I Accidentally Hooked Up with a Vampire (Accidents Happen #2)

1. Boss Bitch?

1

Boss Bitch?

“ C ome sit on my face and nourish me.”

I frowned at the text from the man labeled, “Shaky legs”. The last time I saw him, he tried to pick me up and damn near dropped me on my head. They say the skinny ones have freakish strength. Yeah, well, he didn’t get any of that. Instead of responding with a quip about how he needed to focus on leg day, I put the phone down. There were much more important things to focus on than a man whose legs trembled when he tried to carry me to the bed.

“Alright, bitch, you got this!” I pointed to myself in the mirror at my desk in the small office I’d soon be trading in for one with actual windows! “This is what you worked for. Five years in the making! Best buyer in the game! Of course they’re promoting you! Who else would they choose? Walk in there with your head high, but not too cocky because, you know, melanin. And walk out on top of the world!” After I finished hyping myself up, I checked my edges, made sure my braided bun was secure, then headed out the door.

I walked into the large conference room with my head high and my acceptance speech ready to go. I’d worked my ass off, and it was finally happening. Management only used the big conference room for big announcements. It was my time to shine. As I closed the door to my small office, I imagined my name next to my new title. Whitney Harris, Senior Acquisitions Broker. This was a moment that would not only add more notoriety to my name, being in one of the top private brokerages in the world, but it would also more than double my salary!

I went over the list of my qualifications in my head. Tripled the profitability of my department in the last quarter? Check. Acquired four highly sought after pieces? Check. Landed a contract with an artist everyone was breaking their necks to get? Not an easy thing, considering the woman lived on the other side of the country and was never available for face-to-face meetings. Check! Though I worried that one could work against me because she vanished for months after we signed the contract and the higher ups chose not to work with her anymore, but that wasn’t my fault. I did my job!

The hefty bonus check sitting in my bank account and encouraging words from upper management in our last meetings added to my confidence.

I caught my reflection in the window and straightened the collar of the new silk shirt I’d worn just for the occasion. The only thing hurting the moment was the fresh butt length braids in my hair. I had them pulled up into a bun that added at least six inches to my height.

I sat in the chair across from the managing partner of my department, my nails freshly manicured and ready to shake his hand as I accepted the offer.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Whitney, but we have to let you go.” Mr. Conrad, the managing partner for my department, sat across from me, coffee foam on his top lip and feigned pity in his eyes as he dropped the hammer.

When I tell you my jaw nearly hit the glass table in front of me. There I was, in my power suit, on cloud nine after just signing a mortgage for a new condo, and my history-making step up in the industry turned into a swift boot out the front door.

“Maybe I didn’t hear you correctly. Did you say you’re letting me go?” I leaned forward so I could better hear him. “After the year I’ve had, the raving quarterly review, and the multiple six figure contracts I’ve landed, you’re letting me go?”

“As you know, the last quarter wasn’t as strong as we had forecasted and, because of that, we have to make some cuts.” Beads of sweat formed on his bald head as he gave me the form response. That was what they always said.

“John, please don’t play in my face when you just gave me a bonus a month ago!” I sat back. “What’s the real reason?”

“Whitney, you know what this is.” He lowered his voice. “I don’t want to do this, but they're forcing my hand on the matter. That contract that fell through, despite your other successes… It put a bad taste in the owners’ mouths.”

“How was I supposed to know she was going to drop off the face of the Earth? She never did anything like that before! And you were the one who told me to do anything it took to get Rayna to sign that contract!”

“Yes, I know, but you were the lead buyer on the deal.” He lifted the cup of coffee and sipped from it, adding even more froth to his top lip. “And considering she had a perfect reputation, they think you’re the reason she did what she did.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” It took everything in me not to reach across the table and slap the foam from his face. “So that’s it?”

“We have a sizeable severance package here for you, and I’ve written out some great recommendations as well. I even pushed for them to give you more money in the deal, and you’ll still get your pending commissions on the contracts being settled now.” He slid the folder across the table to me. “Take your time and review the package. We’re open to negotiations.”

“Yeah. Right. Thanks.” I took the folder but didn’t open it. I would look it over when I didn’t have his beady eyes staring at me.

