Just Pretend (Just… #1)

24. James

CHAPTER 24

JAMES

Everything Hallie told me is exactly what I wanted to hear, and it takes all of my self-restraint to keep my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. I can feel her body turned towards mine and I assume she’s looking at me, thinking that I didn’t hear anything she said, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I heard it all, word for word, and I hung on every moment, every pause, every truth she laid out for me. Even as I felt my heart swelling, wanting to spin her around and tell her I feel the same way, I stayed completely still and silent, not wanting to let on that I’m awake.

As happy as I am to finally understand why Hallie suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder, as much as I wanted to hear it, I wish I didn’t find out this way. It’s bad enough that the first time I felt her naked against me, her warm body wrapped in my arms, had to be under these circumstances—generating heat between us to stop us from freezing to death. I would have much preferred to undress her slowly, taking off one article of clothing at a time, delaying the gratification. I certainly didn’t want to have to avert my eyes and lie down behind her on a wet horse blanket. Similarly, as much as I wanted to hear Hallie say she had feelings for me, just like I have for her, I don’t want it to be because she’s just relieved to be alive.

The fact of the matter is that we’re both still riding the adrenaline of what happened with the horses. I don’t want us to come together out of dangerous circumstances. I’m sure Hallie’s emotions are all over the place right now and she might be saying things she wouldn’t ordinarily feel or want me to know. Now I’m nervous that when the sun comes up tomorrow, she’s going to be glad I was sleeping when she poured her heart out. Or worse, she’ll regret saying anything at all.

Of course I want to respond to what she just said, to tell her I feel the same, to hold her in my arms and kiss her with the passion that’s been building up inside of me. Of course I want to be with her now and tomorrow and the days after that. But I was already rejected by one woman I thought I’d be spending all of my tomorrows with, and I don’t want it to happen again. If I react to Hallie now and she regrets it in the morning, I may never recover. It would kill me to have to look at her while she explains she said and did things only because we were trapped in a cave together.

I also promised her that I wouldn’t make the situation sexual, and I plan to stand by that promise. I won’t take advantage of her in a moment when she’s so vulnerable. I might be prolific when it comes to one-night stands, but I would never do that to any woman. As much as I want to face Hallie now and admit my own feelings to her, it’s not the right time or place.

Instead, I keep my eyes closed, trying to sleep, though I know it will be impossible while I’m holding Hallie in my arms. All I want to do is kiss her and comfort her and fully be with her, but the best thing for both of us right now is to just pretend I’m asleep.

Pretending eventually gives way to actual sleep as exhaustion sets in. When I wake up in the morning, my arms are still wrapped around Hallie, holding her against me. From the pain in my neck and back, I assume I haven’t moved all night long, something I’ll likely pay for when I try to stand up. I can hear that the rain has stopped and there’s enough light streaming into the rock enclosure to get a good look around. It’s the sound of voices, however, that gets my full attention.

“Is that…?” Hallie asks, her eyes blinking open.

She lifts her head towards the cave opening, both of us momentarily frozen as we realize someone is coming right towards us.

“Thank god they found us,” I exhale, filled with relief until I remember we’re both stark naked.

“Hello?” a male voice echoes into the enclosure. “Is anyone in there?”

“Kurt?” a woman’s voice calls from outside. “I found the other horse out here!”

“We’re here!” I exclaim excitedly as Hallie and I both sit up and then scramble to our feet.

I pull the blanket from the ground and wrap it around Hallie before anyone can come close enough to see us. I then stand behind her, shielding my body, though it’s obvious I’m naked.

“Wow am I glad we found you guys,” the ranch hand laughs with relief. “Everyone is really worried about you.”

He pauses for a moment as he moves the flashlight over us slowly, his eyebrows raising up.

“But it looks like you guys are okay…” he says with a smirk. “Better than okay, in fact.”

“Our clothes were wet from the rain,” I reply dryly. “Can you give us a second to get dressed, please?”

“Of course,” the man replies, still grinning. He turns, calling outside as he leaves us. “Dakota! I found them! And you’re not gonna believe the state they’re in.”

“Great,” Hallie sighs, shaking her head. “He’s going to tell that story to everyone he sees.”

“Yeah, we definitely just gave them something to talk about for weeks,” I agree.

Pulling our clothes down from the rocks where we draped them to dry, I toss Hallie’s to her and then turn around with my back to her to get dressed.

