Just Pretend (Just… #1)

25. Hallie

CHAPTER 25

HALLIE

It’s not until the hot water is cascading over my entire body that I finally feel the right temperature again. My body responds immediately to the warmth—my shoulders and muscles relaxing, my lungs properly expanding, my headache subsiding. The knot in my neck from lying awkwardly on James’s arm all night seems to loosen and my jaw, which I didn’t realize I had been clenching, slowly releases. I try to concentrate only on the relief of being back at the hotel, warm and safe. But as I start to wash my hair and body, my thoughts drift back to James.

I can’t stop thinking about last night and everything that happened. It’s still so wild to me that he managed to jump from one horse onto the back of another, while both horses were running through the woods. It happened too fast for me to process while it was going on, but replaying it in my head, I know that James easily could have gotten hurt, even killed. And then later on in the cave, as we lay pressed against each other, I tried not to think about how naked and exposed I was, but now it feels so safe and comforting. He made me feel like everything would be okay, even though I had every reason to be scared.

James was true to his word that he wouldn’t make it sexual, but there was still something innately sensual about having so much of our skin touching as he held me in his arms. Part of me wanted him to make a move, even though he said he wouldn’t. Now that we’re okay and no one was hurt, I feel like it might have been a missed opportunity.

The most surprising part of the night, however, was when James opened up to me about his family. I wonder what it was that he found so objectionable about his father’s company. It must have been bad if he was willing to walk away from his family and his career, especially since he ended up losing the woman he was with. I can’t imagine not supporting the man I love, especially if he was standing up for what was right. I know there are still a lot of details that I’m unaware of, but it’s clear that there is so much more to this guy than I thought. I know enough now to believe the real James is the man I’ve been with in Wyoming, and not my obnoxious neighbor back home.

But even if James has more depth than I first assumed, I still think it’s probably a good thing he was asleep when I confessed my feelings for him last night. I have a lot going on right now between my job and my family. I can’t let the distraction of a complicated relationship get in my way of achieving the goals I’ve been working towards for so long. And even if I wanted him to know how I feel, I don’t think I can say the words again. It was hard enough in the dark cave when I didn’t have to look at him. Articulating it all again feels impossible.

Maybe the fact that James was asleep was fate stepping in, keeping me from making a mistake. And yet, when I think about lying naked with him, his arms wrapped around me, I can’t stop myself from wondering what might have happened if he’d heard me.

James and I silently switch places as I come out of the bathroom after my shower, and he goes in for his. I take my time blow drying my hair and putting on a little makeup—just enough to cover the dark circles under my eyes from not getting much sleep last night. When I’m feeling more like myself again, I sit down at the table and open my laptop to go through a few emails that came in overnight. I look up when I hear the bathroom door open, staring as James emerges in just a towel.

“Sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “I forgot to bring my clothes in with me.”

“It’s fine,” I reply, averting my eyes back to my computer screen. “I mean, it’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked.”

“Oh, I, uh, I didn’t, you know,” James stammers. “I didn’t look. I turned my back when you?—”

“I’m joking,” I tell him with a smile, amused at how skittish he is all of a sudden.

“Right,” he says, exhaling with relief. “But I really didn’t see anything.”

“Yeah, me neither,” I reply casually, though I actually caught an unintentional glimpse of his muscular ass when he jumped up from the ground this morning.

“Did you see the look on that guy’s face when he found us in the cave?” James asks with a grin.

“Oh, I certainly did,” I laugh. “I could hear the wheels turning in his head. His imagination was working overtime. I can only guess what everyone thought we’d been up to all night once word spread we were naked in the cave together.”

“Well, it can only help our story, right?” James notes.

“Yeah, definitely…” I agree, thinking about how we’re only supposed to be pretending.

“Just give me a second to get dressed,” James says, reaching for his clothes in his suitcase. “I’ll be ready in a minute and then we can head down for the next activity. What are we doing again?”

“Oh um...” I pull up the itinerary from my email, still thinking in my head about being alone in the cave with James last night. “Bird watching.”

“Bird watching?” James asks, his eyebrows shooting up. “Really?”

“You can skip it if you want,” I assure him. “I know it’s lame. I think everyone will understand after what we went through last night. I can make up an excuse, say that you’re sleeping or something.”

“No, I’ll do it,” James replies right away. “I’ve come this far. I’m not going to wimp out now. Besides, I’m not going to give Chase anything to use against you, not when the promotion is right within your grasp.”

“Thanks,” I say softly, holding his gaze for a moment. “And thanks again…for, you know. Saving my life.”

“Anytime,” James says, giving me a smile before taking his clothes into the bathroom to get changed.

By the time we get downstairs to the lobby where the group is assembled, Chase is already complaining loudly about how boring bird watching is going to be.

“Seriously?” he grumbles loudly. “Bird watching? Isn’t that for eighty-year-old women?”

My eyes go wide as I see Scott move up behind him, placing a heavy hand on Chase’s shoulder.

“Actually, Chase,” Scott says proudly, “this activity was my idea. My wife and I are avid bird watchers.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean—” Chase tries to back pedal, but Scott isn’t having it.

“If you don’t want to come with the group, we’re not forcing you,” Scott adds, patting Chase on the back a couple of times and then joining Sara, who has her own pair of binoculars for the outing.

