Into The Light (Three Rivers #1)

Chapter 18

Eighteen

NOELLE

S traddling him, my heart slams a mile a minute behind my ribs, my pulse thundering in my ears. I'm awash in a chaos of sensations—my skin tingles, flushed and prickling with a raging flow of blood, my arousal rampaging through me like wildfire. His chest hair scratches deliciously rough against my tender, erect, sensitive nipples, sending hot lines of arousal pulsing through me.

His cock fills me…

Overfills me.

Stretches me to a stinging burn, even after several pounding heartbeats of adjustment. The ache is glorious, incredible. Earth-shattering.

I didn't know—I had no idea I could feel this way. That I could be this full—this glutted on ecstasy. I can barely draw a breath, he's so huge inside me, at the very cusp of too big.

My eyes water with the burn of struggling to stretch around him, arousal pulsing like liquid fire in my veins.

Gasping for air, I claw my fingers down his chest, leaving red welts on his skin as I find a new angle, bracing my hands on his belly directly in front of our joined bodies.

I can't stop a moment of awareness—that he…my previous and only other partner, never wanted this position. He liked the control. And the only position he liked was missionary.

But this?

My god.

This is what I’ve craved my whole adult life, since the moment I became aware of my sexuality as a young teenage girl first experimenting with the forbidden, sinful pleasures of self-touch. All throughout my marriage, I craved something. I never knew what and couldn’t ask for it; I didn’t have the words, the courage, or the self-awareness to know what I wanted, and I knew my relationship wasn’t a safe place to express my needs and desires even if I could have found the words.

This is it—everything I've ever wanted, ever needed.

Bear.

His primal power, his wild, barbaric strength, his savage need, finally given the freedom to be expressed—in so doing, giving me what I never knew I craved.

His hands scrape down my spine, the cinderblock texture over my skin sending ripples of sensuous need through me. He cradles my ass in his rough, huge hands, gently for a breath and then kneading with gruff, possessive power.

Despite his rough treatment of my body, his eyes are gentle and his words gentler yet: "Okay, baby?" He lifts, sitting up to take my mouth in a soft kiss. "Am I hurting you?"

I shake my head, gripping his beard to hold him close for the kiss until need takes over and I shove him back to the bed.

He flops back down and he paws at my breasts, and then cups them, thumbs rolling over my nipples, dragging a gasp out of me.

Balancing upright on him, I grab his hands and crush them against me, loving the harsh scrape of his calluses, the grit of his thumbs on my nipples, his fingernails flicking, tweaking.

I need to move—I have to. I still ache and burn with the size of him, but it's the best thing I’ve ever felt, cracking my soul apart with love and wonder and pride and pleasure, making my heart slam all the harder with anticipation of how it’ll feel to finally know the glutting size of him sliding through my clenching sex.

I fall forward, hands landing on his chest, and I draw my hips forward, hissing as he slices through my lips. He’s holding utterly still, hands gripping the crease of my hips, thumbs pressing to the tender skin just above where we’re joined. His inhales in synch with the upward slide, and then I sink onto him, crying out with a shrill shriek as he splits me open all over again. The burn, god the burn, the ache, the sting. My eyes water, and I gasp helplessly, head hanging, taking him inside me until my bottom slaps softly against his hips.

Again—pull upward. Hesitate with the head of him almost spilling out of me, and then glide myself back down his shaft, now slick with my leaking essence.

"Bear!" I whimper, gagging on a choked cry as he fills me to the brim and then more and more.

He only growls, that beautiful, animal snarl of arousal shivering into the core of me. His hands tighten around my hips, digging in desperately as he tries to hold still, to give me time to adjust, to accommodate him.

"Fuck," he grates, voice rough and guttural. "You feel… fuck , so fucking good. So perfect." He pushes me down by my hips, driving his hips up to sink deeper inside me. "Gotta move, my love. Fuck, I have to."

"Please," I beg him. "Take me. Show me what you need."

An orgasm hovers in my belly, coiled low and ready to seize me, ready to smash through me. I don't know that I can handle another one yet, so I try to hold it off.

