance as if he’s waiting for me to walk in just so he can flash that irritating smile. Sure enough, when I come through the door, there’s the smile.
“Dude, how long have you been facing the door?” I ask when I reach my desk, annoyance already dripping from my words.
“Not long,” Summers replies. “How was your night?”
I sit at my desk and turn on my computer. It’s already a dreadful morning, and I get the feeling it’ll be a dreadful day. I lied to you last night, Sir, and it’s going to weigh me down for every waking minute.
“My night sucked. How about yours?” I ask, facing the screen even though it’s still black.
“My night was interesting,” Summers replies. “I learned some things. Do you want to grab a cup of coffee first, or would you like to hear about it now?”
“What difference does it make?”
“Well, I’m not sure. Are you interested in information about Chad Swanson’s alibi?”
My breath catches in my throat as my lungs freeze. My computer lights up and I don”t even bother to look at it. I turn around to face Summers and there’s something in his eyes that makes me frown.
“You got info about Chad’s alibi? How?” I ask, my heart revving with each passing second.
“You know the Shell station he mentioned outside of Center City? I found it.”
I swallow hard, wishing your arms were still around me to offer comfort.
“You went there without me?” I inquire, but it’s a stupid question. He clearly did.
“I did, and you know what I found?” he asks rhetorically. “Proof.”
My jaw tightens. Sir, something feels off.
“Proof of what?” I ask.
“Proof that he was there,” Summers answers. “Turns out, the kid was telling the truth. Shell has video of Chad and his girlfriend pulling in to fill up her Jeep at about three-thirty in the morning, which is about ninety seconds before the call came in about the fire at the diner. I checked the route, and there’s no way they got from Andrea’s to the Shell station in ninety seconds. Unless the kid has the ability to be in two places at once, there’s no way he set that diner on fire.”
I don”t know how to respond. My jaw flexes and I bite my lip as my mind goes berserk to think of something to say, but nothing comes. While I”m still working out answers in my head, Summers starts again, his newfound confidence beaming from his eyes like starlight.
“You want to know something else?” he asks without waiting for a response. “I also talked to the manager of the diner, Robert Clark.”
What the fuck?
“I didn”t like how there was so much back and forth about whether or not Chad was fired from his job or if he quit. I figured I’d get the information from the man himself. Turns out, Chad was not fired. According to the manager, he quit … right in front of you and Evan. He claims he even mentioned to you that he was upset about losing Chad. Isn’t that strange? Did you just forget that part of the conversation? Or did you leave it out on purpose?”
Evan, I need you here. There is something going on with Summers that I don”t like, and he is starting to look a lot like someone in need of an “accident.”
“Why would I leave it out on purpose, Summers?” I ask, still maintaining my calm on the outside while in a frenzy internally. “Are you actually trying to accuse me of something? Because strangely enough, that’s what it sounds like.”
“Of course not,” he replies quickly. “It’s not a big deal to get that information twisted. You were there when the drama went down. You saw the kid storm out and you drew a conclusion. It doesn”t change what happened for the most part. The diner was burned down and you used the information you had to form a lead about a possible suspect. If anything, I’d say it was a good hunch to act on. No need to get defensive, Detective.”
I lean back in my chair with squinted eyes that stare a hole into Summers’ face, unsure of what else I”m supposed to do. I want to call you, Sir. I want your guidance, but you don”t know that I burned down the diner so I can’t lean on you for help. I got myself into this strange situation with Summers, and I”m going to have to figure my way out.
“Journey,” Summers continues. “It’s no big deal. We just need to do our jobs and investigate. We’ll get to the bottom of who really burned down Andrea’s, and when we do, we”ll put them where they belong. Don’t look so upset about taking one guy off the suspect list. It happens.”
The furrow in my brow is deep enough for cars to fall into.
“Umm,” I say, shaking my head. “Yeah, that’s fine, I guess. I was just hoping we could prove it was Chad and close the case quickly. A little investigative work never bothered me. But why did you go without me?”
Summers shrugs nonchalantly. “Was feeling restless after work so I decided to make a couple of stops before heading home. I knew you were spending time with Evan and I didn”t want to bother you. No biggie.”
“Right,” I say, but absolutely nothing feels right about it.