“I didn’t mean to say, I just hope we see something different,” Chase stumbles to redeem himself, having the good sense to at least look embarrassed. “You know, from all the birds we see back home.”

“Do you think we’ll see a Black Rosy Finch?” James asks Scott, jumping in at the perfect moment.

“Oh, I hope so!” Scott replies with a huge smile. “That would be outstanding. You know about birds, James?”

“Bird watching is my mother’s passion,” James nods. “Some of it has rubbed off on me.”

James suddenly looks over at Chase with a devious grin on his face.

“Don’t worry, my mother is a spry sixty-year-old,” he adds.

Scott lets out a loud laugh as he puts his arm around James’s shoulders.

“I knew I liked you,” he says, still laughing. “Let’s go.”

As the group files out of the lobby, Chase comes up next to me but refuses to look at me.

“Don’t say a word,” he mutters.

“I didn’t say anything,” I reply.

“You didn’t have to,” he says. “But don’t be smug. I’m still getting this promotion.”

The hike up to the lookout point is peaceful and quiet as the group scans the woods with the binoculars the guide handed out before we left. My hot shower was just what I needed to loosen my muscles, so it feels good now to get a little exercise and stretch my legs. I’m also trying hard to clear my mind and think only about the natural world around me, though it's not easy when James is back in pretend-relationship mode, offering me his arm when the incline gets a little steep and making sure I’m not getting winded or thirsty. I catch Tammy Winter smiling at us knowingly, and I pretend not to notice as she pokes her husband in the ribs and gestures to me and James as he pulls me to the side of the trail, kissing my cheek as we take in the view for a moment. He really does know how to put on a show at just the right moment, I’ll give him that much.

At the top of the mountain, the guide instructs us to keep an eye out all around. When he spots an interesting bird, he quietly makes the rounds through the group, pointing out where to look and what to look for.

“Is that something special?” I whisper to James, pointing to a bright yellow bird in a nearby tree.

James looks through the binoculars at the tree and then shakes his head, indicating that he doesn’t see it.

“Here,” I say, putting my hands on his shoulders and moving him into the spot where I was standing. I then stand behind him with my chin on his shoulder and point to the spot on a high branch. “That yellow bird all the way up to.”

“Oh, it’s a goldfinch,” James whispers. “Wow, I don’t know how I missed him.”

We stand still for a moment, watching the bird move up and down the branch and then finally fly off.

“James!” Scott calls. “Come get a look at this red-naped sapsucker!”

“Duty calls,” James says with a smile, turning his head to kiss me before heading over to Scott.

The second James is gone, Jasmine swoops in to take his place.

“Now that you’re alone, are you going to tell me what really happened last night?” she asks.

“Nothing happened,” I insist.

“The look on your face does not say nothing .”

Jasmine crosses her arms over her chest and stares me down, smirking.

“Fine,” I sigh. “We slept together. Naked. But just to keep each other warm. It was… practical nudity.”

Jas gives me a skeptical look, holding my gaze for a moment.

“You slept naked…and nothing happened?” she asks. “I thought you said he was a ladies’ man.”

“Well…” I start to reply, but as I think about it, I wonder why James didn’t make a move.

It was the perfect opportunity for someone who is so adept at getting women into his bed. But he told me that he wasn’t going to try anything, and he didn’t. He was a complete gentleman. In fact, he went out of his way to make me feel safe and comforted.

“He promised me he wouldn’t make it sexual,” I say, keeping my voice down. “It was the only way I was going to take my wet clothes off. I probably would have died from stubbornness if I didn’t listen to him.”

“Yeah, I can see you doing that,” Jasmine laughs.

“But there’s more to him than just being a ladies’ man,” I add.

“You really believe that?” Jasmine asks.

“I’m starting to think so, yeah,” I reply as I watch James talking to Scott about the sapsucker. He’s really doing his best to make me look good.

“Well, he’s scoring big points with Scott, that’s for sure,” Jasmine says, following my gaze. “I guess if you were going to pick a fake boyfriend, he was an excellent choice.”

“Yeah,” I nod in agreement, laughing as Scott and James both frantically point to some giant bird flying in the distance.

“Well, I know getting the promotion is your focus,” Jasmine continues, “so you’re probably relieved that we only have a couple of days left. Then you can stop this whole ruse and go back to how everything used to be, right? You’ll just have to come up with a good break-up story.”

“Right,” I nod, though I start to feel an ache inside my chest, and I have to wonder if I want things to be as they were.

“But you want to know what I think?” Jasmine adds.

I glance over at her and roll my eyes at the smug look on her face

“I know exactly what you think and what you’re trying to do,” I murmur.

“I’m saying this as your friend, Hal,” she tells me, looking into my eyes. “I have never seen you look at anyone the way you look at James. You feel something for this guy. Don’t walk away from that because you’re confused. Dig deeper; get to know him more. Do whatever you have to do but don’t let him get away. I’m telling you, you’ll regret it.”

She holds my gaze for another moment before she moves back to Ricardo, wrapping him in a hug and giving him a long, loving kiss. I watch them for a moment, wanting what my friend has and wondering if I can have it with someone like James. I turn back to him, and he glances at me, smiling when he sees me watching him. Right away, I feel something stirring in my heart, and I know that Jas is right. I would regret it if I let James go after this. The only way to see if we have a real shot together is to tell him how I feel—this time when I’m sure he’s awake.