If You Give an Artist a Killer Muse: A Dark Grumpy Sunshine Romance

Chapter 38

Briar

Today is the day I died.

I mean, my heart may technically still be beating strong and sure, but I died today the moment Rurik lost consciousness in my arms. The moment he closed his eyes and stopped responding to me, I felt my sanity fade away along with him.

I don’t remember the ride to the hospital.

I don’t remember Nat and Oscar staying with me the whole time.

Fuck, I don’t even remember carrying Rurik to the ambulance.

But we’re here now, staring at Rurik while he’s lying down like a handsome prince waiting for his princess to kiss him alive.

And I tried. Many times. I kissed his lips until my lips felt bruised. I kissed his throat, feeling a drop of hope that I could feel the light pulse thudding against my mouth.

He’s alive. That’s all I keep repeating to myself. My angel is still alive.

We’ve been here for a total of five hours.

Five fucking hours.

Five hours of hearing his doctor prattle on about Rurik’s heart condition and how he suffered from acute arrhythmia due to stress or something. Yeah, no shit, he’s stressed. I’m sure he finally realized just how much his stepdad is an asshole.

It doesn’t help that I’m in his life, though.

Fuck.

Five hours.

Five hours of not hearing him speak. Of not feeling his lips moving against mine. The doctor said that he’s stable, and they’re monitoring his heart now. If the doctor says they want him to stay overnight, I will offer to pay for a month-long stay if he needs it and tell them to do whatever they can to make him better.

Make his heart better.

They want him to stop stressing? Got it.

I asked the doctor about a heart transplant, and he confirmed that Rurik would need it in the future. Godfuckingdamnit, if I could rip my own heart out and give it to him so he could live normally, I’d do it. I would give him the world if he wants. That’s how much I love this man.

Like before, I offered the doctor hella money to ensure Rurik gets the best treatment. It is helpful that Mr. Rogers”s family doctor is also now involved in this. I thought Rurik’s doctor would throw a bitch fit for having another doctor step on his toes, but it turns out he and Mr. Rogers knew each other, and for whatever reason, he’s scared of him.

Perfect.

But Rurik’s doctor had to say something stupid like, “Even with all the top care that money can buy, there is no guarantee of finding a heart before his own gives out or that his body won’t reject the new heart.”

To which I told him, “Not with that fucking attitude.”

Besides, miracles can happen, right?

Anyway, Rurik is still lying there, with these stupid things poking him. I had to step out because the constant beeping echoing in the room drove me insane. More so than usual.

I lean against the wall, massaging my temple because of the lack of sleep. I can’t think of sleeping right now, anyway. I just want Rurik to have a new heart and feel better. I want him back. I want my angel back.

“Sir, you can’t go in there.”

I look up and can feel my anger come back in full force when I see Philip fucking Greene walk down the hallway toward Rurik’s room, ignoring Mr. Rogers’s security.

I”m already on him before he can even step through the door.

I am punching, kicking, biting everything I can reach. Yeah, I probably look like some unhinged hag attacking a concerned father.

But fuck him. How fucking dare he show up here unannounced? How fucking dare he show up here as if he didn’t have a hand in placing Rurik here in the first place?

How. Fucking. Dare. He?

I’m going to kill him.

Where the fuck is my gun? No, fuck that, where’s my dagger?

I want to stab the fuck out of this man multiple times, starting with his own heart and stupid face. I want him to bleed painfully slowly until he bathes in his flow of blood. I want to hear his screams singing in my ears. I want to feel his soul holding on while I break him apart, piece by piece.

I feel strong arms wrapping around me and lifting me off of Philip.

“Let go!” I scream, turning around to see it’s Mr. Rogers himself. “Let go of me, Drake!”

“I know, I know. Jesus, if I had known this is what it takes for you to call me by my first name finally…” He jokes, trying to calm me down. Which is doing the exact fucking opposite. “Fuck, Briar, I need you to calm down.”

Now, when someone tells me to calm down, I just want to do the opposite.

I ignore him as I continue kicking anything I can reach of Philip. He’s already lying on the floor like some asshole, and I find little pride in seeing how fucked his face looks already. But that’s not enough for me. There’s not enough blood.

More.

I need more.

I need fucking more.

“Give me a sedative,” I hear him say to someone.

“No!” I scream, thrashing against his hold. “No! Okay, okay, I’ll calm down.”

Chill out, girl. Do it for Rurik. He would want to see you when he wakes up.

