Just Pretend (Just… #1)

17. Hallie

CHAPTER 17

HALLIE

While James takes his phone call near the ropes course entrance, I find Jasmine getting her harness tightened by one of the course workers. She grins when she sees me coming and waves for me to join her.

“So?” she asks eagerly. “How did the first night go? Did anything happen?”

I glance at the staffer who is adjusting Jasmine’s harness.

“Oh, Molly’s cool,” Jasmine quickly assures me. “And I don’t think she cares about your love life.”

“It’s okay, you’re all set,” Molly says with an amused laugh. She takes two harnesses from a rack and hands them to me. “One for you and one for whoever you spent the night with. Let me know if you need any help tightening it.”

Jasmine laughs as Molly heads off to help someone else.

“I told you she’s cool,” Jas says. “So? How did it go with James?”

“What part of us pretending do you not get?” I whisper, glancing around to make sure no one else is in earshot.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Jasmine replies, crossing her arms over her chest as she stares me down.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” I sigh.

“I see the way you look at him!” she says. “I know you and I know if you were just pretending, it wouldn’t look so real, at least not to me. And the chemistry between you—it can’t be faked. It’s seriously off the charts. So, are you going to tell me what’s going on or are you sticking to your story that this is all just an act?”

I bite my lip, feeling torn about how much I should divulge to my friend. As much as I love and trust Jas, the things I’ve been thinking and feeling about James have really rattled me and I’m not sure I want to speak them aloud to anyone, not even my best friend. Once I put them out in the world, I have to think about what they really mean, and then decide what to do. If I keep those feelings bottled up inside of me, stuffed way down where I can’t access them, then I don’t have to deal with them. I have enough on my plate right now without worrying about what it means that I want to kiss James again. I know he’s bad news; he uses women and disposes of them when he’s done. The last thing I need is to sleep with him just to have him toss me aside afterwards like he does to all his other one-night stands.

“I can see what you’re doing,” Jasmine interrupts my internal debate. “You think if you don’t tell me what’s going on inside your head then you don’t have to deal with it. But I know you. All of those feelings are just going to fester and drive you crazy if you don’t let them out. So, tell me what’s going on.”

She’s right, of course. Jasmine knows me too well for me to try to keep anything from her, no matter what the consequences might be.

“Okay, fine,” I admit. “You might be a little right. I might have some feelings…but nothing major.”

“I knew it!” Jasmine laughs, throwing her arms up in the air in triumph.

“Will you keep it down?” I hiss, glancing all around us. “Relax. I don’t even know if what I’m feeling is real. I think it might just be my lack of a romantic life finally breaking me. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been with someone? Way too long.”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me,” Jasmine replies. “I couldn’t go a week without getting some. I’d be jumping strangers on the street if I wasn’t having sex regularly.”

“Well, that’s extreme,” I laugh, “but it makes it hard to be so close to James and have him right there, pretending that we’re in love. I don’t know if it’s real, but my body is playing a big trick on my brain.”

“Wait, did something happen?” Jasmine asks.

I quickly catch her up on the fake kiss that made my toes curl yesterday, as well as how we came close to kissing for real last night under the stars. Jasmine’s jaw drops as she listens, staring at me in disbelief.

“And then this morning I woke up with my head on his chest and his arms around me,” I add. “And it felt…so good. Warm and comfortable and so sweet.”

“Aww, that’s great!” Jasmine squeals. “I think you should go for it!”

“Of course you do,” I say. “But it’s all too confusing. I know what he’s like…but it’s not the same here. I mean, sure, he still says stupid shit and he loves to get a rise out of me, but at the same time, he’s also been really great. Protective and calming. He’s really doing everything he can to help me. He just seems different than who I thought he was.”

“Maybe he is different than you thought,” Jas shrugs.

“I don’t know,” I exhale. “I’ve seen him with my own eyes at home. He's a player… This is all just part of his charm. I can’t let myself fall for it.”

“But what if it’s real?” Jasmine asks. “What if he’s not just being charming and he’s not trying to play you.”

I look back at her, struck by the idea that James might be capable of something more than a one-night stand.

“What’s the harm in giving it a shot?” Jasmine adds. “What do you have to lose?”

“My pride,” I groan. “And having to move apartments if it goes badly.”

“Love means taking a chance.”