Bear grabs my ass cheeks, a greedy double fistful, bruising with power, sending more delicious ripples of stinging pain through me. he pulls me apart, opening me. Sinks deeper yet, until I can take no more because I have every last thick, ridged, veiny, glistening inch of his glorious cock inside me.

I cry out, a hoarse wail, head hanging. "Bear! Yes!"

Now, he lifts me with that rough grip, dragging himself almost out of me. Pushes me down onto him. I scream, then. Not a soft scream, either—a real, true scream that burns the back of my throat.

My orgasm throbs behind my navel, soaking relentlessly down into my sex, pulsing behind my pussy and into my clit. I angle forward, shifting my hands to his shoulders, tipping my sex against him and my ass higher. And now, when he drags me up his shaft and drives me back down, the slick length of him scrapes and stutters and slides against my clit, sending ragged, helpless shudders through me.

Building and expanding within me, the climax is now titanic, terrifying, explosive—and still growing.

I hold it off.

"More," I gasp, hoarse. “Harder. Give me everything."

"Ahh god, my love, my Noelle. My heaven. My goddess." He whispers, his praise emerging in a rhythmic chant. "You want it harder?"

I fall against him, arms snaking around his neck, breasts crushed fall between us, sink my teeth into his earlobe, gasping and whimpering as he thrusts into me slowly and softly and gently, letting me grow used to the burning slide, the stretching slick ache of him filling and withdrawing—a thrust, and another, and another, and I gasp short ragged moans with each one, breathless with erotic wonder, lost in delirious disbelief that anything in this world could feel as good as Bear inside me, moving in me, taking me.

"Fuck me and don’t ever stop," I whisper, the naughty words pulled out of me—I give myself over to this new, wild, and free version of Noelle Harper, a woman who takes what she wants and says what she wants. A sexual creature, a wanton woman, not a lady, not proper, not righteous or good or Christian.

A woman who fucks her man and loves every second of it.

I'm free .

I scream again as his brawny arms squeeze me with pythonic power, his hands gripping my ass and tugging the globes apart so he drives deeper, taking more of me.

His hips pump against mine, my soft belly pressed into his, our heartbeats matched and slamming madly. He grunts now as he fills me again and again, and I groan with him, the sounds feral and crazed.

God, I love this.

I cling to his neck and pant in his ear, and then the first wave of orgasm breaks through me, and my lips fall to his neck, stuttering wetly down the side of his throat; another wave hits, and I sink my teeth into the thick cord of muscle along the ridgeline of his shoulder, growling rabidly as the waves come faster and faster. My hips work on their own now, and I pull my arms in and push against his chest, sitting upright on him and then leaning over him, seeking—I’m not sure what. A new angle, a different position.

More of him.

Deeper.

Harder.

God help, me, I can't get enough—I'm absolutely mad with desire for more and more and more and more of this man who has become everything to me.

I find it, a ragged cry of triumph tripping out of my throat: sitting upright on him, hands on his belly, leaning forward, I sink onto him, slamming myself down hard until he's buried to the hilt, and then I work my sex and hips in a slow sinuous roll, hard and relentless. He tries to meet the rhythm, but he can't—I'm going too fast now, and all he can do is grip the spill of my ass on his thighs and hold on tight as I ride him through the crashing tidal waves of climax.

I can't manage a breath anymore, my lungs frantically spasming for air as scream after silent scream is ripped out of me, each sliding pound of his cock into me smashing me to new heights of ecstasy.

My tits sway and bounce, and I love how his eyes can't look away from their movement. I feel it, then—the true breaking.

My whole being shatters with a nuclear blast of heat and pressure, unleashing and unraveling, a desperate scream finally shredding out of me as I suck in blessedly cool oxygen to line my burning throat.

If I was orgasming before, this is some other, hitherto unknown realm of ecstasy and agony. Bear is giving himself to me fully now, prying my ass apart and slamming up into me as my rhythm falters, no longer able to sustain the sinuous roll. I dissolve into sobbing, gasping whimpers of tattered, shredded bliss, collapsing forward onto him and clutching his neck and pressing tear-damp lips to his.

