Ice Cold Hearts: A Single Mom, Hockey, Reverse Harem Romance (Forbidden Fantasies)

18. Emily

If Ian had slapped me across the face, it would have stung less than what he said before he stormed out. Honestly, I think I might have preferred the slap.

“I should go check on him,” Oliver says, rising from the couch.

“No.” I hold up my hand. “I need to be the one to handle this.”

“Are you sure? Ian can be a little intense.”

“I upset him. I need to patch things up,” I insist. “Clearly, there’s more going on here than what’s on the surface. If we’re going to make this work, I need to figure out what it is. If either of us needs emotional backup, I’ll come get you.”

Before either of them can protest, I snatch the baby monitor off the table and march up to Ian’s room.

Any anger I had immediately evaporates the moment I peek cautiously into his room. Ian is perched on the edge of his bed holding his head in his hands. I can’t tell if he’s crying because he’s entirely silent, but his shoulders are shaking.

Ian has always been leaner, trending toward a runner’s build rather than being broad and bulky, but he’s still a larger than average guy. Right now, though, he looks smaller than Audrey with how curled into himself he is.

I’d come up here with the intention of giving him a piece of my mind, but now all I want to do is pick him up and carry him away from everything that’s hurting him.

I set the baby monitor on the dresser by the door and settle gingerly next to him on the bed. He flinches when I touch him but doesn’t object when I start rubbing small circles on his back. Now that I’m closer, his tears are more obvious, as are the almost imperceptible sniffles.

“Take all the time you need, but when you’re ready to talk, I’m right here,” I say gently.

After a few minutes, Ian straightens and hastily swipes at his eyes.

“I appreciate your coming up to check on me, but this is my problem, not yours. You don’t have to be here and watch me deal with my mess,” he says hoarsely.

Who hurt you?

“Ian,” I sigh, “downstairs, you said we were at the point where we wanted to label our relationship. If you want me around, you’re going to have to let me see every side of you, not just the sunshiny ones. I’m a big girl. I can take it.”

“No one can. Everyone I let in always leaves because I’m too much for them,” he says glumly.

“Alexei and Oliver haven’t left,” I point out.

“That’s different,” Ian mutters.

“How? Because they’re men?” I ask, annoyed.

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, it’s just complicated,” he sputters.

I cup his face in my hand. “There’s more going on here than just security, isn’t there?”

“Yes.” He nods. “But I don’t even know how to start talking about that.”

“Why don’t we just start with what’s going on right now and go from there?” I suggest, “Is it okay if I start?”

“Go ahead,” Ian says, physically bracing himself.

Just like that, my heart splinters into pieces. I want nothing more than to find whatever piece of garbage did this to him and make sure they regret it.

I take a calming breath instead.

“Ian, it hurt when you called me stupid and went off on me. It was even worse when you stormed off before we could fix things. It made me feel small and unvalued. I don’t think I could ever express how much that hurt me. I can’t be with someone who calls me names and storms off.” I clasp his hand in mine. “I don’t expect you to be perfect or for things to be fixed overnight, but I need you to promise me you’ll try and do better. I need you to start sharing what you feel and not walking away. If you need time to cool off so you don’t resort to name-calling or just to regulate, that’s totally different. I want you to take that time if you need it, but I need to know that’s what you’re doing and that you’ll come back. Can you do that?”

I was expecting some resistance or some other type of answer, but he just reaches out and crushes me tightly to his chest in what can only be called a bear hug. I’m speechless from shock but also because he’s just squeezed all the air out of my lungs.

“You are way too good to me,” he says.

“Can’t breathe,” I squeak out.

“Oh, shit. Sorry,” he says, letting me go.

“Ian,” I start.

“I know, you want an answer.” He cuts me off earnestly. “I can do all of those things. I just… I just might need help.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” I smile softly. “But that’s not what I was going to say. Ian.” I take his hands in mine. “Those sorts of conversations are how relationships should be. I’m not being too good to you. That’s the bare minimum.”

Ian swipes at his eyes again. I wrap my arms around him and lean us back so his head is resting on my chest. His wavy hair feels silky-soft as I run my hands through it. As he relaxes into my touch, I realize I would do anything to protect this man.

“Tell me,” I prompt.

