37. James
CHAPTER 37
JAMES
My parents’ seven-bedroom estate in San Francisco isn’t the house I grew up in, so instead of staying in my childhood room, I’ve been living in one of their guest suites. The room is overly formal with a painting on the wall that I’m sure costs more than my truck and sheets with a thread count so high, I feel like I need to shower before getting into bed every night. It’s only temporary, though. As soon as I get situated in my new job, I’ll have time to look for my own place in the city. The last thing I want is to be staying with my father a second longer than I need to. I agreed to work with him, but living under his roof is not part of the deal.
Not that I can complain too much. The guest suite is comfortable enough and I’m not so far removed from reality to bitch about the amenities that come with staying in a mansion, but it doesn’t feel like home, not even a little bit. Everything that I packed up from my old apartment is either in a storage unit downtown that I leased, or in my shop, which is closed. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it now that I’m back at my father’s company. I don’t have any time to make furniture or even to sell the inventory I still have. I should probably donate everything, but I don’t have the heart to get rid of it all yet. I put a little bit of my soul into each and every piece I worked on. Part of what I loved about my job was seeing the way a customer lit up when they saw a table or chair that spoke to them. I think I just need a little more time and distance to separate myself from my old life. It was too painful as I was moving to think too much about what I was leaving behind…my place and my business, but mostly Hallie.
I wish I knew what I did to ruin everything. I thought I had explained to her back in Wyoming that coming on the retreat and getting to know her had nothing to do with some devious master plan. I had no idea Mark Evans was her father until she told me. Everything seemed to be going so well when we got back to California, so what happened? Why does she suddenly think I was using her? If she would only let me explain, maybe I could get her to see I’m not lying to her, but she won’t talk to me.
I tried calling and texting her, but nothing goes through. I can only assume that she blocked me. She wants nothing to do with me anymore and while I want to respect her wishes, at the same time it’s driving me insane that she cut me out of her life without giving me a chance to defend myself. I guess there’s no point anymore, though. Even if I could explain, I already sold my soul to the devil. I’m back in San Francisco, working for my father, living a life that I once ran from. And to make matters worse, I’m doing it with a broken heart.
I can’t believe I let it happen again. After years of closing myself off from getting too close to anyone, I’m back where I was after Simone. I swore I wouldn’t let this happen, but I couldn’t help myself. I fell hard for Hallie and now I have to deal with the consequences. As much as I miss her, as much as I want to see her, talk to her, hold her in my arms, she wants nothing to do with me.
Wearing a suit has never felt as restricting as it has over the last couple of days. The whole getup is as restraining as a straitjacket. As I tighten my tie, it feels like a noose around my neck, choking me. Even my dress shoes that I’ve worn dozens of times are suddenly too tight on my feet as I head out the door on my way to work.
My truck is parked in the lower garage off of the back driveway that is used for deliveries and landscapers. Apparently, my father finds the sight of it offensive. It’s fine by me though; coming and going from the back entrance gives me a little more privacy, not that I need it. All I do is go to and from the office. I can’t even work up the desire to go out at night. What’s the point? It’s not like a one-night stand could come close to making me feel how I did with Hallie. I’m better off alone.
The drive into the office is a slow crawl through bumper to bumper traffic. I try to lose myself in my music, but when “Everything Has Changed” comes on, I immediately skip to the next song. It only makes me think about Hallie. I had been scouring the internet for any sign that Best Coast was getting back together so I could take her to a show someday. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.
I’m just sitting down at my desk when I get a call from my father’s assistant, telling me Rupert wants to see me in his office. I allow myself one deep breath before I get up from my chair and head down the hall to the massive corner office.
“You beckoned?” I mutter from the doorway.
I agreed to come work for my father again, but I never said I’d be happy about it, and I don’t see any reason to keep my resentment from him. He easily could have helped the Evans family without dragging me into it, but he never does anything selflessly. There always has to be something in it for him.
“The lawyers are in the process of getting the contracts drawn up for the camp property,” Rupert says without looking up from his computer.
He types a few more words and then pauses, glancing at me with his eyebrows raised. Clearly, he wants some sort of big reaction from me, but I refuse to comply, sticking my hands in my pockets as I silently stare back at him.
“You’re getting what you wanted,” Rupert says sternly. “At my expense. A little gratitude wouldn’t kill you, would it?”
“Thanks,” I deadpan.