He draws his knees up, feet bracing into the mattress, legs falling apart, and his hands lift me by the ass, and his whole body arches up off the bed as he drives into me, pounds into me, roaring like his namesake.

His release pours into me in a hot wet flood, triggering my white-hot orgasm into yet another universe of pulsing, plashing, dizzying, demolishing union. Again and again, he comes inside me, bellowing and slamming, each rough pounding thrust slapping noisily, beautifully.

His roars fade to raw grunts, my hoarse wails soften to breathless whimpers, his thrusts slow, and my climax tapers off, and our movements slow, stutter, and stop.

"Holy…fuck," I rasp, panting harder than I ever have in my life. I let my head thud onto his chest. " Fuck ."

He has to pry his hands out of my ass. Smooths them up my back, caressing my spine, my shoulders, my sides, my hips, my ass, everywhere he can reach. "I fucking love you so goddamned much," he whispers, sounding as shaken as I am. He cups my face and pushes, so I have to lift up on shaky arms to look at him. "Did I…." he swallows hard. "Did I hurt you?"

"Perfectly, beautifully yes," I answer, nuzzling his cheek and then taking his mouth in a breathless kiss. "You fucked me into oblivion, my love."

His breathing is still ragged. "You took everything I've got. Everything I am.” He sounds awed, rocked with disbelief. "You're sure you're okay?"

I laugh, nodding against his chest. Draw my thighs up, knees high, and wriggle my butt. It's silly and pointless, and I have no idea why I did it, but it makes him gasp and flinch. I do a pushup on his chest, hair framing his face, creating a curtain of isolation around us. "Quite literally, my love, I have never, ever been as absolutely, deliriously, madly happy as I am right now."

He laughs, and that sound is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, along with the way he calls me “my love,” the song of his grunts and growls as he loves me, and the beautiful, heart-rending things he says.

“I can’t believe you’re real, Noelle. That I can…I can just be myself. I can…” he chokes on his words with a ragged sigh that’s almost a sob. “I can give you everything I have, and I don’t have to be afraid of breaking you."

I kiss him, all hungry tongue in his hot mouth, a deep moan from both of us braiding our souls into a new union. "You didn't break me, Bear. You set me free. You gave me what I've craved for as long as I can remember. You gave me permission to let loose. To be completely and totally whoever I want to be." I rest my forearms on his chest and shoulders, straddling him, our bodies still joined even as he slowly goes slack inside me. "I went a little crazy," I say, giggling. "Did I scare you?"

"A little, yeah," he admits. "But it was the hottest fucking thing ever."

An exhaustion unlike any other washes through me all of a sudden, and I let myself settle on him, sinking into his embrace. "Hold me, my love. Hold me and never let go."

"I won't," he promises. "I've got you."

I drowse then, and drift.

At some point, he rolls me to my side, his heat and solidity abandoning me. I whimper. "Bear. Come back." It's a sleepy mumble.

"Blowing out the candles before I fall asleep."

“Mmm," I acknowledge. "Hurry."

I vaguely hear him blow them all out, and then the bed dips with his weight. He scoops me in his arms and cradles me against his huge body, and I feel him toss the blankets over us.

I fall asleep to the slow rhythm of his heartbeat under my ear, safe and warm and content and very, very, thoroughly plundered.

I know I have a smile on my lips as I drift off, despite the slow sticky seep of his seed leaking out of me.

I wake up to the dim gray light of pre-dawn filtering in through the blinds. I close my eyes again, sighing happily as I take stock.

I'm on my side facing the door, and Bear's big hot body is spooned behind me, one heavy arm draped over my waist, his hand wedged under my boobs. His breath huffs on my back in a soft, cute little snore. His hard hips press against my ass, the thick ridge of his cock wedged between my cheeks, semi-hard.

And ohhhhh…my… god , am I sore.

I giggle softly to myself, trying not to wake him. I've read about this in romance novels, where the heroine wakes up the next morning after a good hard fucking, and she’s "deliciously sore in all the right ways" or some such phrasing. I always thought it was nonsense, overly romantic gushy tripe made up for sexy novels.