Calm the fuck down.

I force my body to relax against Mr. Rogers’s hold until he finally lets me go.

“You okay?” He asks, forcing me to look at him. He glances over my shoulder and nods at his security, probably to gather the asshole from the floor.

“Never better,” I force a grin.

I look over my shoulder, anger rushing through me again when I see Philip is conscious and can stand. Damn, I need to do a better job next time.

“Briar,” Mr. Rogers warns.

I turn back to look at him, my brows raising. “What? I’m good. I promise.”

But he just stares at me.

I glare back before rolling my eyes. “Can I at least speak to the man? I promise I won’t attack him again.”

Mr. Rogers squints his eyes.

I throw my hands up and groan, “Scout’s honor. You can even supervise me.”

“You were a girl scout?”

I scoff, “No?”

He releases a heavy breath, shaking his head. Looking at his security, he gives a quick nod. “Okay.”

Giving him a dramatic curtsy, I turn around to face Philip Greene again, who has the courtesy of looking like he’s about to shit himself.

“I remember you,” I tell him, crossing my arms.

Philip backs away, frowning.

“I remember you when I was a kid,” I continue. “Chef Greene. You were my favorite, you know. I remember you sneaking extra sweets for me when Daddy wasn’t looking. Why did you do all this? I can understand attacking me, but why Rurik?”

He swallows hard and clears his throat, “I didn’t want to hurt Rurik. I told the guys not to harm him. They were supposed to scare him enough to get your attention.”

I snap. “Well, you hired a bunch of idiots because they did hurt him,” I throw my hands up and gesturing the door where Rurik is staying. “But that’s okay. We took care of them.”

Philip had the niceties to appear guilty.

Fucking asshole.

“He knows you were involved in his kidnapping, you know. He slipped it out before he passed out.” I say, watching as Philip’s eyes widen.

“Wh-what? What did he say?”

“Only that you were involved with my dear old uncle. Guess you’ve got some explaining to do.”

“Don’t. Please, let me talk to him.” Philip shook his head, looking terrified.

I scoff. “Why? So you can make up shit to make me look like the bad guy?”

Can I just kill him now?

No, Briar. Think of Rurik.

I huff, crossing my arms as I force myself to relax. “You know,” I say, “I really want to kill you right now. I had this whole revenge thing planned out—”

“I know it was you who destroyed everything,” Philip has the nerve to interrupt.

I shrug, “That was just part one, homie.” I stop, staring at the pathetic man in front of me. “Anyway, as I was saying. I had this whole revenge scheme plot out for your hand with Amaura’s death, but…” I pause. I can’t believe I’m even about to say this. “Rurik’s heart is getting weaker, and I can’t stress him out more than I already do.”

Philip stared at me, his brows scrunching together and his gaze darting over my face as if trying to read me. “You’ll… You’ll stop attacking me?”

“I’m not doing this for you,” I snarl. “My love for Rurik outweighs my desire for your blood.”

He closes his mouth into a thin line. “I only did what I was told,” He then says. “Your father. He… I didn’t kill Amaura.”

I force my face to remain blank. “I know what I heard. I may have been a naive little girl then, but I remember things.”

“I understand what it may have sounded like,” Philip continues speaking as if I’m not on the verge of shooting his fucking face off. “But I swear, I didn’t kill Amaura.”

“You were there in the kitchen.”

“I was out in the pantry getting things. I came out after everything went down and was told by your father to…” He trails off. To shove her in a garbage bag and toss her.

I stare at him.

He’s lying. He has to be.

But now that he mentioned it… I remember Daddy coming out of the kitchen looking rough as if he was fighting with someone who was struggling. And, his hands were red, too…

Fuck.

“Is that why you were after me this whole time?” Philip continues. “Briar, she was my friend. We were colleagues, I swear, I never—”

“And the trafficking?” I interrupt.

Philip pales. “Th-that has n-nothing—”

“You’re fucking disgusting,” I snap. “I’m not going to kill you, for Rurik’s sake. But that doesn’t mean I won’t find justice in other means about the other innocent victims you stole.”

Before Philip could try to excuse himself, Nat runs out of the room.

“Briar!” She says breathlessly. “It’s Rurik!”

My heart stops.

“He’s looking for you.”

I leave Philip to Mr. Rogers”s mercy and run past Nat with my heart barely functioning correctly.

As soon as I step out of the room, I see Rurik fiddling with his IV drip, trying to remove it.