We have to walk about a quarter of a mile to get back to the path, but once we make it, there’s an ATV waiting to take us the rest of the way to the lodge. Dakota rides the horse back, who seems unfazed by the storm, and Kurt, the ranch hand, assures us that the other horse made its way back to the ranch last night.

“Wes and a few volunteers looked for you both for over an hour in the rain,” he adds. “But the weather made the search dangerous and unfruitful.”

“We figured,” I nod, sitting next to him in the ATV. “But it worked out.”

In the back seat, Hallie remains silent the entire ride back to the ranch. I try not to turn around to look at her, but I can’t help wondering if she’s thinking about the things she said last night when she thought I was sleeping. Maybe she already feels differently. The light of day will certainly clear up any confusing thoughts that grow in the darkness. She’s probably relieved I didn’t hear her. It’s likely today will be just like yesterday, holding hands in public and giving me the cold shoulder when we’re alone. It’s okay, though. It’s enough that she’s okay after yesterday’s ordeal.

When we arrive at the ranch, we’re greeted by what seems like the entire group from Winter Brothers Vineyards. The three brothers are the first to rush over and check on us, expressing their relief that we’re alright.

“I didn’t sleep all night,” Clay says to Hallie. “If anything had happened to you…”

“We’re okay,” she assures him. “Really, we’re fine.”

“I’m impressed that you were able to get out of the storm and find someplace safe to spend the night,” Scott says. “That was smart thinking.”

“Or just dumb luck,” I say with a humble laugh.

“I still can’t believe the way you tore after Hallie when her horse got spooked,” Scott says to me, clapping his hand to my shoulder. “You’re a hero, James.”

“No, definitely not,” I shake my head. “Like I said, we got lucky.”

“He jumped from his horse onto mine to get it to slow down,” Hallie says without looking at me. “He is a hero.”

“You found yourself a good guy,” Lucas Winter says with a wink. “We’re all so grateful that you were there, James.”

Behind the brothers, I spot Chase standing with his arms folded over his chest, glaring at us as Sara Winter comes over with blankets. The whole family is making a fuss, insisting that we go back to our room and rest.

“Should we send a doctor up?” Clay asks.

“No, that’s not necessary,” Hallie replies. “I think a hot shower is all the medicine I need.”

As we make our way up to the lodge, Jasmine comes running after us, breathless with a grin on her face.

“I want details,” she says mischievously.

“It was cold and wet,” Hallie mutters.

“Nuh uh,” Jasmine shakes her head, holding the lodge door open for us. “You spent all night in a cave together? I heard they found you naked!”

“Jas!” Hallie gasps, staring incredulously at her best friend.

I can’t help but laugh, amused by how forward Jasmine is, how she refuses to let anything go.

“You realize that James is standing right here,” Hallie says, pointing to me as if Jasmine didn’t see me.

“Yup, and honestly? I think he might tell me more than you will.”

As Jasmine turns to me with an expectant eyebrow arched, I laugh again, shaking my head.

“My lips are sealed,” I say, continuing across the lobby to the elevator.

“You two are no fun at all,” Jasmine sighs, still following us. “But Chase is really going to be disappointed they found you. I am sure he was hoping you’d disappear, and the promotion would be all his.”

“Chase may be cutthroat, but he’s not that bad,” Hallie insists. “I seriously doubt he’d be happy if I were lost in the woods for good.”

Jasmine raises an eyebrow, staring at Hallie for a second.

“I’m not so sure about that,” she mumbles.

She starts to get onto the elevator with us, but Hallie holds up her hand, stopping her in her place.

“Were you planning on getting in the shower with me too?” she asks.

“Oh fine,” Jasmine sighs. “I’ll check on you later. But don’t worry—I’ll knock loudly first.”

When the elevator doors close and Hallie and I are alone, she turns to me with an embarrassed look on her face.

“I’m sorry about Jasmine,” she sighs. “She means well.”

“No need to apologize,” I laugh. “I get a kick out of her.”

Inside the hotel room, I tell Hallie she can have the shower first. While she’s in the bathroom, I go out to the balcony, looking out at the mountains and thinking about last night. I wish I knew where I stood with Hallie now that the danger has passed and we’re both okay. Have things changed in the light of day, or does she still feel the same way she did when the future was so uncertain? I can no longer deny how I feel for her, my feelings are too strong to shove down inside of me, but I know I need to keep it to myself until I find out what Hallie is thinking. Was she just caught up in the drama of last night, or did she really mean all the things she confessed to me?