Chapter 23
Briar
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-I’m pretty sure I left my watch in your apartment.
ME:
-On purpose? ;) You don’t have to make an excuse to come see me, angel.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-Get over yourself. I’ll come over tonight to grab it.
ME:
-Is that the only thing you’ll grab? You know the twins love your attention.
RURIK MY ANGEL
-Twins?
I sent him a topless selfie.
Seconds later, I got a response back.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-What the actual fuck, Briar? Don’t send me nudes through texts. I’m with my mum.
ME:
-Why are you texting me while you’re with your mom?
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-I’m ignoring you now.
I got out of the shower minutes ago before texting him, so I’m still fully naked with water droplets. Grinning at my idea, I walk in front of my full-size mirror and take a fully nude mirror selfie with a grin and a peace sign.
I sent it to him with a “Good luck ignoring me, angel baby.”
My phone vibrates almost immediately.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-When I come over tonight, I better be greeted with your face down and ass up in bed. I’m going to spank your ass so hard, it’ll hurt. I’m going to decorate your asscheeks red with my hand; you’ll see impressions of my fingerprints. You won’t be able to sit down for weeks.
My face spread into a stupid grin. I am so taking a screenshot of that and using it as my phone wallpaper. After putting clothes on and brushing my hair, I sent Rurik another text.
ME:
-I’m going to the park later this afternoon. Then I might grab those stuffed cookies I keep seeing on social media. But that would just ruin the calories I burn, right?
-Screw it. YOLO!
-I’m getting a cookie lol
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-Briar, why are you telling me all this useless shit?
ME:
-You should care how your future wifey is doing, Rurik. Now that I’m besties with your mom.
RURIK MY ANGEL:
-It must be exhausting being delusional.
ME:
-It”s almost as exhausting as ignoring the inevitable.
He left me on ‘read’. But that’s okay!
I’ll surprise him by visiting his showcase tonight at the gallery. He told me a few days ago that it was today, so he shouldn”t be surprised that I show up to support him. I might also buy all his canvases again to keep his other paintings company.
Just kidding. I”ll be good. I”ll give others the chance to buy his art.
*-*-*-*
Just kidding, I lied. Again.
As soon as I arrive, I”m greeted by Nat and Oscar, who tell me that Rurik’s second showcase is already a raging success. Apparently, there”s a bidding war happening for his canvases. I quickly shut that down by purchasing them all at once — much to Oscar’s disapproval.
“What?” I ask him innocently. “I love his paintings.”
“You’re not the only one,” he sighs, handing me my receipt. ”Don’t you think Rurik’s paintings should be in other people’s homes so their friends and family can see them? His paintings should be out there to be enjoyed by others.”
“It’s so adorable that you think I give a shit about those randos, Oscar,” I say sweetly, patting his cheek.
“No,” Nat says with a knowing smirk. “But you care about Rurik and his success, no?”
I glare at her.
Ugh, fine.
“Save me the top two popular ones, and donate the rest to whoever you want.” I mumble, “Charity purposes or whatever.”
“Pay up!” Nat grins at her husband. “I knew shit was up between these two.”
“Shut up,” I say, poking her shoulder. “Rurik doesn’t want anyone to know about us.”
“Okay,” Oscar snickers. “It’s obvious whenever he grins at his phone while asking me if you were always so annoying.”
“What?” I blink.
“Yeah. He would say stuff like ‘Briar’s so damn annoying’ while wearing this cheesy smile. Or he would mumble ‘she’s such a migraine’ while scrolling through your social media.”
I grin stupidly wide. That damn asshole. He goes around calling me a stalker when he’s the one who stalks through my socials.
“There he is!” Nat says, turning me around and pushing me toward Rurik. “Go congratulate him. He’s been a nervous wreck ever since we started.”
Awww, my poor angel.
I see him talking to a man standing in front of a canvas. I silently walk over, grinning when our eyes meet. His brows furrow slightly at seeing me before he turns back to the man.
“Thank you for your support,” Rurik says with a gracious smile, nodding. “I appreciate it.”
I grin up at him as Rurik strides toward me. “Hey, Rurik. Congratulations on another successful art showcase.”
“What are you doing here?” he asks in a low, rough tone. He’s smiling at random guests, pretending to look intrigued by a random artwork.
Um, okay. Did I expect him to grin brightly and push the man out of his way so he could get to me and kiss the hell out of me?
Maybe.
But he’s not doing any of those things. Instead, he’s looking at me as if he’s surprised, annoyed, and… nervous?
That’s definitely not the reaction I expected, especially after what Oscar said.
I raise a brow. “What does it look like, angel? I’m here to support my favorite artist.”
“You shouldn’t be here,” he says, mumbling against his glass as he pretends to sip. “Everyone can see us together.”
“So?”
“We’re supposed to act like strangers.”
“Then we’re strangers,” I shrug. “What’s the problem? People see me talking to Nat and Oscar. Everyone knows Oscar owns this gallery, so it’s not a stretch that you and I might know each other.”
