Ice Cold Hearts: A Single Mom, Hockey, Reverse Harem Romance (Forbidden Fantasies)

23. Emily

The last time I was this anxious walking into a hospital, I walked out roughly a day and a half later toting an eight-pound, nine-ounce little passenger along with me.

Telling my boss about a relationship, even an unconventional one, will be much easier than twelve hours of labor. Faster, too. I just wish someone would tell that to my hands because they won’t stop shaking.

Jenna has been a great supervisor, an excellent mentor, and an even better friend. She’s known about my dream to start my own practice since day one and has done everything in her power to ensure I’m equipped with the skills I need to do it.

Once she finds out, is she going to think I’m not good enough? Or worse, is she going to fire me? What if she calls security and they drag me out of the building? CPS will find out I got fired and dragged from the building, and then they’ll take Audrey, and if I lose Audrey I’ll lose my mind and end up broke and starving in a gutter somewhere covered in fleas and head lice and?—

“Emily.” Alexei wrenches my hands apart. “Stop. You’re bleeding.”

I glance down at my cuticles, and sure enough, I’ve picked at them enough to draw little specks of blood. Maybe if I just squeeze my eyes shut and pretend it didn’t happen, it’ll go away.

Damn, no such luck.

Alexei pulls me into the stairwell away from any possible prying eyes.

“Tell me,” he demands.

I’m too embarrassed to meet his eyes, so I talk to the floor instead.

“It’s a really bad anxious habit I have,” I confess. “I know you’ve noticed it before. Usually, I notice before it gets this bad and can calm down before it gets to that point. If I’m too anxious to calm down, I’ll find something else to do with my hands until that jittery feeling under my skin is gone. The last time it got this bad was right after Audrey was born. She was only two weeks old and she got so sick. It was some sort of bacterial infection. I had done everything right, but she still—” My voice breaks, so I take a second to breathe. “Anyway, she ended up with a fever so high they had to keep her in the hospital. This one, in fact. She was so small and the IV in her leg looked enormous. I knew she was getting the best care, but I picked my cuticles to shreds. I never left her for a second. Jenna came to visit me three times a day for as long as we were there. She brought me breakfast when she came in, had her lunch break with me, and even had her husband bring dinner to the hospital. They”d sit and eat with me, and I know it was only to make sure I ate something. I’m so scared that she’s going to hate me and fire me, and then Audrey will get taken away and I’ll die alone on the street.” I know I’m getting hysterical, but I can’t seem to stop. “And rationally, I know that’s not going to happen. We’re taking you off my patient caseload now that we’ve decided it’s something serious, and it was only a few sessions anyway, and we stayed professional. I even had Jenna check my treatment plan in case I was biased about what you needed to do. I know this is so unbelievably irrational, but I can’t stop worrying about everything that could go wrong. You must be so disgusted by me right now.”

“Emily, I love you, but that’s the most idiotic thing you’ve ever said to me,” Alexei says gruffly.

Did he just…

The shock of those three little words stops my tears instantly.

“Did you just say you love me?” I ask in disbelief.

“Shit.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I was trying to make you feel better.”

“By calling me stupid?” I say, trying to be annoyed but failing miserably.

The bossy, practical, sarcastic Alexei that I’ve come to know is nowhere to be found. That part of him had attracted me immediately. He drew me in with his gruff and broody ways, then made all of my fantasies come to life. Yet, somehow, seeing him flustered and at a loss for words ignites a part of me I didn’t even know existed.

This man with his dark hair, strong jaw, and body that looks like it was chiseled out of marble is more flustered than an awkward teenager on their first date, all because of me.

It’s a far cry from the flowery declarations I’ve received in the past. Then again, those were from assholes just trying to get in my pants. The fact that it just slipped out in a moment of frustration makes it more genuine and meaningful to me than any pretty words.

“No, I—” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Clearly, my head isn’t right today. I don’t think you’re stupid, and just for the record, I said what you said was idiotic, not that you were stupid.”

“Semantics,” I say, fighting a smile.

“You’re insufferable,” he grumbles. “What I was trying to say was you’ve got another thing coming if you think for one moment we’d let you or Audrey end up in a gutter somewhere. Whether you like it or not, I’m going to take care of you. We all will. You’re ours, and we’re not ever planning on letting you go because… Fuck it. Because I love you.” Alexei takes my hands in his. “When my parents died, it felt like I died with them. Making connections with people just never seemed worth it after that because I knew they’d be ripped away.”

“What about Ian and Oliver?” I ask.

He smiles. “Oliver was a second son to my parents, and even though I tried to push him away, he was too damn stubborn to leave.”

“That sounds like him.” I laugh softly. “And Ian?”

“I took him under my wing during his first rookie season. He had so much passion and drive but didn’t quite know how to channel it. I wanted to mentor him so that when it came time for me to retire from hockey, I’d leave the Cold Hearts with the best possible captain to replace me. He practically lived at our place before the shoulder injury, and after? Well, he really needed a support network, and with his parents being stationed overseas, it just seemed natural to have him move in with us.”

