36. Hallie
CHAPTER 36
HALLIE
“I knew what he was like,” I sob against Jasmine’s shoulder. “I knew that he was aloof and self-serving and that he couldn’t be trusted. I knew he could turn on the charm when he wanted to. I knew all that about him, and I let myself get pulled into the act anyway.”
Jasmine hugs me tight, running her hand up and down my back as we sit on my couch. I called her as soon as I got home from James’s shop, and she came right over.
“I’m so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid,” Jasmine insists. “You're one of the smartest, most practical people I know.”
“Well, I feel pretty stupid,” I huff, reaching for a tissue from the box on the end table. “I should have known he was only playing me. Instead, I told myself that he had changed—that somehow, I had been the one to change him. How vain is that? To see this guy with a different woman every night and then fool myself into thinking I could be the one who made him want to be serious. I told myself he was actually a good guy. I ate up that ridiculous story about his ex-girlfriend hurting him so badly that he didn’t want to be in another relationship. He knew just how to play me. And for what? To target my father. Not only was I unable to scrape together enough money to save the camp, but now I’ve left my family vulnerable to whatever Rupert Sinclair is plotting.”
“Hal—are you sure about this?” Jasmine asks as I blow my nose. “It just sounds so over the top. I know Rupert Sinclair is an unscrupulous super-villain, but it doesn’t make sense that James would go away with you just to get…what? Information from you? What kind of information do you have that would possibly be valuable to the Sinclairs?”
“I heard them talking,” I reply, looking up at Jasmine. “I heard Rupert myself. He said he wanted James to get intel on what my father was planning. He wanted to be a step ahead if my father had any plans to try to keep the camp. I’m sure he’s determined to tear down everything my father built and turn it into some sort of playground for the extremely wealthy.”
With a deep breath, I wipe more tears from my eyes, feeling completely drained.
“I feel like such a moron,” I say softly, looking down at my hands. “I really fell for it. Aside from the night when Chase revealed who James’s father was, I had no suspicions that he was using me. He had an explanation for not telling me and he swore he didn’t know his father’s former business partner was my dad. I really thought he was sincere, and worst of all, I let myself fall for him.”
A stream of tears drips down my face as I look up at Jasmine, feeling my heart breaking and my stomach twisting into knots.
“I thought I loved him.”
“I’m so sorry,” Jasmine says, pulling me into another hug. “I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but you are not a moron or an idiot. James had us all fooled. I thought he was being sincere, too. Everyone loved him on the trip; he was that good.”
Jasmine pulls back and puts her hands on my shoulders, leaning in close to me as she looks me in the eye.
“You have done nothing wrong here,” she says. “James is the bad guy. I don’t want you beating yourself up over this, not when you had such a big win at work today. You should be celebrating! James is the one who should feel like shit because if this is true, he is one.”
“Thanks,” I say with a sniff. “I really appreciate your support.”
“Always.”
We lean back on the couch together, my head resting on her shoulder.
“I just can’t believe James turned out to be such an ass,” Jasmine sighs.
There’s a knock at the door and I sit up straight, feeling my eyes grow wide.
“Oh God, that’s probably him,” I whisper. “Ugh, I can’t face him now.”
“Go into your room and shut the door,” Jasmine says as we both stand up from the couch. “I can handle James.”
I take a deep breath, wanting so badly to run and hide, but I know that won’t solve anything.
“I appreciate the offer,” I tell Jasmine, “but I think I have to do this myself.”
I’m expecting to find James looking as cool and collected as ever, ready to continue this game he’s playing, sweeping me off my feet while feeding information about my family back to his father. Instead, the man outside my door seems particularly downtrodden. His hair is uncharacteristically messy, and his eyes have dark rings under them. His shoulders are slumped forward, and his hands are shoved into his pockets as if he doesn’t know what else to do with them. Right away, I want to ask what’s wrong, to find out why he looks so defeated, but I quickly push any feelings of sympathy or compassion out of my head, remembering what I overheard at the shop. This is probably just more of his attempt to draw me in.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” James tells me, the corners of his lips tilting up into a smile.
“You can stop right there; I know what you’re up to,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “You don’t have to pretend to have feelings for me anymore.”
“What?” James asks, looking confused.
His gaze shifts behind me to Jasmine, who has her purse over her shoulder.