Rurik sighs, shaking his head.
“You look really handsome today,” I purr, watching his cheeks flush red.
“Fuck off,” He mumbles, looking away to look unaffected.
“That’s not what you told me last night with my mouth around your cock.”
He chokes on his drink, attempting to smile at the people glancing at us, but it is more like a grimace. After clearing his throat, he turns to me, his eyes blazing.
Fucking gorgeous.
“What the fuck, Briar?” He hisses so only I can hear.
I playfully pout. “Sorry.”
“I don’t know how I feel about you being here with our friends. My family might show up, too.” Rurik snaps as he adjusts his collar. He clears his throat, “Can you leave, please?”
This asshole. I can’t believe I came over here to show my support for him.
My eyes narrow. “I’m a guest, Rurik. I’m here for Oscar, too. He’s my friend.”
“Then go talk to him and leave me alone.”
“What is wrong with you?”
Is he fucking serious? Like, what the fuck? This is the opposite of how he was the past few weeks when we were together.
You guys were alone together, that’s why.
I look away, trying to ignore the hurt that sneaks up on me.
Is he ashamed of me?
Of course, he is.
Rurik subtly nods in the opposite direction. “Go stand next to that painting.”
I scoff and glare at him. “You mean the one farthest away from you? Angel, I’m hurt.”
“Briar, please,” he says, his eyes widening when I approach him.
“You know what I find so adorable about you?” I ask, lightly brushing the hair off his forehead. “The fact that you think you can control me.”
His eyes flash, his lips pressed tight. “Please.”
“Love it when you beg for me,” I say, messing with him.
“Briar,” he says in that warning tone that makes my insides clench with anticipation.
I drop my hand and mock his tone. “Rurik.”
Before he can say anything, Oscar calls for him. Rurik nods at him before glancing at me with a wretched expression.
“Just…” He sighs, his shoulders slumping, looking torn. “See you later.”
I roll my eyes.
Good to know he’s still an asshole, I guess.
Whatever, I’m here now. Later, he can throw a fit in the form of spanking and fucking, if he wants.
I look back at him and find him engrossed in conversation with a couple, their fingers pointing at one of his artworks. Rurik”s grin is infectious as he nods to whatever the man is saying, his hands moving animatedly across the canvas as if he’s revealing the secrets behind his creation.
He looks so carefree at this moment.
Why can’t he be this open with me? It”s rare to witness him letting down his guard, except for those intimate moments when we”re making out or having sex.
I look away, allowing my legs to carry me away from him. At the bar, I grab a drink and take a sip, hoping to quell my rising annoyance and anger. Moving on, I stroll over to inspect the rest of his work, pausing at a canvas that has escaped everyone”s notice.
I tilt my head to the side, staring at it.
Oh.
Wow.
It’s an abstract painting, a riot of colors splashed across the canvas. To others, it might appear as something that symbolizes chaos. I can see that. But to me, it”s a window into someone”s inner turmoil—a mind overwhelmed, struggling to sift through the chaotic shit happening in their head or their life. Amidst the bursts of yellow, red, and green, the ominous presence of black captivates me the most, as if it”s quietly engulfing the other colors, symbolizing a slow consumption of brightness by darkness.
Jesus.
Is this the type of shit that’s swirling inside Rurik”s mind? Is that why he alternates between warmth and frostiness? How could he be so sweet and loving one moment, then distant and cold the next?
If so, I get it.
Then again, I could be so far off. Rurik might have just felt chaotically random when he painted this and just threw a bunch of random colors for the fuck of it.
Art is subjective.
Maybe that’s why this painting resonates with me more than any other I”ve seen tonight. I see it as a reflection of my chaotic existence. The bursts of vibrant colors represent the goodness in my life—Nat, Oscar, Rurik, Mr. Rogers.
But the black paint? The same darkness creeps in almost every night whenever Rurik leaves after I beg him to stay—the loneliness, the demon voices in my mind that wouldn’t shut up.
I stare at the painting some more. The longer I gaze at it, the more I feel like it’s sucking my soul out of my body, pulling me headfirst into its colors.
Fuck. What the hell is wrong with me? I clear my throat, straighten my shoulders, and lift my chin.
I have been through hell growing up, and look at me now? I’m a badass bitch. I am the Charons’s secret weapon. I can kill multiple men in a matter of seconds. I’m tough. I’m rich. I’m beautiful. I’m fucking awesome. What right do I have to be wallowing in self-pity when my life is fine?
I am fine.
Okay, yeah. Rurik is still treating me like his dirty little secret… But, whatever, it’s fine.
I am fine.
I can be patient. I can wait for him. Someday, Rurik will want everyone to know about us. One day, Rurik will take pride in having me by his side. But for now? If being with him secretly is the only way I can have my angel, then fine.
Iam fine.
I am.
Everything is fine.