“What are you doing, angel?” I’m surprised my voice sounds so calm even though I’m anything but.

Rurik’s head shoots up, and his face brightens, “Briar! Thank fuck. I — I woke up, and you weren”t here.”

I can feel myself breaking apart as I throw my arms around him, careful not to hurt him some more. “I’m here, Rurik.” I breathe, my lips locked on his pulse.

He swallows hard, his fingers digging into my biceps. He lets go, only to try to move over, but I shake my head.

“Get up here, Briar.”

“Rurik, no,” I say. “You’re still being monitored, and—”

“I don’t give a fuck. Come here so I can touch you properly.”

“Stop being—”

“The last thing I tried to do when I thought I was dying was reach for you. I need to hold you.”

I close my mouth as I climb on the bed, placing my head on his chest where I can hear his heart beating.

There he is.

He wraps his arms around me and holds me. His breath blows on top of my head as he inhales deeply. His fingers cup my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

God. He’s alive… He’s here with me.

Rurik gives me a small smile and leans down, pressing our lips together. This kiss feels different. It’s not hurried or lustful. It’s tender, sweet, and loving—the kind of kiss shared by people in love.

He’s kissing me like he loves me.

And I don’t know why, but I’m sobbing and just creating a big snotty mess.

Rurik pulls away, concern all over his face. “Baby? Briar, what’s wrong?” He gently pushes me away, and his eyes rove over me from top to bottom. “Are you hurt? Fuck, did those fuckers hurt you?”

“I’m fine, Rurik,” I say as Rurik wipes my face with his thumbs. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Briar, I’m okay,” He sighs, kissing my forehead. “Thanks to you.”

“Thanks to me?” I laugh with disbelief. I turn away and gently get out of the bed to face him. “Rurik, it’s thanks to me that you’re here in the first place.”

Rurik tries to reach for my hand, but I back away.

His face darkens. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

But I shake my head. “Those assholes got to you because of me. Your heart nearly gave out because of me.”

He tries to reach for me again, but I step back. “Stop pulling away from me, Briar.”

“No, listen to me, Rurik!”

Rurik glares at me, his lips parting like he wants to retort something.

I continue, “I… I realize that my being with you isn’t good for you. You’re not safe with me, and I’ve been so fucking selfish. I’m so sorry, Rurik.” I ignore the way his face grows red as I continue. “I can buy you and your mom tickets to return to Scotland, Rurik. You guys can go back home, away from Philip, away from me, away from all this mess. I’ll make sure you still receive the best medical treatment—”

“Briar, I need you to shut up now.”

“No, Rurik—”

“Shut the fuck up before I hop off this bed and spank the fuck out of your ass, Briar.” He tries to sit up and glares at me. “Those assholes got to me because of your greedy uncle with the help of my stepdad. My heart nearly gave out because it’s weak like it’s always been.”

“Your doctor said that you need to relax—”

“And you think I can relax without you by my side?” Rurik snaps. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Where is this coming from?”

Fuck, why is he making this so hard than it has to be? He almost died, goddamnit! He can yell at me all he wants, but I’d rather he be mad and hate me than be dead.

“Your stepdad hired my uncle to kidnap you to get to me,” I say. “I”ve known Philip since I was a kid.”

Rurik’s brows furrow and he blinks. “How?”

“He was a chef in our household. I knew him as Chef Greene.” I confess. “He worked for my parents for as long as I can remember until they died.”

“Did you not get along with him or something?” Rurik asks. “Was he awful to you? What did he do to you?”

I’m not in the mood to tell him more. I don’t want to talk about his involvement with Amaura’s death because when Philip said he didn’t kill her… I believe him. He didn’t kill my friend.

I did.

My dad may have been the one to end her life, and Philip was just doing his job by tossing her out like trash, but it was me who killed her. I killed her because I didn’t listen to her warnings, and I didn’t put the angel figurine away. I triggered my dad’s anger, and he took it out on her.

But that doesn’t mean I forgive Philip or anything. I still hate the guy. As for my dad? Well, I’m glad I left him in the fire to die.

“Briar?”

I blink. Rurik is watching me and waiting for an answer.

“Your stepdad, Philip, is an awful man, Rurik. I know it’s hard for you to believe because you’ve always seen him with your mom, but you deserve better.” I hesitate briefly before adding, “You deserve someone better than me.”

I killed Amaura because I was stupid and selfish.

