Chapter 22
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
PHOENIX
The car swerved and my head hit the side window. I held onto Sam. Eli’s light was so bright, I couldn’t see, but Sam wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. I couldn’t let her get hurt.
I blinked a few times, and when I could finally see again, Eli was leaning fully over the seat. White light flowed from Eli’s hand on Sam’s back onto her, spilling over her and bathing her in a pool of his power.
She let out a shuttering breath, and another tear rolled down her cheek.
I brushed it away.
“Better?” Eli asked after a moment.
She twisted enough to see him over her shoulder.
He must’ve seen something in her eyes that I couldn’t because he sighed. “Ah. Yes. Okay. Here. One more. Don’t swerve this time, Garrett.”
“No, sir. I didn’t know what you meant before.”
“Now you do.”
I held onto Sam, bracing my feet on the seat in front of us in case Garrett swerved again.
Another blast of power and light hit us, but it didn’t feel as surprising as it had a second ago. And thankfully, Garrett didn’t swerve this time either.
“There we are,” Eli’s voice cut through the light.
When I could see again, I wasn’t sure what he’d done because I didn’t see much of a change. Sam was still crying.
“That was it. Much better. There’s nothing a moment of Heaven’s Peace can’t fix. Right, angel?” Eli looked at me. “Always remember what you’re fighting. It’s a spiritual battle, and there are many kinds of forces at work. Some of them demonic. Some of them much more subtle. If either of you or anyone working with her during something like this starts to feel down immediately after a battle, then the battle isn’t over yet. You can’t always see the forces at play. Go back to the basics. Put on the full armor.”
Full armor? Was that like a literal thing or some kind of metaphor?
Eli grunted. “What’s the full armor, angel?”
“ Buckle of Truth. Breastplate of Righteousness. Feet fitted with the Readiness of the Gospel of Peace. Shield of Faith to Extinguish the Flaming Arrows of the Evil One. Helmet of Salvation. Sword of the Spirit. Be alert. Always praying.”
I looked from Sam to Eli and back again.
“Ephesians six. There are more words to it, but those are the basics of battling spiritual warfare.” She answered my question before I could ask it. “He made me memorize it when I was a kid.” She rolled over, and Eli pulled his hand back, settling against the door again.
“Thanks,” Sam said. “I got lost in the dark for a second.”
“Because I spoke of your suffering,” Eli said. “It’s your soft spot, and the Prince of the Air took advantage of that moment and pulled you right into the darkness.”
Her lip trembled for a second. “I just wish it wasn’t always so hard. I’m tired , Eli.”
“I know you are, but it’s not the end yet. So, focus on the good,” Eli said. “Think of seven good things that have happened today. Hold on to them. Gratitude will get you through.”
Her gaze immediately shot to me, and she gave me a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”
She didn’t have anything to be sorry for or ashamed of. “What for?”
“It takes a toll sometimes. I’m left feeling a little raw, and things sometimes slip in. With everything…I got lost for a second. But I’ll be okay now.”
A light shone down on Eli, and he turned his head up to the sky. He was quiet for a moment. “I’ll be back. Call for me. Seven things, Samantha.” He tapped Sam’s forehead and disappeared.
“Does he do that a lot?” Tessa twisted in her seat to look at Sam.
“You mean coming and going like that?”
“Yeah. I never know when he’s going to show up.” Tessa was still a little pale, but she looked better than she had on the porch stairs of the yellow house.
“He’s juggling a lot, and while I’m his only charge, he’s often busy,” Sam said. “It’s why I didn’t call on him. But he was right. I wouldn’t have been okay if he hadn’t come, stayed with me, and did his thing just now.”
“What did he do exactly?” Dastien asked.
“We all saw his light,” Tessa said. “But I don’t know what it was exactly. And I didn’t see anything wrong with you. No darkness. No demons. Nothing.”
“I didn’t see anything either,” I said. Which felt worse because I was her anchor. I should’ve known if something was wrong with her. Shouldn’t I?
Sam was quiet for a second. “Satan has many names. The Devil, the Morning Star, the Light Bringer. But in this realm, he’s the Prince of the Air. He’s not omniscient, but he’s old enough to know humans really, really well. He can predict what people are thinking based on his knowledge and the frequencies of the emotions a person gives off. Which means he can manipulate literally anyone. It takes a lot of discernment to recognize what he’s doing, and a lot of strength to combat it. But he’s everywhere. Like the air. Weaving in and out of everything on this plane. And he can whisper in your ear without you knowing it. His thoughts can sound like your own thoughts in your head. He can flip logic until up is down and wrong is right, twisting your thoughts and guiding your actions to his ends. It’s…incredibly deceptive.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” Max said from the front. “I don’t like that at all.” There were sounds of agreements from everyone in the car.
