Chapter Thirty-Five Elliott
Chapter Thirty-Five
Elliott
When a week passed without word about more cells from Carly, Elliott’s optimism dwindled. Jamie never seemed to have much to begin with. Despite Dr. Varghese saying they had options if the stem cell boost wasn’t possible, Elliott knew anything after the preferred choice wasn’t good. She’d lost her battle to stay positive and started wondering what would happen if her blood cells stopped working. In a way, it was like having leukemia again, but instead of sick blood cells that didn’t work right, she just wouldn’t have any at all.
Not having blood cells didn’t seem compatible with life, so ... Not great news.
She was restless and Jamie seemed uptight, and their conversations were stilted and brief. They often went on runs together or read silently on opposite ends of the couch. During the day, they were like ships passing in the ocean, careful not to disturb the wake and knock the other off-balance.
Then came the nights. When the lights were off and she couldn’t see his eyes, Jamie made love to her with desperation and determination. As he drove her body to the brink, he breathed his devotion into her skin and whispered love into her heart. He held her close to his body as they slept, as if he were afraid she’d slip away.
Another week came and went.
No news.
Anger had been her primary emotion the entire first two months of her initial diagnosis, and then again for months after the cancer came back.
But by this point she was resigned. Things would work out or they wouldn’t. The idea of not being able to grow old with Jamie made her want to curl up in a ball and weep, but letting it show would only make things worse for him.
If she’d learned anything over the last few months, it was that she needed to try to let go of things she couldn’t control.
Her feelings.
Other people’s feelings.
The intricate inner workings of her body.
She could try to manhandle them all she wanted, but it would only lead to frustration. And sometimes failure. The only things she could control were her actions and response to things. She and Keri, her friend from the support group, had talked about that a lot. About letting go of certain things (worry) and focusing on what they could change (life goals—even short-term ones). Especially things they could change for the better.
Elliott wanted to leave this world better than she found it. She wanted to share positivity and creativity and help people’s dreams come true, and she hoped she’d have the chance to keep doing that.
The following Monday she called the oncologist’s office. She couldn’t handle the silence, and asked the nurse to leave a message with Dr. Varghese, asking him to call her so they could discuss other options.
So that afternoon, when her phone rang while she was working alone in her apartment, she didn’t even register the unfamiliar number, assuming it was the doctor calling from somewhere in the hospital.
“Hello?”
“Elliott? It’s Carly.”
Shock froze her muscles for a few seconds, her brain’s jaw on the floor.
“Are you there? Sorry to surprise you like this.”
“I’m here,” Elliott blurted, too loud. “Sorry. I just ... wasn’t expecting it to be you.”
“Yeah, I know.” She paused. “I’m so, so sorry. I got a phone with a new Oklahoma number recently, so I had no idea your doctor had been trying to reach me. I guess I had my mom as my emergency contact, and they finally called her. I was freaked out at first, when she said who was looking for me. I thought something had happened to you.”
“Oh. Well, I guess something did, but not like that. Just my body jerking me around like it does every few years.”
Carly let out a surprised laugh. “That ... honestly really sucks.”
“It totally does. If I could trade for a new one, I would. Though I sort of did once, because of you.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work like it was supposed to.”
“Me too.”
“Anyway, I just wanted you to know I wasn’t, like, trying to avoid this. I’m happy to donate again. It’s already been set up. I know if I were you I’d be a mess if it took two weeks to find me, so I wanted to apologize. I never even thought about it when I changed my number.”
Elliott let out a slow breath, and her muscles loosened after weeks of built-up tension. “Don’t apologize. I wouldn’t have thought about it, either.” It had been a couple of days since she’d cried, and she wanted to keep the streak going. “Thank you, Carly. So, so much for doing this again. There’s literally nothing I’ll ever be able to do to repay you for what you’ve done for me. And I don’t just mean with the stem cells. You were so kind to me, bringing me into your life and sharing your friends with me when I was a stranger in Omaha. You were the most selfless person, and then I—I—”
Shit. She was crying.
“It’s okay,” Carly said. “I know what you’re about to say, and don’t. I’m not going to pretend I was happy about it, but I’ve made peace with it. The fact is, I moved on, too, so who am I to judge? Would I have appreciated honesty? Yeah, but I can understand it was a weird spot for you to be in. Jamie, too, probably, and he and I weren’t meant to be anyway. We both knew it, but neither of us wanted to admit it. I overreacted when Jamie told me, and I’ll call him soon—when I’m ready—and have a better conversation with him about it, too. But just know I’d never let something like that stop me from helping you again. Okay?”
“You’re a really, really good person. I hope you know that. And I am sorry, truly. For how I handled it all.”
“Well, I have you to thank for something, too, you know. If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I’d have taken this chance in Oklahoma City, and it’s turned out to be the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“Really? It’s that good, huh?”
“I love it.”
“That’s great to hear. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks,” Carly said. “I’ve gotta get going, but I just wanted to touch base about everything. I’m thinking good thoughts for you, and I hope this second round of cells does the trick.”
“So do I. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome. Oh, and Elliott?”
“Yeah?”
“Take care of Jamie, okay? He’s one of the good ones.”
By the time Jamie got home from work, Elliott thought she’d composed herself well enough to head over to his apartment, but the tears started up again as she walked down the hallway to his door. He took one look at her face and pulled her into his arms.
“What’s wrong?”
“J-Jamie—”
His fingers brushed her hair and neck, his eyes sweeping her face. “What happened? Did the doctor call?”
She nodded and sniffed. “Sort of.” Not the doctor, but same difference. “They’ll have the cells.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Did she ...?”
“Yes. They’re Carly’s.”
He let out a shaky exhale and whispered a thank-you. Then his arms wrapped around her waist, and he picked her up, swinging her around the kitchen. She laughed through her tears, and he smiled up at her, his eyes lighter than she’d seen them in weeks.
She scattered kisses all over his face, even catching his teeth with one when she tried to kiss him as he smiled. A blur of color on the kitchen table caught her attention and she pointed.
“What are those?”
His gaze didn’t leave her face. “Flowers.”
“For me?”
He shook his head.
“For . . . Hank?”
“Nope.”
“Jamie, did you buy yourself flowers?”
He chuckled and lightened his hold, allowing her body to slide slowly down his front. “What if I did?”
“I’d think that’s pretty adorable.”
He met her gaze, reaching up to straighten his glasses. “They’re for us.”
She tilted her head a little.
“I know you love flowers, and they’re mostly for you because the thing I love most in this world is seeing you smile. But I like them, too, and I love that it’s something we share. Every time I see them, I’ll remember how happy they make you, and I’ll also remember how perfect you are for me.”
Her fingers slid up his neck to brush his thick hair. “I am?”
“I never thought I’d find someone like you. I didn’t think you existed.”
“Maybe I don’t. Maybe I really am a unicorn.”
Laughing, he pulled her close. “No. You exist, but only a few people know about you. You’re the best kind of secret.”
“What I’m hearing is I’m actually a narwhal.”
His eyes glittered with mischief and love. “I don’t care what you are, Elliott Holland, as long as you’re mine.”