Chapter 21
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
PHOENIX
It took a few minutes to load everyone up. While we waited, Eli slid into the row in front of us, on the opposite side of the car from me. He twisted in his seat so that he could stare at me full-on. “You’re doing a good job,” he said softly.
I pointed to myself because that seemed odd. I hadn’t really done anything, aside from yell frustrated thoughts at him in my head.
“She was going to jump into the portal. You knew it. You kept her grounded and here. That’s what you’re supposed to do. That’s your job as her anchor.”
“How did you know?”
Eli tilted his head. “I got information from everyone’s heads while we were out on that lawn. I’m fully caught up.”
“Right.” I’d thought he was doing that, but now I knew for sure.
I had stopped her from falling into the portal, but it’d been instinctive. I didn’t think that warranted any kind of praise.
“Instinctive actions are still actions, and it shows that the bond you have is working correctly.”
I leaned forward as much as I could, lowering my voice. “What can this bond do exactly?”
Eli tilted his head and gave me a sly smile. “That’s for you to find out.”
That was supremely unhelpful.
Eli shrugged, and I knew he didn’t care that I was annoyed with his inability to be anything other than cryptic. “How are you doing with it?”
“Good, I think.” I wasn’t sure what he meant exactly, but I thought everything was going okay. At least from my perspective. “Why?”
His gaze lowered to Sam’s face. She was curled up in a tight ball with her head on my lap. One of my hands was on her shoulder, and she’d raised her hand in her sleep to link her fingers with mine, as if she wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to disappear on her.
“She seems comfortable with you,” Eli said after a moment, and he actually sounded happy about it.
“I hope so.” I didn’t think I’d given her any reason not to be, but I knew I’d make mistakes. I just hoped she gave me a chance to fix them whenever I did.
The front passenger door opened, and Max got into the seat.
Tessa and Dastien got in a moment later, sliding into the middle bench seat with Eli.
The angel stayed with his back against the door, watching me and his charge.
“Alright, everyone. We’ll be there in a bit. Let me know if anyone needs a pit stop anywhere,” Garret said. “Otherwise, we’ll be on the road for about forty-five minutes.”
Clicks filled the car as everyone buckled, and I did the same. I couldn’t put one on Sam, but I wasn’t worried about it. Garrett would drive safely. I hoped.
As soon as the car started moving, loud dings filled the car. Everyone looked at Eli, who rolled his eyes, and then stared at the front of the car. The dinging immediately stopped. “I don’t care about mortal rules.”
Tessa started to laugh but covered it with a cough.
“Nice try,” I whispered to her, which made her fully laugh.
I liked Sam’s friends. They were all different, but pretty great.
“Not to interrupt the love fest going on in your head, but what’s the plan here?” Eli asked, and the only way I knew it was directed at me was the tone. It sounded like a command or interrogation, but the question was so vague that I wasn’t sure what he meant.
Was he always this vague? “In Charleston?”
“No. With her .”
Now he thought I was a moron. Perfect.
Even with all the werewolves quietly listening in, I answered him. “I’m doing my best not to rush things.” It would be great if Eli could get on board with that plan.
“I don’t really get on board with things. I’m too old for that.” He looked at Sam as she stirred in her sleep. “She’s the closest thing I have to family. I take care of her. She’s important. ”
He didn’t have to tell me that. She was important to me, too. “Understood.”
“I can only stay here for a little bit, and then I have to get back. I was in the middle of…” His eyes got a distant look in them. “Anyway. Things are happening. The next few weeks should be interesting. And the coming months are very much up in the air. I’m going to be close in case she needs me, but make her call out to me before things get this bad again. If she’s doing something dangerous, I need to know. She can’t take crazy risks.”
“Got it. I can try, but I’m not going to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do.” I refused to manipulate her.
“Good.” He looked at me for a minute, and I held his gaze. “You’re not disturbed by what you saw?”
I stared at him. “Do I seem disturbed?”
“No.” He studied me for a second, and I knew he was likely rummaging through my mind.
The idea severely creeped me out, but I didn’t have anything to hide. He could search for whatever he was looking for because clearly I wasn’t giving him the answers he wanted.