Just when I think I can’t possibly care about these men more, they go and prove me wrong. More than anything, I want to throw myself in his arms and tell him I love him until I lose my voice, but I can’t. How could I possibly tell him I love him when I’m keeping such a massive secret from him?

“From the minute you ripped me a new one in the parking lot the day we met, you intrigued me. Your passion, intelligence, and capacity for love knocked me off my feet. It doesn’t hurt that you’re gorgeous, either.” He grins. “I’ve been wrestling between keeping you at arms length and pulling you as close as possible since our first date. Despite my best efforts, you slipped into my heart so seamlessly, it’s like it was made specifically for you to inhabit. I know it’s early, and I don’t want you to say anything you don’t mean yet, but my heart is yours.”

There’s a fist wrapped around my heart.

“Alexei, I want to,” I admit. “I want to so badly, but there’s just so much we haven’t talked about. I’m still working up the courage to talk to you all about Audrey’s father, and there’s the whole thing with my work.”

He tucks me closer to his chest and kisses the top of my head tenderly.

“You are worth waiting an eternity for,” he says, making my heart flutter. “And what’s even better is that we can handle one of those hurdles right now. Let’s go have a chat with Jenna.”

She’s surprised to see us but quickly ushers us back into her office.

“So,” she says, folding her hands on top of her desk, “I’m assuming this is related to the article that got published?”

We nod, and then I tell her an abridged version of what’s happened between us.

“We kept things quiet for longer than usual because we were afraid things would leak to the press, and with Audrey, I just wanted to be sure of things before we made things more official. I know I didn’t tell you, and there’s no way I can express how sorry I am for not telling you, but I did make sure to run every treatment choice by you to ensure I was remaining professional and objective. I know it’s no excuse, and I am genuinely sorry.”

“She’s been nothing but professional during treatment.” Alexei nods, backing me up.

Jenna nods. “I know.”

“You do?” I asked, shocked.

“I didn’t know exactly what was going on, but you haven’t had me check your plans since you were an intern here. I figured something was going on, so I’ve been watching your footage in the hands on treatment room and the general area, and I didn’t see any questionable conduct whatsoever.” She smiles reassuringly.

I’m glad there aren’t any cameras in the offices, even if Oliver isn’t a patient of mine.

“Are you upset?” I ask.

“I’m a little surprised you’re dating all three of them. I won’t lie. And I’m hurt you didn’t tell me sooner, but I know you were just acting with the best interests of your daughter in mind,” she says.

“What happens now?” I wonder. “Are you going to fire me?”

“No.” Jenna shakes her head. “I didn’t explicitly know what was going on, but you made sure I oversaw your work and that you were a professional in the office. I think we can let this go as long as we move any of their future appointments to someone else’s case load.”

My heart overflows with gratitude.

“It doesn’t even come close to how much this means to me, but thank you, Jenna,” I gush.

“As your boss, I’m not allowed to care.” Jenna winks. “But as your friend, I’m just glad you found people who can make you happy and care for you the way you deserve.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“Anytime.” Jenna nods. “Now, shoo, I’ve got paperwork to do, and you’ve got a little lady to put to bed.”

I groan. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

She just laughs and waves us away.

I feel so light, I’m not sure my feet even touch the ground on the way to the elevator. This has gone much better than I ever could have imagined. It’s giving me hope that maybe all my fears about coming clean to them about Audrey were overstated.

It probably won’t be as easy as my meeting with Jenna, but maybe we’ll be able to get through this too.

If I can just explain everything to them, if I can make them understand why I was too scared to come forward, maybe I’ll still have a chance.

The deadline I set for myself is quickly drawing nearer. The dread that has been poisoning my insides is starting to be pushed away by hopeful determination.

I can do this.

I will do this.

I just have to find the right time.

“That went so much better than I thought it would,” I say as we walk across the parking lot.

“I didn’t think it was going to be as bad as what you were worried about, but I definitely wasn’t expecting her to be that laid back,” he agrees.

“It’s just so nice to have it all settled. It’s so cliché, but it really does feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” I beam.

“You are terrifyingly beautiful when you smile,” Alexei says, drawing me closer.

I can’t see anyone around, but we’re still out in the open. I know I should stop him or pull away or remind him of our no PDA rule, but right now, I don’t care.

It’s different this time when he kisses me. He still takes charge, claiming my mouth and taking what he wants from me, but there’s a tenderness in it that wasn’t there before.

He’s kissing me like he loves me.

That thought makes me cling to him tighter, twining my body around his like a honeysuckle vine on a chain link fence. I tangle my hands in his hair as our tongues dance.

So this is what home feels likeis the last thought I have before a mob of screaming paparazzi and flashing cameras encircle us and crush my joy into dust.