Oh no. Nope. Most definitely a very real thing. It just turns out I was never the recipient of the kind of vigorous loving required to leave me sore like this.

I couldn't be happier about it.

I doze happily in Bear's embrace, his warmth tugging me gently back down into quasi-sleep. After a measureless time, he stirs, making soft grumbly noises as he wakes up. His hand twitches, curling to grasp my breast. I wiggle my butt against him, giggling when he makes a quiet sound of surprise and confusion.

It quickly becomes a sigh of…joy? Relief? Something of both.

“Real." His voice comes from the bottom of a well, sounding like rocks scraping together.

I thread my fingers through his where it cups my boob. "I am real. So was last night." I roll over in his arm and nuzzle up to him, a smile dancing on my lips. "Hi, you."

His eyes glitter with untold happiness. "Mornin', gorgeous." His eyes slide closed as he sweeps his hand down my back to caress my bottom. "Love how soft you are."

I wriggle closer yet, stealing an arm over his middle to play with his butt, something I've yet to enjoy. And lordy, what an ass the man has. I squeeze one of the rock-hard cheeks. "I'm soft, you're hard. Match made in heaven, if you ask me."

"Agreed."

His eyes open and meet mine. "Noelle, last night was…" he sighs, shaking his head. "I don’t have words for how fucking…god, I don’t know. Mind-blowing it was."

"I couldn't agree more." I kiss his chin. "And I can't wait to do it again—see if it's just as good the second time around." I wrinkle my nose. "I might need a minute to recover, though. I’m a little sore." When his mouth opens and his brow furrows with frown lines, I shut him up with a kiss. "Nope. Don't even say it. I feel amazing. Incredible. I feel loved. Wanted. Desired. You made me yours in the most incredible way possible."

He closes his eyes again, absorbing and processing what I've told him. "I still can't quite believe…well, any of it. That you love me. That you want me. That you let me touch you, kiss you, make love to you. Especially how you were last night." His head shakes, a soft laugh huffing from his lips. "Fuckin' wild woman."

I blush hard, burying my face in his chest. "I'm actually a little embarrassed. I just…I don't know. I went a little nuts."

His finger tips my chin, so I have to look at him; I give my eyes and see nothing but that love, as enormous as he is, and that desire, as deep as the ocean. "That was the hottest fucking thing ever, Noelle. Do not be embarrassed. Be proud. I loved it. I fucking loved how you shoved me around. Took what you wanted. Demanded everything I had and still wanted more." He shakes his head, awe blazing in his eyes. "Fuck, honey. You showed me a whole new world."

I dissolve into laughter, somewhat hysterical. When it fades, I can only kiss him. "I don't even know why I'm laughing. I guess I'm just so damn happy I can't help it. You made me come so hard, so many times. If it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t believe it was possible. I lost count, baby. That’s how good it was.” I bite my lip with a grin. "How good you were."

"God, I love you," he whispers.

"Love you more," I whisper back.

His lips find mine, and then we just kiss for a while—not to lead anywhere, just for the sake of sharing our joy. I know I have morning breath, and so does he, but I don’t care. I just can't get enough. I never will.

When we finally come up for air, He rolls me to my back and levers over me, his hair curtaining around my face. For a second or two, he just stares at me, memorizing or just appreciating—I don't know. I just love the way he looks at me.

But his expression slowly morphs into a troubled frown.

I rub the frown lines between his eyebrows. "Hey, what's this? A frown on the best morning of my life?"

He swallows hard. "I just realized something."

"Okay?"

"Last night. We didn't…" he winces, shakes his head, and then drops his face to my chest, words coming out muffled. "We didn't use protection. It never even occurred to me. I didn't ask if you were on birth control. I didn't—I just got…consumed in how bad I needed you, and…" he lifts his head, worry and fear and self-flagellation warring on his face. "I didn't take care of you like I should have. I'm so sorry, Noelle."

"C'mere." I pull him to me, cradling his face against my breasts.

He gives me some of his weight, and I cuddle him close, wrapping a thigh over the back of his, caressing him wherever I can reach. I stroke his hair, his shoulders, his back.