But while he was searched, he could answer my questions. “Can you make seeing permanent? So I can see like her all the time?”
His brows rose. “Really? That’s something you’d want?”
“Yes. I can’t help her if I can’t see, and she feels…torn.” I didn’t like to pressure her, but I needed to be able to see what she was seeing. “I know she feels a lot of anxiety about making that call.”
“If you’re sure, I could make that happen.”
“What about strength?” Dastien chimed in. “Could you give him other extras?”
Wow. Okay. That wasn’t something I’d thought about, but it would be helpful. I didn’t want to have to rely on werewolves to help her do her thing.
Yeah. I could be really good with that.
Eli leaned back against the door and crossed his arms. His eyes were glowing bright, and there was something in his tilted smile that I didn’t trust. “I could.”
“Wait. You can do that?” Tessa was squished between Eli and Dastien, but she managed to turn a bit to look at Eli.
“Well, not me exactly. But I could put in a word with the one in charge, and I’m sure he’d be amenable. Favor has been given to certain humans since the beginning of time.” He said it like it was obvious, and we were dumb to not realize it. “Samson is a good one remember in that sense. It’s in the Bible. You’ve read it, right?” He sounded both outraged and confused.
“The guy that was the amazing warrior, right?” Garret said from the front. “Given favor by God. His hair was his kryptonite, though.”
Eli let out a small breath and rolled his eyes, which was an odd look for the angel. “That’s the one.” He looked at me. “His hair wasn’t exactly his kryptonite. Losing it was. It was the source of his power.” He was quiet for a moment, as if he were letting that sink in. “Would you want that? Knowing that if I did ask for favor to be shown, you would truly tie yourself to her.”
I started to say that we’d already done that. I was tied to her. I couldn’t touch the tie like she could, but I could see it now. When she let me borrow her sight, I could see everything she could. I couldn’t interact with it like her, but it still felt real to me. Especially the shimmery silver threads that literally tied our souls together.
“Yes, you did do that,” Eli said, answering me before I said a word. “But this would be more complicated. It would be conditional. With the strength, sight, and the anchor tie, if something happens to her, if she died…well, you’d go with her. You’d be more like them.” He motioned to Tessa and Dastien.
I could see their bond. The thick, glowing, and golden cord ran from Dastien to Tessa. It was completely different than the one I had with Sam. Ours looked like two thin silver threads twisted together and seemed weaker.
“It is weaker and different because their bond is more vital than the one you have with Sam. To be clear, if one of them dies, the other will, too. Their lives are linked. Yours are linked, too. I’m not forgetting that. But if something happened to you, she’d be okay. Or if something happened to her, you’d also be fine. That would change.” He pointed to my tie. “See how it’s translucent. It’s there, but it doesn’t feel like you can grab it exactly.”
“Sam can.”
“Yes, well, Sam is Sam.” He gave me a smile. “But theirs…it’s thick. Strong. Indestructible. It holds power.” He reached out and tugged on the golden rope.
Dastien growled—deep, rumbling, just like his wolf—and reached out, smacking Eli’s hand away.
“My apologies.” Eli gave them a smile that was all teeth and no apology.
“Don’t do that again.” His words were growled, more wolf than human. I couldn’t see his eyes from where I was sitting, but I’d learned enough about werewolves to know they must be that bright, glowing golden color of his wolf.
I’d noticed Tessa and Dastien’s bond before. They talked to each other through it, and when they did, a little flash of light seemed to zoom back and forth across the golden cord. Sam said she could feel a hum in the air when they talked through it, and that it sometimes rubbed her the wrong way while she was working.
I didn’t hear the hum like she did, even when she let me borrow her sight. From what I could tell, the sight she passed along to whoever touched her was a watered-down version. I wanted more. I wanted to be in on everything. But I knew she needed more time. Which was fair. Completely and totally fair. I was being selfish and greedy for wanting everything, but that didn’t change the need burning inside of me.
That need had struck like a flash of lightning when I first saw her, and I knew that she would change me. I didn’t know how, but I knew. The flash brightened that night on the stairs, changing everything about me and my worldview in one night. For a while, I thought that she’d come into my life to change who I was, and that I’d never see her again. But I couldn’t forget about her.
I never forgot her.