“I was so overwhelmed by the thought of you, or worse, you and Audrey, being in trouble without any of us around to protect you.” Ian takes a shaky breath. “There was a woman we dated before we met you, Colleen. She was one of the kindest people I’d ever met and unbelievably brilliant with computers. Once word got out that the three of us were dating her, she never got a moment of peace. They harassed her everywhere she went. Reporters would go through her trash, and a few even broke into her house. After a few months, she finally accepted our offer of security, but the damage was already done. She just couldn’t handle it anymore. The official reason things ended was that she was offered a job in Tokyo at one of their engineering firms, which was true, but honestly, it was because of how the media treated her. You make our weird little family feel whole. I don’t want to lose you because of some assholes with cameras.”

A shiver of pure terror runs down my spine. That poor woman went through absolute hell. I’m too selfish to be sad their relationship ended, but it shouldn’t have ended that way.

“It’s not an excuse for how you handled things, but I understand now why you got so upset. I promise you the minute things escalate beyond what’s going on right now, I will absolutely accept security while I’m out alone, especially when I’m with Audrey. I just think that having security right now would pretty much confirm all the rumors going around right now and make things even worse. If we stick to our plan of no public affection, there’s a chance they’ll get bored and move on to the next bit of gossip. I’ll even pick up some pepper spray and have hospital security walk me to my car if it will make you feel better. Is that something you can accept?”

“But the minute things start getting weird?” Ian asks.

I laugh. “I will let you get me the biggest, most terrifying security guards you can find.”

He nods. “All right.”

After a few moments of quiet, he asks, “Did you really mean it when you said I could take space to process and then come back?”

“Of course I did. I’m not some priceless diamond on display that you can’t breathe near?—”

“You are to me,” he interrupts.

I jab him in the side with my finger, making him laugh.

“Pipe down and let me finish,” I say in a pompous tone.

My heart lightens when he laughs again and pulls me closer.

“I want to do life with you. That means when you have a problem, I do too. There is no part of you that will ever be too much for me. I’m not afraid of your feelings, and I’ll do everything I can to prove it to you. All you have to do is let me in,” I plead.

“I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all I’ll ever ask.” I gather my courage for what I want to say next. “Who made you feel like this? If you feel comfortable telling me, that is.”

Ian rolls to his side, propping himself up on his elbow so we’re face to face. His face is tight and his usually bright hazel eyes are ditchwater-dull.

“You don’t have to tell me now,” I say quickly.

“No.” His voice is determined. “I need to do this. You’re the third woman the three of us have dated. Colleen was the first, and Rachel…” He takes a slow breath. “Rachel was the second. She was a pro at handling the media, and later, we found out how obsessed she was with the attention. Near the end of the relationship, Alexei found out she was tipping the paparazzi off to where we would be.”

My stomach twists in disgust. “Is that what ended things?”

Ian shakes his head. “Things ended when they found out the real reason I left the relationship. I let them think I was just tired of it, but it was because she sat me down and told me she was done with me. She…” His voice cracks. “She told me there was something wrong with me, that I felt too much and that I needed to be medicated or institutionalized because it was abnormal for men to feel things like I do. Alexei was livid, and I’d never seen Oliver look more furious in his life. They threw her out of the house the minute they found out. They never liked how dismissive of me she was or how annoyed she’d be when I got emotional, but they let me handle it on my own terms until then. Until I saw how upset they were when they were chucking her stuff out on the lawn, I didn’t know how much they cared.”

I’m buzzing with fury. “Out of curiosity, do you have her address? I have some eggs and toilet paper that need repurposing.”

He laughs then presses a soft kiss to my lips.

“You’re very sweet, but no need. I’d go through worse than that if I got you at the end,” Ian confesses.

I pull him to me for another kiss. Our tongues tease each other as we tangle ourselves together. His hand slides from my waist up to my breast. I moan as he pinches and teases my nipples. Ian moves his head down toward my neck, but before he can kiss me, he gives a gaping yawn.

I giggle and place a kiss on the tip of his nose. “You should get to bed.”

I start to stand, but he grabs my wrist. “Please stay with me. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

His eyes are wide and pleading. Even if I had wanted to say no, I wouldn’t have been able to. How Rachel could have ever hurt such a gentle soul is beyond me. She must not have had a heart.

“I’m going to move the baby monitor closer and text the group chat so Alexei and Oliver know what’s going on, but I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” he says, burrowing under his covers.

Audrey’s still asleep, and neither of the guys respond, so I’m assuming they’re down for the count too. I rummage through his drawer for a shirt I can use as a nightgown and change into that.

Ian pulls me to him immediately and nuzzles into my neck.

“Emily,” he mutters, “it’s going to be so hard not to fall in love with you too soon.”

He starts snoring before I can respond.

I just hope he still loves me once he finds out who Audrey’s father is.