“Oh please,” I shake my head. “I don’t know what this is, but it’s not love. Maybe an attraction, at most.”

“It has to start somewhere,” Jas replies. She takes my hands in hers and looks into my eyes. “Hallie, don’t overthink this. Maybe let your guard down a little. You really have nothing to lose.”

With Jasmine’s words lingering in my mind, I head back to the ropes course entrance to give James his harnesses. As much as I want to ignore whatever it is I’m currently feeling, I wonder if Jasmine might be right. Maybe I do need to let my guard down a little when it comes to James. After all, he really was amazing yesterday at the cocktail party with all of my coworkers, especially with my bosses. Maybe there’s more to him than the one-night stands. I can’t deny I’ve been feeling attracted to him, though I have no idea what it means. Is it just a physical attraction? And if that’s the case, would it really be so bad to see where it leads? But if it’s more than that, if it’s something deeper, then maybe I shouldn’t fight so hard against it. I’ve been missing out on having a man in my life for way too long and no matter which way this promotion goes, I think I need to have something in my life besides work.

I hold out the harness for James to take as I approach him, but he’s so involved in his call that he doesn’t seem to notice me.

“I’m in Wyoming on a work retreat with a girl I’m seeing,” I hear him say as I get closer. “She’s amazing and we’re having a great time. In fact, she’s someone I can really see a future with. Goodbye, Trey.”

I freeze in place, still holding out the harness, confused and alarmed by James’s words. Someone he can see a future with? Is that really how he feels? Maybe I really have been wrong about him this whole time.

James’s eyes go wide as he looks over and sees me standing a few feet away, clearing having overheard his call. There’s use in pretending like I didn’t, so I figure I might as well take the situation head on.

“Someone you can see a future with?” I ask, feeling my eyebrows arch. “Were you talking about me?”

James lets out a slow breath before responding.

“It’s complicated.”

“Not really,” I tell him. “Who were you talking to?”

“My brother.” He pauses again, looking like he’s debating what he’s about to say. “The thing is, you’re not the only one who needs this fake relationship.”

“What do you mean?”

“I needed to get out of my father’s birthday party, and there aren’t many excuses my mother would let me get away with,” James explains. “I haven’t been in a relationship in a while, and I don’t know what your mother is like, but mine would love to see me settle down. This was a great excuse and the timing was perfect.”

I nod slowly, digesting what James is telling me. It’s plausible enough but it seems like a great length to go to just to get out of a family birthday party.

“Don’t get bent out of shape,” James warns me. “I only said all that stuff to be convincing. My brother wasn’t buying my excuse, and I was trying to get him off my back. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Good,” I reply, though inside I feel like a deflated balloon. “I mean of course you didn’t mean it. It’s all pretend, after all. None of this is real.”

“Wait, I didn’t say that,” James starts to protest.

“But that’s what you meant, right?”

I look into his eyes, needing to know how he really feels, but before James can respond, Scott calls for everyone to come together for the team building exercise.

“We should go,” I murmur, turning and walking off, feeling stupid for even considering letting my guard down.

“My name is Wyatt Blake and I’m the activities director here at the ranch.”

The group stands in a circle, listening as Wyatt explains what we’ll be doing on the ropes course today. While he assures us that the course is completely safe, he stresses the need to work together as a team to be truly successful.

“Just like I imagine things work best back at your vineyard,” he adds, nodding to Clay Winter off to the side of the group. “To get started, we’re going to need you all to partner up while Molly and I come around one last time to check your harnesses.”

As the group is getting checked for safety, I look around at the married couples, longtime partners, and a few new relationships around me. In the past, I would be standing by myself, awkwardly wondering if anyone was going to invite me to join their duo. It always felt like I was back in middle school, but worse since I’m a grown adult who shouldn’t have to go through that kind of embarrassment anymore. But this year I have a partner of my own, someone to shield me from the shame of being the only single person in the crowd. It feels good for once to be a part of the group like this, though as I glance over at James, I have to remind myself that, as nice as it is to be a part of a couple, it’s not real—like James just said.

We wait our turn at the start of the ropes course, watching as other couples go before us, manipulating their way while tethered together on a short rope. It’s hard to see what’s working and what’s not from the ground, but it’s obvious which couples are successful by how quickly or slowly they make it to the first platform. When James and I are next to go, we make our way up the ladder and I almost stumble and fall from moving too fast without checking to see where James is behind me. Trying to move to the next ladder wrung, the rope between us doesn’t budge and my foot slips. I manage to balance myself before I fall, but it’s a close call.