“I’ll let you talk,” she says softly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “Call me later.”
“What’s going on?” James asks as Jasmine squeezes by him out the door. “Can I come in?”
“I know what you’re doing,” I reply, standing in the doorway. “I know you’ve been working for Rupert this whole time to get information out of me about my dad and his plans for the camp. You know, in all the time I’ve lived next door to you, I’ve always thought you were a total asshole. I should have stuck with that opinion, because now I know that I was right.”
“Hallie I?—”
“That’s who you are, isn’t it?” I continue.
“But I’m not?—”
“Don’t deny it,” I say firmly, digging my fingernails into my palms. “I don’t want to hear any more of your lies.”
“I’m not lying,” he insists. “I don’t know where this is coming from, but I love you. That’s real, Hallie. You know it’s real.”
“Everything I thought I knew about you was just pretend,” I say, shaking my head slowly. “From the very beginning, through the retreat, and even right now. It’s all fake. I know who you are now, and your charm isn’t going to work on me any longer.”
“Can I please just come in and talk?” James says, his voice strained and pleading. His desperation almost makes me laugh. I can only assume he’s going to be in trouble with his father when Rupert finds out that his mole has been outed.
“Let me make this crystal clear for you,” I say, trying to stay calm even though my heart is pounding. “I don’t want to see you again—not ever. Stay the hell away from me. If you see me coming, walk the other way. Don’t look at me and definitely don’t talk to me.”
“Hallie please,” James begs. “Please don’t do this. Whatever’s going on, I’m sure I can explain.”
“Yeah, I bet you can,” I scoff. “Goodbye, James.”
I manage to wait until after I slam the door in his face to break down crying. I sink down to the floor, my back against the door, my knees pulled up to my chest, and I silently scream into my fist. My rational mind is telling me that there’s nothing to be sad about—it was all fake, even my own feelings. And yet, it hurts so much, I can feel it in my chest like a bullet wound. Whoever he was pretending to be, I really fell for him, and I really thought we had a future together.
After three days of doing everything in my power not to think about James, I settle back into my routine of throwing myself into work, refusing to focus on much else. Since the Winters want Chase and me to hit the ground running in our new roles as co-sales directors, it’s been fairly easy to lose myself in figuring out how Chase and I will split our duties, collaborating without stepping on each other’s toes. It’s not easy to keep James out of my thoughts, but working hard is a lot better than lying on the couch sobbing, which is what I did all night long after I slammed the door in his face.
An email from Clay’s assistant, Dave, catches my eye in my inbox and I open it up to find a link to the photos he took on the retreat. At first as I scroll through, I’m met with many innocuous photos of Clay, Lucas, and Scott giving inspirational speeches, the photo we took of the entire staff that went on the trip in front of the lodge, and countless pictures of the team building exercises and activities throughout the week. As I look closer however, I start to pick out me and James in each of the group photos and it brings back memories of hiking and horseback riding, competing on the ropes course, and dancing cheek to cheek at the formal dinner our last night.
I stop scrolling and feel my whole body freeze up when I get to a photo of myself telling a story to a group of interns. I remember them asking me about rising up through the ranks at Winter Vineyard and looking for advice and it felt good to offer them some wisdom as they’re starting their careers. What strikes me about the picture, however, is not me or the interns, but James, standing off to the side, looking at me with an expression of love and admiration on his face.
It’s not real, I remind myself, but I can’t stop staring at the photo anyway. I zoom in on his face, analyzing the smile that’s on his lips and the look in his eyes. No wonder he had us all fooled. He is one hell of an actor. Even now, knowing what I know, having heard it with my own ears, I’m still almost fooled by this photo. Almost.
Quickly closing the email, I take a few breaths, doing my best not to cry. I know he was using me, but it was still an amazing week. I really thought we were great together. It felt like we were both having a good time, especially when we got home and fell into an immediate comfort of being together. The joke is on me, though. My pretend relationship with James didn’t just fool everyone else, I got fooled, too.
Unable to hold my tears in any longer, I wipe my cheeks and reach for a tissue to blot my eyes before I end up with mascara running down my face. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be done with him, but I still feel so devastated, so betrayed. No matter what I tell myself, or how hard I try to move on, my heart still hurts so much.