I’d had serious girlfriends, but I’d never had the kind of connection I had with Sam. On bad nights, I’d wonder if Sam had gotten married young and had a kid. If she was happily living her life while I was living mine and feeling a little empty, wondering about all the could’ve, should’ve, would’ve’s. And I dreamed about what I would do if I managed to find her again.
But I’d felt crazy for thinking that way. It was insane. So, I dated. And when it came time to make a real commitment to the woman I’d been dating for years or let her get on with her life, I bought a ring. But I never proposed because the ring wasn’t hers.
When I closed my eyes, I didn’t see the ring on my girlfriend’s finger. It was on Sam’s. It was her face in my head, my heart, my soul. So, I’d broken up with my girlfriend, not even knowing if I’d ever see Sam again.
My abuela had been right. When you know, you know. And I knew deep in the fabric of my being that—even if it was insane and no one would understand—Sam was it for me.
One week, one hundred weeks. It didn’t matter to me how long we’d been together. Sam would always be it for me, and I wanted Eli to do whatever he could to make our bond stronger. I didn’t need time to think about it.
I didn’t need time, but Sam did.
She was slow to trust for good reason, and I wasn’t about to force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. Not again. I know everyone said that this anchor tie wouldn’t have worked if she didn’t want it, but the guilt still lingered. I didn’t want to do anything without talking to her first. But I wasn’t worried about us not lasting, and I knew she felt for me what I felt for her. Even if she hadn’t wrapped her mind around it yet.
“So?” Eli said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “What do you say? I need it verbally.”
Yes. That was my answer. But I swallowed down the urge to scream— yes, do it now! —and instead, said something much more sane. “Sam and I have to talk to about it. I can’t decide something like that without discussing it with her first.”
“Good answer,” Eli said.
The way he said it rubbed me the wrong way. “I didn’t realize I was being tested.”
“Everything in life is a test. Literally everything.”
Right. I knew that, but it was different when an angel said it. He might have toned it down, but I was still able to see the spiritual realm. I knew it would wear off soon, but for now, Eli had this glow around him that seemed to glitter. When he wasn’t toned down, it was overwhelming.
“Can I ask you a question?” I said.
“You’re going to think it anyway, so why not just ask it?”
“Because I have manners, and you’re an angel. Which means you carry some authority with God. I don’t want to overstep. No matter how much you look like a stoner surfer dude, I know you’re not.”
“No. I’m really not. But I like to think this look makes me more approachable. Which means people lie to me less. Which is the point. Lying is abhorrent.” Something about his face changed, grew serious—his eyes hardened, and I knew that I was looking at the older version of Eli. The one that could be terrifying if he wanted to be. “Go ahead.” His words resounded inside me, and I felt their power.
“When you saw me in that apartment—you know the one I mean?”
“I do.”
“You said you saw great things for me. A warrior for the light. That wasn’t soccer stuff you were talking about, right?”
One side of his mouth quirked up. “Do you think it was soccer stuff?”
“I used to think so. Especially because of the great things. And I thought maybe my work ethic and example for others would be the light in the dark. But now…I hope it’s not anything to do with soccer. I don’t want my soccer career to be my defining characteristic. Not that I didn’t have fun playing, but I’m hoping you meant something else.”
“You play soccer?” Garrett asked from the front.
For a few minutes, it’d been easy to ignore everyone except for Eli, but we weren’t alone. Somehow, the angel’s powerful gaze made me forget that Garret was up there, driving the car. And worse—that Max was listening to this whole conversation.
I didn’t mind Tessa and Dastien. Tessa and Sam were especially tight, and I liked Dastien. He was a good guy. But Max.
Shit. I’d told them on the plane I managed my investments for a living, but not how I’d gotten the money. “Yeah. I played soccer.”
“Like for fun?”
He sounded so confused that I almost laughed. “No. Like for a job.”
“Were you any good?” Max asked, his tone made me want to punch him.
That wasn’t good. Or smart. I wasn’t sure what to say without being an asshole back to him. I didn’t want to brag or make a thing of it, but?—
“He’s Phoenix- freaking -Herrera.” Sam’s sleep-thickened voice came from my lap.
I glanced down to see her eyes open.