“HR will reach out to you for your exit interview. Take the rest of the week to get your things in order. I’ve set your official last day as Friday.” John stood from the table and awkwardly straightened his jacket before reaching out to shake my hand.

“Of course.” I stood, holding all my rage inside, and walked out of the office. I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me upset, and I damn sure wouldn’t sully my perfect manicure by touching his sweaty hand after he just fired me. Nope, I would paste a neutral expression on my face until I got out of the building and far away from any security cameras. Then, I would lose my shit!

John had to be out of his damn mind if he thought I would hang around after being let go. Within five minutes of returning to my office, I packed my stuff, including my portable vanity and pictures of my cat, and headed home. It didn’t matter what the paperwork said. Was it professional? Maybe not, but professionalism went out the damn window with my hopes and dreams. I was done.

“Hey girl, are you okay?” Nina, the nosey woman who I knew had been gunning for my job, met me at the elevator.

“Perfect.” I smiled and pressed the call button for the elevator. Of course she knew I was being let go. Hell, she was probably the one who pushed for it. The heffa had been lurking around the office, just waiting for me to mess up.

“I just heard the news.” She flipped her stiff ass bob, shaking dandruff onto her pink top.

“Oh, is that so?” I tilted my head. “In the five minutes since it happened, the news made it across the office and into your ear?”

“Well…” She dropped her eyes.

“No worries. I’m good. But you may want to do something about that scalp situation.” I pointed to her shoulder. “I hear a little rosemary oil works great for that.”

Just then, a soft chime sounded in the hall as the elevator door opened. I stepped inside, proud of myself for not grabbing her by the neck and shaking her like a snow globe. Watching her expression drop didn’t entirely make up for the shit storm that had become my day, but it damn sure put a smile on my face. Right as the doors closed, my phone buzzed with new notifications. I looked down to see supportive messages from my girls in the group chat.

“You got this, girl!” Lena messaged with six twerking emojis.

“Yes! Boss woman in the HOUSE!” Jackie followed up with a series of houses, airplanes, and martini glasses.

I read the messages, and my heart dropped—not only because my world was collapsing, but because I would have to feel that collapse alone. There was no way I was going to tell them about what happened, not with such a big night coming up. I would keep it to myself. That wouldn’t be so hard to do for forty-eight hours.

“Thanks! See you girls tonight!” I replied simply and put the phone in my pocket as the elevator doors opened to the parking deck.

It was a twenty-two-minute drive home from my former job to my new condo. The condo I’d just closed on. The condo that was loaded with unopened boxes and gifts from friends and family.

Twenty-two minutes for me to dwell on the idea that my life had just imploded, just enough time for me to wonder if it was too late to back out on my mortgage. I could handle going back to a crappy one-bedroom apartment. I’d stayed in my last place, which was falling down around me, for years after I could afford to move out. Why? Well, this was why. My biggest fear: signing for a mortgage and then losing my income.

Granted, my savings were pretty stacked and my portfolio looked good, but in the current job market, I could be without a gig for a year or more. How would I keep it all together?

“Okay, one night to feel sorry for yourself, Whitney. That’s all you get!” I stared at my expression in the rearview mirror of my car. I’d made it home and sat parked in the designated spot of the shared garage. Instead of jumping out and running to my lush new home, I sat there staring at the bag that had all the important things I grabbed from my desk.

WHITNEY HARRIS

I don’t know why I took the name plate from my door. Maybe it was to remind myself that I’d made it far enough to have a private office. Maybe it would motivate me to kick my shit into gear and get back out there. Or maybe it would haunt me, a reminder of my failure.

Ten minutes later, I was standing outside my door and hyping myself up to walk inside. No, buying this condo wasn’t the biggest mistake of my life. No, I wouldn’t go into debt and end up homeless on the sidewalk. It was all going to be O-Kay!

After my weak ass pep talk, I opened the door and immediately received a smack in the face. So much for lifting my mood. The massive paw of my Maine Coon knocked against my cheek before Maverick jumped down from the ledge above the door. The twenty-seven-pound, nearly four-foot mass of black hair stood in front of me and rolled his eyes before he hissed and launched an attack on my legs with a series of smacks.

