If Tomorrow Never Comes

Chapter Thirty-Four Jamie

Chapter Thirty-Four

Jamie

When they got home that evening, Jamie ordered food to be delivered. Elliott hardly ate, and he saved the leftovers for tomorrow, then rejoined her on the couch.

“How are you feeling about everything?”

“Fine.” She huffed out a wry amused breath. “You know what’s funny? This whole year, I’ve been terrified of every little ache, pain, or quirk I felt, worried it was leukemia. But these last few weeks, I’ve felt perfect. All that worry, and it showed up when I never expected it.”

He brushed his knuckles across her cheek and kissed her forehead. “Life is so fucked up sometimes.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“What do you need? What can I do?”

“Nothing. This is the worst part. Waiting for answers.” She tilted her head as she looked at him. “Are you okay?”

He was terrified. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Of course I’m worried about you. I’ve done this before, but this is your first go-around.”

How many office visits had she sat through? How many blood draws, needle pricks, chemotherapy treatments? “I’m so in awe of you.”

“Don’t be. I’m not saying I do it well. I just do what I have to.”

He shook his head. “Don’t do that. You’re a complete badass, and you deserve to hear it.”

One corner of her lips tipped up. “Okay. I’ll allow it.”

They got into bed a short time later, and he tucked her into his chest, planning to just hold her after everything that had happened today. But when she started kissing his neck and slid her hand inside his boxers, he couldn’t stop his body from responding.

“Elliott, we don’t have to—”

“I want to.” Her tongue traced his earlobe, and he groaned into her hair. “Please.”

She rolled on top of him, and he caressed her body with his hands, loving the way she responded to him, even now. He tried to think only of how much he loved her instead of how terrified he was. Knowing her fear must be ten times what he was feeling, he wanted her to forget about it just for a little while.

“You’re so beautiful,” he rasped. His chest was tight, like a fist gripped his lungs. He slid his hands up her thighs. “Your legs make me insane. And your breasts fill my thoughts far more than what’s appropriate, I’m sure.”

She giggled, and even that tiny smile on her face loosened the pressure in his chest. He continued on, moving his hands all over her body. “This collarbone, your shoulders, your perfect lips ...” He sat up and traced each part with his tongue. Burying his fingers in her hair, he nipped at her earlobe with his teeth. “Your hair is so soft and sexy. I loved it when I first met you, and I’d love you without it. But the fact that I can do this—” He wrapped the midlength strands around his fist and gently pulled back, exposing her neck. “It drives me wild.”

A moan slipped from her throat. Her hands gripped his shoulders, and she dragged her nails down his chest. Scooting forward, she clamped her strong runner’s legs around his waist. Her position put her face several inches above his, and he tilted his to catch her lips in a deep, open-mouthed kiss. His eyes slid closed, and he focused on the feel of her warmth, her affection, and her need for him.

All he wanted was for her to feel wanted, loved, and safe . Safe from everything outside these walls, this bed, their bodies. Even if her blood was failing her, he’d move mountains to do whatever it took to see her healed.

Two days later, the call finally came. He and Elliott had just finished dinner and were about to take Hank to the dog park when her phone buzzed.

Elliott lunged for it. “It’s Dr. Varghese.” She put the phone on speaker before she answered, and Jamie appreciated the gesture to include him. “Hello?”

“Hi, Elliott. It’s Dr. Varghese. Is now a good time? I’m sorry it’s so late.”

Jamie sat on the couch and held out his hand. Elliott sat beside him, holding the phone flat in her palm. “Yes, now is fine. My boyfriend’s here, so you’re on speaker.”

“I’m calling because I have the biopsy results. The good news is there’s no leukemia.”

His head dropped back with relief. Thank God. Elliott remained where she was, head bowed, one hand holding the phone and the other gripping her neck.

Jamie quietly scooted closer and put his palm on her back, reminded of his inexperience with calls like this. Her cancer wasn’t back, which was worth celebrating. But still, something was wrong, and they had to find a way to fix it.

“The bad news is the engraftment studies showed the donor cells are very low. I want to proceed with the stem cell boost, like I mentioned on Wednesday.”

Elliott let out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

“We’ve already tried reaching out to your original donor. We haven’t gotten ahold of her yet, but we’ll keep trying. As soon as we can get the procedure set up, I’ll let you know. You won’t need to be in the hospital like last time. We can do it in the outpatient infusion center, and it won’t be more than an hour.”

“What happens if you can’t reach her?”

“Let’s not go down that road unless we have to,” Dr. Varghese said. It irritated Jamie that the man kept hedging the question, but he forced himself to keep quiet and let Elliott handle it how she wanted. “That’s really the preferred option, and we only made the first attempt yesterday. We have plenty of time. Nothing on your lab work was emergent. That’s why we check them so often—to catch things early and give us time to plan.”

“Okay. So now ... do I just wait?”

“I’m afraid so. I hope we can get this set up within the next two or three weeks. We’ll be in touch as soon as we have new information. Reach out to my nurse if you have any questions or issues in the meantime, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Elliott set the phone on the coffee table and looked at him. “You’re as pale as when I got the biopsy,” she said. “Come here.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and he hugged her back. “Please tell me this is comforting for you, too,” he said into her hair. “Because that’s the most important.”

“It definitely is.”

“I’ll call Ca—”

Elliott pulled back. “No. You won’t.”

He frowned at her. “Elliott, she has to do this.”

She leaned back again, her gaze steady. “She will. She’s a good, kind person. And even if she was that upset about us being together and didn’t want to give me another part of her body, that’s her prerogative. I think she’ll agree, but I want it to be through the regular channel. I don’t want her to be guilted into it by you or by me. That’s not how this should work.”

He knew she was right. “I know I sound like an asshole. It’s just ... Her part is easy, right? It’s not dangerous. I’d never expect her to put herself at risk for you, even if I’d do it a thousand times over.”

“I know you would.”

He just wished he could do something to fix it, but he was completely helpless in this. “I wish our bodies weren’t so complicated. I wish I could give you mine.”

She smiled softly. “Are you in the registry?”

He nodded. “I signed up in college, the same time Carly did. There was a big table set up by some organization every year at the student union.”

“Well, if you were a match for me, they’d already know.” She patted his knee as if to say that was that. She seemed surprisingly okay with the news she’d just heard, but then again, she’d been doing some version of this for more than a decade. “It’s only been a day. Let’s just give her some time, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He leaned over and kissed her softly. It was a chaste kiss, yet his stomach flipped over as if she’d driven her tongue into his mouth. Maybe it was the way her fingers slid through his hair, pulling him in. “Hey, Elliott?” he said against her mouth.

“Yeah?”

He lifted his head to look at her. “I do take issue with something you just said.”

“What’s that?”

“Our bone marrow might not match, but everything else fits perfectly.” He was being cheesy as hell, but her smile made it worth it. “In every other way, I’m your perfect match. And you’re mine.”