“Arguably the best soccer player in the world.” Sam spoke with her eyes still closed.
I smiled down at her and squeezed her fingers that were still linked with mine.
We’d talked about how she followed my career, but her saying that meant more to me than when anyone else said it. “Hey.” I brushed her hair back from her face with my free hand. “I thought you were asleep.”
“Drifting, I think. In and out, but not fully asleep.” Her voice was soft, and she sounded like she was seconds away from sleep, but I guessed she hadn’t been able to fully relax. Which I got. She was in an SUV full of supernaturals. It might be normal for her, but there’d been some tension between her and Max. And she’d only just met Garrett. So, letting down her guard to sleep might be hard until we got her fully settled in somewhere.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Fine. Hating that I’m still weak, and annoyed that I’m mad about it. Because of course I am.” She sighed. “You sure you won’t fix me up, Eli?”
“Yes, angel. I cannot afford the price this time.”
“But you can give him powers?”
Her question confirmed that she had been listening this whole time. I wondered why she hadn’t spoken up sooner. Maybe because she wanted time to think about what Eli was offering? Or maybe she just needed time to breathe?
A ball of light bounced back and forth between Tessa and Dastien. In the times I’d spent with them, I’d noticed how in sync they were with each other. Their personalities complemented each other so well, and they always seemed to know what the other needed—whether it was a touch or a smile or food or whatever. I hoped that one day it would be like that for me and Sam.
“You’re not fully mortal—” Eli’s words drew me back to their conversation. “—and you have a role to play right now. If I do anything to alter your path, it would be bad for everyone . So, I have to be very careful where you’re concerned, angel. But it’s not because I don’t want to help you or that I think you should suffer.”
She sucked in a breath and rolled to face the seat.
“Oh, angel. I didn’t mean to hit a nerve.” Eli leaned over the back of his seat. All the joking was gone. He looked softer, kinder, and I could see how he loved her as reached out to her.
She shied away from his touch. “I’m fine,” she said, but it was muffled with her face to the seat.
I grabbed her chin gently and turned her face so that I could see her. A tear was rolled down her cheek, but she brushed it away before I could. Something Eli said had set her off, and I wished I could ask her through our bond what it was. I wanted to fix it. To yell at Eli for saying whatever it was that hurt her. But I had no clue what it was that hurt her. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, her eyes still squeezed shut. “I’m just tired. It makes me emotional, and I’m just so sick of fighting.” She sighed. “How long have I been doing this Eli? Battling evil.” Her back was still to everyone, but I knew everyone in the car had heard her.
Eli looked down and a pained look crossed his face. “You’ve always seen things and cleared rooms. Since before you could talk. When you were a toddler, it was more instinctive than anything. But truly battling evil? Since you were four or five, I think. The years blur.” He rubbed his forehead. “How old are you now?”
“Twenty-four.” She finally blinked her eyes open and met my gaze. “I’m just tired. Honestly. Sometimes it feels endless and hopeless. Like I’ll never actually win. Like I’m meant to suffer through it all, over and over again, until one day I can’t do it anymore. And I’ll lose.”
There it was. Suffer . That was the word that hurt her.
“I’m sorry for the fight you have ahead of you. Of all the ones that have come before. I know it’s hard, angel, but there’s only each battle. One at a time.” Eli reached a hand to her, resting it on her back even as she squirmed away from him, leaving it when she stilled. “The war will never be over until Armageddon begins, and we’re not there yet. The best we can do is beat evil back for as long as we can.”
“I just don’t know how much more I have in me.”
The hopelessness in her voice scared me. “You don’t have a choice. You have to keep going.”
“I know I do. I will keep going. I’m not giving up. I’m just having a moment.” She was quiet for a second. “I don’t think I was ready to fight again.” Her words were so soft that I barely made them out, but from Max’s gasp, I knew everyone had heard her.
Eli cleared his throat.
“You were right. I should’ve called you. I’m sorry. I?—”
“Ah. I see it. Now, this I can do something about.” He looked up at the front seat. “Keep driving steady, Garrett. This might be a little startling.”
“What are you?—”
I didn’t get to finish the question before a blast of power hit me, slamming my back into the seat, and all I could see was white light.