Just Pretend (Just… #1)

26. James

CHAPTER 26

JAMES

My knowledge of birds, especially outside of California, isn’t quite as extensive as I let on. My mother is an avid bird watcher. She even has a camera on a bird feeder that sends videos to an app on her phone. But it’s been a long time since I’ve lived at home or that my mother has sent me random—but appreciated—clips of warblers and sparrows. So, when Scott points out various birds around us, I try to match his enthusiasm, nodding and gaping. After days of pretending to be Hallie’s boyfriend, it’s not hard to pretend I’m excited about birds. Plus, it’s clear that Scott knows what he’s talking about, so I let him lead the discussion, asking questions to keep him going. I know that he will play a very big role in deciding who gets the promotion at the vineyard, and I don’t mind sucking up to a man who has the power to give Hallie the job she deserves. Ever since Jasmine told me why Hallie needs the money so badly, I’ve been even more determined to make sure nothing stands in her way, especially not Chase, who has been frantically searching for birds with his binoculars, trying to make up for sticking his foot in his mouth with his boss earlier.

While I listen to Scott, I keep sneaking glances over at Hallie, who is talking to Jasmine and paying very little attention to anything else. Seeing them standing close together, looking like they’re having an intense conversation, makes me wonder what they’re talking about. Is Hallie filling her friend in on what happened in the cave last night? Is she telling Jasmine what she told me when she thought I was sleeping? It makes me wonder what advice Jasmine would give Hallie if asked. Would she tell her to go for it with me, or to be careful, reminding her that I’m a player and I’m only after one thing, which is clearly what they think about me, at least it was before we came to the ranch. Jasmine does seem invested in Hallie having a good time, so maybe she’s putting in a good word for me.

“Look at that wingspan,” I say to Scott, pointing to a large hawk.

Scott immediately lifts his binoculars to his eyes, whistling in appreciation.

As he takes in the hawk, I glance over at Hallie again, unable to stop myself. Every time I see her, my heart does a flip, and I can feel myself start to smile. There’s something about her that fills me with emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. Not just desire or lust, but true longing. Maybe even love. It’s not just that Hallie is beautiful and so unconsciously sexy, though she is both those things. I can admit that maybe my interest started that way when I saw her at the apartment, desiring her for her looks without even knowing her, turned on by her lack of interest in me. It was a game, trying to get her in my bed, and then it turned into a bit of fun to tease her when I saw how much she despised me. It’s almost comical to think about how that was just a short time ago, given how differently I feel about her now. After getting to know her and spending time with Hallie over these past few days, what I feel isn’t about getting her in bed, and it’s not about getting under her skin. It’s not even about being with a beautiful woman. It’s become so much deeper than any of that.

I’ve tried denying it; I’ve tried stuffing it down inside of me. I’ve told myself that I need to protect my heart from getting hurt again, vividly remembering the pain I felt when Simone left me, turning her back on me when I needed her most, throwing it in my face that she never really loved me at all. I’ve tried everything, but no matter what I do, I can’t get Hallie out of my head. It’s been even harder to suppress my feelings today, after everything she told me last night in the cave.

The smart thing to do would be to assume whatever she said last night came from the fear of being lost in the woods, sheltered in a cold cave with the risk of hypothermia, unsure if anyone was going to find us. Adrenaline can feel like a drug, and all of her emotions were heightened in the moment. And yet, I have to wonder…what if she meant every word she said? What if she’s feeling a lot of the same things that I am? If there’s a chance we can be together, then shouldn’t I at least explore it further? If there’s a chance I can be happy again…

It’s a risk, but I’ve been playing it safe for too long. I just need to find the right time for the two of us to talk alone. This isn’t a conversation we can have with all these people around, especially with Chase determined to prove we’re lying about being a couple.

“What’s on the itinerary after bird watching?” I ask Scott, trying to sound casual and excited for what’s next.

“Next up is kayaking,” Scott says. “Have you ever been?”

“Yes, I love kayaking,” I tell him.

“After that, I believe there’s some free time before dinner,” Scott adds. “I assume you’re looking for time alone with Hallie.”

“It’s been amazing having the chance to be here with her,” I reply.

When I look over at Hallie again, she glances up at me, her eyes shifting to Scott and then back to me with a huge smile I know is for his benefit rather than mine. Still, when Scott turns away to do one last sweep of the trees with his binoculars, Hallie’s smile lingers for a moment, making me want to run to her right now and sweep her up into my arms. I want to kiss her with all of the real feelings that are building up inside me, bursting to get out. I just need to be patient, though. I’ve waited this long; I can wait a few more hours, but they are going to be the longest hours of my life.

