Chapter Twenty-Nine Jamie
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jamie
The following afternoon, Elliott went back to her own apartment to give Jamie privacy to make the call.
He hadn’t even had to ask—she’d offered—and he was grateful because he had no idea how this conversation would go. He had no idea how Carly would react, and he didn’t want an audience for this. Except Hank, who was a welcome presence at Jamie’s side as he lowered himself to the couch, phone in hand. He took two deep breaths, willed his heart to slow down, and dialed Carly’s number.
She answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
A tiny part of him braced for any lingering affection at the sound of her voice, but none came. He felt nothing but nerves and a genuine hope their friendship would remain after this. “Hey, Carly.” Hank nudged his thigh, and Jamie rested a palm on his fur. “How are you?”
“Great. Just leaving the gym.” The voices in the background suddenly quieted, like she’d walked out of a building. “It’s good to hear from you.”
“Yeah, it’s been a while. Kinda weird, not seeing you around, but I’ve been pretty busy, and you’re ...”
“Not there anymore?” she said with a laugh.
“Yeah.” He swallowed. “How’s Oklahoma? Everything going good down there?”
A few muffled sounds came through the phone, then the close of a car door. “It’s really great, Jamie. I know it’s only been three months, but I’m so happy here. I get to see my mom and my old friend Sasha all the time. I love the new job so much I can’t believe I didn’t take Mai up on it before now.”
“You’re glad you did it, then?”
“Yeah. I am.” She paused. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Really good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” She sounded like she meant it. After a beat, she asked, “So were you just calling to say hi, or ...?”
He leaned forward over his knees and pressed a fist to his forehead. He’d sat on it all day and still didn’t know how to start. What was the best way to say it?
“I did want to say hi. I’ve been wondering how you were doing,” he started. “But there’s also something I wanted to talk to you about. I, uh, wanted to tell you I’ve started seeing Elliott.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m ... dating her. We’re together. Romantically.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. That was one way to do it.
She said nothing for a moment, and he forced himself not to fill in the silence. Let her hear it. Process it. “Oh.”
“I just didn’t want you to hear about it from someone else, and ... I don’t know.” Suddenly restless, he stood and walked to the window. “I wasn’t sure if it would upset you. I guess I wanted to tell you myself. In case you wanted to talk about it?”
“It’s definitely ...” She trailed off. “Surprising. When did that happen?”
“Um, a couple months ago?”
“A couple months ?”
Hadn’t it been? Maybe not—God, why hadn’t he been prepared for that question? “Not quite. I mean, I don’t know exactly. It was after you left, and we’d been broken up for a while by that point anyway—”
“How soon after I left?”
“A month?” Why did it sound like a question?
“Wow.”
He was tempted to bring up the guy he’d heard she was with in Oklahoma, but it would be a defense mechanism. Deflection from why he’d called in the first place, which wouldn’t do any good. He needed to face this head-on.
She deserved that much.
“I ... wasn’t expecting this. Her.” He ran a hand through his hair, staring aimlessly through his blinds. “Is it okay?” He winced. Don’t ask her permission. “I mean, are you okay? Does it bother you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I’m still processing. I mean you’re free to do what you want, obviously. You were never one to move on that quick after a breakup, so I wasn’t expecting it. Especially not with her.”
The words came without thought. “I wasn’t, either, but sometimes love catches you off guard.”
Carly sucked in a sharp breath, and he dropped his head back, mouthing, Fuck .
“Love?” Her voice was quiet but in a way that made the hairs on his neck stand on end. “You just met her. I introduced you two.” She paused. “Right?”
Why, why had he said that?
This was supposed to be a courtesy call to tell her about his current situation, not tell her the truth about when he met Elliott for the first time. The real first time. Yeah, it was more to save them all useless heartache than anything else, because he was certain no matter when he’d met her, they’d have ended up here. Elliott was perfect for him in every way that mattered, and the circumstances of their meeting would eventually fade into the background of their lives together. Still, he’d meant to stick only to recent details.
It was the only part of this conversation he’d planned for. But now that she’d asked him point-blank about it, his plan suddenly felt shortsighted. Being selective about what he shared was different from straight-up lying, and he faltered.
“Right?” Carly pushed.
Would this follow him around forever if he kept on this trajectory? Constantly worrying about what he said and if it made sense, along with the timing of supposedly not knowing Elliott beforehand? He didn’t want to hurt Carly, but he didn’t want to hide, either. He wanted to be able to talk about the night he and Elliott met without fear someone might overhear, make the connection, and feed it back to Carly. Enough people had been there the night Tiffany rambled on about the man Elliott was in love with, it would cause a stir within their circle of friends, especially if it came out incidentally.