I swallow hard, fiddling with my empty glass, and suddenly feeling restless. I lift my hand and massage the back of my neck, sighing when the shaky sensation in my body isn’t going away.
I clear my throat, glancing over my shoulder to see Rurik staring at me. His brows scrunch together, and his lips press into a thin line. What the hell is his problem now?
Rurik doesn’t want you here.
This is supposed to be his special day, and you’re ruining it…
The edges of my vision start to darken once more.
Fuck. No. Not now.
I close my eyes.
Inhale.
Picture Rurik laughing. The time I took him to his little slice of paradise. The look on his face after we kissed.
“Are you having a good time?”
And just like that, everything brightens again. My eyes open to see Rurik standing beside me, looking at the canvas. His hair is messy, with waves covering his forehead and almost his eyes despite his hand trying to push it back. I want to stroke his hair for him and feel the smooth skin of his face against my fingers.
Jesus, I need to get a hold of myself.
“Yeah,” I say. “Are you?”
He sighs, looking around. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I didn’t think you would be here.”
I frown, “Why? I kept asking you about this day. I love your work. You must know I wouldn’t miss this day for the world, Rurik.”
His cheeks turn pink as he ducks his head. “Thank you, Briar.”
Adoration floods through me. He’s such a conundrum. Hot and cold. Sweet and spicy. A kind asshole.
I look around before lightly bumping our shoulders together. “Will I see you tonight?”
Rurik grimaces, bringing a hand over the back of his head and playing with his hair. “Uh, about that. I can’t tonight. Mum and my stepdad will be coming in an hour. They”ve been wondering where I”ve been since I”ve missed a lot of family dinners and have been M.I.A.”
I shrug. “Can’t you just tell them about us? Or at least tell them you’re with a friend? Your mom already knows about me.”
He sighs, tousling his hair some more and looking more agitated.
I froze as a thought suddenly occurred to me. “Wait, you said your parents are coming soon? Is that why you’re here talking to me while it’s quieting down? You’re asking me to leave, aren’t you?”
He looks at me with a wretched expression. “Briar…”
I stare at him.
Is it possible to feel pissed and numb at the same time?
“Why the fuck are you so against anyone knowing about us, huh? Especially your family?” I ask, crossing my arms.
Does he know I know his stepdad? Is he afraid I’m going to kill him? Nat already told me about the possibility of him coming in tonight, and we both agreed we wouldn’t do anything because it’s Rurik’s special day. Besides, I’ve been so consumed by him that I keep forgetting about the senator.
Rurik exhales sharply, shaking his head. “I knew having you here was a bad idea. Oscar told me I’m overreacting, but—”
“You are.” I interrupted him. “What is it about me you’re scared of, Rurik?”
He drops his hand from his head, staring at me with wide eyes. “What? I’m not scared of you, Briar.”
“Oh.” I mockingly say. “You’re hiding me away from our mutual friends. Which, I don’t understand why because Oscar and Nat pretty much figured us out. You’re asking me to leave because you’re afraid I’ll run into your family.”
He shakes his head furiously. “Briar, it’s not that.”
“Then tell me. Why are you so scared? Are you scared I’ll attack them in front of all these people? Do you think I’m that bloodthirsty? Please, help me understand.”
“I…” Rurik stops, looking away and shaking his head. He rubs his face with his hands, groaning. “My stepdad. He would disapprove of you.”
“Of me,” I repeat slowly. “What the fuck does that mean?”
But he just shakes his head, looking agitated and in pain.
I hate it.
“Can we at least officially come clean to our friends?” I say instead, stepping closer to him. “Like I said, they figured it out, and they’re not making it a big deal like you are.”
“No,” Rurik flatly says. “No, Briar. I’m sorry, but I mean it. They’re just speculating, that’s all. I’m not comfortable with anyone knowing about us yet.”
He looks away from me as if looking for something else to focus on.
I’m going to fucking scream.
But I won’t.
Because I can control myself.
I’m fine.
“Not yet, or not ever?” I ask him, cupping his chin so he can look at my face.
He looks at me with wide eyes, filled with anguish, panic, and something else I don’t have the energy to interpret. Opening his mouth as if to speak, he hesitates, then closes it and shakes his head again.
“I’m sorry,” He eventually says, his hand lifting between us as if he wants to touch me. He drops it as if he realizes what he is doing. “It’s an awful idea.”
I quickly let go of his chin and back away.
“Are you serious, Rurik?” I ask.
He just stares at me.
I swallow hard, waiting for him to speak. Hopeful that he would say anything.
Literally anything.
“Are you going to leave?” Rurik says after a few tense minutes. I can’t tell if he’s sad to ask or scared. “I’m so sorry, Briar. It’s just that my stepdad—”
“Fuck you and your stepdad,” I say, brushing past him as I walk away.
This time, there’s no darkness surrounding me. Not even redness from the anger I thought I would be feeling.
I still don’t feel a thing even after I left the building.
Numbness just spreads through me.