The actual course isn’t any easier and I find I have to keep looking behind me, urging James to hurry up.

“Don’t you think this is more of a slow and steady scenario?” he asks as we climb through a spider web of ropes.

“We’re being timed,” I remind him. “And I want to win.”

We get to one section where we have to climb over a series of ropes, but James can’t bend his leg up enough to get through.

“Lift your leg a little higher,” I hiss at him.

“My leg doesn’t go that high,” he grunts as he finally manages to get over the obstacle, though not without a bit of discomfort.

As we move through the course, we keep getting tangled up, finding it hard to do much of anything when we’re attached by such a short rope. The bickering only gets worse when I realize how slowly we’ve been moving. When Molly reads off our time at the final platform, I know that we’re probably in last place, or close to it.

As we’re getting down from the course, I spot Chase and Annette on the ropes together, right at the spot that took James so long to get over. I watch for a moment as they work together, Chase holding the ropes down so Annette could pass over, and then Annette turning back and doing the same for Chase. When they’re both over and Wyatt congratulates them from below on moving so quickly over the obstacle, I catch them exchanging a sweet smile. It’s no surprise when Molly reads out their time at the end and declares Chase and Annette to be the winners.

“Congratulations,” I say to the couple as they join the rest of the group. “That was really great.”

“Jealous, Evans?” Chase laughs, rubbing his win in my face. “That’s what it’s like to be in a real relationship.”

My face instantly flushes with heat, my anger mixing with my competitive nature. As Chase leads Annette away, I turn to James, feeling stupid for even attempting to be nice to my competition.

“I’ll be damned if I let that jerk best me,” I tell him.

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to win, but you’re going to have to work with me,” James replies. “The point is for us to work together, but it’s like you’re competing against me as well as everyone else. I could have cleared those ropes too if you had tried to help me. It’s like you’re pulling away from me instead of working together.”

I look back at him, realizing that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, and I know exactly why I’ve been doing it. I actually thought maybe there could be something between me and James, but he confirmed it’s all just a ruse so we could both get what we want. I’m so glad I didn’t say anything to him before he reminded me that it’s all pretend.

“Come on,” James urges me. “We can do this. You just have to trust me.”

I don’t want to let myself get any closer to James and risk getting hurt, but when I look into his eyes, I see a glimpse of what looks like sincerity in them. Can I trust him? At this point it doesn’t matter. I have a goal in sight and that’s all that matters. It’s just one week, after all. I’m sure I can resist his charms for one week.

“Alright,” I say, taking a breath. “Let’s do this.”

“Move your right hand up the wall about six inches.”

Shrouded in darkness by the blindfold I’m wearing, I slowly start to slide my hand along the craggy surface of the climbing wall, following James’s directions. Even without being able to see how high off the ground I am, I’m still nervous to be going higher and higher up in the air, searching for the next hand grip so I can pull myself up. At the same time, I know that if I want to win this contest, I need to move quickly. I don’t have any time to let the fear sink in.

“Keep going,” James says, his voice clear and calm through the earpiece I’m wearing.

It feels strange to listen to him give me instructions like this, almost like his voice is inside my head. He’s not exactly the person I thought I’d want as my inner monologue, but it’s comforting to hear him encouraging me with every step I take, higher and higher up the rock wall. I thought at first that it would be difficult to fully trust him to tell me exactly where to put my feet and how to find the hand holds, but it’s gone fairly smoothly so far.

As I locate the grip and start to pull myself up, I’m feeling confident that we’re going to crush the other teams. I watched the first round of climbers from the ground, and they all seemed pretty hesitant as they made their way up the wall.

“Good,” James says in my ear. “Now, you’re going to have to reach your right leg out a bit to the side. The next step up isn’t much higher than where you are, but it’s about three feet away from you. I think you should start by putting your left hand where your right hand is.”

I try to do what he says, but when I let go with my right hand, I suddenly feel off balance and quickly grip onto the hand hold with both hands tightly.

“I can’t let go!” I shout.

“It’s okay,” James responds gently. “You can try it while holding on with both hands, but you’re really going to have to reach with your leg.”