“Speaking of Evan, can I ask you something?”
Why the fuck would he want to ask me something about you?
“Sure.”
“How did Winter react when he found out you were dating a suspect?”
My eyes widen as I lean forward, my world spinning as shock hits me right in the chest. My vision blurs everything around Summers, making him the only thing I can see clearly. Ringing starts in my ears and gets louder … louder … louder, until I can’t hear anything at all. I have to shake my head, trying to steady myself, forcing my lungs to keep breathing and reducing the pressure building in my body, making me feel like I’m about to explode.
“What the fuck did you just say?” I snap, my normal detective facade slipping away as the ringing in my ears finally starts to fade away.
“Evan Godric. He was a suspect in a missing persons case, right? Sierra Cross?”
Summers sits back in his seat with an emotionless face, his eyes watching me closely. Now, there is no hint of a smile.
“What the fuck?” I snip, scowling at him, ready to risk it all right here in the precinct. “Why are you asking me that as if I wouldn”t get offended? The Sierra Cross case is closed.”
Summers raises an eyebrow. “Well, it went cold … and my god you are wound tight this morning. I wasn’t accusing your boyfriend of being guilty of anything. I just heard that you met him during the investigation that eventually fell apart, and I was curious if Winter had anything to say about it. It’s not every day that a detective falls for a guy that used to be a suspect in a disappearance she was investigating.”
“Evan and I didn”t start dating until after the investigation … after Sam killed himself. So he never knew we were dating, alright. I’m getting pretty fucking tired of you asking me questions about Winter. If you have something you want to say to me, Summers, just fucking say it and stop bringing up shit every other day. He killed himself, alright? He chose to end his life over a multitude of reasons, not just the Sierra Cross case, which is practically fucking closed. You”re my partner now, but I swear I will go to Saunders and request for a new one if you keep this shit up. Sam was my friend, and I don”t like you constantly mentioning him and making me relive his death. Now you”re bringing my boyfriend into it. So what is it, Summers? What’s your fucking problem?”
Shit. I didn”t mean to lose it, but I couldn”t help it. He’s asking about you now, Evan. He’s investigating without me and constantly bringing up Winter. What was I supposed to do? How am I supposed to react when every cell in my body wants to take him out back and put two in his fucking chest? One way or another, I’m going to have to put a stop to this, and I hope it isn’t another secret I have to keep from you.
“Wow,” Summers says with raised eyebrows. His face softens and takes on an apologetic expression. “I’m really sorry. I had no idea asking that question would set you off like that. I was just curious, Journey, that’s all. I know you love Evan and you two are happy and living together. It was insensitive of me to ask that. I truly apologize for being offensive. You”re right. I’m letting my weird, morbid curiosity get the best of me. I need to stop and I will. I won’t mention Winter again. I’m sorry.”
I glare at my partner as thoughts of placing a hand over his mouth and slashing his throat come to mind, playing out in gruesome detail. I can practically feel the blood spraying against my face as I sit back and focus on unclenching my jaw.
“I crossed the line,” Summers says, rising from his seat. “I can tell I’ve pissed you off. I’m sorry, Journey. I know we’ve got work to do on this diner case, but I’m going to take a few minutes to grab some food so you can have some space. I’ll understand if you request another partner or if you just need the day away from me. Take all the time you need. Again, I apologize.”
Without waiting for a response, Summers walks away, still shaking his head as he leaves as if kicking himself for going too far. I watch him go, wishing I could shoot fucking lasers from my eyes so I can drop him midstride.
I feel like a thread is starting to unravel, Sir. Something is happening and it’s making me anxious. When I get anxious, things start to happen. Buildings burn down. People die. I have no idea how I could possibly get away with killing my partner, but Summers is doing too much. He’s making himself look suspicious with all of this, and while I know that having two partners drop dead would put me in the crosshairs, I’ve always managed to avoid being caught in the past.
Maybe the target on my back would be worth it if it means getting rid of a nosy partner. Maybe instead of killing himself like Sam, Summers just vanishes into thin air. Maybe he gets buried in your abandoned backyard right next to Sierra. Maybe this has gone on long enough. Maybe I”m going to have to add another secret to all the rest.