There was nothing that group loved more than secrets and gossip, and what might be a minor argument now could be a disaster down the road.
With a heaviness in his heart, he sat and rested his head against the wall. He should come clean now. Tell Carly everything, get it out in the open, and let the chips fall where they may.
“Not exactly.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jamie scrubbed a trembling hand down his face. “I’d met Elliott before. Before her transplant.”
Part of him wished he could see her face. Was her silence from anger or confusion? “I don’t understand.”
“It was last year, in May. We weren’t together then, and I was meeting someone from a dating app at Tavern. I got stood up and ended up talking to a woman at the bar. It was Elliott.”
“Okay.” The word was long and drawn out, like, Keep talking .
“She ended up coming along to the baking class I’d reserved for the date I was supposed to have. We walked around downtown and talked, too, and we actually have a lot in common. Back then, I didn’t know the reason, but I never saw her again after that. Now I know it’s because she had the transplant. So a few months ago, when she came to The Patriarch ... I remembered her.”
“Wait.” Confusion marred her tone. “But you acted like complete strangers. Both of you. Why didn’t you say anything?”
This was the part he’d never be able to explain. “I don’t know, I was surprised, and—”
“ Wait, ” she said again.
He stopped short.
“Holy shit—are you the guy? The guy? The one Tiffany told us about that kissed Elliott and who she pined over the whole time she was in the hospital?”
A dull ache pounded between his ears. “It was me,” he whispered.
“Are you kidding me?”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. That was wrong of me, but you and I weren’t together the night I met her. We had a good time and we kissed, and months later, when I’d heard nothing, I assumed I’d never see her again. I moved on.”
“Yeah, to me .”
“You’re the one who suggested we get back together—”
“And you agreed! You said you wanted to try again!”
“I did.” At the time, it had been true.
“Only because Elliott disappeared on you, though, right? Only until she popped back up into your life. Oh my God, you dumped me just a few weeks after she came back into the picture. You said there wasn’t anyone else, but you lied, didn’t you?”
He was at a loss. Nothing he said would be the right thing. “I didn’t break up with you for Elliott.” That much was true. “Her presence brought some clarity and got me thinking about things, yes. I started asking myself what I wanted from a relationship, and if I could be the man you deserved with her around. The truth is, I couldn’t, and I had to face that. I refused to be that guy. But I didn’t end things with you in order to pursue her. And I never made any move on her while we were together, I can promise you that.”
She laughed, but it carried no joy. “What, you want a round of applause? A pat on the back for waiting a few months before going for it? Gotta wait the appropriate amount of time, I guess. Maybe I should thank you for being such a good guy and doing the hard thing in the name of integrity. Is that what you were hoping for?”
He shook his head. “No, I—”
“You’re just like your dad, aren’t you?”
It was worse than a physical blow. His lips parted as all the air whooshed from his lungs and an ice-cold sensation trickled down his backbone.
“Why did you even agree to get back together this time when you so obviously still had a thing for this woman?” Her voice rose as she went on. “It’s like you used me as a prop to fill the time while waiting for her. For years I’ve listened to you say you wanted to be different, but that move right there—it’s a total Rick Sullivan move, through and through.”
The room started a slow spin around him as deep unease settled in his gut. Was she right?
His heart hadn’t been in it when he and Carly got back together after Elliott, but at the time, he’d honestly thought Elliott was gone for good. What was he supposed to do? Never try with another woman ever again? That had seemed ridiculous and a little pathetic, and he’d thought moving on was the right thing to do. That it was the way back to his normal.
But he’d known Carly didn’t make him feel the same way Elliott had. Was Carly right? Had he used her as a distraction or as his second-best option when his first no longer existed?
It had been a mistake.
Maybe calling her today had been, too.
“I’m so sorry.” The words felt hollow and useless, but the damage was done, and an apology was all he could offer her. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“If that was true, you would have been honest with me from the start.”
He forced a swallow down his parched throat. “I should have been.”
“I’m done with this; I have to go. Good luck with Elliott. Actually, I should wish her good luck, because who knows how long it will be before you find someone fresh and new to move on to. You might have been late to the game, but it’s the same one all the men in your family play. I guess you’ve finally joined the team.”
The line went dead, and he stared at the screen, eyes burning. He tossed the phone to the side, sudden exhaustion leaving him with a strange emptiness, and dropped his head into his hands.