I take a few breaths and then start to slide my foot along the wall, dragging my toe along and feeling for the step.

“Good,” James encourages me. “Keep going.”

I’m holding on as tight as I can, but the longer I go without having both feet secure, the more I start to panic.

“Where is it?”

“It’s there, trust me,” James says. “Keep reaching.”

I want to go back to where I was, unsure if I can even spread my legs enough to get to wherever James is leading me. There has to be an easier way. This is crazy—is he taking risks just to win? I have to fight the urge to take my blindfold off, doubting that James is seeing the best route up the wall.

Finally, my toe hits a small ledge, and I hurry to fit my whole foot on it.

“Great job,” James says with a smile in his voice. “Now, the next one is going to be tough. You have to transfer your weight to your right foot and then move your left foot towards it while also moving it up about three feet.”

“What?” I gasp. “I don’t even understand what you’re saying. I can’t do that!”

“It will help if you can take your right hand off of the grip,” James says.

“No, I can’t,” I shout, feeling a panic inside of me.

“You’re doing great, Hallie,” James says, still as calm as ever. “You’re in the lead by a lot, but Annette is coming up next to you and she’s on the easy part that you already nailed. Take a second to collect yourself and then just go for it.”

“Okay,” I nod. “Okay, I’ve got this.”

I do what James is telling me, taking a few deep breaths and trying to clear my head. When my pulse has slowed and my legs aren’t as shaky, I make my move without overthinking it, letting go with my right hand and putting my weight on my right foot.

“Good! That’s amazing!” James cheers. “Now take your left foot off its grip, bend your knee and reach up until you hit the next foothold!”

I feel certain that I’m going to fall and lose the competition, but I trust in James’s directions and reach my foot up, finding the ledge exactly where he said it would be.

“Nice, Hallie!” he exclaims excitedly. “Take a quick breath, and then push up on your left foot; once you’re standing, there’s a couple different handholds to choose from.”

As I continue to climb, I hear a soft whimper and I wonder if James is crying, until I realize the sound isn’t coming from inside my ear, it’s the person climbing on the wall to my right—Annette.

“Are you okay?” I ask softly, but I don’t get a response, just more whimpering. I can only imagine how Chase is berating her rather than coaching her. I’m sure he’s not happy that James and I are in the lead.

“Okay, you’re almost at the top,” I hear James say in my ear. “It’s a straight shot above you, so reach directly up with your left hand and lift your left foot at the same time.”

It’s another leap of faith and I try to make the move before my nerves overtake me. I find the foothold right away, but as I reach up higher for a place to grip onto, my foot slips off the ledge and I start to fall. With a gasp, I feel myself slide down the wall, my heart pounding.

“James!” I scream just as I find a ledge with my hand and grip onto it, catching myself.

“You’re okay!” he assures me. “Just hold on tight where you are. There’s a foothold slightly to the right of your left foot.”

With my heart still slamming inside my chest, I slide my foot over, finding the ledge and taking a second to catch my breath.

“You’re okay,” James says again. “Well done. That was amazing, Hallie.”

“I’m okay,” I repeat, nodding my head.

“Do you want to keep going or do you want to come down?” James asked. “Either way is fine, but I think you can make it if you feel up to it. You’re so close.”

“I can do it,” I reply right away. “Just tell me how.”

It’s only a few steps later that James is directing me towards the platform and as soon as I feel it, I pull myself up, rip off my blindfold and ring the bell at the top of the wall. Down below, it feels like the whole company is cheering for me, everyone except for Chase, who is barking angrily into his headset.

“Good job,” James says with a grin. “I knew you could do it. Now get that hot ass back down here.”

I’m so relieved to have made it up that I don’t even bother rolling my eyes at him. The climbing instructor takes over for James, reminding me of the training he gave on how to repel down the wall, and a few seconds later, he’s unclipping me from the safety rope.

“That was amazing!” James laughs, grinning at me as I rush towards him. “You did it!”

“We both did it!” I tell him bounding closer as he wraps me in his arms, giving me a long, tight hug.

“It was all you,” he says in my ear. “You were incredible.”

I pull back, about to protest, but when we lock eyes, something goes off inside of me like a spark that’s reached the end of the fuse. James pulls me close and before I know what’s happening, we’re tangled together in a heart-pounding, desperate, adrenaline-filled kiss.