“Dammit! Stop it, Maverick!” I fussed at him. I knew it wasn’t his fault. Maverick was particular about his lifestyle, and I’d moved him away from his comfort zone and had yet to unbox his new cat tower. The thing was a giant contraption that would cover half of a 20x15 wall in the front room. I promised him I would have it up so he could look out over the land like the king he was, and yet, it still sat in the box by the window.

To appease the massive beast, who had a natural white collar in his fur that made him look like a spy, I quickly went to grab his snacks. Once he had a handful placed neatly at his feet, he chilled out.

“I’ll have plenty of time to put the damn thing together now.” As soon as the words passed my lips, my heart dropped as my eyes found the one piece of art I’d put up.

I couldn’t wait to get it on my wall, and the day I got the keys to the place, I hung it over the fireplace—a beautiful alien landscape that somehow felt familiar to me. It looked even more vibrant in contrast to the stone wall behind it. It was hard to deny her talent, but in that moment, if I could find the artist, Rayna, I would smash the damn thing over her head.

Whatever happened, I would make sure I kept my place. The condo featured high ceilings, hardwood flooring, and lots of natural lighting coming through the floor to ceiling windows. It had just enough space for me and my big ass cat. A great primary suite, a secondary room I would use for my office. This was my home now, and I wouldn’t let a bald man and a bobble head bitch ruin that for me.

I turned my back on the painting and headed to my bedroom. There was still work to be done. I could busy myself with unpacking until it was time to head out to meet the girls. Did I want to have to pretend like I was okay? No. Would I ruin Lena’s accomplishment with my shit? Hell, no. I’d still be out of a job after she made her big announcement to the world.

With my music blasting, I’d gotten most of my room done before it was time to go. I fed Maverick because I didn’t want another attack when I got home and headed out with my best smile plastered on my face.

“Not all dick is created equal, that’s all I’m saying!” Jackie clapped her hands as she fell on the small plush couch beside me. “You know damn well that some dick just changes your life. And others… Well, we pretend they never happened.”

“Girl, what the hell?” I stared at my friend in disbelief as she dished about her latest venture into the world of dating.

The woman had no filter, even when we were in the middle of a bougie dress shop. Over her shoulder, the clerk gawked at her outburst, and her light brown face turned beet red. Jackie just kept on talking like nothing happened.

We sat in the waiting area outside of the dressing room as Lena tried on dresses for her big night. We were the judge and jury, only there to make sure she looked her absolute best for her party the next night. It was one of the few places in the area that made dresses for plus sized baddies that didn’t add a touch of frumpiness to each design.

“Listen, there are classifications for dick, and you know I’m right!” She lowered her voice after I pointed out the woman behind her. “Honestly, there should be certified publications about this somewhere.”

“Classifications?” I cackled. “Girl, I just cannot deal with you sometimes.”

Jackie was the outspoken one in our trio. If something was on her mind, you were going to hear about it. It's what made her such a successful content creator; that, and her master’s in marketing. She was a powerhouse and had built a brand that empowered women without sugar coating anything.

Around the corner, Lena’s head poked out of the dressing room. “And what you would classify this one as?”

Jackie tapped her chin with her finger as she pondered the question then blurted out, “Relationship Dick!”

I couldn’t help it. I fell out laughing and instantly regretted it as my freshly braided hair dropped out of the loose bun. Despite the pain spreading across my scalp, I kept on cackling. Maybe it was the complimentary wine, or maybe it was just that I always felt so much better when I was with my girls, but the weight of the world was slowly melting away.

“Please tell us: what is relationship dick?” I urged Jackie to continue.

“Relationship dick. You know, it's good enough if it comes with the benefit of commitment,” Jackie explained her reasoning. “I mean, you get cuddles, food deliveries, and foot rubs. It’s good, and it basically hits the spot and can be damn good with some guidance, but it better have some added perks to make it worth the ride.” She rocked her hips like she was on a horse, holding her drink carefully so she didn’t spill a drop.