"Bear, baby, it's fine. It's okay." I kiss his forehead and then resume cuddling and caressing him. "I didn't stop to think of it either, and it's my body. I should have too, but I didn't. So it's not all on you—it's not just your responsibility, it's mine, too. One could even argue that it's more my responsibility than yours to make sure my body is protected."

"But I—" he starts.

"Hush." I cover his lips. "It's okay because I've been on birth control since I was fifteen. It was a whole thing with my parents—they were against it, vehemently. At all, let alone for a fifteen-year-old. But my periods were absolutely brutal, so birth control was the only way to make them manageable. I don't miss it—I never have. I have an app that tracks my cycle and reminds me to take my birth control every day. Which is why I didn't think of it—I knew we were covered."

"Oh," he mumbles.

"And as far as diseases or whatever, that's not a concern either. Obviously, there's no way you have anything, right?"

"Celibate for eleven years, till now. So yeah."

"And I was only with one person, ever, and there wasn't anyone after him till you. So me either." I sigh. "After I found out that he was cheating on me, I went and got tested because who knows how many other church skanks he was screwing. So I do know for a fact that I’m clean. Okay? Do you feel better now?"

He nods against me. "Much. Thank you."

"Can we get back to being deliriously happy again?" I ask.

He laughs, a soft snort. “Yes, please."

"Good." I shiver with a frisson of pure joy and squeeze and shake him against me. "I love you so much it's crazy."

"Can I stay here like this forever?" he mumbles. "You holding me like this. It's…" he trails off, voice thick with emotion. "Stupid. Cryin' like a damn baby— again . Don't even know why."

"It's not stupid, Bear. Not at all. You trusting me with your tears means the whole world to me." I turn his face to mine and press kisses all over him, soft, slow, wet kisses to his cheeks, his wet eyes, his lips. "It’s not weak to cry, Bear. Not at all. Just the opposite. It’s showing me vulnerability, which requires strength and courage."

For I don't know how long, then, I just hold him like that, caressing and occasionally kissing him.

Eventually, he rests on an elbow over me. "Thank you, Noelle."

I shake my head. "That's how this works, honey." I run my hand along his jawline. “We take care of each other. Share. Communicate. Accept and understand and love."

He just rumbles a pleased sigh and leans down to nuzzle my cheek. His mouth finds mine and steals a kiss, and that kiss turns into another, and then that becomes a daisy chain of slow, sweet kisses. His hand grazes over my belly and cups my breast. My nipple hardens under his palm, and I feel him grow erect against my thigh.

He breaks the kiss, staring down at me, pulling his hard-on away. "Just have to kiss you. Not tryin' to start anything—I know you're still sore."

I catch the corner of my lower lip between my teeth in a sly, shy grin. Shift more fully beneath him, framing his hard hips between my soft thighs. Now his long, lovely erection nestles against my seam.

I reach down between us and grasp him, stroking his length a few times, grinning as he groans at my touch, head lolling onto my chest.

"Noelle," he murmurs.

I slip his tip into my sex, letting out a long, hissing gasp as I take him into me in the single, slow, slick slide. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I tilt myself up against him. “Maybe I’m not as sore as I thought."

"Ahhhh god, honey," he growls. "The way you feel—fuck."

I nibble his earlobe. "I want it soft and slow and sweet this time, okay?" I reach down and cup his hard ass. "Make it last forever, please."

And my god, he does.

One thick, brawny arm under my neck as my pillow, the other framing my face, he makes love to me slowly, easing into me by inches at a time, each thrust in and pull out so smooth I can’t tell where one begins and the other ends. By the time my climax reaches its peak, I'm panting in his ear, the intensity having ratcheted and ramped up so gradually and so slowly that I'm crazed with it, gasping breathlessly in his ear as we reach our orgasm together, in perfect unison. He comes inside me on a quiet exhale, his huge body going tense and taut above me, driving in and staying there as he releases while I continue to thrust against him through my own.

At long last, he collapses to his back, taking me onto him as we pant together, sweating and sated.

