If You Give an Artist a Killer Muse: A Dark Grumpy Sunshine Romance

Chapter 39

Briar

Who is the asshole who said that time heals all wounds?

I just want to chat with them. I want to call them a fucking liar and maybe punish them a bit for spreading such bullshit.

Three weeks have passed since I truly ended things with Rurik.

Three weeks.

Three weeks since I held an unconscious Rurik.

Three weeks since I thought he died.

Three weeks since I almost lost him forever.

Three fucking weeks.

And I’m still not doing well.

After I snuck away like a pathetic coward, I asked Nat to take me somewhere else that no one else knew. Not even Rurik.

She took me to her brother’s apartment, about an hour from the city. Her brother lives in California now, but he keeps the apartment for whenever he comes to visit — which is rare now. Something about chasing a girl. I don’t know. I can’t think about love right now.

His name is Aidan, and I was close to him when I was younger until he moved out and did his own thing. Anyway, during the drive, Nat called Aidan and told him everything. He immediately agreed to lend me his place until I got my shit together. It’s a nice, cute apartment.

Not as big as mine, but it’s cute.

Actually, it’s close to me and Rurik’s little slice of paradise, so that both made me happy and upset because Rurik is near even when he’s not.

During those three weeks, I changed my number. I still have the apartment, but I never came home for fear that Rurik would be there waiting for me. So, I had Nat or Oscar grab things for me when needed.

As I mention earlier, I’m a fucking coward.

God, if only I could turn back time and tell Briar back then that she would fear a man because of love… She’d laugh her ass off.

I also told Mr. Rogers and Nat that I was done. I’m done being the Charons’s so-called secret weapon. I’m just done with that life. The thrill of killing those who deserve it doesn’t really do it for me anymore. Ever since I let Philip go, I’ve just been feeling empty. Not excited. Bored.

To my surprise, they agreed that I should just retire.

“I’ll miss working with you,” Oscar had said as he patted me on the shoulder.

Mr. Rogers looked disappointed but nodded. “We’re still your family, though.”

I almost cried right then and there.

I told them, “If you need help, you can still call me.” I’m still their secret weapon. It”s just… super casual now, I guess.

Then, they told me to focus on retiring.

I remember laughing when they said that. Retire? As if I’m a woman in her 60s? I’m only in my 20s, yet I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life.

But I’m not comfortable. Not anymore.

Not for three weeks.

After I changed my number and only gave it to Nat, Oscar, and Mr. Rogers, I collected everything I had on Philip. Just like I told him, I wasn’t going to kill him. But I never said I wouldn’t say anything to Rurik.

Technically, I didn’t say anything.

I just sent him the video footage in front of the security cameras from the trains we blew up, videos of people we caught and forcing them to confess who their boss is, which is Philip. I even sent him old documents that recorded his time with my parents as Chef Greene.

I sent Rurik everything I could regarding his stepdad, with a note from me that said, “I’m sorry for everything, Rurik. But I couldn’t stay silent and not tell you the truth. Do what you want with all this info.”

Was I aware of the possibility that Rurik would destroy all the evidence? Yes. Nat, Oscar, and Mr. Rogers all warned me of that. But I didn’t care.

I’m just done.

The darkness and demons came back, just like I knew they would. I saw my doctor for the first time in what felt like years and asked him to give me something to keep everything at bay. But after taking them for a week, I felt wacky and hated it.

So I poured the pills down the toilet.

Since those didn’t work, I went back to cutting.

What?

Rurik isn’t with me anymore to see the cuts. I can freely go back to my self-sabotaging ways if that means getting even a second of relief from the darkness and the demon voices in my head.

I started reading again, though. I’ve lived a thousand lives thanks to reading.

I cut and read—my two favorite things to do now.

Actually, I had to pause on the cutting when Nat asked why I kept wearing long sleeves and oversized clothes when it was nearly 100 degrees outside. I told her that I was sensitive to the sun, to which she called out on my bullshit.

Jesus.

I miss Rurik.

The other day, Nat came over to hang out. I thought we would stuff our faces with ice cream and eat greasy box pizza. So imagine my surprise when she came barging in through the door, demanding me to turn on the television and watch the news.

I hate the news.

But I watched it anyway because Nat kept pushing.

As soon as I turned on the TV, Philip Greene’s ugly ass face appeared on the screen.

Is it weird that I wanted to punch the TV when it filled up with his face?

Anyway, I sat on the couch beside Nat and watched the whole fucking thing.