“Wait a minute. Is this someone you would commit to?” I gasped, because I had never thought I would see the day when Jackie said she would settle down. “I don’t know… Relationship dick doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Him? No. Girl, you know I don’t make commitments. But that’s his classification. Nothing I can do about it.” She shrugged. “It’s not my fault. And honestly, his morning breath is hell. I told him he should go see a doctor and recommended him to the guy up north.”

“You did not recommend him to your ex!” I slapped her thigh.

“Why the hell not? He’s a competent doctor and does great work. I’m not going to mess with his bag just because he was cursed with a little dick.”

“And what about Scott?” Lena popped out of the dressing room and did a quick twirl in the pea green dress then frowned when we both gave her a thumbs down. The damn thing made her hips look wide and flattened out that plump ass. “He seemed nice enough.”

She shrugged and headed back into the dressing room to change into the next look.

“Oh, Scott? Scott had that damn dickmatize dick.” Jackie fanned herself with her hand. “No way I could keep his ass around. I love myself too much for that.”

“Please explain this one.” I lifted my glass while we waited for Lena to try on her next dress. This conversation was perfect. It was fun, lighthearted, and avoided the dreaded topic of my promotion.

“That’s the dick you’re supposed to run away from. It’s so good that it makes you forget you’re a grown woman with goals, responsibilities, hopes, and dreams of your own. One day, you’re living your best life, and the next, you’re calling out of work and skipping out on your girls.” She sucked her teeth. “The problem with that kind of dick is, it tricks you into thinking you’re in love. You completely forget that it’s connected to a bum who can’t do shit for you. And what’s worse is, when you’re selfish with that kind of dick, it turns on you!”

“Turns on you?” I leaned away from her and scrunched up my nose. “Does it bite you or something?”

“You know what I mean. Think about that girl, Ciara, from college. Homegirl had the brightest future. Then, she met Evan, and it was like she completely forgot who she was after he put it on her. Flunked out of her last damn class and dropped off the face of the Earth. Last I heard, she is struggling with his four kids by her damn self. And where is he? Out there, putting it down on another unsuspecting fool.”

“Well damn. When you lay it out like that, I can think of a few others who fall into that category.” I nodded. There were a few women I knew who let a man distract them from their goals. Every one of them was playing catch up to make up for the time they lost because of it.

“We all know at least one woman who let a man knock her off her path.” She crossed her finger over her chest. “I pray I never fall down the path of the dickmatization.”

“Stop it.” I shook my head at her.

“Whatever. Y’all know I’m right.” She pointed at me. “I hope you would slap some sense into me, just like I would for you.”

“What kind of dick are you looking for?” I asked her as I struggled to put the bun back in my hair. After the second failed attempt, Jackie popped my hand with her bony finger and took over.

“Right now, I’m looking for that good comfort dick. You know, it hits the right spot and doesn’t ruin your damn life. That’s the dick we all should look for. It comes attached to a man who will take you out and not want to wife you up or fill you with babies. Just chill.” She finished my bun then kissed my cheek. “There you go, babe.”

“Thank you. You know, I can see this becoming a new series for you.” I thought about her massive social media following. She had an army of women who would go to war for her. They would eat it up.

“I’m already working it out in my head. The girls will love it!” She nodded. “Maybe I’ll write a book of my own. Lena can help me.”

“Yes, our award-winning, bestselling, internationally known author bestie!” I cheered.

This was the reason I couldn’t tell them about my job. Lena’s dreams were coming true. The book she wrote, To Conjure Love , about a woman who read a spell and created her perfect man, had become an international sensation. In twenty-four hours, she would stand in front of an audience of her peers and her fans and announce that her book was not only becoming a series, but she’d signed a seven-figure deal for it to be turned into a major movie! I was so proud of her, my heart could explode, and I just didn’t want to take away from her moment. I knew Lena; she was the mom of our group. The moment she learned about my termination, her focus would shift from celebrating herself to coddling me.

“I really can’t believe this is happening.” Lena stepped out of the room again, this time wearing a cute cream dress that complimented her dark brown skin and showed off just enough of her curves.

“Well, you better believe it. And while it’s happening, you’re going to look damn good!” Jackie stood and clapped for our girl.

After several twirls and a bow, she paid for the dress, and we all headed home. Lena had to rest up, Jackie had content to schedule, and I had a damn cat tower to put together.