The kayaking instructor splits us up into random partners for our tour town the river, pairing me with Chase, much to my chagrin. I had been looking forward to spending the time alone with Hallie, even if it wouldn’t be the best circumstances for having a long talk. Just getting to sit behind her and be around her for a while would have been a satisfying way to spend the afternoon. She looks disappointed to be paired up with Lucas Winter’s wife, Tammy, but at least Tammy seems like a nice woman, and it will give Hallie a chance to do some sucking up. Not that she has to try very hard to come off well. It’s clear all three of the owners’ wives are fond of Hallie already.

“Let’s get this over with,” Chase grunts under his breath, thrusting a paddle against my chest as he tosses his life vest aside.

“I think those are mandatory,” I tell him.

“I know how to swim,” he huffs without turning around.

The instructor gives a quick lesson and explains we’re not going to be on any heavy rapids but touring a gentle part of the stream where we can do some sight-seeing in parts of the ranch that aren’t accessible by road.

“You’ll get photos of the mountains from viewpoints you haven’t experienced since you’ve been here,” she adds. “There will be one part of the river that moves a little faster, but if you work together, it will be easy to navigate.”

As we get out on the river, I try to steer us close to the guide to hear the tour she’s giving about the land around us, but Chase just seems to be in a hurry to get the activity over with.

“You know, if we get to the end point before everyone else, we’re just going to have to wait for them to catch up,” I tell him. “I’d like to hear what the guide is saying.”

“And I don’t care what she says,” Chase shrugs. “I’ve seen enough trees and squirrels in the last few days.”

We’re ahead of the group when we get to the faster moving water and I brace myself, maneuvering the kayak the way the guide showed us, but Chase seems to be doing his own thing without any regard for anything else.

“Chase, stop,” I shout to him. “We need to work together.”

He doesn’t acknowledge me, but keeps paddling, intent on going faster rather than keeping the kayak steady.

“Chase!” I shout again, but it’s too late. I feel the kayak starting to tip to the side and I try to paddle the other way, but Chase panics, freezing up.

We both end up in the cold water, Chase flailing to stay afloat without his life preserver while I flip the kayak upright again. It takes a while for us to get back inside, and I can feel everyone staring as the group catches up to us.

“You guys okay?” the guide shouts as she paddles up next to us.

“Yeah, we’re good,” I reply, breathless from doing most of the work of getting us back in the kayak myself.

We’re in the back of the group when we start paddling again, and I can feel my anger simmering inside my gut.

“You know, if we had just worked together back there, we wouldn’t have tipped,” I tell Chase. “That’s what being on a team is all about.”

“Oh, is it?” Chase scoffs sarcastically.

“Yes, it is,” I continue through gritted teeth. “And if you’re serious about getting the promotion, you should really think about that.”

Chase whips around, glaring at me as his hair drips river water into his face.

“Look, bro, I don’t need any pro-tips on how to get a promotion,” he growls.

“Well, I think you do,” I sigh under my breath.

“From you?” Chase laughs. “I don’t think so. I’m doing just fine on my own. But I’ll give you a tip—lying to our bosses about this obviously made up relationship you and Hallie have fabricated isn’t going to get her promoted. The two of you should have thought about that before you came here, prancing around, holding hands and grinning at each other all day long.”

“Whatever,” I shake my head, continuing to paddle. “I’m sorry I bothered.”

“I’m sure you are,” Chase huffs.

There’s a long silence as we get closer to the end point where the guide is already pulling the first kayaks out of the water. Chase stops paddling and turns to look at me again, his eyes narrowed with disdain.

“You know, if Hallie was going to choose someone for this ruse, she probably should have done a little more research first.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask.

“Just that she should have done some digging into your past before parading you around as the love of her life,” Chase shrugs.

My throat goes dry and my stomach drops, but before I can question him again, Scott and Lucas Winter row up beside us.

“That was some spill you two took,” Lucas notes.

“James here isn’t used to working with a team,” Chase replies right away. “I guess he spends too much time alone in his woodshop. But it just took a little leadership from yours truly and we were able to right the ship.”

“Good work,” Scott nods.

I smile along, not about to correct Chase. I don’t know what he knows about me, or how he plans to use whatever information he has.

“I didn’t know you were so into birds,” Hallie comments when we get back to our room after kayaking.

“I’m not,” I laugh, peeling off my wet shirt.

She stops for a second and then starts laughing, realizing that I was pretending to like birds just to bond with Scott and make Chase look bad.

“Wow, well, thanks,” she says. “You had me convinced.”

I nod, trying to think of a way to get into the conversation about our feelings, but I’m still worried about her rejecting me. Before I can find the words, Hallie looks me up and down, cringing slightly.