“That was the problem. The enemy doesn’t like me or what I do, and when I do my thing, it’s like I put a spotlight on myself for him to see. Like— here I am. Come get me. ” She shrugged. “By doing what I do, I make him notice me. There’s a cost to everything, in every way, for everyone. Physical, spiritual, and emotional. Even if you don’t know it. I pay the cost for what I do—which is an extreme version of what I’m telling you—because it’s worth it, but sometimes my guard isn’t fully up for any number of reasons, and then I go to a dark place.”
“So, you’re saying we left that house that you cleared, with no demons around, and you were still under attack? And none of us noticed.” The shock made my stomach turn and my heart ache. I’d thought she was just tired and emotional because of the exhaustion. It never crossed my mind that she was being spiritually attacked. Especially since I could see the spiritual realm.
“To be fair, I didn’t even notice. Eli just knows me well enough to look for the signs. Tears are the big one. I’m not a big crier. I guess I have been lately because of the whole PTSD thing and my nightmares. But yeah. I don’t usually cry because of something that Eli says. So, that was a dead giveaway. As for what Eli did? That light was Heavenly Peace. He bestowed a few moments of pure peace on me, leading me out of my dark thoughts so that I could think clearly again.”
“And if he hadn’t come? What would’ve happened?” Tessa looked as sick about it as I felt.
“I would’ve gotten really, truly depressed. Enough so that I wouldn’t have been able to do my job tonight. Which was kind of the point.” She wiped her hands down her face. Her eyes were rimmed in red, but she’d stopped crying.
That was better, but I didn’t like what she’d said.
She rolled onto her back, looking up at me with her head still in my lap.“It’s possible that I would’ve shaken it off. It’s also possible that I wouldn’t have. That I would’ve gotten weaker, more tired, more hopeless, and that would’ve led to me making a big mistake—potentially a fatal one.”
Her words sent terror rolling through every bit of my soul.
I was going to have to be careful with her. Much more observant. The learning curve here was real, but I had to get over it quickly or I could lose her. Which wasn’t an option. “It must be hard to keep your guard up all the time.” I brushed my hand along her cheek, letting my fingers wipe away the last of her tears.
“It’s exhausting, but like you said earlier—I don’t have a choice.” She gave me a smile, but it was forced.
She didn’t have to smile to make me feel better. I didn’t want forced smiles. I wanted to earn real ones. “But you have someone to help you now.” Me. I meant me .
“I guess I do.”
I studied her and she seemed to be studying me. I’d been searching for what my next thing would be. The day I crumpled on the field in Spain, I knew I was done with soccer, but I also knew that I needed something. I was too young to be purposeless.
The last few months really felt like I was waiting for something. I didn’t know for what, just something . I didn’t need a job because I had more money than I could spend in one lifetime. But I’d felt a little lost until I saw Sam again.
Then, I watched her fight to help my sister.
Then, I saw how she struggled to save Van.
And today, something just felt right. Even in that attic, it felt like I was supposed to be there. To help her. To fight beside her. It was better and more important than anything else I’d ever done.
If I looked back at everything that had happened in my life—the hard times, the good times, soccer, the night I met Sam and had a crash course on the spiritual realm, the money that would allow for freedom to do all kinds of things, finding martial arts again, the endurance I’d gained from having a pro athlete life, the nutrition, even the way my abuela taught me to cook. It felt like everything before this—big and small, good and bad—had prepared me for what I’d do next.
This was it. Fighting by her side, battling evil, that was going to be my thing. “I’ll be there to help you.”
“I’m hoping you will?—”
“No.” She misunderstood me completely, and I wanted to be sure she got what I was saying. “You thought that was a question, but it wasn’t. I will be the one by your side, fighting with you, guarding your back.”
“Sure of yourself.”
“Confidence is sexy.” I gave her a wink.
That got a bigger laugh from her, and a scoff from the front seat.
I wished we were having this conversation with a little more privacy, but I didn’t care. As long as I was with her and she was mine, everything else would work out.
“Right,” she said.
I ran my thumb over her cheek. “Your color is better.”
“I’ll recover quickly. You’re catching me at a bad time. My father has been busy, and he drains me. He’s really freaking pissed at me right now. So, he’s pulling at me hard. Harder than he ever has before. I’m not sure what to do about it. If there is anything to do… And I’m wondering where all this will lead. It feels endless, hopeless, and just flat-out exhausting, but?—”
I had to stop her there. “Don’t think about it all at once. One day at a time. One battle at a time.” I looked up to find Dastien watching us. “What’s the status on food? What she did back there was a lot.”
He gave me a nod. “It’s always shocking what she can do. It took a group of us, plus Eli, plus some of Sam’s blood to get a portal like that closed. She has to be starving.”
“I’m fine, you guys. Really.”
She kept saying that, but I knew she needed food. I’d seen her do the zombie-like eating thing before, and lunch had been a long time ago. “I’m assuming with the way you guys eat, the house is fully stocked?” Werewolves ate more than I’d seen anyone eat, and I’d been a professional athlete. We ate a ton.