The breaking news was about a scandal regarding Philip Greene and about the leak of videos of him being involved with kidnapping women and sex trafficking them.

After watching that, I knew I needed more. So, I quickly went to my phone and typed in Philip Greene in the search engine.

I was immediately given the results of his so-called scandal. Full video clips of security footage showing him being inappropriate with staff and people coming forward to smear his public image.

In other words, I may not have killed him, but his actions killed his image.

There was a gossip article that also mentioned Rurik”s kidnapping. The weirdest part?

They posted a recording of Rurik and Philip having what appears to be a private conversation.

In the video, they were sitting outside on a picnic table behind what appears to be Philip’s house. They both had drinks in their hand, but Philip’s glass looked halfway full, while Rurik’s looked barely empty. The camera was at a weird angle, as if it were hidden away.

”Why did Marcus get you involved?” Rurik asked in the video.

”I was the one who sought him out,” Philip sighed, though his words were slightly slurred. “She wasn”t worthy of you, and I had to get rid of her.”

”They tried to kill her,” Rurik said, looking pissed.

Philip shrugged, ”Well, I told them to do whatever they can.”

Rurik”s face flushed red. ”Including threatening me?”

”I”m sure they wouldn”t have harmed you since I paid them off.”

The video cut off there, but the article continued, describing how the senator threatened his own stepson’s life and the life of an unidentified girl.

I found that amusing—not like, haha, amusing, but like… It’s so interesting that I’m this unidentified girl.

There was more shit reported about Philip Greene.

All of this is from a reliable source,they said.

Interesting.

What I found interesting were those clips of security cameras and the information about his involvement with trafficking and whatever.

I sent all those to Rurik.

I’m not saying he’s the reliable source, exactly. But come on. It’s just… interesting.

If Rurik was the “reliable source,” he must have paid them off to keep my name out of it, or his previous insistence on keeping us out of the public eye worked in our favor since we were rarely seen together in the first place.

*-*-*-*

“Briar?”

I lift my head from the couch, pulling me back from daydreaming about Rurik again.

Nat and I had another girls” night last night, and she slept over. After breakfast, we went to the living room and watched a random movie. I didn’t realize I was starting to fall asleep, though. Despite Nat having slept over, I still couldn’t fall asleep because of how loud my mind was.

I wipe the corner of my lips and grimace, “Sorry. What happened?”

Nat rolls her eyes and smirks, “I said I will head out. You good here?”

I yawn before standing up to stretch. “Yup! Also, are you sure Aidan’s still cool with me crashing his apartment?

“My brother’s never here,” She scoffs. “He’s coming next week, much to my parents” joy. Oscar invited him to his art showcase, so it’ll be fun. Will you come over?”

“Of course,” I chirp, turning off the television and walking her to the door. “Will, uh… Will he be there?”

I don’t even need to specify who he is. Nat already knows.

She bites her bottom lip and shrugs. “To be honest, Rurik has been MIA lately ever since this shit about Philip went public last week.”

Concern washes over me. “Is he okay?”

“Oh yeah,” She nods. “He’s still texting Oscar.” She pauses briefly before adding, “He’s asked about you.”

“Oh,” I mumble. “You didn’t give him my number, right?”

“Would you kill me if I did?” Nat teases before sighing. “I should go. Lock up when I leave.”

“Yes, mom.” I mock before hugging her goodbye.

As soon as she leaves, I turn around and pause, staring at the space.

Three weeks of emptiness.

Three weeks of silence.

Three weeks of loneliness.

Three weeks of darkness.

Three fucking weeks without Rurik.

Jesus, I need to control myself once more. I immediately do my morning duties—shower, change, and clean up—which force me to have a normal day and feel average again.

Today, I need to do some groceries. As soon as I gather everything I need, I head out the door and lock it, just like Nat demanded.

I debated stalking Rurik like a creep. I may have lost the battle, so I went to this bougie grocery store where he works.

To my surprise, I found out he quit weeks ago. Why didn’t he tell me if this was weeks ago?

And why should I even care? I need to get over him.

Still, I try not to think about him while driving home. But I can’t help it. What if he’s at the gallery now with Oscar, helping him with his showcase?

I should just stop by.

No, Briar. Get over him.

But I miss him.

No.

I’m trying not to sulk as I arrive at Aiden’s driveway. I’m trying not to think about Rurik anymore as I unlock the door and enter the living room.

More importantly, I’m trying not to freak the fuck out seeing Rurik here, wearing my pink apron and cooking in the kitchen like he owns the place.