I won’t be the cause of Rurik’s death either.

“Briar,” Rurik swallows hard and tries to sit up but winces.

“Don’t,” I warn him. “You need to take it easy from now on.”

“Then come here, baby.” He says, his voice softening. He offers me his hand, staring at me.

I’m fighting so hard not to take it. God, if only he knows how much I want to forget everything and stay with him. I don’t take his hand, but I lean forward and kiss his Adam’s apple. He immediately wraps a hand around my wrist, trying to tug me to him.

“Rurik—”

“Stop it,” He snaps. “Stop whatever the fuck this is, Briar. Come here. Now.”

“No.”

“I swear to fuck, if you don’t get your ass over here right now, I will—”

“Pussycat.”

Rurik freezes at the safe word. “You’re abusing that word, baby.”

“We’re done,” I say, my eyes stinging. “I need you to focus on recovering, okay? Stay healthy so you”ll live better when they find a new heart for you.”

But he’s shaking his head furiously, his eyes flashing with anger and moisture. “Don’t you fucking dare, Briar.”

“I’m so sorry for all the stress I’ve given you—”

“We’ve been through hell and back,” Rurik interrupts. “After everything we’ve been through? We’re endless, remember?”

I quickly wipe a tear threatening to leave the corner of my eyes as I shake my head.

Panic flashes through Rurik’s features, and I look away because I know I’ll just throw myself at him if I keep looking. After all, I’m that weak when it comes to him.

“Briar, please,” Rurik pleads, “if this is because of Philip, I’ll tell him to fuck off.”

“It’s not just him, angel—”

“Is it because of all those times I kept pushing you away?” He interrupts. His voice becoming more hurried and distressed, “I’m so sorry. I will never do that again. I choose you, remember? I’m yours, understand? Completely yours. And you’re mine too, so you can’t just decide to leave without including me in that choice!”

I press the call button on the wall next to his bed.

Rurik pales and shouts as I turn away. “Briar! Don’t you fucking dare do this!”

His doctor and nurses start filling his room, ignoring me as Rurik continues shouting and thrashing from their hold.

“Please don’t hurt him,” I whimper as they try to calm him down.

“No, you’re fucking hurting me!” Rurik snaps at me. “Stay here with me, please. Please!”

I spot Nat by the door frame, her face white as a sheet as she stares at Rurik and me. When our eyes clash, she gives me a subtle nod toward Rurik as if to tell me to stay for him.

But I’m scared.

I’m so fucking scared.

Can’t they see that everything I touch ends up dead?

Amaura, my parents, and almost Rurik…

“It’s okay,” Nat mouths. “Stay.”

“Let go of me,” Rurik growls as one of the nurses tries to give him something to calm down.

“I got it,” I interrupt them. They all give me worried looks before Mr. Rogers and Nat comes in to usher them out.

I quickly wipe the tears from my face before walking over to Rurik. As soon as I’m inches away, Rurik’s hands shoot out and grab my waist, pulling me forward until I fall on him.

“Wait, Rurik, your monitor—”

“Fuck it,” He snaps, roughly pulling me to him. He forces my arms around him and then keeps his lips firmly on my forehead. “Stay.”

“Yeah, Rurik,” I whisper, my lips on his neck as I throw a leg over him. “I’ll stay for now.”

We stay like this. Limbs tangle together.

After an hour, I hear Rurik’s breathing finally steadying. I look up to see his eyes close shut, asleep. I swallow hard, leaning up to kiss the corner of his lips.

“I love you, Rurik,” I whisper, kissing his pulse.

I bring our clasp hands to my lips and kiss the back of his hand. Then, ever so slowly, I pull away, get off the bed, and let his hand go.

I stiffen when Rurik mumbles something but feel relieved to see him still fast asleep. I kiss his forehead again before dashing out of there, where Nat’s waiting for me down the hallway.

As soon as she sees me, her face softens. She opens her arms, and I let out a sob, throwing myself into her embrace where I can finally cry out the pain I’ve been holding.

“It hurts, Nat,” I breathe out, my shoulders shaking as she leads me toward the exit.

“I know,” Nat whispers, her hand slowly rubbing my back and circles. “Sometimes, we make choices we believe are right to protect others, even if we know those choices cause pain.”

On the ride home, I ask Nat, “Do you think I made the right choice?”

She glances at me quickly before focusing back on the road. She places a hand on my knee and squeezes, not saying a word.