“Yes,” Garrett said from the front. “We have anything you might want.”
“Great.” I looked down at her again. “What do you think you want? We can pick something up on the way, but I’d like to get you settled somewhere if you’re this tired.”
“Honestly, I don’t care. I’m too tired to have an opinion.”
I got that. I really did. “Do you want to try to nap?”
“No. I don’t know that I can sleep right now.”
“Okay.” But she didn’t make a move to sit up. She just watched me, studying me. For what? I didn’t know. Maybe in a few years I’d be able to read her well enough to know what she was thinking, but right now, I didn’t have a clue. Not yet.
“What do you think could be taking out the wolves?” Dastien asked, changing the subject. Which was a solid distraction for Sam.
“It could be anything, really,” Sam said. “I don’t know how long that portal was open, but it felt like it’d been there for a while. And I have no idea what happened to the person who did the spell. Which could be a bad sign. Anyone that can work magic like that needs to be handled, one way or another.”
“I didn’t recognize the symbols exactly, but that was an active spell on the floor, right?” Tessa seemed much better as she leaned into her mate.
“Yep. A really good, complicated one. Definitely still active. It fought me as I tried to close it. Well, that and my father.”
“We all felt it.” Dastien had a bit of a rough edge to his voice. “I didn’t want anything to do with him again. Once was enough. Then, after what he did to Van, to you, and…what will it take to kill him for good?”
That was a really good question.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I think he can’t be killed. That’s why he’s trapped where he is.”
“But he’s gotten out before?” Max sounded worried, and I didn’t blame him.
I didn’t like the sound of Astaroth getting free at all.
“I don’t think what Tessa and Dastien fought was him fully out. I wasn’t there, so I can’t say for sure, but I think what you fought was a part of him. His real essence will stay trapped in Hell until Armageddon. This is hard to explain, but sometimes he can kind of make a part of him escape. He’s twisting the rules by not fully leaving. It’s not fully him. It’s like a surrogate monster-type thing, but when he makes that happen, the monster can fight and interact with the mortal realm.”
“Man, I hope I’m not here for it if that happens again,” Garret said from the front.
“Same,” I said.
“Can you still see ?” Sam asked me, drawing my attention back to her.
“Yeah.”
Her brows scrunched up as she studied me. “Are you okay with that?”
I couldn’t help but smile. I knew she’d been hurt so many times, but I wasn’t going to hurt her. She could ask me as many times as she needed to. “I’m okay. I promise.”
“Are you afraid of?—”
“No.” She didn’t need to spill all her worries about us to the entire car. “I’m not afraid of you or what I saw you do or anything else. I promise.”
I saw what I thought was hope in her eyes, and I wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, but I didn’t think she’d truly hear me. Not yet anyway.
I brushed my fingers across her forehead, down her cheek. I liked the way her eyes fluttered closed and the way she leaned into my touch.
There was something we needed to talk about, but I didn’t want to do it in a car full of werewolves. And yet, if Eli was paying attention right now—and I was pretty sure he was—and if he could make this happen before we went out patrolling, then I had to talk to her now. While she was still awake. “I’m thinking about what Eli said, and I want to do it.”
Her eyes opened. “You mean strengthening the anchor tie to make you stronger?”
“Yeah. I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for, but I want to be able to help you more. Watching from the sidelines is really hard for me. I know you can handle yourself, but I’d feel better if there was something more I could actually do , other than carrying you out of bad places. Which I feel like I’m proving to be really solid at.”
She laughed. “You are an excellent carrier of me, and an amazing puller-out-of-portals guy.”
“Maybe it’s time for a promotion.” I gave her a wink.
“You don’t want to think about it for a while?”
“Nope.” I didn’t need to.
“Okay. If you’re sure…”
“I am.” Eli, if you can hear me, make it happen.
I glanced up at the front. “How long until we get to the house?” I asked Garrett.
His gaze flicked to the rearview mirror, meeting mine. “We’ve hit some traffic. Twenty more minutes, give or take.”
“Cool.” I looked down at Sam, who’d closed her eyes. Her head had never left my lap, and I was glad that I could be here for her today.
I wanted to be here for her every day.
I’d have to talk to her about that when we got back to Texas. Maybe I’d talk to Frank and Ana first. Get their blessing for what I wanted next.
I wasn’t one to hold back my thoughts, and neither was Sam. Which I liked. Both of us were open and honest and real, but I couldn’t tell her the other thing I wanted to right now. Not just because we had so many people listening in, and what I wanted to tell her was private, but also because the timing didn’t feel right. She wasn’t ready to hear it yet, but she would be soon.
Holding back the things I wanted to say didn’t sit well with me, but I would be patient.
I had to wait.
Because when I looked at Sam, I saw my future.