We spend the day together, never apart for more than a few minutes. We shower together—a long, soapy, sexy, orgasm-filled shower—and then cook breakfast. Take Panzer for a long walk. Lounge in front of the TV watching cheesy action movies and silly-sweet rom-coms until dinner. Make love again, this time on the couch, again slowly, because I am getting quite sore. I just…I can’t resist him.

Raina, Ashlynn, and Kyle text that they're swinging by, and they demand an hour or two of girl-only time. Bear playfully grumbles about it, but leaves Panzer with me and meets Riley and Felix downtown for a drink or two.

Before he leaves, he gives me a kiss. "Girl time means talking about shit, yeah?"

I nod, shrugging. “Yeah, but what we have is sacred to me, Bear. I wouldn't share details."

He just shrugs, grinning. "Don't mind if you do—whatever you are comfortable with. They're your friends, honey."

"Thanks for understanding. We will talk, and I might share some stuff, but…" I shrug. "Not everything. Wouldn't want to make them jealous." I shove him out the door. "Go see your friends. Give us like two hours and then come home to me."

After he's gone, the girls drag me into the living room, shove a freshly blended margarita into my hand, and crowd around me.

"Tell us everything," Raina demands. "We just came to see how you were doing, but it's obvious from that little scene that you two got cozy .”

Ashlynn grins madly. "We need details, sister."

"Such as," Kyle says, "is he as big as I want to believe?"

I take a long drink of margarita, coughing as I swallow. "Holy shit, that's strong."

"Holy shit, you said holy shit," Ashlynn exclaims. "You must've gotten dicked down something good .”

I frown at her, voice hoarse as I catch my breath. "Ashlynn—that's unbelievably crude. I did not get dicked…down .” I say in an arch, prim tone.

"Then why are you glowing?" Raina asks.

"Because," I singsong, pausing for more margarita. "We made love. Vigorously. Several times." I dissolve into giggles because I'm either still delirious from my amazing night and day with Bear, or the margarita is hitting me hard and fast. Or both, most likely.

"How vigorously?" Kyle asks.

"Hold on." I set my margarita down and grab the lingerie from the floor of my—our—room, where it still lay after Bear ripped it off and threw it aside.

I toss it on the table as if dropping a mic and take my seat, letting the shredded garment say all that needs to be said. Just for good measure, I pull my leggings down and proudly show them the fingerprint bruises dotting my bottom.

Ashlynn holds up the pieces, and her jaw slowly drops open. "Shut…the fuck …up.”

I blush furiously, giggling into my glass, unable to meet their shocked eyes. “ Very vigorously," I answer. "At least, the first time. The second and third times were…." I sigh dreamily. "Slow and sweet."

“I’ve never had ass bruises,” Ashlynn grumps, tossing the remains of the lingerie back onto the coffee table.

"You never answered my question," Kyle says. "Please don't kill my dreams. Please, please tell me he's packing a whole-ass side of beef down there."

I splutter. "Kyle. Good grief, woman. Have some respect." I sip. Keep them in suspense a bit longer as I decide what to say. "Let's just say…I'll be walking funny for a while."

Raina cackles. "You did hobble to that bedroom, girl."

I sigh, laughing. "He does not disappoint, and we'll leave it at that. I'm a happy, happy woman. A very sore, very happy woman."

Kyle gazes at me softly. “You love him?"

I know my eyes blaze with my answer. "So fucking much. If you can love someone too much, that's where I’m at. I'm delirious."

"Because you got dicked down," Ashlynn says. "Finally."

"I'll never not hate that phrase, Ash," I mutter. "But yes."

Raina takes my hand. "I'm happy for you. You deserve this."

Kyle and Ashlynn squeeze in and surround me in a group hug.

"You said fuck," Kyle says. "That's how I know you got it good, girlfriend. He fucked the good girl right out of you."

I snicker. "Yes, yes he did."

"Does he have any brothers?" Raina asks. "Asking for a friend."

"Nope."

"Cousins? Anything?"

I laugh. “Nope. He's one of a kind, and he's all mine, ladies. You'll have to get your own."