“I’m sorry you ended up soaking wet again,” she says.

“Blame Chase,” I sigh. “Let me throw on some sweats really quick. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”

“Sure,” Hallie replies, giving me a questioning look.

I grab some warm clothes from my suitcase and hurry into the bathroom to change, racking my brain for some way of telling Hallie how I feel about her. I need to just come out and say it and see what happens. On the other hand, maybe I should wait until we’re back home, in case it doesn’t go over well. But am I really going to be able to hold off that long? No, it seems better to just rip the bandage off and hope she actually feels the way she said she did last night in the cave.

When I come out of the bathroom, Hallie is sitting on the foot of the bed, looking at her phone. She puts it down when she sees me, and quickly gets to her feet.

“I just wanted to say thank you again,” she says. “For today. Even if you were faking it, you were wonderful with Scott. I don’t know if the Winters really care if whoever they promote is in a relationship or not, but I know they make family a priority. Having them like you and want you around will go a long way with me getting the job, whether they’re conscious of it or not.”

“It’s no big deal,” I shrug. “I mean, I don’t not like birds.”

Hallie smiles, laughing lightly as she takes a small step closer to me.

“I know I’ve asked a lot of you on this trip,” she says. “And I want you to know how much I really appreciate it.”

“I’m happy to help,” I tell her, feeling a magnet deep in my core drawing me closer. I take a step towards her, wondering if she feels it too. “I mean, I want to help. Especially since I understand that it’s more than the promotion.”

“What do you mean?” Hallie asks with a confused look on her face.

“I know that you want to help your family hold on to their business,” I tell her.

“Wait, what?” Hallie asks, clearly surprised that I’m aware of her family situation. “How did you know that?”

“Jasmine told me,” I admit. “I hope it wasn’t supposed to be a secret. If it was, I’m sure she was just being a good friend.”

“It wasn’t a secret, but it wasn’t her place to say anything,” Hallie replies. She crosses her arms over her body, drawing back from me.

“Well, I’m glad she said something,” I push on. “Her timing was perfect because it stopped me from leaving.”

“What?” Hallie gasps, taken aback. “You were thinking of leaving the ranch? When?”

“The other day when you were giving me the cold shoulder,” I tell her. “I was getting ready to leave, head home early, but when Jasmine told me why you needed the promotion and I realized that this is about so much more than a job for you, I knew I couldn’t go. I stayed to help you and I’ve been doing everything I can to make sure you get the promotion.”

Hallie stares at me for a moment, her expression darkening, her eyes ablaze.

“If you wanted to leave so badly, if I’m so horrible to be around, you should have just left,” she spits out angrily.

“No, Hallie, that’s not what I meant,” I tell her, realizing that this conversation has quickly gone off the tracks.

“If you want to go, then just go,” she continues, raising her voice.

“Slow down,” I say, trying to stay calm, though I’m starting to panic that I’m messing everything up. “That’s not what I meant at all.”

“I don’t need your pity, James,” she says with tears starting to pool in her eyes. “I don’t want you here because you feel sorry for me or think you’re my savior!”

With her head ducked down so I can’t see her face, Hallie pushes past me, her shoulder bumping into mine as she storms towards the door.

“Hallie wait,” I call after her, hurrying to catch her and grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving.

“Let go of me!” she hisses, trying to pull her arm from my grasp.

“Not until you hear me out,” I tell her.

“Just let me go!” she exclaims, ripping her arm away from me and hurrying to the door.

“I do want to be here!” I shout at her. “I want to be here too much.”

Hallie freezes, her hand on the doorknob, her shoulders rising and falling as she pants to catch her breath.

“That’s the problem,” I say.

Hallie slowly turns around with a confused look in her eyes as she stares at me from across the room.

“What does that even mean?” she asks, shaking her head.

I take a deep breath, knowing this is the moment. I no longer have the option to wait until we get home. I have to put all my cards on the table and pray I have a winning hand.

“I’m falling in love with you, Hallie.”

Her eyes grow wide and her lips part as she continues to stare at me, gaping in stunned silence.

“The reason I was going to leave is because I knew I was falling for you. I’m not proud of that, but I’ve lived the last few years not letting anyone in and it scared the shit out of me when I realized that it was too late. You were already so deep in my heart. I love you, Hallie. No matter how hard I tried not to, I have fallen in love with you.”

She steps towards me slowly, the confusion and alarm still in her eyes. I hold my breath, wondering if I’ve blown it, and she’s right in front of me, a mere breath away, staring up at me, when I see something shift inside of her. In one quick motion, Hallie wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me towards her, pressing her lips to mine as my heart explodes inside my chest.