King Creek Cowboys Box Set 1

Chapter 20

Kit tried to come to grips with two things—the son she had given up for adoption when she was sixteen, eighteen years ago, had tracked her down.

And Carter had just shut the door on their relationship. She knew it with everything she had.

She’d planned on leaving anyway, right?

Yes. She’d known it would end this way when it finally came out. And now, especially since it came out like this.

It had been no way for him to find out about Michael—Noah. About that part of her past. He deserved to have heard it from her, long before now.

Why had she been so stupid?

In that moment she realized the truth. The only way she could have left Carter was for him to push her away. And he’d done just that—because she hadn’t been honest with him.

For now, she had to set that aside. “Let’s go someplace quieter to talk,” she said to Noah.

“Sure.” He nodded. “I have some questions.”

Kit rose from the table, and the two of them strode across the lawn to the guest house, which was a good way from the party. Gradually, conversation and laughter faded into the distance. She and Noah were silent, waiting to be alone before continuing their conversation.

They passed the plot of land where the garden was supposed to go, and her heart twisted. Carter had picked a spot just for her. He’d treated her so well, and she’d lied to him.

Lied.

Noah and Kit rounded the guest house. Like Carter, Noah was so tall he had to duck beneath the arbor before they made it to the front door. She had a hard time believing that the baby boy she’d handed over to the adoption agency in San Francisco, now topped her height by six to eight inches.

She let him into the small house and closed the door behind him. “Have a seat.”

“Thanks.” He picked the couch and perched on the edge as if ready to dive into a conversation. His features appeared relaxed, but he bounced one leg, showing his nervousness.

“I could use something cold to drink.” She brushed strands of hair from her face with a sweep of her hand. “Would you like water or lemonade?” She wondered if maybe she should put something strong in her own glass of lemonade. Did vodka go with it? Probably—vodka went with just about everything.

He shifted, looking uncomfortable. “Lemonade sounds good.”

“Relax.” She smiled. She could see his father in him, and maybe a little of herself. “I’ll be right back.”

He blew out his breath and nodded.

She filled two tall glasses with homemade lemonade. Carter always loved her lemonade. Just thinking about him made her throat ache.

When she returned to the living room, she offered Noah a chilled glassful. He set down the culinary arts magazine that she’d left on the coffee table, then took the glass from her.

She settled near the edge of her seat, too, in the padded straight back chair cattycorner to the couch where Noah sat. She gripped her glass in both hands as they studied each other.

For a long moment an uncomfortable silence hung between them.

“You look like your father,” she finally said. “He was a year younger than you when we met. He was so good looking.” And she’d been young and foolish.

Noah gave a little smile. “I have your eyes.”

“You do.” Small talk. Couldn’t she come up with something better than banal conversation? She bit the inside of her lip for a moment before speaking. “You know why I gave you up for adoption?”

He nodded. “Mom and Dad told me when I was young. I wanted to know why someone would want to give me away.”

“I knew you would be better off with a family that could take care of you. Really take care of you. “The backs of Kit’s eyes ached and her throat threatened to close off.

“They explained you were young and you were homeless.” Noah spoke quietly. “You had no way to care for me. They only knew what the adoption agency told them, and the records were sealed until I turned eighteen.”

Kit swallowed. “That’s all true.”

“I don’t hold it against you for giving me up.” Noah’s earnest eyes held hers. “You did the best thing you could possibly have done for me. I grew up with great parents in a nice home. It wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t lack for anything. They love me, and they mean everything to me.”

“I always wondered how things were for you. You don’t know how happy this makes me.” She felt like crying from a combination of relief and gratitude. “I’m sad I couldn’t see you grow up, but I’m so glad to know you’ve had a good life.”

“I have.” He continued to look at her with the same intensity in his expression. “I’ve always wanted to meet you. Mom and Dad pretty much drilled into me how grateful I should be and that one day, if you were agreeable, maybe we could meet. I’m sorry to have dropped in on you this way.”

The shame and guilt Kit had felt for almost twenty years started slipping. A stone that had settled deep inside her became lighter and began to fall away.

“I’m glad you did.” Kit’s smile was genuine. “You’ve lifted a burden from my shoulders. I’ve felt so much guilt since the day the nurses took you. They wouldn’t even let me hold you.” The ache in her throat grew. “It was probably for the best. If I had held you, I don’t know that I would have been able to let you go.”

“I hope you didn’t mind me calling you Mom.” Noah’s lips turned up in a small smile. “I couldn’t get myself to say Kit or Kathryn, and you are my birth mom.”