I’ll never let him see it, but there’s part of me that it extremely grateful, ecstatic even, that was I was able to make this happen for Hallie. I can picture the smile on her face, the look of surprise and excitement, when she finds out the camp is her family’s, now and forever. Her wellbeing is what’s most important to me, and I would gladly put on this suit and sit in traffic to come to this office if it means Hallie is happy. It doesn’t make me miss her any less, though.
With my hands still in my pockets and my head down, I walk back to my office, trying to focus on what I have to get done today. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the corporate world and I’m not used to the day-to-day minutia that’s always waiting for me, emails demanding replies, lawyers needing changes to contracts, accountants adjusting numbers. In my shop, it was just me, creating something that spoke to me, working on something I felt passionate about. Building more luxury condos in the city makes me feel the opposite of passion. It makes me feel dead inside.
I’m trying to hang onto the feeling of satisfaction that it’s all for Hallie when I run right into someone as I turn the corner.
“Hey, watch out.”
I look up at my brother, his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth tilted into a frown.
“What’s wrong with you?” Trey asks. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, moving around him to get into my office.
“No, I’m serious,” Trey says, following me inside and shutting the door behind him. “You look really miserable. Are you okay?”
“I look miserable because I am miserable,” I say, sitting down at my desk and wincing at the half a dozen emails that came in during the five minutes I was with my father. “Don’t worry. I’ll get used to it.”
“Come on, Jimmy,” Trey sighs. “I know we’re not as close as we used to be, but you can talk to me. Something is obviously wrong. What the hell is going on with you?”
I glance up at this, looking closely at my brother’s face as he stares back at me, clearly dumbfounded.
“Are you telling me you don’t know?” I ask.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Trey replies with a shake of his head. “Should I?”
“I just figured since Dad includes you in everything else that you were in on this, too,” I say, leaning back in my chair.
“Well, I don’t know what this is, so why don’t you enlighten me?”
“Dad really didn’t tell you why I’m here again, working for him?” I ask in disbelief.
“He said you worked out your differences and he convinced you to come back,” Trey shrugs.
“And you didn’t question it?” I ask. “Never mind, you never question anything he does, do you?”
“What the hell, man?” Trey scoffs, clearly insulted. “I’m trying to help you. You’re my brother and, believe it or not, I care about you, idiot.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, shaking my head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
I take a breath and tell my brother all about the deal I made, that I agreed to come back to work for Rupert if he handed over his half of the camp property to Mark Evans.
“Holy shit,” Trey huffs. “That is brutal, even for Dad. I mean, that’s some serious Succession shit.”
“Yup,” I nod.
“Well, I get what’s in it for Dad, but why did you agree to it?” Trey asks. “You hate it here—you always have, even before your fight with Dad. And when I saw you a few weeks ago, you seemed really happy making furniture and owning your own business.”
“I was,” I nod, averting my eyes.
Trey leans in over the desk and squints at me for a second. His eyes then grow wide, and he shakes his head as he backs away from me.
“Oh man…” he says with an amused laugh. “You did this for the girl.” “Hallie.”
“You really love her,” Trey says in shock.
“It doesn’t matter,” I tell him, trying to hide my grimace. “She’s done with me. She hates me, in fact.”
“Why does she hate you?”
“She thinks I was using her to help Dad screw over her father,” I try to explain.
“That’s pretty convoluted,” Trey says. “Why would she think that?”
“I have no idea,” I admit, letting out a long sigh. “She didn’t give me a chance to defend myself before she slammed the door closed in my face. I’ve tried getting in touch with her—I thought maybe she’d cool off and would listen to me after a day or two—but she’s blocked me.”
“Damn,” Trey sighs under his breath,
“So, once again, I set myself up for misery and heartbreak,” I continue. “I was fine when I was just minding my own business, staying away from Dad and not forming any attachments, but now I’ve lost someone I really thought I had a future with, and I’m stuck here with Dad. I should have just stayed the way I was—moving from one woman to the next, no ties, no commitments. I was better off.”
“But were you happy?” Trey asks skeptically.
“I wasn’t miserable,” I reply. “Whatever, it’s over now and I sure as hell won’t risk putting myself out there like that again. It’s just…it felt so different with Hallie.”
“Jimmy…”
“No,” I shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s done. At least I was able to get Hallie and her family their camp. None of the rest of it matters.”