A knock at my office door pulls me out of the fog and I straighten my back, wiping my cheeks again before tossing my tissue in the trash bin.
“Come in,” I call, clearing my throat.
Chase opens the door, giving me an odd look as he enters.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Of course, I’m fine,” I reply, smiling thinly at him.
“If you’re busy I can come back,” he says. “It’s not business related.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say. “What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to let you know that Annette and I had dinner last night,” Chase says.
“Oh really?”
He leans against the doorway, his head tilted slightly. I can see a spark of hope in his eyes that gets my attention right away.
“We talked about everything,” he says. “She wants to take it slow, but she is willing to give me another chance. She was really impressed with your plan for us to share the promotion. I think it was what showed her that I mean it when I say I’m going to try harder to put my family first.”
“Chase, that’s so great,” I tell him.
He nods a few times, looking pleased with the way things are going, and I can see that the threat of divorce really lit a fire under him. He’s no longer the man who takes his family for granted or puts his job above all else. The last few days I’ve seen a difference in him, and I think working together is going to be good for us both.
“I wanted to thank you,” Chase continues. “I know Annette wouldn’t be giving me another chance if not for you.”
“I’m just glad it’s working out,” I reply.
Chase gives me a long look, and while I don’t know what he sees on my face, it feels like he’s picking up on the pain inside of me.
“Hallie…if you ever need to talk… I know it might be a stretch given the way I’ve been, but I’m here for you.”
“Thank you,” I say softly, the words sticking in my throat. “I appreciate it, but I’m okay.”
Chase nods and heads out, closing the door behind him. I let out a long breath, knowing I’m as far from okay as I can get.
James was only in my life for a short time, but even knowing he was faking it, it still seems impossible to go back to my solitary life after the time we spent together. I try to keep my head down as I walk through the complex to my door, but I can’t help but look past my apartment to James’s, where there is a For Rent sign in the window. I stop mid step, feeling like I can barely catch my breath.
“Hi Hallie!”
I blink a few times as I look up to see Trevor and Sheryl walking towards me. Sheryl glances over at James’s window and then back at me, nodding in recognition of the For Rent sign.
“It’s such a shame that he’s gone,” she says. “He was so good with Trevor, and he would babysit for free.”
“He’s gone already?” I gasp.
“Yup, he moved out yesterday,” she tells me. “He’s moving to San Francisco—he said that’s where he’s from.”
“Oh,” I nod, feeling the air being sucked out of me.
I guess over the last few days I’ve been trying to think of some way I might have misinterpreted the situation, but this confirms it. James is back with his father’s company. Rupert probably gave him a huge promotion for weaseling his way into my life. I can’t believe I let him play me like he did.
Fred squawks as I walk in the door, and I’m reminded that the only living thing I have to share my life with is a cranky parrot. I pull some pasta out of the pantry and fill a pot in the sink, not in the mood to do much more cooking than boiling water. What has me the most confused is how I can miss someone so much when I know now what a jerk he is. I should feel grateful to have him out of my life, but instead I feel like I’m mourning the loss of someone who meant everything to me.
I’m about to pour the pasta into the boiling water when I stop, turning off the stove and putting the box back in the pantry. Leaving the pot on the stovetop, I open the freezer and pull out a tub of ice cream before heading for the couch. This is where I’ll be for the rest of the night.
“Oh hell!” Fred shrieks.
“Don’t judge me,” I tell him. “I’ll get over this eventually. I just don’t know why it’s so hard.”
When my phone rings, I practically lunge for it, hoping that it’s James, even though I blocked his number. It’s not him, though, it’s my father and as I answer, I try to sound happy.
“Hallie, I have great news,” Dad says. “You’re not going to believe this, but I heard from Rupert’s lawyers today about the property.”
“Oh yeah?” I bristle, wondering what deceptions Rupert Sinclair is up to now. “What does he want now? Your first born child?”
“He’s signing over his share of the land,” Dad says. “He is just giving it to us at no cost.”
“Wait, what?” I exclaim, sitting up in shock.
“I know, I can’t believe it myself,” Dad laughs. “I have no idea how or why; I’m just so relieved it happened. The camp is ours!”
“Wow, Dad, that’s incredible,” I reply, though for the life of me I can’t figure out what the hell happened.