“It makes me feel closer to you and I’m thankful you would want to.” Kit set her untouched drink on a coaster on the coffee table. Her fingers were cool and damp from the condensation on the glass. She dried her palms on her jeans, partially from a residual feeling of nervousness at meeting her son.

“You said you had some questions.” She tilted her head. “What do you want to know?”

Noah looked down at his fingers that he’d linked between his knees. “I have a rare form of leukemia.” He reached up and took off his San Francisco Giants baseball cap. He was completely bald.

Kit’s skin prickled as he gave her the news and she saw the evidence that he’d been treated with chemo. Her son could die? This vibrant young man could be gone—just gone?

“I need a bone marrow transplant.” He cleared his throat as he fiddled with his ball cap. “I was wondering if you would be willing to see if you or my birth father have the same HLA markers.”

“Of course.” Kit didn’t hesitate. “The moment we can get an appointment for the blood typing, I will be there.”

Noah’s expression turned to one of relief. “I was afraid to ask.”

“Never be afraid to ask me something.” She held his gaze. “I may not have been there for you since you were born, but I’m here for you now.”

“Thank you.” He set his ball cap on the coffee table. “What about my father?”

Kit looked at her drink, close to his hat. The shame she had felt all these years had evaporated with her son’s news.

She looked back at Noah. “Your father—I barely knew him. When he and I…got together, it was brief and irresponsible. I never saw him again, and I didn’t give the hospital his name when you were born.”

For the first time, thinking about Cody wasn’t strictly a bad memory. “He was homeless, too, but maybe he pulled out of it like my mom and I did. His name was a little different and easy to remember—Cody Haymaker.”

“Cody Haymaker.” Noah gave a slow nod. “My parents might be able to track him down. They own a private investigations firm.” He gave a sheepish smile. “That’s how I was able to find you all the way out here.”

With all the revelations, she’d forgotten to ask him that question. “I’m glad they did locate me, Noah, and I hope that I’m a match. If I’m not, maybe your parents can find Cody and hopefully he would turn out to be a match. Whatever happens, I’m here for you now. Okay?”

He smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you were growing up.” There was a lump in her throat.

“You did the best you could for me.” He reached out and touched her hand, resting his fingers on hers.

She shook her head and gripped his hand back. “I should be supporting you. Not the other way around.”

It was time to force herself to be strong. As much as she loved Carter, this was so much more important. She had to focus on this. She had to help the child that she had given birth to. The one that she tried to give the best life that she could.

He looked at her. “I surprised you with all of this. I was so afraid that this would go poorly, but I had to try.”

“I gave you away to save your life. I would do anything for you.” She admitted. “I didn’t do that because I didn’t love you.”

“I know.” He nodded. “When I was a kid, I got pretty mad about it, but I understand now. You were just a kid. You did the best you could. And you gave me a good life.”

“I’m so happy to know that now,” she said softly.

“I wanted to make sure you knew that. I had a happy childhood.” He looked happier than she could possibly have expected. A kid who wanted to know his mother. And a piece of her past she hadn’t expected forgiveness for. She didn’t even know what to say about it.

She struggled for something new to say, anything that didn’t sound like she was repeating the same old apology. “Are you planning on college? Or already in college?”

“I’m taking some classes at a local community college.” He looked down at his hat. “Just one or two classes at a time right now. Mostly online.”

Her throat was still painfully dry as she sipped her drink. She had forgotten it before now. “What are you studying?”

“I’m hoping to go into medicine.”

She blinked. “That’s great, Noah.”

He rubbed his bald head. “Well, I figured after the crash course in medical terminology that I already got, it was probably a good choice.”

“I wish I could help, but I studied culinary arts.”

“It looks like you made a pretty good life for yourself,” he said with a smile.

She looked down and noticed her own leg was bouncing in the same nervous gesture that he had exhibited. She hadn’t done that in ages.

He must have gotten that from me.

The realization came to her in a rush.

She had missed him more than anything.

Kit stood and went to him, and he got to his feet. She hugged him and he returned her hug.

“I may not have raised you, but you’ve always had a place in my heart, Noah.” She drew away, her eyes wet with tears. “I’ve never stopped thinking about you and just know I love you.”

“Thanks, Mom.” He smiled. “Whatever happens, I’m just glad to finally meet you.”

“You’re going to be all right.” She hugged him again, not wanting to let go, not wanting anything to happen to her baby.